You said that he wasn't better than me. He was different and that was what you needed.......

He doesn't Imagine happiness.
He doesn't gouge out his own skin.
He doesn't overflow with self-pity.
He doesn't dream of having no memory.
He doesn't Avoid mirrors.
He doesn't Miss what it's like to smile.
He doesn't hurt himself with knives.
He doesn't envision life where he doesn't exist
He doesn't lie to everyone around him.
He doesn't pray to have no memory.
He doesn't Scream on the inside when he sees you.
He doesn't Openly hurt what he loves most.
He doesn't Regret almost everything that he has ever done.
He doesn't Realize that he is a terrible person.
He doesn't Yell into the darkness.
He doesn't meet a counselor every week.
He doesn't end his day by crying himself to sleep at night.

......... You were right he is different. And that makes him **** better than me.

I can't do drugs like these doctors,
these stone faced professionals,
who take walks in the forrest
like a notch on their belt.
I can't close my eyes like the civilized do
when someplace near them is crying.
Somewhere I heard an old voice say
that our eyes are made for drinking,
that our skin is made for fingernails,
and our tears are meant to sting.
I can't sing when my eyes are open
because of the whirlpool's game.
I can't speak when there's music playing,
but I can scream at the fiery bumblebees
who mistake my ribs for their cage.
Alive, to me, is a word in motion:
our world in motion.
My body emotion
ransacks my neurons
and their electric chair.
I am slain, wide-eyed, at the sight of you breathing;
each wave eroding my shore.

little brother,
you could have the pink in my cheeks
if it made you happy.
you could have the spring in my step
(although it has been quite small
these last two years)
to play with.
you could have my rise
and my
shine
although i haven't seen them
for so long
i hardly remember what they look like
...i'll find them for you.
you could have
the golden apple
of my eye
a pretty play thing
to make you smile
you could have
all the sunshine
green grass
and cool water
that has ever befriended me.

i'd let you have it all
if i were only allowed to give it to you
if i could only
see you
without the crater in my chest
trying to eat me from the inside
if i could only
bear the sight of our mother
if i could only
stop cutting
if i could only
pretend better
if i could only
let you snuggle up against me
without crying
and making you wonder why
if i could only
be better for you
if i could only
do a lot of things
that i owe you...
little brother
i wish i was
stronger.

I don't wanna hurt you
That's why i put up caution signs
I wanna make it clear since u seem so blind
You wont listen to the warnings i give
You are cute but to sensitive
Its not because of you but other males
Who turned the sweetheart into a *****
which will soon turn a sweet boy into a *******
Its not nothin new , that's just how the world goes.

Nothing helps my dear,
Nothing can stop the flow of my tears.

My life is perfect and I should be so grateful,
And I know that I'm selfish for feeling weak and unable,

To deal with the pains and heartaches of life,
Yet too afraid to pick up the knife...

I want relief and I want to be calm,
I want to be strong and move along.

But, you know, it's better said than done,
Especially when you're the one who's holding the gun.....but can't seem to pull the trigger.

In the middle of the night, when everyone is asleep,
I let myself cry, and I let myself think.

Daddys are suppose to remember when their daughters turn 13...14....and 15.

And Mommys aren't suppose to be sick and ill.

Best friends are suppose to be forever and never let you down.

Love is suppose to make you happy, not second guess everything.

And so, as I lie on my bed, in this dark, dark room,
I let myself cry, for all of my life's woes.

I try to be silent and not wake anyone up, but it's so hard, don't you know, when you're all choked up.

I want to cry myself a river.

I want to cry myself a river and float away.

Cry me a river and drown my sorrows with each tear that falls.

Drown myself in a River of Tears.