Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Jamison Bell Nov 2021
I’d been told
That there was gold
To be found in them there hills
Bright blue skies and Apple pies
Cooling on window sills
Then I got older
The days got colder
And the hills just got farther away
Tired bones hearts of stone
This life just isn’t my day
So riddle me this
Spare me your kiss
Just tell me what I’m doing here
I’m alone on this hill. Standing, still
And my view just isn’t as clear
Jamison Bell Jun 2022
Fire and whiskey, and here I am
Alone with thoughts of you
To bask in what's left of the day
And to wonder just what is true

I gotta warn ya, before I scorn ya
It isn't what you think
My love for you could fade away
With just another drink

Though while it last
For what it is
Which isn't really much
Let's pretend for just a minute
That you remember me as such
Jamison Bell Oct 2018
I’d like to think it’d mean something. That you’d stop and think about that time I made you laugh. Perhaps you’d consider something I said with a little more importance. On just how amazing you are. And how it is you are a light.
You won’t though.
Because I never mattered enough for those things to be regarded with any credibility.
My passing will have no more affect on anything than my living does now.
So it makes no difference.
Jamison Bell Feb 2024
The door locked behind me.
So, sorry for that.
I don't know this world.
Or what is expected of me.
I'd go if I could do so without dying.
But you see,
there's this cat.
She doesn't look at me the way you do.
And despite me feeling the same way about you as you do I.
I have to stay.
Because, I can't trust you to feel the same way about her as I do.
Jamison Bell Mar 2019
You want the secret to life?
You know it’s all a lie but you go with it anyway because you’re tired and have nothing else to do.
Jamison Bell Nov 2017
It’s funny.
I only ever wanted them to be happy.
As it turns out.
What made them happy.
Didn’t include I.
Jamison Bell Jul 2017
I get drunk,
and I think about you.
I get high,
and I think about you.
I get sober,
and I'm still thinking about you.
Seems the only way I'll ever be able to stop thinking about you, is if I get dead.
Jamison Bell Sep 2019
Tracing fingers through the puddles of condensation laid out by a sweating rocks glass. Tangent timelines spreading out across the cosmos like dendrites reaching for that forgotten memory.
I live with the apparitions left behind by the things you’ve said. They follow me around from place to place. They smoke with me, they drink with me, and they remind me. Every single ******* day, they remind me. That you were right.
You laughed when I gave the Devil his cut because you think he doesn’t exist. And yet he does. In the details. The fine print to the contract we signed with our first breath that reads you can try and try and try and the Devil may care if you do but you probably never will. And that’s just the first lick from the whip you have to take and they don’t get any softer.
The ghosts of your words not withstanding. I still check my phone. They laugh at me but I do it anyway. It’s like holding my hand to a candle every five minutes to see if it still burns. So to keep the blisters at bay. I trace out lines in the condensation until the moisture runs out and I began again. Like I do everyday. Without you.
Jamison Bell Oct 2019
I’ll only be able to write you
As I knew you way back when
All those moments that we laughed together
Every now and then
Now you’re out there somewhere
And I can only hope that you are well
Just remember you have a friend
Named Jamison ****** Bell
Jamison Bell Jun 2017
It seems as if every interaction signals the formation of a new brick.
As if in knowing what will become of this crossing of paths.

The creation begins in our youth.
Over time with more people, come more stones.

Till eventually you have yourself a wall.
Fortified with neglect, regret, pain, and more often than not. Loneliness.

Unfortunately. Over time. The wall gets to be too high.
So that not only can you not let anyone in.
You yourself cannot get out.
Look. I shifted my poem to the right. I'm unique and different now. Someone buy me some pancakes.
Jamison Bell Mar 2019
I can’t give you all of me
But you’re welcome to take what’s left of me
Jamison Bell Oct 2016
From here the trees look black
Mourning the loss of time
Chasms in a sky of slurry grey
Relatable and untouchable

There's no pulse
Forsaken and lost to the cares of others
Sentries of a land doused in fog
Immune to the forces of nature

It's not a deafening silence
It's that sound left here
Fearing it too may suffer this fate
Hopelessness

Complacency prevails the spirit
No sense to be found in searching
Only more of the same beyond
A world void of light

This forest in my head
I walked too far
Jamison Bell Jul 2016
I can think of no comparable rapture than a electrical storm.
Power, chaos, and fury moshing it out and the earth is their pit.
It's like watching three brothers fight for the front seat.
There's so much passion condensed into a small area.

