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118 · Mar 2019
Iwasneverreallyhere
Jamison Bell Mar 2019
I had a thought of ashen skies
Dancing reeds and soft goodbyes
Perhaps a friend or two to say
How’re you doing, how was your day
Alas it isn’t at all what I think
Just me, your ghost, and another drink
Jamison Bell Jul 2019
She stares into the sun
As memories cascade over her
In hues like the northern lights
She bathes herself in these dreams
Only smiling when the storms pass through
117 · Nov 2018
Little Golden Tree
Jamison Bell Nov 2018
There lives upon a frosty hill right outside my window still
A little tree that glows in yellow I really quite enjoy the fellow
So I had a dream and put it there so that in my sleep I care
To keep it safe and just for me this sturdy little golden tree
Now and then I see you there eyes so warm a soul laid bare
Saying things I have not heard sounds so sweet a thoughtful word
Days fall off our lives like leaves
regardless of what one believes
And as I watch them drift on by
I’ll sometimes smile and often sigh
So by this golden tree and time
I’d like you to sit with me in kind
It’ll keep you dry with leaves above you and I’ll sit right here and say......
Jamison Bell Feb 2023
I get a kick out of asking you questions.
It’s fun to watch you answer them.
Because you want to answer honestly.
And I’m smiling.
Because neither my questions nor your answers, matter.
It’s like asking space how far it goes.
It/you could lie to me.
It’s not like I’m ever going to know the truth.
Jamison Bell Jun 2019
I want you, raw
I want to see the artwork that is you under red lights
The ***** unedited you
Before you’ve had a second chance to come back around
Trying to hide those things you don’t want me to see
Show me the raw meat
Or nothing at all
Jamison Bell Jun 2023
I don't trust iguanas. My friend had an iguana. It's name was Joe. Joe used to wink at us while he rubbed himself on the log in his aquarium. So we got Joe a *** doll. A green sock stuffed with cotton *****, we even put goggly eyes on it. Joe was not displeased. I kinda felt bad for the sock though. We'd made the mistake of naming it. Joe defiled her. Molested the sock. Then propped it up against the wall of the aquarium and made it watch as he got it on with the log. Poor sock, it was too young. We considered saving sock but Joes DNA was no doubt all over it. We laughed, we cried. That was a long time ago.
My friend recently told me Joe had passed on, a plate of flies. He was a vegan now. Until yesterday, when Joe died. Be cause iguanas aren't vegans. Anyway.
You wanna take your clothes off while I go clean the pommel horse?
Jamison Bell May 2019
Jasper colored skies, the night encroaches and even though I feel like a cold Tuesday morning I see in your eyes a darkness that would steal the breath from me.
Blackbirds silhouetted against the hues of your silence dance about the yard. How in the world could anyone love you? Tears born of a memory tear the shadows from your eyes and run for the border of your face.
Sometimes it hurts so much you want to rip it from your breast and throw it at the wall. If only to see if you could hit the garbage can. But instead you paint your world the colors of your soul as you see fitting. Onyx and crimson tides abound.
You’ll stand out amongst the galaxies and sway to the sounds of thunder in the distance. While laughing at the futile hopes of a dying star. So again the question arises like that of the sun, who has come back around to answer it again.
How indeed.
Jamison Bell Dec 2023
I'm just not sure I trust it. This silly mind of mine. It's not without it's purpose though, as it helps me tow the line. I'm still not sure I trust it, this silly mind of mine.

It's an ever evolving, problem solving, slowly dissolving, mass of electric jelly. And they tell me to trust my gut. Isn't that part in my belly?

Nope I will not trust that thing. Nor this illusion we share in kind. My perception is askew in this silly mind of mine.
Jamison Bell Jul 2022
Look down at your feet. Those are your shoes. You get that, right? You get that those are your shoes and yours alone. And you certainly wouldn't try to force anyone else to wear your shoes.
The same goes for your ****** religion.

