Look at me.
Hear my thoughts.
Screaming, crying,
Hear my voice
like the wet sand is now dry
and the cracks are forming.
My words are hitting a cold steel wall
No door, no window
no way is it possible to look inside
and see whats happening
after bashing and thrashing and screaming and beating
i wisper
"please,
Please face me"

(Inspired by the poetry, music, culture and rhythm of black people in the movie "Love Jones". As i play my imaginary guitar, enjoy.....)


I wanna be my own definition of a real woman
it’s in the way my hips sway to the beat
Or the way I smile when something touches my heart
It’s my excited face that I make when something inspires me
The look of adornment in something I love
I wanna be that classy lady at work
That's in full all black suits
strutting around in her heels like a real boss should
I wanna be that woman with ***** hair who isn't afraid of her curls
Who rocks her hair, untamed and wild like the first day she was born
I wanna be that woman who is street and unsophisticated
Who talks her mind as she pleases and holds nothing back
I wanna be that woman to screams when she wants to and doesn't care who listens and who doesn't
Who cares and who does not
I wanna wear skin tight little black dresses
Like they do in all first dates in every single movie
I wanna wear the smallest pair of cut-off jeans
I want to embrace my sexuality and push the limits of what I can and cannot do
I want to do what my soul speaks to me
And listens to that quiet song my heart sings to me when I'm alone
And best of all, I wannz laugh louder that the lion can roar
I want my melody to be felt higher than the giraffe can see
I wanna be on that stage performing the words most of us are scared to admit
I want to be the locksmith that fixes all locks
I wanna be the all in one
The nubian queen and the classic timeless beauty
I want the mountains to echo my statements and the sand dunes to quietly whistle with me
I want the swish-swash of the waves in the sea to bear testament of who I want to become
And I want you all to witness
Attest
and help me achieve
My quest..To be
my own definition
of what a real woman should be.
I wanna be that woman that defines a mother
whether I define it as letting my breast hang so that my child can suckle on it
Or feeding them a bottle
Whether a mother’s love lies solely in breast feeding or in shaping your child’s character
I wanna be that woman who refuses to labour extensively on hot coals in the scorching African sun to prepare a meal for a man who shall never wholly be mine
just because its expected
I wanna be the brave woman who dares tell her in-laws "Nay"
That brave woman who dares to rock up at her first meeting with her to be in-laws in pants
And refuses to wear a skirt on days her blissful soul doesn’t tell her to
Simply because a man who never wears a skirt has defined that as womanly
I want to be that daughter in law
My husband's mother hates because she never does as she is told
My husband’s sisters shall despise me as they shall know
That I don't believe in that stone age tradition that the amount of house work they do shall be reduced upon my arrival
I wanna be that woman, my own uncles hate for not allowing them to take part in my bogadi negotiations
I wanna be that woman who will have no bogadi negotiations
I am that woman who doesn't need a man to whistle at me
Like a man would calling a hound dog
Or a man still living in the rough west would calling  their horse
To know that I am beautiful
I want to be that woman whose character and words will stand the test of time
An oracle of enchanting wisdom in my old age
And a pillar of strength for generations
Which shall come after me
I am going to be that woman who refuses to let her boss take credit for the I did
Especially after spending years sleeping a four hour night working on my college degree
I wanna be that woman, my neighbours wife hates
Because I salsa my way to the dustbin to empty my trash
I wanna be that woman who doesn't need a cameras flash to know their eyes are upon me
Watching me as my move my melodious  *****
In total and absolute bliss at the woman I can be..
So then I want you all to witness
Attest..
And help me achieve
My own definition
Of what a real woman should be.

We are subject matter.
constantly on the tips
of each others tongues.

your bottom lip between your teeth, ever so sweetly,

as if you were holding in a secret.

and i remember thinking that i wanted to release it.

that i wanted to lean in slow and hear your breath hitch

while my hands found their places, one amongst your chest and

the other resting softly on your cheek. both feeling warmth

but only one feeling your trusting heart beat.

and i wanted our eyes to lock before our mouths parted slightly,

my lips trembling and slick yours nervous and freshly licked,

to connect our excitedly entwining tongues as they sang and swayed.

i remember thinking that you would make me giggle and that maybe,

in that moment, i could take your breath away.

My chest tightened up, as if my muscles were

Fighting me; fighting the loss of you.

It seemed like a dream. Drowning me.

Something filling my lungs; fear, hope,

Regret.

Then the tears came; Slowly,

Quietly, softly.

Neverending. Insomnia inducing.

Making me think of crazy things

Like emotions I want to be unafraid to feel,

things I want to do, and those words I want

So desperately to say;

I love you.

Ah, today I was called to do
the saddest thing:
an old couple had died
in a car accident
and it was my job
as their executor
to open their separate wills
and fulfill their wishes
and the other lawyers stood around
moaning: Aren’t they the divinest couple ever?
40 years together and they died together

And I read their wills, and the Old Man's said:
This I crave be inscribed on my wife’s grave:
Cold As Ever
And in her will, the Old Woman said:
*This I crave be inscribed on my husband’s grave:
At Last, Stiff Like Never

1 hour later
The tears still streaming
Knowing I was a fool
And staying.
What sense was that?
Knowing that you kissed me
And then kissed her
Only to kiss me again.
Why did I stay?
In front of my eyes was the truth
Yet, I overlooked it
I listened to your lies
Over and over again.
I never rued anything in my life
But if I could,
I would,
Take that relationship back.
Take that kiss back.
Take that I love you back.
Take that “yes” back.
I should have gone with my gut instinct.
I should have listened to my heart
When she said no.
Funny when the brain and heart agree.
That never seems to happen
Yet,  I ignored both.
Karma pushed me through
And I swear I will never cheat on another girl in my life.
I will never play her.
I will give her all of me.
I will not shut down.
I will not hesitate.
I will be hers
And only hers.
If I ever find that lucky girl.
She’s out there I’m sure
Just not now.
She’ll be the one that I tell I want to marry
I will put that idea in the air first.
She’ll be the one I say I want to be with you forever
Although I don’t believe in forever
She’ll be my forever
As long as she’s mine.
I will be hers
And I will treat her the best I can.
Karma had to lose herself in me
Just for me to grow up quicker.
Just for me to quit the games.
Just for me to slow it down.
Just for me .
The tears never flowed because my heart was broken.
The tears streamed because I understood all the hurt
From all the girls  
Who let me in
Who’s hearts I caressed then crushed
Who’s minds I played tricks with like I was Houdini
Who’s eyes I looked into and lied to
If I could, I would
Apologize to every single one of them.
If I could, I would.