Ages ago I'd climb into the safety of my car and drive.
Once I reached a spot void of light pollution I'd **** the engine.
Just to hear the rain hammer the roof of my car.
To feel the power in the air and watch the streaks of light.

I'd think about life or the lack thereof and her of course.
The darkness enveloping the turmoil that lie unseen.
A certain beauty to the chaos if looked at from just the right angle.
Though unlike the other dogs. I stayed behind to finish the game.
The storms just never scared me.
Jamison Bell Aug 2016
Do you even know what I'm thinking?
It's not to be contested.
And yes I've been drinking.
Enough to be arrested.

In order for you to teleport.
And this you can't avoid.
Your consciousness we must import.
Your body gets destroyed.

Your character we'll scatter.
To places far and near.
For a moment you won't matter.
Until you reappear.

Though here I am to warn you.
Things may seem a little out of place.
See they have to reconstruct you.
And you're still carbon based.

They'll upload your very being.
Right up in this new you.
You won't believe what you are seeing.
When you step out on Timbuktu.

For it was but a moment when you were here by me.
Till you up and vanished across so many seas.
To hell with you you blasted ***** teleporting *****!
I'm coming for your *** when I walk out that other door.
Jamison Bell Dec 2017
Those brilliant fireflies of winter.
Hovering about trees, bushes, and snow ladened gutters.
Some yellow
Others green, blue, and white
Until snuffed out by their hosts
Even the reds
The embers
The frost creeps up and collapses on my car
My hovel
Not as fortunate as the fireflies
I fade off
In hopes that Luna makes haste tonight
It is cold
Jamison Bell Nov 2022
I was walking across the night sky.
Wading through a sea of fire and gold.
My eyes down as I'm want to do.
I looked up for a moment and immediately thought of you.
I didn't mean for that to rhyme.
I saw this singular leaf suspended by a single strained of web.
Where others were falling.
Here was this leaf seemingly levitating.
I thought.
How fortunate am I to see this.
I've never seen it before and I'll likely never see it again.
Of all the things happening.
It was just myself and this moment of wonder.
So I thought of you.
And how rare you are.
Then I smiled to myself.
Because I know you.
Jamison Bell Sep 2022
My scales never found balance.
I'm not sure I'd ever want them to.
I've managed to elude serenity so far.
By keeping my plates in sway.
I find solace in the rarity of those quiet moments between the sun and the moon.
The high is better because it's fleeting.
Or at least that is what I tell myself in those moments of chaos.
My nirvana will be here soon.
Jamison Bell Jan 2021
Gonna snort some drano
I can explain though
Just want to turn my thoughts
To snow so
I can forget
Or rather split
My memories like atoms
Since I’ve had em
They’re soft cells
I can’t resell
Waking me up at three
Like a doorbell
Whiskey saturation
It’s like mental *******
The same **** stories
Not worth infatuation
So I figure a lil poison
To **** the noise and
Bring a lil peace
And put a cease
To these dreams
That just won’t stop
Jamison Bell Jul 2022
The sunrise startles her bones to stir,
they grind against her will to get up.
She mourns the moon,
reluctantly tolerates the sun.
Another passive aggressive morning,
another cigarette.
Her thoughts fall through space,
trying to remember a time.
Until her mind hits a wall,
like a wet sponge.
Having to acknowledge,
that there was never a time.
Still, she turns to herself
and gives her a grin.
It'll happen someday
when.
Jamison Bell Jul 2016
Sometimes I want to tell her. I'll stand in the doorway and watch her do her hair. It amazes me how wonderful she is most of the time. I'm not going to paint her as a saint because we all have bad days.
I want to take her hand and sit her down. I want to look into her eyes and tell her the truth. I want to hold her and tell her it's going to be ok.
I'll never understand why she's with me. She tells me she loves me every once in a while, usually I have to say it first. I don't let myself buy into it though. I know the truth already. I know she doesn't. She couldn't possibly. It was made clear to me a long time ago and I'll never forget it.
Still though.
I want to tell her. How amazing she is. How happy she's made me. How awesome it's been living the illusion.
And how my heart is in the process of calcifying due to a condition called valvular stenosis. And how my prognosis isn't good. How my heart gets tired sometimes. How I can take her shopping and wait while she tries on clothes. Make jokes just to get her smiling. All the while my heart is killing me.
"Honey. I'm dying at a much faster rate than you. Wanna get drunk?"
Jamison Bell Jul 2017
I still think about you.
Unfortunately, the only image I have of you still in my head. You're hurt. You're hurt and it's my fault. You were a genuinely good person. It wasn't that you had hope. It was that you brought hope. You were solace made flesh. A person could take but a second to listen to you talk, and they could walk away feeling a little better.
I'm sorry. I really am.
It was obviously for the best. You were the embodiment of happiness and I, well we both know what I am.
What you have to offer is something I can't have.
Jamison Bell Jan 2019
If I were the king for but a day
I’d tell the knights to hurry
To rally behind my bannermen
As their squires squeak and scurry