And your needs. I care more about the average amount of precipitation in the month of November along the Shenandoah river than I do your needs. I expect the same amount of apathy from you concerning my needs.
Jamison Bell Sep 2022
then there was that time you needed help
you reached out from the dark
and couldn’t find my hand
because it wasn’t there
my absence wasn’t apathy
it’s just that I can’t presume to think
that it’s my hand you wanted to find
115 · May 2019
Not you
Jamison Bell May 2019
How many times do I have to watch you throw away what I’d **** for just to survive?
115 · Nov 2018
The wet spot
Jamison Bell Nov 2018
You want me to write of sexiness and what my plans are for your ****?
To go into some detail concerning how I’d bust a nut?
It’s really not that interesting and it’ll only end the same.
You’ll forget you have a boyfriend and I’ll forget your name.
Oh sure there’ll be some biting and we’ll throw out words like ****.
But isn’t really arbitrary when it comes to this tired stunt.
I was hoping for something deeper, no pun there intended.
But if you could turn my mind on, well that would be just splendid.
So go ahead and spread your *** if that’s all your here to do.
I’ll pump, you’ll moan, there’ll be some licking, then it ends with goo.
Though if you’d like to take a shot and let me in your head.
You best start cancelling plans because we’re staying here in bed.
The moon can listen in and even stay to watch the show.
Right up until and even after I lose my **** there in that hole.
So wouldn’t it be nicer if we adjusted this little game?
Tell your man to leave the room and I’ll write down your name.
115 · Oct 2017
Im not proud of my pride
Jamison Bell Oct 2017
**** yeah my writings sloppy
punctuation absent
No structure to be found
I'm casting this **** to the wind
I'll make no mark upon this ground

There's no agenda here
no ethics to be had
I don't **** with hidden meanings
My writing's just that bad

Though I insist I'm not to blame
I'm just a ******* conduit
my mind has a will
and I'm trying to be true to it

i can fancy Eddie Poe
And stand in awe of his wit
But I'll never lay a claim
to this here *******
Jamison Bell Dec 2022
I’m sitting in this huge theater.
Looking at this enormous picture.
It’s so big you’d think you were looking at the past, the present, and the future all at once.
You don’t need a ticket.
You can just come in and sit down.
I’d love to talk to you about it.
I know you won’t.
Come in.
I’ve been here for a long time.
Nobody ever sits down.
I guess they don’t see it.
Jamison Bell Feb 2023
In line with the whole
“life is naught but a computer simulation, the matrix is real, there is no spoon” theory.
How do I know that , while I am not special in any meaningful way, I’m not a flawed line of code and you are a patch formulated to correct my supposed flaw in order to support the overall functionability of the software needed to run this particular aspect of the matrix?
So based on this revelation, your sky blue nail polish, and the fact I’m 90% sure I banged your mom in the mop closet of an Arby’s while huffing ammonia fumes. I don’t think we should get married, today.
114 · Aug 2019
Funny things
Jamison Bell Aug 2019
It’s a funny thing.
When you find out.
Just how little your worth.
In the eyes of those you love.
Kinda knocks the life out of you.
Literally.
Jamison Bell Nov 2018
We were assigning characters from Game of Thrones to different members of the staff based on personality.
They gave me Ramsay Bolton..............I had them all filleted.
113 · Nov 2018
Kane’s Lamentations
Jamison Bell Nov 2018
I never told you about this
You talked about your porch swing in the rain
Where you went
When you wanted not to run from the tempest
But to embrace it
Because that’s who you are
A nomad of heartbreak
You let me in
Just long enough to fall
When I landed
You were gone
Like the passing of the storm
Only when you left
The sun didn’t come out
It just got darker
Jamison Bell Jul 2017
I still think about you.
Unfortunately, the only image I have of you still in my head. You're hurt. You're hurt and it's my fault. You were a genuinely good person. It wasn't that you had hope. It was that you brought hope. You were solace made flesh. A person could take but a second to listen to you talk, and they could walk away feeling a little better.
I'm sorry. I really am.
It was obviously for the best. You were the embodiment of happiness and I, well we both know what I am.
What you have to offer is something I can't have.
Jamison Bell Mar 2022
It’s ok.
I know her.
I’ve known her all my life.
She told me she’d wait.
Though if I ever needed her,
I need only die.

