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during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with
******
I always had this certain
contentment-
I wouldn't call it
happiness-
it was more of an inner
balance
that settled for
whatever was occuring
and it helped in the
factories
and when relationships
went wrong
with the
girls.
it helped
through the
wars and the
hangovers
the backalley fights
the
hospitals.
to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city and
pull up the shade-
this was the craziest kind of
contentment

and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a
cracked mirror-
see myself, ugly,
grinning at it all.
what matters most is
how well you
walk through the
fire.
it's the same as before
or the other time
or the time before that.
here's a ****
and here's a ****
and here's trouble.

only each time
you think
well now I've learned:
I'll let her do that
and I'll do this,
I no longer want it all,
just some comfort
and some ***
and only a minor
love.

now I'm waiting again
and the years run thin.
I have my radio
and the kitchen walls
are yellow.
I keep dumping bottles
and listening
for footsteps.

I hope that death contains
less than this.
the sound of the whistle of the outward bound
    teased the still night with its earthy timbre
and i suffered the pangs of a poor  lad, found
nursing a dream about getting away from it all
           like a learned doctor i was on call
              an order i knew was rather tall
                       if calamity struck
                   in the heat of the night
                            with my bags
                                  packed
                   and my naivety ablaze
                                just waiting
                                      for
               ­             a reason to go
                                slip away
                   into the hungry darkness
                   and never ever look back
 Feb 2016 James Rider
Got Guanxi
Print screen my whole being,
in the cadence of seasons changed.
Generation X's sweet heartbreak.
Strangers share the pain.
We walk the walk online,
nowadays,
in these times that are a changed.
Changing no more - subtly maybe.
The footfall of history stored,
in Google baby,
& terrabytes & ram.
A virus called.
And the rhyming stalled,
until;
Man made museums in nothing, but,
soldiered components,
smaller than the eye can see.
Nano moments,
lost in scrolled screens,
likes and comments,
compassion shared
around,
the world,
until forgotten;
fads
fade
away,
into familiarities.
Then we logged out of life,
and left reality behind smokescreens,
of PCs
HD ready, on blue days -
Blue Rays,
now smaller.
microsized.
Our brain waves microwaved.
Attention spans,
in the palm of our mouse shaped hands.
Say goodbye to the old days,
guilty as charged,
in
the strife of low battery life;
running out of charge.
had this concept inside me for a long time - still needs work x

Update - thanks for feedback on this - I've changed the title as the last one wasn't really pc.
Then I changed it back
X
 Feb 2016 James Rider
Diaz
Ode
 Feb 2016 James Rider
Diaz
Ode
You're always there
Boosting moral
Shifting through space and time
to fit my situation
Without you i'd be lost
I need you by my side
Because together
Not even death can stop us
Tik tok tik tok
Time goes by
Sitting there
Thinking about life

Ding **** ding ****
The church bells ring
Letting the hours be known

Boom boom boom boom
Goes the bombs
To win a war that should not be fought

Look around take a minute to see
The sounds that are in our earth
No one seems to listen
Somewhere far from now
we will bask under a glorious sun
your legs stretched out
beside my shapeless form,
your skin submerged in waves of light
beads of sweat evaporating
off your open palms
and the stories you describe, alive
with brilliant amber sunshine in your eyes.
Somewhere far from now, we will be
clouds, lazing amidst mountainous trees
floating, floating above our rocky extremes
past shores of white sand, where we meet
Till then, I wait, aching patiently
I, the silent hill and you
the deep blue sea.
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