We’re not going for the dragon
For he’s done nothing wrong
He took some cattle I don’t care
We’re not fighting for that song

The song they’ll sing for us my men
Will be sung for a thousand years
It’ll echo throughout great halls
And bring the strongest of them tears

Our ships will cut through the seas
Our shields broad and strong
Our horses are all well kept
Our spears, sharp and long

We’ll **** on every mountain
Our **** will raise the seas
We’ll tread the soul of every thing
That would bring Gaia to her knees

And when our names are uttered
Through the quivering lips of cowards
And the winds carry our names
To the ears of those in towers

They’ll sow their hands in vain
Wringing for a savior
They’ll try to buy us off
They’ll display their worst behavior

As your king I command you
Set alight these soulless pillars
These temples to depravity
These ****** and these killers

Pour their gold into the streets
Let the paupers get their share
Take only with you what you need
Leave the excess where you care

Let us start anew
As my reign comes to an end
Remember here what happened
And write of that my friend
Jamison Bell Mar 2020
So here at last it’s come to pass these things we weren’t expecting
Shining a light on certain things of which we were neglecting
Streets are barren, save the Karen’s fighting over tissue
Who would’ve thought wiping our knots could turn out to be an issue

The government’s lying, people are dying, but some of us have Hulu
I’m down to watching documentaries on that man named Shaka Zulu
Coyotes are back to eating cats, no one to chase them off
If they could get sick, you could do it real quick, probably with a cough

Maybe we’ll see, I mean you and me, just how fragile we really are
Just how this tiny, little virus can leave a nasty scar
Though it seems that hope got sick and is in the ICU
I wish you the best, unlike the rest, who have come to pay their due
Jamison Bell Mar 2019
I had a thought of ashen skies
Dancing reeds and soft goodbyes
Perhaps a friend or two to say
How’re you doing, how was your day
Alas it isn’t at all what I think
Just me, your ghost, and another drink
Jamison Bell Oct 2018
Why should I rage?
And not let the light die.
So that you can feel better?
What about I?

The rain will fall,
The sun will still rise.
Do you not see pain
Behind these tired eyes?

If your heart is true
And you say your will is just
Then let me go tonight
Because go tonight I must

The light is not a balm
It does nothing for the pain
So if it’s all the same to you
That light is actually my bane

If you should find
A place for me in there
That beautiful heart of yours
Please let it know I care
Jamison Bell Aug 2023
So there I was.
Just as I am,
though perhaps a lil higher.
Despite that fact, this story's true.
For I am not a liar.

Anyway, where was I when?
Ah yes. The devil in the shower.
After sorting all the deets I sold my soul within an hour.

In exchange for my soul I got her time and undivided attention.
She has to join me when I shower and submit to my detention.

Using a bar of soap she'll wash my back in circular motion.
Then I'll make her do it over because I prefer the lotion.

I'll ask her to use her powers to turn the water into whiskey.
Then I'll have her wash my feet and ask her if she missed me.

I'll laugh out loud while I **** on her and tell her it's the water.
Then I'll have her dry me off while reciting the Our Father.

She curses me and recites these spells I guess to end the deal.
But I'm washing the devil's ******* so come on let's be real.

Sometimes I don't even wipe, I just hand that ***** a sponge.
She'll make that stupid angry face just before she takes the plunge.

Ah yes I have to say it's been quite fun for me so far.
Who else gets to start their day with the ******* Evening Star?