I hear her when the pain in my heart rouses my sleep.
A soft whisper as if from another room.
“Jamison”
Her breath curls up around my neck and falls down over me.
It’s a warm sleep she offers.
An end to my pain.
113 · Nov 2023
Eat, shit, love, think
Jamison Bell Nov 2023
Look. I'll be honest with you.
Somewhere between that first Push-Pop and that last hit. I kinda lost track of the game.

Typically I try to lounge about on a big fluffy pile of I don't give a ****.
I can write you off on the premise that I can't prove your existence. So nothing really matters.

In all fairness. I didn't choose the game. It's the only one y'all had when I got here. And the rules are easy.
Jamison Bell Oct 2022
I don't need to be here.
If you want to know me.
Just go read everything I've ever written.
You'll figure out who I was.
Eventually.

Don't bother reading between the lines.
I'm not there.
I'm staring into the sun.
Between the "I" and the .
I'm resting.
Jamison Bell Nov 2022
I won’t remember writing this.
And it’s funny.
Because I can remember with excruciating accuity everything I know about the person that inspired ninety percent of everything I’ve written.
You can quote my own words back to me minutes after I’ve penned them.
I won’t recognize them.
I can sit down at a bar and write a poem on a napkin about the girl three seats down on a whim.
And not remember a word of it or her probably.
But ****** if it wouldn’t take a lobotomy, I’ll never forget Colibri.
113 · Dec 2022
She's a peach
Jamison Bell Dec 2022
I thought I'd write you a poem. It's all I've really got. A pen, some paper, and a well of blackened snot.
At first I thought about you, though you know who you are. So that would be redundant. I guess I'll raise the bar.
A sullen somber December morning. A glass filled up with whiskey. A pack of butts and this poem in case that you would miss me.
Sweaty thighs, forgotten lies, and these things we still hold onto. Tattered sleeves, worn out knees, and rats ******* fondue.
These are the things I think about when at my own devices. Avoiding **** that could otherwise turn into a crisis.
Well I'm done. I gotta run. Truth is I'm out of passion.
Perhaps I'll come around again when apathy's in fashion.
112 · Nov 2018
Sabotage
Jamison Bell Nov 2018
I’ll tell myself not to look back.
That there’s nothing there.
Nobody to wave me goodbye.
Still though.
I will.
And I’ll have to reconcile with that part of me that is laughing his sick ****** head off.
So in spite of his laughter.
I’ll stare at the shoreline.
In defiant hope that someone.
Someone will come down to say goodbye.
And he’ll keep laughing as the shoreline fades off into the horizon.
And I lower my head.
Resigned to his eternal torment.
This devil on my mind.
112 · Jun 2020
Your Shadow
Jamison Bell Jun 2020
It happened just a minute ago and maybe a light year away
Then again I’m a lil drunk so it might’ve been yesterday

I could’ve sworn or so I thought that I saw your shadow there
I’m not going to say it startled me, just caught me unaware

So I threw a rope around the sun and tied it to the mountains
It’s light fell upon the jagged cliffs and splashed amidst the fountains

Your shadow sat and stayed with me while the world got lost again
We talked of our ideas on things and what could be come when

The stars demanded I free the sun and set her on her way
This means your shadow will have to go so they can have their day

I bid your shadow a fond farewell and turn back towards the moon
I take the rope from around the sun and tell it to come back soon
Jamison Bell Sep 2023
The mathematical probability of your existence is so excruitiatingly improbable. You'd have a better shot at winning the lottery everyday for a year.
So.
With you being proof that the impossible can happen.
Why not?
112 · Jul 2022
Quantum Dreams
Jamison Bell Jul 2022
A single leaf floats alone down a crystal brook.
Shimmers of sunlight and mossy shorelines.
In my youth,
I'd imagine myself on that leaf.
From that perspective
the world could remain as it is.
While at the same time,
be new to me.
A super positioning of perspective.
The world being two different things at the same time.
I didn't see this tiny version of me as adventurous.
Gripping the edges of the leaf, wind blowing through my hair, staring excitedly at what lies ahead.
Nope.
In fact, I was sleeping.
It seems no matter the perspective,
I'd just as well not be there for it.
112 · Dec 2018
I threw up over there.
Jamison Bell Dec 2018
A rose adrift in a sea of tears and here I count only seven beers
The devil is laughing himself to death and I can smell his delightful breath
The sun has faded and this world is high as we sit and watch the fire go by
So stay with me and light this thing you can tell me lies and I’ll buy you a ring
We drank the whiskey, we're out of smokes, it’s time to worry these aren’t jokes
I’ll sleep in your eyes till you return to watch my will in your soul burn
Take your time but hurry back, gods on his way and he’s got crack
The devil and i will wait right here and don’t forget to buy more beer
Jamison Bell Aug 2023
So there I was.
Just as I am,
though perhaps a lil higher.
Despite that fact, this story's true.
For I am not a liar.

