Youth has lost it's sweet seduction,
Yellow lemon heads have grown hard and sticky,
No longer resting upon our eager tongues,
But instead gathering lint in forgotten pockets.
Dreams of astronauts and ballerinas
Only exist in dated children's books
And hospital emergency rooms.
There isn't room for foolishness anymore,
Not here. Not now.
Childhood has shrunken into a tiny ball
That would fit perfectly into the hands
Of anyone brave enough to grasp it.
Yet, instead it has rolled off into a corner somewhere,
Out of the reach of subway tickets and smart phones and deli sandwiches and fake leather boots.
Sitting there, stagnant and unnoticed, it festers in the disregarded possibility that is life.
We all grow up and forget this,
We fall into the routine of tooth paste and parking meters and 160 character love notes,
We forget about the astronaut and the ballerina and the president who all once lived inside us,
We shut them away in our minds and starve them,
Only giving in to their innocent requests in the dark of the night,
Where time and responsibility dance hand in hand in blissful oblivion.
Ashes, ashes we all fall down.

It was a snowy November evening
You looked the same as you did in high school
Funny how I saw you everyday back then
but we seemed to have lost touch
after graduation
For a few weeks we kept bumping into each other
I begin to think now it wasn't as random as it seemed
The biggest regret I have is never catching up, always breaking plans
Because apparently my life was just too busy to fit you in
I wish I could go back to that snowy November evening, driving
you in my car to get something you had forgotten
or maybe even go back to the afternoons on the
big yellow bus in junior high
You would always sit in the back and yell out obscenities
In so many small ways you taught me to get out of the
shell I was put in as a young girl
I have never realized that til now
but now I can not help but wonder how I am
still here but you are not
Every time I drive in a snow storm at night
I think of you
and I remember the conversations we had
I miss you so bad

Sometimes I go through my notebook like...
What is this???
Is this poetry???
Did I write this???
See when I write I go to a place where only I exist
Because only I can see through my eyes
So only I can see the lies they tell
They want to see friends
But I can only see people that wish I fail
You can never manipulate eyes
By telling lies
So I only believe what I see
Never what I hear
But sometimes the things I hold near
Turn out to be lies
Sometimes my eyes drop tears
But I don't know why...

Humans befuddle me
I befuddle myself
I wonder if that makes me human.

For all your imperfections.
Because they are what make you, you.
For the way your laugh sounds, though you may hate it, I think it's cute.
For the way you never fail to make me smile. 
Let me hold you close and whisper sweet nothings into your ear.
So I can show you the magic behind my eyes, my imagination, my inspiration. 
So I can make you smile that beautiful smile, that's as unique as you are and as beautiful too.
So I can smell that endearing smell, fresh laundry which I so adore.
To squeeze you, just hard enough to let you know I care. 
And when I release you, wishing to hold you once again and never let go.
But knowing not to, for like all beautiful things, you are fragile. 
Wishing I could just make all that sadness go away, and knowing despite how hard I try I won't be able to, but still trying. 
Closing the door to you in my mind, I sit. To rest for a moment.
I think, if only, if only. 
And I want to scream out:
For ****'s sake, just let me love you.

Once upon a time, sweet soldier, we were everything!

We were shy glances and piercing stares,
bitter coffee and sweet cider,
nervous laughter and easy smiles.

We were all-nighters and painfully early mornings,
utter exhaustion and unexplainable energy,
distracted work days and focused only on each other.

We were photographs and video recordings,
magic tricks and storytelling,
Monty Python and Charlie the Unicorn imitators.
(We were total dorks!)

We were late night jogs and wrestling,
motorcycle rides and beach-walking,
seekers of adventure and last minute decision making.

We were short pecks on the cheek,
and long passionate kisses,
fierce embraces and soft caresses.

We were soul-searchers and wound-healers,
dreamers and risk-takers,
keepers of secrets and whisperers of truth.

We were sanity and craziness,
possibilities and improbabilities,
with everything and yet nothing going for us.

We were in love.