And yeah I'll have to pay my dues one day and yeah it's gonna ****.
But the devil washed my ***** this morning so I don't give a ****.
Jamison Bell Sep 2020
The whiskey ran out but the shrooms kicked in
So I’m off to a pretty good start
The church bells ringing reminds me of home
And covers the sound of my ****

I found my fingers on the ends of my hands.
I thought I’d never find them
I needs these fingers to catch these thoughts
So that I may hush and bind them

I lit you a candle and it burnt down the house
But I found your diamond ring
You could give it to that charred mockingbird
Though I doubt he’s gonna sing

Just hold on my nuts, when I order a sundae
I sold my epi pen
There’s a blind lady waiting to tell me some lies
About how she’s back again

Sitting under a bodhi tree, hoping for some truth
Or even a sincere lie
I’ll burn to ash every **** tree in these forests
If I thought we both would die
Jamison Bell Oct 2022
If I have no beliefs. No faith. Then I only have thoughts. Thoughts manufactured within a vessel of questionable integrity.

My understanding of reality is solely dependent on my minds interpretation of the world through external stimuli.
However.
I don’t quite trust my minds interpretations.
Sometimes I’m convinced that it has no idea what it’s doing and that it’s just making up **** as it goes along.
So.
Before you ask me if I love you.
You should know that I’m still not entirely convinced you’re not who or what you say you are.
You could just be a figment of my imagination.
Neither one of us can prove our existence to the other.
So.
What do I say?
Jamison Bell Aug 2020
If what matters to you, is the illusion; then let the illusion become what matters.

It’s not what they say or how they say it. It’s how you take it in.
If you’re wondering aloud “what’s it for”, that’s where you should begin.

A bear is a bear because you called it a bear, the bear itself don’t care.
It’s not aware that it’s called a bear, it’s simply not here or there.

Your existence is so improbable, in fact the chances are practically zero.
But here you are, the king of your dreams. Your very own ****** hero.

A photon can traverse the universe from billions of light years away.
Only to die in the blink of your eye at the end of another bad day.

If you assign a thought to someone and hold them to that standard.
It’s you, not them, that stepped right up and wrecked your delusion of grandeur.

I think it was Matthew at 6:14 who said forgive them for what they’ve done.
Those that would trespass against us, before gods dying son.

There’s nothing to prove that every creature doesn’t share in your same fears.
Will it die for reasons unknown or has it a few more years?

This wasn’t suppose to make sense, it’s simply some observations.
That’ve come into view under many a sky while searching for constellations.

Though I urge you to think about these in moments of conflict and strife.
Kindly remember that while we’re here, what matters is only life.
Jamison Bell Jun 2017
I suffer.
Day in and day out I suffer still.
Under the weight of a mind broken.
You think I don't want to heed your words?
To believe in you?
These things that you say.
They're not true.
They've never been true.
Not when it comes to me.
Perhaps for others, but not I.
I can't.
I want to. With all the conviction of a storm.
So desperately.
Nothing have I wanted more.
Alas though.
I know I don't belong.
Because, broken.
You say nice things.
But they're not meant for me.
Jamison Bell Jul 2019
Light behaves as both a particle and a wave.
A day on Venus is longer than it’s year.
Polar bears aren’t even white.
Everything I see has already happened so I’m always in the past.
Love is just a biochemical/psychological response to external stimuli.
There’s a good chance nothing is real.
I don’t actually have free will.
The mind named itself.
This could all be a simulation.
There’s real lemon juice in furniture polish but lemonade is made with artificial flavors.
And every decision creates a new timeline.
I guess I’ll have the chicken marsala.
Jamison Bell Dec 2018
Well there was that time. In the car. The rain fell soft and steady. I wanted to kiss you.
By the river. As the midday fireflies danced between the ripples. I wanted to tell you I love you.
I couldn’t. I can’t.
Because it doesn’t matter what I want.
All that matters.
Is that you’re happy.
So take my sunsets and whiskey soaked dreams. My ashen hopes
and silent screams. Take what you want and take what you will. Take my last breath and leave my world still.
In the eye of the storm I’ll remember your heart. Night after night you tear it apart. Smokey fingers and midnight wishes. Unsaid things like unwashed dishes.
A thousand lifetimes could come to offer. Silver linings and bottomless coffers. And not a single one will I take care. Unless it’s promised I’ll see you there.
Jamison Bell Feb 2021
There are these days. They stain our memories. But in a good way. In January, when winter is catching its second breath and the night is as clear as something that just happened. The moon scours the landscape like a spotlight looking for its love.
Or the fall. Mid October. Wading through drifts of dead leaves. An eerie reminder of mortality birthed in a sunset of colors and cast down by time.
It's these days that come to pass, I try to give them meaning. If by no other measure than my own, I worry their fate of being forgotten. So I do something out of my ordinary routine. A bookmark of sorts. Because perhaps I spent that day with you. I fear nothing more than having woken up one day and not remembering you.
Jamison Bell Oct 2022
My pen is a wee bit cold, so I don’t think that I have long.
And since I can’t write you a poem,
I thought you might fancy a song.

