If I push this button you'll just disappear
It'll be as if you never were

Wiping my hard drive of all traces of you will bring me relief
"Pics or it didn't happen," so they say,
and so I erase you from my life

No longer able to sift through our past
and see the lies I now know them to be
Watching us pile up in the Recycle Bin
knowing once I hit "empty" all the hurt will be gone
I won't restore even if it means being empty for the rest of my life

My background will no longer show me your face,
reminding me of when we thought we were happy

The computer always played a part with us
and it only seems fitting
that the final nail be slammed in
with my delete button

A poem falls short; I'd like, instead
to draw a single line from me to you
and watch it curl into a word
so beautiful it's still unsaid –
or press paper to the window pane
so that the day might saturate
a note that brightly warms your hands,
spills birdsong from imagined trees
and buzzes like fat bumblebees,
but I am bound by language, love; I can't.

Your words are the only thing you have going for you
They slide sweetly out of your mouth
Pure sugar to my ears
But then they let me go
Drop me
Make me fall
Leave me wishing you hadn't said anything at all
Three years you've known me and still it's all a game
How we act
How we play
It always ends the same

Touch me,
it doesn't matter where
and it doesnt matter how
I need to know I'm still alive
so someone touch me now
Shake my hand and say hello
or pat me on the back
kiss me on the cheek
that I may feel this sense I lack
slap my face and pull my hair
make me bleed I just don't care
dig your nails into my skin
so I can feed this need within
I've been numb for such a time
that even pain would be sublime
so touch me, touch me now
I don't care where, I don't care how

Why do I haunt myself with this pain?
Your every memory replays in my every day
Not the harmless, sweet and boring ones
But the ones that rear their heads like a poison tongue
Dripping acid on my brain and watching it deteriorate
To only be able to play your dark washed memory
Even six feet under you still control my every move
Echoing my motions with the words of you
Images of you disturb my sight
Thrusting me into inevitable sickness and fright
Yet I continue to push myself to remember
Driving by your house each night
Seeing your old truck parked on the side of the street
Remembering all the times right there you kissed me
I'm leading myself to my own demise
In the form of you which I'm beginning to despise
I can't rid myself of your name engrained so heavily in my brain
That can only be why I'm haunted so deeply by this pain

I want to
delete all the mistakes
in my life like
a typewriter
shove in a cartridge
ring of the bell
erased.
wouldn't that
be
so
lovely.

And
           if
         I
can't look into
             the mirror
  and see
me
    anymore
I'm not
                blaming you
       But
I am
         leaving  you

And if
             I can't
   look into the mirror
and
   love me
anymore
I'm not
       blaming you
but I am
            saying goodbye you
hello me

And if
I wake up
           lonely without you
At least
        I won't
     wake up
empty without me.