I love you but it hurts. It hurts because i feel like you don't care.
It hurts because i don't have a clue on your true feelings about me.
It hurts because you push me away.
It hurts, hurts to the point where i hate you and never want to talk to you again.
But that same feeling is what causes me to love you more.
I like the feeling of right now.
The feeling that you care for me.
But in a few months who knows what i'll mean to you.
I ask myself that question all the time.
"What do i mean to you?"
Your good at this game of show and tell.
Either you show and don't tell or You tell and don't show.
Which is what I love about you.
The mystery keeps me interested.
To the point where i want more.
When i say more, I mean more of everything.
All the little cute things you do when it comes to me.
Many guys have caught my eye but not like you.
When I look at you i see something great.
Your what I like to call " Greatness in the making".
I see the ambition in your eyes.
Every time we talk It makes my day a little better.
I love our random conversations.
I love the fact that out of all people I feel like you won't turn against me.
I never worry about you.
I worry about the things you go through.
The reason i say this is because i care to much.
I care about everything more than i should.
But that's just part of my personality.
But your personality is different, Your different.
Now that I've gone through a change personality wise from Alaska to how i act at Lithonia , Were kind've opposites.
I guess its true when they say opposites attract.
But sometimes things don't turn out how you thought it would.
Something deep down inside me tells me you don't feel the same.
It's okay i had a feeling we would end up like this.
But at the end of the day.
I wish you nothing but the best of luck.
And I hope you and her have a good relationship together.
e.s

Once upon a time
You left
A big hole in my heart
Completely bereft

Once upon a time
You returned
Only to find
An empty house

No longer a happy home

Missing your laughter
An ache in my soul
Yet I can't let you in
For I'd lose my self-control

I try so hard to run away from how you make me feel.
You know my true feelings, though I still seem melancholy.
You ask me why, but my lips are sealed.

It is not that the emotions aren't genuine.
My whole life all I've known is how to distance myself so I don't get hurt.
A defense mechanism, I'm a human iceberg.
Drifting,
floating,
the opposite way.
I just don't have the words to say-
I just don't have the courage to be-
happy.
So I do my best to be sad.

It's not fair to you,  
but before this sadness is all I ever had.
So it's what I expect.

I try to be distant still,
but my insides are screaming for these chains
that are freezing me to be broken.
I let my guard down.
You flash me that smile, and they melt.

Despite the small diamonds that you see
rolling down my cheeks,
you say, "Just please be happy... for me."
So for you I struggle to fuse who I am, and who I was.
I refuse to let past events make first love a catastrophe.