It’s about a girl born with no hands and the boy she couldn’t hold.
The boy was deaf and blind, it’s just how the story’s told.

She’d wrap her arms around him, and thump his back with her stubs.
He’d screech in terror and find a way to run into some shrubs.

Sometimes you’d see him feeding her at the ice cream shoppe.
Just jabbing her face with a spoon while she cried and screamed “just stop”.

For Christmas he bought her gloves and she got him a dog.
It fell asleep around the fire and he mistook it for a log.

What baffled a lot of folks, is that their names were Betty and Stan.
For the love a soft and supple goat, Betty was the man.

Word has it they got married, and Stan well she said their vows.
And Betty he just stood there, spouting random howls.

They live out in the woods now, their feetless kids play there in the mud.
When you try to talk to them, they just stare out into space and chew on their cud.
Jamison Bell Sep 2019
I’ve given you my ****** heart!
I’ve wept for those torn apart!
Really folks, what does it take?
Fourteen words to describe a lake.

I’ve written of darkness and lasting pain.
Raised the question to if I’m insane!
Perhaps to you, it doesn’t matter.
You’re only here to lie and flatter.

Really though, what is all this?
A digital spot to ***** and ****?
Tapping out our daily woes.
In the hope of reaching a few lost souls?

Passionate pieces and playful taunts.
Forgotten moments, remembered wants?
Why don’t she love you? You’re not worthy.
You got ****** up teeth and a bout with scurvy.