Anyway, where was I when?
Ah yes. The devil in the shower.
After sorting all the deets I sold my soul within an hour.

In exchange for my soul I got her time and undivided attention.
She has to join me when I shower and submit to my detention.

Using a bar of soap she'll wash my back in circular motion.
Then I'll make her do it over because I prefer the lotion.

I'll ask her to use her powers to turn the water into whiskey.
Then I'll have her wash my feet and ask her if she missed me.

I'll laugh out loud while I **** on her and tell her it's the water.
Then I'll have her dry me off while reciting the Our Father.

She curses me and recites these spells I guess to end the deal.
But I'm washing the devil's ******* so come on let's be real.

Sometimes I don't even wipe, I just hand that ***** a sponge.
She'll make that stupid angry face just before she takes the plunge.

Ah yes I have to say it's been quite fun for me so far.
Who else gets to start their day with the ******* Evening Star?

And yeah I'll have to pay my dues one day and yeah it's gonna ****.
But the devil washed my ***** this morning so I don't give a ****.
Jamison Bell Dec 2022
I’ll be honest with you.
I’m halfway through this movie.
And I’m done explaining it to you.
You can try to catch up if you think you can.
And that’d be swell.
Just don’t look to me for answers.
Like I said, I’m halfway through this movie.
And I still have no idea what it’s about.
Jamison Bell Jan 2021
Look it here
Made you a snack
Just a lil sumtin
From way out back

Now listen here
Don’t draw your string
Just settle down
Cause here’s the thing

You’re not here
You’re over there
How’re ya now?
I don’t care

Accept the fact
You could now be wrong
About yourself
Don’t think too long

Laugh a lil
At yourself in kind
Hate begets hate
Keep that in mind

Before you speak
Do they care
Or would you
If standing there

Nothings life
Is worth less than yours
If it breaths
Dress it’s sores

Once you’ve got
What it is you need
Leave the rest
And ditch the greed

Savor each moment
For what it’s worth
Whether it be death
Or birth

And finally

Karma isn’t ******* real
The universe cares not
You really thinkin Saturn
Gives a **** about what you got
111 · Oct 2018
There was a time
Jamison Bell Oct 2018
I shant go into much detail about the who the why or the when
Nor do I care to discuss the them the there or the then
What I can tell you is there is no nothing and that everything is something
To someone maybe not you, that something is somewhat wanting
Perhaps you may have heard about the elephant that lives up the street
Not a very popular girl because for an elephant she's got small feet
Well as it was or should have been to be sure I really can't say
That elephant was just about the finest thing that lived back in her day
Sure she's not much to look at now but now tell me have you considered the feet
There was a time and it was hers where she danced with every song she'd meet
She moved like smoke through their fingers and so many would lose their grip
Say the wrong thing or just run out of time and from out of their lives she'd slip
And then time left her scattered and broken and she grew fat off misery
Now she just hums and wanders around wondering how could it be
See we all have a time, a place, and a thought that is not what could have been
We all have a moment, a turn, or a chance to turn what is now to then
To step back from the world around us and ask ourselves a question
Do we want to be to someone an answer or just another suggestion
Jamison Bell Sep 2019
Where I woke upon a grassy knoll
Took off my shoes to take a stroll
I stopped over there to pack my bowl, smell her hair, and pay the troll.

I stumbled here and over there
Not that you or I should care
But I’ll have you know I’m quite aware, not really though, you can’t compare.

Yes I know, it makes no sense
I present this bowl in my defense
Just hit it once and you’ll know whence, the evidence of my pretense.

