I fell in love again at 6 AM,
staring at your fluttering eyelids
with your even breathing pattern
as my soundtrack. when you woke up,
you smiled at me, and I swear your bedroom
was the place that every species
in the galaxy most wanted to be.

Who am I today?
Sore muscles, sore heart
Because of exercise
and his brown-gray eyes.
And we don't have the time
for him to be mine
and for us to be we.

     And a piece of me wants to stay
     to test out this spark;
     see if we can light something in the dark.
     Can we use this desire
     to start a forest fire?
     or is it just a match
     the breeze will blow out before we get the chance?

          Do you want to stay ignorant?
          Or do you want to learn?
          Do you wanna try?
               Or are you afraid of the burn?

There's a secret garden in my mind
Here are the keys
Dreams and nightmares lined with silver
Enter with caution, please

We walked the laurel floral covered fast lanes that were once meant for ships and planes
Lifetime friendships forged over baggage claims

Blessed to live the life live that was once only Pay-Per-View televised
Ive memorized moves made by ghosts that left me mesmerized

This is privileged private property I'll share with you not for publicity
Although this is a part of my recipe to leave a legacy
A high density dose of tranquility
Dream of me Mzanzi
Dream of me 3thirty

I am the planets we can’t get to
and you are the entire earth;
vast, beautiful, and a little bit neglected.
I am the alien spaceships that fly over
our country to observe, but never make contact.
I am hidden in the far corners of the universe
and I don’t know how to reach you in a way
that you’d want me to stay.

just when I thought I loved the city lights,
I started wishing away everything
in the cool night sky, so you could
shine the brightest.

Sometimes I think
it would be so nice
to be a
Ghost.

Because then when I stand
to the side of a group
uninvolved
untalking

It will be normal.

Because what can a ghost do
except for watch others interact?

But now
I am flesh
that hides from other flesh
that avoids social interactions
that whispers
                     when she wants to scream.

i could go to the courtyard, if i wanted to.
i won't, but i'll pretend to, so i get the heady rush of possibility.
but i never told you why i love the smell of rain and you never told me why you love like rain
i guess we're even,
i guess we can't rely on karma to get by.
i think you should know that i love you, or used to love you, or will love you
i think you should know about the incisions. three over your heart and around it
and, and darling, is it too late to tell you about the fireplace? i hope not.
it's ashy and unused. we make a fine pair
you can be the puppeteer, if you want
i your perfect marionette (pale and pretty,
pearls at my throat)
your mind is racing. do you remember the cave, princess?
sorry, i know, you hate it when i call you that.
do you remember the blood on my hands? do you remember tipping my chin up, drinking it in
first the blood and then me
it was fast, but i understand. self control is a luxury
we can't all afford to be precise.
but, sweetheart, you misfired, didn't you? or didn't fire at all, meant to fire but forgot.
you don't like hospitals. you don't like orders and you don't like order
i know this. we both do.
(i know why you sit the way you do, back ramrod straight.
you're afraid of falling.)
you're afraid of your reflection
you ask me to paint you and when i'm finished
you bite your lip. "you look like your
father," i lie through my teeth
you couldn't be more different. i love this about you.
you listen to the same three albums on repeat
when i get tired of hearing them i ask you, measured
to please turn the volume down.
you turn it up,
smiling like you know a secret that i don't.
i stop asking you for things. it's okay,
this is normal.
you stopped answering me a long time ago, anyway.
when i turn to look at you, your fair hands are stained red. i do not breathe.
we stay like this, quiet and unsure
you filling the silence for me.
if you do love me, it's not in the way that everyone talks about
it's a hurricane love. this is not like breathing
it's like drowning
but you taught me to swim twelve years ago in a kiddie pool in the backyard
and i know i will never leave you. my strings are clutched too tight in your fists.
i move around but not beyond you. this is how it has always been.
when you kiss me, i taste metal on your tongue.
my mouth comes away red and i do not care
loving you is a blood sport anyway.
i will fold into you, become a bullet,
cry myself hoarse.
this is the only way i can be close to you.
i could go into the courtyard, if i wanted to, but you're there
and i don't want you to know about me.