Look, I get it, you’re looking for meaning.
A demon ***** with eyes a gleaming.
But it’s not here, not by a stretch.
Just a thousand writers and a ****** wretch.
Jamison Bell Jul 2017
The loneliest whale.
No one can understand you.
You've got to calm the **** down.
Jamison Bell Jun 2019
I ended up throwing the hotdog out and left it to the bag of chips to satiate my hunger. It was the first time I’d actually come across a park with those stone chess boards.
I didn’t have a set with me. Honestly I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to play anyway. I’d hoped I’d at least be lucky enough to watch other people play.
I got to my third **** and was getting ready to give up when I saw them. This little boy, probably five, walking with an old man. He was holding his hand in a guiding manner towards the tables. A very old looking case tucked under his arm and a solem look in his face. I couldn’t see the face of the old man. He had a scarf covering most of it.
They shuffled through the crisp autumn dead to the second table down from where I was sitting. The boy looked at me for a moment before opening his chess case. Just a blank stare but at the same time, melancholic.
He set the pieces up before the old man and sat down. He’d given the old man the white side so he’d go first. Figured I was getting a chance to enjoy a wholesome moment so I moved a little closer. “That’s close enough.” The old man grumbled without even looking to see how far I’d gotten. So I stopped. “You can stay. Just be quiet.” The little boy said. He too not looking at me. Just rocking his legs back and forth.
The old man moved the kings pawn two spaces. Fischer did this a lot. The little boy countered with his queens pawn. The old man snatched the boys pawn and slammed his down. The first blow had been struck. This should be if nothing else interesting I thought to myself.
The two of them set about their tactics. Setting up their offensive and defensive strategies. And the little boy was able to slay a bishop in the process.
It’d been about twenty minutes since they started their game. I got up to throw my trash out and I get an alert on my phone from my news source. Guam got hit by a tsunami. Expected death toll in the thousands.
Thinking nothing of it I return to my seat. People die everyday all over the world. No since in fretting over a place I’ll never go to and people I don’t know.
I sat back down in time to see the little boy capture one of the old mans pawns. The sky was getting darker but my phone hadn’t said anything about rain. These two didn’t seem worried and I was more interested in their game.
A few minutes later my phone chimes again. A massive earthquake has hit Venezuela. Nine point something or other. Didn’t read the article. After all, why wouldn’t the rules that applied to Guam apply to Venezuela? I noticed people scurrying to leave the park under threat of a thunderstorm but since these two were unfazed. So was I.
They continued with their game never saying a word to one another or even acknowledging me. Trading board advantages at what seemed to be a fairly normal pace. Each taking a few minutes or more to make their move.
The old man set his queens rook up for sacrifice. He was going to try to use his knight to fork the kids kings bishop and his queen. The kid took the bait and the rook fell. I get a text from my friend the tug boat captain. He’d been dragging barges down the river for the past two months while they dredged out the harbor. It’s just a pic of a shitload of dead fish with “***” written under it. I asked him if this was on the river he was on. He said yes. That the fish had all just died. By the thousands they were just floating to the surface. I figured it was probably a chemical spill somewhere on the river and told him my thoughts. He made a lame sushi joke and I put my phone away to focus on the game.
I wanted to bring up to these two what had occurred since their game started. The tsunami in Guam, the earthquake in Venezuela, the dead fish. But if they wanted to talk to me, they would have already. So I just lit up another **** and leaned back to watch the game.
The skies had gotten murky and seemed to stir. The birds had grown restless and confused. Landing and flying off in weird patterns. It looked like some were performing touch and gos. Others would either take off like normal and a few just crashed into the earth with fatal results.
The old man moved in once again to snag the little boys queen but ended up losing another pawn.
My phone chimed again with another alert. Much of Yellowstone was being destroyed by a wild fire that was probably started by lightening.
Suddenly the little boy was able to force a decision on the old man. He’d split the line between the old mans queen and his king. The little boy said with no enthusiasm and with subtlety “check”.
The old man could take the bishop but would lose his queen to the boys knight. It was then I saw the old man start to tear up. He wasn’t outwardly emotional about it and the boy made no efforts to console the old man.
The old man took the boys bishop and sacrificed his queen. Then he reached in his coat pocket and pulled out a kerchief to wipe his tears away. Then he hands it over to me without looking up and just says “run”.
I was confused at first but then the little boy turned and said “he’s right, you should run to something you love”.
I got up and watched for a few minutes longer. I realized they’d put the game on hold and weren’t going to move again until I left. So I went to use the bathroom there in the park. I didn’t need to pass by them again to leave the park but I wanted to see if one of them had made a move while I was on the *******.
As I strolled back by on my way out of the park I glanced at the board one more time. From what I could tell the little boy was about four moves from checkmating the old man.
My phone chimed, it was my news source again. The internet was flooded with images of the moon from the other side of the world. It’d turned a blood red. The pictures were almost too hard to believe.
Just before getting here. Every radio station went dead. It’s just static from one end of the dial to the other.
So here I am. And you can believe me or not. All I can tell you is every time that little boy won a piece, something bad happened. Maybe it’s the final battle between good and evil over there in the park. I don’t know. But here I am. At the end of the world.
And maybe I am crazy. But they did tell me to run to something I love.
So here I am.
Jamison Bell Mar 2018
We understand the futility of endeavoring to unravel the intricate illusions of life. We’ll acknowledge without hesitation that ultimately nothing we do matters.
We’ve discussed how the human psyche is just too fragile to grasp the truth of our existence. Ineffectual beings of nothingness. Meandering about under the delusion that we as individuals, have a purpose for being.
And yet, even under these shared circumstances. This mutual acknowledgement of understanding and empathizing with each others plight.
Funny.
That we still struggle.
With things as simple as ourselves.
Jamison Bell Apr 2019
Colors stream down your face
Like raindrops on a window
Washing away one layer of you at a time
Like scenes from a movie
They play out nightly to an audience of one
And though they’re not worth much
To you, or anyone
They’re all I have
Illusions and things left unsaid
Jamison Bell Oct 2018
I’m sorry my little friend
Sometimes there’s nothing to tout
But that feeling is only temporary
For one day the sun’ll come out

What once was you held on to
Those days long have passed
It was but a dream, it would seem
To think those days would last

Don’t think that I’ll forget you
For that’s something I’ll never do
My life at one point had meaning
And it was all because of you

I don’t know what’ll happen
I don’t know how things’ll be
But to you I’m forever grateful
You brought out the good in me

You go on ahead and live your life
And I hope it’s an amazing one
And know that if I wanted anything
It was to call you my son
Jamison Bell Dec 2019
Am I supposed to feel regardless?
As to whether the sun finds me well or not.
Or if the moon should find me at all.
I ask you for nothing save this.
Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear.
In what little time I have
That comes in like a soft breeze and curls upon a dune
Tell me a secret
Who do you want to love and who you do love
What that thought was you had that time
Beseech me with a memory I can tell the gods about
Something
Anything
To make me feel a little less regardless
Jamison Bell Sep 2016
I have to think.
I have no other recourse.
My defense and my offense.
These things that come to mind.
Slain at birth for the sake of you.

