you've been smoking so many cigarettes

you've been drinking so much

you've been talking to so many people

and whenever I ask

You say
I'm just being who I want to be

But I know that's not true

Cause when I met you

You said you had dreams

You said you loved creating

You had this resilience and this hope

You said you felt so alive and happy and grateful that you exist

But now your happiness is depending

And depending on how everything goes

You might let it all go

You might've of already done that

And it hurts

Cause I'd never let you go

But you wouldn't know

Because you forced yourself to think that I'm the reason that you are this way

Paralyzed

I see you when everything is still

Vividly and vaguely

I'm stuck and you're so close

Horizontally and vertically you hover and dash

I feel I have all of the control

But you refract and bounce

It all feels so real

It's all so vivid

I question its tangibility

And right there and then is when I realize

That you weren't even there

I'm in my wake

You're a dream

A dream that plays and plays in my head

A dream that hasn't come to fruition

I need you more than ever