I never knew you, I never met you, I never saw you.
I never heard you, I never touched you, I never felt you.
And yet, somehow.
I’ll never forget you.

I’ve been mired in an existential crisis for so long now, I don’t trust jelly.
It just doesn’t look right.
Bear with me here. (Barry the bubbly brown bear. See what I did there?)
What if, jelly disproves the life is a computer simulation theory?
Why would a sentient machine running a computer program to simulate life write jelly into the programming?
It wouldn’t, right?
So now that I’ve nixed that theory for y’all.
What else ya got?

I got grass all over my lil white rug. So I rolled it up like you would a body. Then I set it on fire and took a deep breath.
I lifted the eyelids of my house to see if the world had changed. I saw the coyote that killed my friend and not much else.
Another Saturday Night.
Two flames aloft in the darkness dance to a song I used to love and I need more ice if I'm to ever see through this amber haze.
I've been cold for so long you'd think I'd be laughing by now.
It's a solidifying existence here.
I made us each a plate. One has cyanide, the other morphine. It's a win win.

there are only three tangibles you need to survive
food, water, shelter.
everything,
and I mean everything else,
are privileges.
some might be afforded you.
some you’ll have to work for.
some you’ll have to fight for.
whether or not they’re worth it,
is entirely up to you.
because their only worth, is dependent on the value you place on them.

I can’t move beyond the nothing.
I’m not upset about there being nothing.
Just wishing I could move past it.
For a while, I was envious of others because I figured they’d moved beyond the nothing.
Turns out, they never reached the nothing.
So now I stand guard.
A sentry pacing back and forth in front of these gates.
“Nay! Turn! ‘Tis not the place for you here! Go over there. It’s better.”
The idea of seeing someone else here terrifies me.

I savor those spaces between those moments when I’m not thinking of you.

I don’t think it’s a linear thing.
There’s no beginning and as of right now
From my perspective, no end.
I said “I love you”
To someone else
Loss is just someone who comes around from time to time.
I heard that “sigh” before.
I was here.
And I’m back.
I know because I’m tired.  
Of knowing what you’re going to say before you say it.