I can't be.
I shouldn't be.
However I am.
Here now.
And I'm still thinking.

At my will kings fall.
Steel forms to my desire.
Anger is aroused when my fingers dance.
Destruction is of my construction.
I haven't stopped since I started.

I won't lie down.
Not with the dogs.
Or the sheep.
I'll tow the line.
To the edge of a cliff.

My ends do not match your means.
Jamison Bell Oct 2017
I'll never find in the heart of another what it is I find with Sol.
That warmth that touch that serenity that comes before it falls.

I tire of love, it's waywardness it's timing and it's pain
I'm tired of feeling for someone else who will never feel the same.

It's not that I'm sad or even hateful for this here is my lot
It's just that I'm tired of being one who has given more than got
Jamison Bell Dec 2018
I have a secret
And I hope I don’t have to tell you what it is
I hope you figure it out on your own
I’ll know when you do
Because I’ll never see you again
And I’ll be happy, for you
And I’ll miss you
Jamison Bell Sep 2016
We won't stand in silence, my brethren and I.
We can find beauty in violence, what colors when you die.

We stand here now where others may have fallen.
From Friedrich William Nietzsche to Joseph ****** Stalin.

Whether they be a tyrant, a king, or an overlord.
A musician, a muse, or a thinker due accord.

These people changed the world, for better or for worse.
Some left this world a little better, some of them accurse.

Put to ink these thoughts of yours as random as they seem.
Write about your problems, or jot down your favorite dream.

One of us who saw you would really like to know.
Did you ever fall in love and how did your spirit learn to grow.

You will change the world. How much to be decided.
Whether it's by acts or words, I'm sure some will be delighted.

Except for you Gacy. *******.
Jamison Bell Mar 2019
My eyes feasted upon you like dogs
Salivating at the thought you
Honey dipped basked in blue fire
Poured out by the moon
My minds hands shake
You’re a poem that can’t be written
Moving like sunlight
Only I couldn’t follow
My moment in your warmth
Fleeting and coveted
Jamison Bell Jul 2022
Consider this.
As you're reading this. There's this creature called a demodex. In fact, there's thousands of billions of them. They're not entirely unlike you despite they're relatively short life span.
They hatch about three days after being deposited. They spend four days eating and learning about the universe, where they stand in the grand scheme of things.
Then they start with the ***. It's not the sweet rose petal on the bed "I'll try not to get it in your hair" ***. It's the raw, unapologetic, "I don't even care enough about you to ask your name" ***.
This roundabout of ****** and gorging goes on for another seven days, and then they die.
Though I imagine that last seven days would be wondrous. Just a non-stop ******* session of apathy and gluttony rolled up like a taquito. They're spraying their ***** about like firemen trying to coral a brush fire. All while stuffing the other end of their bodies with the flesh of the dead.
For the record. They're skin cell mites that live in your hair and on your face. Wash all you want, they'll be back. Your face is the VIP lounge of a Japanese massage parlor and they're not leaving.
Jamison Bell Oct 2017
I’m sitting on one of the fractional remnants of a glacier.
Long since forgotten and seldom thought.

Overlooking a lake of pitted glass under a hard rain.
Unrealistic and more often than not unwelcome.

Puddles form and multiply like dandelions.
Only to serve no real purpose before their demise.

The moon remains distant and callous.
A gentle reminder of a fate well deserved.

This rock, this lake. It’s where I go in my head when you’re gone.
And it always rains.
Jamison Bell Jun 2022
There may come a day when the wind will abrade me, when it'll cease in feeling like breath on the nape of my neck.
The sun will seem crueler and callous, I'll feel that I've lost it as a friend and instead it'll only begrudge me.
But it is not today.
Jamison Bell Sep 2016
I'm going have another drink. Then I'm going to smoke a little. Afterwards, I'll read until I fall asleep with a book on my chest.
And if my dreams aren't of you. I'll try again.
Next page