“Good hit? Great. Yeah I was just trying to say I passed out in the park wearing women’s shoes. It was nice when I woke up so I took a walk. Smoked under the weeping willow, paid somebody’s parking meter before the maid got there, I took a header crossing the street to get here, and I wanted you to smoke with me so you could tell me it’s good and I’m not crazy. And you’re out of beer.”
Jamison Bell Apr 2022
You may not remember meeting me.
I’m just not that memorable.
Though I’ll never forget it.
I imagine it was like my first time seeing a candle.
Though I’d seen it before.
I thought it was just a dream.
I couldn’t have imagined you were real.
The moon was waxing gibbons.
Tempered spirits that never as so much crossed paths as to crash into one another.
110 · Oct 2017
Very well then
Jamison Bell Oct 2017
I may very well be the fool.
But I will not entertain arrogance.
I may very well lie to you.
When I'll tell you I'm fine when I'm not.

I may very well get angry.
In which case I won't be in mind.
I may very well be a plaster saint.
I'm as lost as you but you won't see it.

I may very well leave you here.
But I'll just be right over there.
I may very well love you.
Unconditionally.
Jamison Bell Aug 2022
She's a momentary lapse of reason. A case of temporary insanity. Your entire perspective on life will change the moment she licks her lips.
She's poetic chaos set to Tchaikovsky against a backdrop of life moving in slow motion.
Much like alcohol she is both the cause and cure to all of life's problems. Even going so far as to leave you wondering if you're the problem.
You're that one guy at the poker table who's spent the last hour trying to find the sucker only to realize it's you.
She's a satin sunset that can move through you like the ghost of every dream you ever had.
Her eyes can leave you feeling stretched. Turned inside out and yanked from your mortal coil.
You'll learn to transcribe Ulysses in Latin from memory before you ever understand her fully.
She stares at the moon because they understand one another.
The trick is to let her run herself out.
Once she's exhausted all her tricks.
That's when you find out who she really is.
110 · Jan 2019
I don’t poetry well
Jamison Bell Jan 2019
Roses are red
Violets are blue
If you need a book to teach you morality, ethics, and how not to be a ****.
There’s something wrong with you.
Jamison Bell Feb 2023
Well I jacked her up to find that everything’s subjective.
I fingered, felt, and flicked that thing like it was a prime directive.
To get some new perspective I rolled her on her side.
It doesn’t matter where I go I’m still there so there is no where to hide.
Maybe we’re just absurdist I thought as I slid my stick within.
Perhaps it’s all just chaos, and there’s no purpose in the end.
I slowly removed her top and I put myself between her.
We tried a lil here or there and found the grass no greener.
We laughed and cursed and cried a lot because ignorance is bliss.
And as my flaccid self fell out of her I would not be remiss.
To say I pondered the inequities and tried to do my best.
Sweaty, sullen, and utterly disgusted we lied there breast to breast.
I tried **** near everything though now my heart’s departed.
so I’m leaving my Jeep here for now, maybe you can get it started.
109 · Jun 2019
If I could choose my dream
Jamison Bell Jun 2019
It’s like standing before a sun that pauses at the horizon before spilling out over the ocean
Or when you find yourself alone with Hephaestus and you know there are demons just beyond the firelight
Even as if it were one of those gifts you receive simply because the person saw it and thought of you
Yeah. It’s like that. That’s when you know. When those ancient celestial photons actually fight to be the light in her eyes. And you fall face first for the person she is when she thinks no one is watching.
Jamison Bell Sep 2019
I’ll say to Dante and Virgil what Coen said when he stood before the Lord of Song. With a frosty breath I’d save just for them to take back to you. And they could tell you how it was they found me cast in the ice of a lake void of light at the bottom of a well. And perhaps then, before the fireflies scatter before the sapphire skies. Whilst the dew on your lips remains warm and sweet. You’ll think of me and smile.
Jamison Bell Nov 2022
Who were you?
Before all this happened.
Before that happened.

Would we had gone for each others throat?
Or would our hands just meet in the middle?
Perhaps indifference would rule the day.

We're unfinished people at the moment.
So who knows what's to become of us.
Or who we are to be.

