I’d love to stay and chat, but if I don’t tilt these windmills before the high wears off I fear they’ll abscond away with my purpose during the night.  
It’s an illusion for sure, but it’s mine. Crafted out of fear it walks in front of my shadow before every setting sun. A lumbering tangled tragedy.
Suffer me not should you find my sincerity to be askew. Cast your earth upon me and bid me ado. Lest I become that which you loath and thereby myself.
Your coffee grows cold and my mule died last night, again. And yet this morning I’ll ride that steed off to meet the day. The same day from the day before.
Fret not, your confusion is entertained and I The never good enough Knight of a broken table will leave it to the days to come to forget I was here.
I’ve died a thousand times trying to get over the rainbow and unknowingly breached every rule that would have garnered a love to span the stars.
So tired is the day that carries my woes. Endeavoring an idea as foolish as the ones that preceded it. Dogs that come home to die under the porch.
My banner in shreds to whims of a southerly wind. Decorated in celebration to my victorious battles. Thus it is just an old t shirt of a smiley face.
I had to throw you up amongst the celestial backdrop of my dreams so that if I needed you, for once, you’d be there. Asleep behind the wheel of my every thought.

Oh woe is the heart that is denied that which would give it a reason
Hath thou discovered my will I mighteth made the season
Tis not to be this mystery, this bane of loneliness
Exceeds my grasp, just out of my class, forever in distress

The sunrise startles her bones to stir,
they grind against her will to get up.
She mourns the moon,
reluctantly tolerates the sun.
Another passive aggressive morning,
another cigarette.
Her thoughts fall through space,
trying to remember a time.
Until her mind hits a wall,
like a wet sponge.
Having to acknowledge,
that there was never a time.
Still, she turns to herself
and gives her a grin.
It'll happen someday
when.

Break every bottle you have, then set the floor on fire.
Then drag me across the room and tell me what I mean to you.
In the moonlight overlooking a great blue field.
Cast me down into the surf.
And tell me why.
Until your throat dries out and your blinded by the saltiness of your own tears.
Hold me up to the void and let's curse the gods together.
We can tear away at each others flesh until our souls stand naked before a rising sun.
And when it's over.
When the world falls silent and the winds finally cease their eternal race.
I'm going to look at you one last time.
And laugh.

When all the voices fade out
And you’ve forgotten
Everything that was said
And those words
That were wished upon
Die out like the stars
That couldn’t grant
Those same wishes
So the world becomes
That much colder
And the nights
That much longer

I thought I'd write you a poem. It's all I've really got. A pen, some paper, and a well of blackened snot.
At first I thought about you, though you know who you are. So that would be redundant. I guess I'll raise the bar.
A sullen somber December morning. A glass filled up with whiskey. A pack of butts and this poem in case that you would miss me.
Sweaty thighs, forgotten lies, and these things we still hold onto. Tattered sleeves, worn out knees, and rats ******* fondue.
These are the things I think about when at my own devices. Avoiding **** that could otherwise turn into a crisis.
Well I'm done. I gotta run. Truth is I'm out of passion.
Perhaps I'll come around again when apathy's in fashion.

An obsidian lake lit up by white fire before an army of cypress trees.
That seem as though they marched upon this lake only to company halt at its beauty.
So awe struck by the depth of this void.
They failed to notice they were sinking into the marsh on the lakes brim.
Now stationed here until time consumes them.
Wisps of clouds skate upon the onyx surface until called upon by the sun.
The silence here collides into the chorus songs of the frogs, the birds, and the wind through the trees.
Fireflies, aglow with a cold light, dance with their reflections along the shoreline.
A fish jumps and the ripples approach like waves of black satin.
A crescent moon glides across the celestial sea like an ethereal swan.
In the waters flawless reflection of the heavens one feels trapped between two galaxies.
Just, just leave me here.

I’m too tired to be the monster I was anymore
So, I can’t fight you like I once could
I do have sulfur though, I have my wits
Enough to burn a thousand bridges

She stares into the sun
As memories cascade over her
In hues like the northern lights
She bathes herself in these dreams
Only smiling when the storms pass through

It’s ok.
I know her.
I’ve known her all my life.
She told me she’d wait.
Though if I ever needed her,
I need only die.

I hear her when the pain in my heart rouses my sleep.
A soft whisper as if from another room.
“Jamison”
Her breath curls up around my neck and falls down over me.
It’s a warm sleep she offers.
An end to my pain.

I was eating this peach while putting together a pump and forgotten I'd already lit a burner when I said "***** it, I'm dead inside anyway" so I took a hit and started thinking about you in that time and me in that place and as soon as I finished that peach it dawned on me.
It wasn't that I wasn't good enough for you.
It's that I'm still not good enough for me.
So I went ahead and settled on the Apricot Kush because it keeps me from thinking about whether or not I made a mistake when I said "Can I get the salmon with a baked potato?" I mean I could have eaten my twin in the womb, I honestly don't remember her name Ellen I think anyway.
**** the night, **** the moon, **** everything that ends too soon.

Aye I wish it weren’t like that lady but the truth remains the same
We waltz and **** and lie at will for the sake of this twisted game
Souls will fall down off the wall and we’ll applaud what never was
And then we’ll laugh and drink and nary think to look upon because

then there was that time you needed help
you reached out from the dark
and couldn’t find my hand
because it wasn’t there
my absence wasn’t apathy
it’s just that I can’t presume to think
that it’s my hand you wanted to find

Soon the lights will fall down around me and darkness will set in
Maybe then I’ll get the chance to come back and begin again
Perhaps I’ll keep a memory of who I was and why I came to be
Then I’ll stand a chance of becoming anyone but me

I’ll admit I fear the harpies
Hence I’ll tie no noose
Lest Dante be correct
And Zeus’s hounds are on the loose

So there’ll be no poison, save
the love I have for you
No shiny silver bullet
For a soul that’s overdue

No pop tarts in the shower
Slightly brown along the edges
No jagged rusty razors
Or standing out on ledges

No shotgun to the face
I’m not as messy as Cobain
No gasoline and fire
I’m just not that insane

So no I’ll just suffer
While I watch the embers fall
Rub my gasping heart
And hope one day you call

If you didn't believe
in gods and ****.
You wouldn't be having
such a fit.

