I stare at the screen
Willing myself not to reply
But I always do, always for you

What if you meant it this time
What if I don't get another chance
What if, What if, What if

When I know had I ignored
You would have adored
Subconsciously falling for my resistance

A love with no real substance

I do not care

All I remember is you playing with my hair
Legs on your lap
Stealing glaces at me
My god what a trap
Glorious in it's making
My heart was yours for the taking
In dark apartment corners
I thought I was special
Legs intertwined just like a pretzel
But that was never the case
No matter how sweet the embrace
All it was was *******

And I do not care

Love with you is farts
no make-up
ugly sleeping face
and attitude
so. much. attitude.

It's you knowing which foods make my stomach hurt
but giving them to me anyways
when I ask

It's you laughing when I say
"I'm not hungry"
or when I'm stomping around
angry about some shoes

It's you still thinking I'm pretty with 4 new zits
or at the barber shop when he only has part of my fade done
and the kisses on my freshly shaved head when its finally finished

Love with you is your uncanny sense of knowing when I need reassurance
my daily affirmation provider
"You are smart"
"You are ****"
"You are everything"

It's you being a father to my children
the sassy grey tabby
and the sweet fluffy siamese

It's excessive PDA
feeding...spilling on each other, stealing drinks, and ****** grabs
the ability to make everyone around uncomfortable
as we love, touch, and (mostly) argue in our own little world

It's life-changing, mind-blowing, earth-shattering
and mundane
all at the same time
Simply, because you know too much excitement makes me tired

Love with you is the greatest gift this life has ever given me
and it's only the beginning

I try to unwind my mind
But time
It passes so quickly
Never fast enough
For life's next big rush
I want to look at the stars,
see the sky
But instead
Inside I hide
Hide from the my mind,
which crushes my soul
These feelings that take ahold
Scare me to death
Always threatening my next breath
It feels pathetic
Pity
When you seem so well liked and witty
Is it all a lie
Or can I evolve to be someone who can actually try
Not sit back and wait
Always scared to enter the gate
Take the initiative
Jump the gun
For how much longer am I young
Young like the sun in the sky
Doing whatever to feel the high
The high of happiness,
so beautiful
But ever fleeting
Leaving life with little meaning
I hate this picture I crave
Will it ever force me to be brave
Brave like the people who don't sulk in their room
Brave like the people learning to bloom
Bloom like a flower
of which I adore
Can I build a fire inside
A fire to create the more
The more from life for which I crave
Or to my insecurities will I always be slave

I am hard
and soft

He melts me
like putty in his hand
And shines me
like gold

I am old
and young

He makes me
giggle
Sweaty
as I try and pin him down

I am scared
and comfortable

He kisses my neck
says "you're beautiful"
So I stand before him bare
no clothes
no make-up

I am sad
and in love

He makes my heart soar
piece itself back together
Just a little different than before

I enjoy your invasion of my thoughts
Long late night talks
Boy, you make me hot
I yearn for your touch
The feeling of when its all too much
Curl my toes, and bite my lip
As my nails graze along your hip

That would have been enough
Just your sweet physical touch
But you unleashed it on my mind
A part of me I never thought I'd find

Reemerged