I'll tell you this regardless.
I feel very fortunate to know you now.
And I'd be very grateful, if I could say I know you when.
Jamison Bell Oct 2017
Those moments of vulnerability. When hope stops on the precipice and they'd give anything for that feeling to be snatched from them like a falcon and a mouse.
It's in those minutes when if you look beyond their skin and block out what they're saying. Focus as if your trying to find a snow fox in a grove of pines on the morning after a snowstorm.
You see just how fragile the heart can be. You can practically run your hand over the scars. That's how you learn what it is that can hurt that person the most.
Not to sound like a sadist. But let's be honest. It's up to you how you use this knowledge.
Trust is a funny thing.
108 · Oct 2018
Choke on this
Jamison Bell Oct 2018
What do you want!
To write what I know!
What I feel?
Rage.
Pain.
You want a poem!
You want me to weave these thoughts into something beautiful?
I can’t!
They’re not!
They’re ugly. They’re dark and unforgiving.
Every ******* day they seek only to permeate my spirit.
Inebriating my endeavors with doubt and condemnation.
Yeah, no!
There’s nothing of beauty here.
You best toddle along now.
Go back into the light little one.
Jamison Bell Nov 2021
Some of you just don’t like Christmas. You’d rather it just *******. Anytime you hear Jingle Bells, you change the station and scoff.

Perhaps it has been ruined, by things that happened then. So while others are laughing and singing, you’re only thinking of when.

Was it a touchy old pastor? Did a reindeer **** on your shoe? Did your elf on a shelf touch himself while smiling and staring at you?

Maybe a coked out ****** in tights tried to bite off your tongue. Just as the snow was falling and those church bells had been rung.

How can you not like the lights? The smell of snow in the air? Is it because you’re spiritually dead and can’t muster the courage to care?

Maybe you had a bad mom, who wore ****** clamps in front of your friends. Who wore acid wash jeans everyday, no matter the fashion trends.

How can you not like the sounds? Of fires that crackle and snap? Of cookies and cider and cinnamon **** and all that Christmasy crap?

Well whatever your ***** *** reason for hating this season so. Please take your ****** egg nog, and go stand outside in the snow.
Jamison Bell Oct 2018
A list celebrity.
Owns four homes each eight figures.
Makes eight figures a movie.
Wants me to donate five dollars.
*******!
Just don’t buy another home!
That’s twenty million!
Now could you stop trying to guilt me out of buying lunch?
I feel like a ******* for taking a long shower.
While people in Puerto Rico are going without.
And Mr My Bentley got **** on by a sparrow so now I have to take the ****** Bugatti, is over here washing his dog with Johnnie Walker Blue.
The ****?
Ok so it wasn’t so much a poem as it was a random thought. I thank you for reading and hope that nothing specifically bad happens to you anytime soon.
Jamison Bell Dec 2022
I don’t think it’s a linear thing.
There’s no beginning and as of right now
From my perspective, no end.
I said “I love you”
To someone else
Loss is just someone who comes around from time to time.
I heard that “sigh” before.
I was here.
And I’m back.
I know because I’m tired.  
Of knowing what you’re going to say before you say it.
106 · Apr 2019
No reasons to stay
Jamison Bell Apr 2019
It’s easy
When you have no strings
No ties to anyone
You just let go
And you fall through the days
You grow numb
Cold
Light becomes something to distrust
And nothing matters
So you wait, you long for relief
Sooner or later
You get tired of waiting
You shhh your heart
And you hope that the pain doesn’t follow you into death
Jamison Bell Jan 2023
there are only three tangibles you need to survive
food, water, shelter.
everything,
and I mean everything else,
are privileges.
some might be afforded you.
some you’ll have to work for.
some you’ll have to fight for.
whether or not they’re worth it,
is entirely up to you.
because their only worth, is dependent on the value you place on them.
106 · Oct 2020
You see what I’m saying?
Jamison Bell Oct 2020
It should go without saying,
without thought of delaying,
that if you go without saying
you’re only delaying
what could possibly be something to say.
Conversely should you stay
with something to say
and then say what you need to say.
You could then say you didn’t delay or waste the day having gone without saying your say.
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