Believers don't think,
they've been told what to know.
They operate solely on
pride and ego.

Meandering about
hating on queers.
This **** ain't new,
they've been at it for years.

If your god promotes hate,
violence, or torture.
Your god ****** *****
and needs more culture.

Put down the cross
and pick up that bowl.
Ima tell you something
you oughta know.

It doesn't matter in
what you believe.
This ******* morality
tucked in your sleeve.

It matters most how
you treat others.
The poor, the different,
the sons, and their mothers.

The answer you seek
isn't that subtle.
It's out in the open
not under some rubble.

You don't need a
******* priest.
To chug some juice
and eat old yeast.

You don't need a
book that's too ****** long.
Or a hymn, or a psalm,
or a baptized thong.

The answer is simple
just don't be a ****.
Treat others fairly
and your game'll be sick.

I savor those spaces between those moments when I’m not thinking of you.

I’m right where you left me
The sun has had its way with me
Along with the rain, the wind, and the cold
And it still hurts
I’m not going to lie
It hurts
You were right, I ripped it out and threw it at you
My heart that is
Now I cradle it in my hands every night
Which is long in tooth
Piercing my heart while the moon watches
The blood spurts out like that red **** that pours from a steak
And I’d do it again
And again, and again, and again
If you tell me you’re cold
I’ll set it on fire
Tell me you’re hungry?
I’ll make sure it’s cooked all the way through
Cause as you know, all to well, I’m only here because of you

Cats and dogs will have their day to see god and ask him why.
They’ll talk of **** that we pulled down here and they don’t know how to lie.
So mind your steps around these beast lest they curry the good lords favor.
You may well find yourself in the pit of hell, no rest just **** and labor.

I don’t think it’s a linear thing.
There’s no beginning and as of right now
From my perspective, no end.
I said “I love you”
To someone else
Loss is just someone who comes around from time to time.
I heard that “sigh” before.
I was here.
And I’m back.
I know because I’m tired.  
Of knowing what you’re going to say before you say it.

I don't need to be here.
If you want to know me.
Just go read everything I've ever written.
You'll figure out who I was.
Eventually.

Don't bother reading between the lines.
I'm not there.
I'm staring into the sun.
Between the "I" and the .
I'm resting.

We can share anecdotes and spit. I can tell you my thoughts on the whole Achilles Patroclus thing.
You can ignore what I'm saying, wait for me to stop talking, and then ask me what's for dinner.
But.
I can't be that guy.
Because I'm not that guy.
I'm the other guy.
The one you never think about until that one song comes up on your playlist.
And I hope you smile to yourself.
I mean I wouldn't.
I just get angry whenever I think about me. Then I leave an angry voicemail with that ***** at the library and I feel better.
You though.
I hope you're smiling.

There lives upon a frosty hill right outside my window still
A little tree that glows in yellow I really quite enjoy the fellow
So I had a dream and put it there so that in my sleep I care
To keep it safe and just for me this sturdy little golden tree
Now and then I see you there eyes so warm a soul laid bare
Saying things I have not heard sounds so sweet a thoughtful word
Days fall off our lives like leaves
regardless of what one believes
And as I watch them drift on by
I’ll sometimes smile and often sigh
So by this golden tree and time
I’d like you to sit with me in kind
It’ll keep you dry with leaves above you and I’ll sit right here and say......

I wish I could be like you
So happy
Light and free
I wish I could be like you
Anyone but me

Jasper colored skies, the night encroaches and even though I feel like a cold Tuesday morning I see in your eyes a darkness that would steal the breath from me.
Blackbirds silhouetted against the hues of your silence dance about the yard. How in the world could anyone love you? Tears born of a memory tear the shadows from your eyes and run for the border of your face.
Sometimes it hurts so much you want to rip it from your breast and throw it at the wall. If only to see if you could hit the garbage can. But instead you paint your world the colors of your soul as you see fitting. Onyx and crimson tides abound.
You’ll stand out amongst the galaxies and sway to the sounds of thunder in the distance. While laughing at the futile hopes of a dying star. So again the question arises like that of the sun, who has come back around to answer it again.
How indeed.

There’s nothing here.
I’m just trying to save you a trip.
Become a hedonist, a pacifist, a sardonic mop.
Just don’t bother going any further than where you are now.
I’ll send you a pic.
Don’t bother thanking me.
It’s nothing, really.

It happened just a minute ago and maybe a light year away
Then again I’m a lil drunk so it might’ve been yesterday

I could’ve sworn or so I thought that I saw your shadow there
I’m not going to say it startled me, just caught me unaware

So I threw a rope around the sun and tied it to the mountains
It’s light fell upon the jagged cliffs and splashed amidst the fountains

Your shadow sat and stayed with me while the world got lost again
We talked of our ideas on things and what could be come when

The stars demanded I free the sun and set her on her way
This means your shadow will have to go so they can have their day

I bid your shadow a fond farewell and turn back towards the moon
I take the rope from around the sun and tell it to come back soon

I've been around long enough to know what happens when.
And unfortunately I have no problem remembering now and then.
So with that being said I think it's best that I should be alone.
It is in me being me for which I must atone.