"Toska - noun /ˈtō-skə/ - Russian word roughly translated as sadness, melancholia, lugubriousness.

"No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom."
— Vladimir Nabokov

Darkest of the dark
Sleekest of the sleek
Loveliest of the lovely
Deepest of the deep

Spin to win
Rest assured
Mocking bird
Mocking bird

Built it's nest
It flew, it soared
Wasn't easy
More a chore

Confident?, sure
Why, what for?
What's expected
Still unsure

Rising sun
Sinking moon
Hour late
Still too soon

Draw your gun
At high noon
Single living
Gloom and doom

Life and death
What's the score?
In the spotlight
Still ignored

Rotten apple
To the core
War!
And nothing more
And nothing more.

I hear a train is coming
Vibrations on the ground
Speeding down the tracks
Lights flashing all around

I hear the trains heart beating
The whispers in the crowd
Something worth repeating
By someone well renowned

I hear a train is coming
Unmistakable and proud
Man made engineering
Constructed; tightly wound

A whistle in the distance
Without a shadow of a doubt
Driven and persistent
A stop in every town

I feel a train is coming
Powerful and loud
Charging to its destination
Pedal to the ground

Picking up momentum
Towards what the law allows
A spirited conundrum
Inching to the speed of sound

It’s final destination
Over leaps and bounds
Exceeding expectations
With no signs of slowing down

You broke the chains that bound you
You stepped out of your own way
You headed down to the bayou
With a heart that’s brave

Would you love me if I had no money?
Would you pack your things and leave?
I know this may sound funny
But I can hardly breathe

I have stood beside you
I’ve backed you through it all
I never could have imagined
How in love with you I’d fall

I confess I took you for granted
Looking back, a sight to see
To be standing right beside me
As the transcending king and queen.

I’ve reached a higher level
Tried to act like it was simple
I thought we’d keep this civil
I don’t eat a lot, just nibble

But I’m still hungry, though
I’ve still got room to grow
You haven’t even peaked
Or caught a glimpse of this one man show

I’ve stepped up my game
Despite feeling ashamed
Clouds above me
Standing in the pouring rain

Somehow I feel relieved
There’s nothing up my sleeve
If you don’t like it, just leave
It’s better to give than receive

My heart is pure as gold
Out the door and down the road
It used to be that I had control
Now I’m doing what I’m told

It’s this way everyday it seems
Always paddling upstream
On your own or for a team
Reality is what’s left of dreams

I’m just trying to make my own way
Living life day after day
Keeping negativity at bay
Finding it hard to find the right words to say

I try and be myself
Not try to be someone else
Throwing pennies down the well
Wishing I don’t end up in hell

I do the best I can
To be a good man
But even I have days
I find it hard to stick to plan

It’s who I am, it’s in my nature
Not to worry, it’s nothing major
Nothing that could lead to danger
Just the departure from our lord and savior

I’ve got my own ideas
On how it looks or it appears
No need to shed your tears
For me, it’s the same year after year

I’m sure things will work out
I don’t have the slightest doubt
Not certain what I’m going on about
It’s just what I do when you’re not around

There are days I pray for rain
A chain reaction for the unexplained
My arms are bound, I feel restrained
My score is low, but at least I’m still in the game

Doing what I can to win
Fighting off what I’m against
Hoping for sweet revenge
And to spend my time with friends

A glance was all it took
Fresh bait dangling from a hook
I had to take a second look
My heart beat pounding; obviously shook

And you read me like a book
Caught red handed like a crook
Hands in air; begging, pleading, overtook

How could something so innocent be pure?
The answer oozing out of every pore
I’ll have to even up the score
I need to know what’s behind that door

I don’t even know what for
But the red lights flashing were too hard to ignore
I had to make my move before;
Before the moment
passed for sure

You, a gazelle hearing my lions roar
Act! Now is no time to be unsure
Frozen like a dinosaur
While your radiance rocked my inner core

Charging at me like a boar
But what importance is worth more?
I thought I joined up to the Peace Corps
But instead you started a third World War

The war inside my head
Missiles flying overhead
Left in shock, nearly dead
But just then you smiled at me instead

And I was overwhelmed
with joy
Hard for me to act coy
Or was it a trick like the horse that entered the city of Troy
Fake; a ploy

I finally conjured up the nerve
To talk to you and your gorgeous curves
But just then you swerved
I guess I got what I deserved

I want to come through,
for you and your whole crew
For the person you are,
and all that you do

I don’t want to step on toes
I just need you to see things from my point of view
And know that what I say is true

I’ve got your back
I’ve got it worked out
I’ll prove it until you never again have a doubt

Because I believe in the person you are
And I need a purpose, a reason, to reach for the stars

You are that purpose, the reason, and more!
I’m tired of the daily grind,
I need to explore
Time to button down the hatch and go fight a war

I am the driven
Right down to the core
I’m the one who’s waiting for you
When you open the door

I am your rock
The persuader of minds
I’ll have it there for you,  
And always on time

If there’s a barrier, any obstacles at all
I’ll knock them down, run right through the wall

You needn’t be worried,
There’s no need to be scared
This is what I was built for,
I’ve been well prepared

You’re my vision, a dream, a brainstorm, an idea
You’re the reason I wake up each day,
Why I face all my fears

You’re the whole picture, the ultimate goal
You’re the reason I know, all that I know

You’re what I’ve been after
since the very first day
That I breathed in the air
And had words to say

I need you to trust me
I will not be denied
I’m not doing it in hopes of one day, I can say that I tried

I’m relentless, a force, but I’m completely in stride
I may fall down sometimes, but I get back up,
It can’t hurt my pride

It’s the burning I feel, that’s deep down inside
It’s what keeps me going,
It’s what keeps me alive

They cannot deny me
I’m aware that they’ll try
But that only fuels me
They’ve got the wrong guy

I’m not the one, to turn, run, and hide
I’ve been put on this earth
So that our worlds could collide

I only break the laws of nature
I span worldwide
They’re going to need an army
But even then, they’ll just be pushed aside

I’m a counter reaction
Before they make their first move
I have somewhere I’m going,
I’ve got something to prove

Step aside and watch in wonder
As I do what I do
It’ll leave you baffled, and somewhat confused

I’ll always get to where I’m headed
I’m stubborn and dense
I may sometimes get distracted, but that’s just to build up the suspense

I’m grounded,
Insightful,
I’m thoughtful, and kind
I’m whatever it is I need to be
That’s how I was designed

If you get to know me,
I’m sure that you’ll find
I’m the person you want to have, right by your side.

Urge to Feed


Headed to a job
A boss, and little pay
The feeling of claustrophobia
Never dwindling away

The walls are caving in now
I don’t have air to breathe
My body’s on the loose somewhere
Its’ only chance to flee

Going undercover
Invisible to see
One foot after another
My only chance to leave

I step into a new world
One I’ve never been
To forage for my sustenance
A sudden urge to feed

Grossly underestimated
Taken for a fool
Don’t be too judgmental
That would just be cruel

Savor every morsel
Like today’s your last
Overcompensating for
A straight line up the path

A quest to find lost memories
In the castle up the street
I hope the door is open
For I haven’t got the key

If I had it I would lose it
Set it down and walk away
It’s right there where I left it
Imagine my dismay

My memories are all but gone
Save for one or two
Don’t try and change the subject
It’s impolite to do

Instead, gather up your things
Follow me to solid ground
It’s what you do when no one’s looking
That really makes me proud

Don’t ever take for granted
Why our soldiers went to war
To secure all of our freedom
It’s too hard to ignore