Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
5.7k · Oct 2018
James Floss Oct 2018
We'd bound around
For golf downtown
Frisbees always in hand

"The students are coming!!”
Was a seasonal refrain
As we’d goofily gallivant

Mother’s Day shows
We‘re free, mother-suckers
For your kids, a show we grant


Rock their world with juggling
See the Doctor for what ails
Rudi and O in laundromat land

Jeanie, Splash, Allison, Donna,
Silly girls astonishing with
Leaps, jokes and handstands

Chewey, Steamboat and Grog
"Yeah-yeah! Yeah-yeah!”
Silly boys grandstanding

All hail Papa Gale! We
Funned with Cpt. Plunge
Leader of the band!

Sweet Georgia!
**** croquet!
It was grand!

(**** croquet was the official lawn game of the Sweet Georgia Brown Clowns during the summer 198x Trinity Country tour [wherein we masqueraded as a Norwegian Salmon Kissing team at a Moose Lodge Talent Show in Lewiston, CA* {true!}]: “Don’t forget your hat!”)

*(we won)
4.5k · Sep 2018
James Floss Sep 2018
I am in fact a dinosaur
****** into the late 50s

Child of the 60s
Emancipated: late 70s

Came of age through the 80s
Became a man in the 90s

Time travelled in 2000 but
The naughts were frought

Better when in the 2010s
Seeing liberation by the 20s

Extant not yet extinct
This dinosaur still roars.
James Floss Mar 2019
1.  Shoot *****
2. Ski
3. Free-dive
4. Sky-dive
5. Vote Republican
6. Eat raw fish
7. Play naked volleyball
8. Eat haggis
9. Walk on coals
10. Yodel
11. Visit Somalia
12. Jell-O shots
13. Learn Klingon
14. Fish
15. Sell *****-wigs
16. Drink Genesee Creme Ale
17. Run a 5K
18. Pay mortgage
19. Divorce
20. Shoot ******
21. Go to Tupperware party
22. Drink Gatorade
23. Visit Poughkeepsie
24. Tend bar
25. Serve on a ******* trial
26. Eat glass
27. ****
28. Trump rally
29. KKK rally
30. Watch Sally Fields in The Flying Nun
31. Attend a MegaChurch
32. Listen to Death Metal
33. Watch American Dad
34. Moonwalk
35. Eat brussel sprouts
36. Watch Fox News
37. Turn 20
38. Turn 30
39. Turn 40
40. Turn 50
41. Turn 60
42. Turn over in my grave
43. Eat a tern
44. Teach Fall term
45. Terminate a solemn vow
46. Take a vow of silence
47. Disavow core beliefs
48. Operate a snow plow
49. Forget that I do know how
50. Insinuate
51. Dissemble
52. Lie, cheat and/or steal
53. S'Mores
54. Wet my bed
55. **** my thumb
56. **** a duck
57. Watch Little House on the Prairie
58. Rent a yacht
59. Not rescue animals
60. Not neuter pets
61. Not give to Food for People
62. Not appreciate Public Radio
63. Not appreciate Public Television
64. Knot like a Boy Scout
65. Play Parcheesi
66. Pay credit interest
67. Feign interest
68. Pinterest
69. Instagram
70. Eat spam
71. Exam cram
72. Karaoke
73. Jet-ski
74. Snowmobile
75. Pretend what the ******* are going on and on about matters (whoops; that’s number 67)
76. Blame my parents
77. Not take responsibility for my choices
78. Invest in oil futures
79. Renege on promises
80. Waste my time listening to telemarketers
81. Waste my time listening to zealots
82. Waste my time listening to racists
83. Waste your time
84. Waste my time, I hope
85. Not seek truth
86. Not seek answers
87. Not be authentic
88. Not be xenophobic
89. Accept lies
90. March lockstep
91. Buy the latest and greatest
92. Be consumer extraordinaire
93. Not be present
94. Not be conscientious
95. Not be good to my fellow human beings
96. Consume too much
97. Waste too much
98. Boast too much
99. Post too much
100. Not think about consequences
101. Not be me
3.2k · Jun 2018
James Floss Jun 2018
Just watched last interview
With A. B. with love and disdain

Smart guy, funny guy, vain
Vanity is earned; he did that

He grew as a humanist
Absolutely a humorist

My cooking confidential:
Be on time. Be organized.

Be forceful but kind
Clean your wheel quickly

Restaurants taught me much
Travel taught me more

And Anthony, you SOB
Your lessons will stay with me
3.0k · Aug 2018
James Floss Aug 2018
I know some folks
Some new most old
Keeping logs swirling

It’s a balancing act
Lots of plates spinning
Whoops! Stretch right!

***** fall
Plates crash
Notes fall flat

Oh! Look over there!
Thank you, magicians!

Take a bow,
Sis, bro, boom!
You got the room!
2.3k · Sep 2018
James Floss Sep 2018
My pulse prayer is simple
With every inhale and exhale

Every red thrum-a-drum
Heartstrings from then and there

Move through the world with care
Be good to each other; then some
1.9k · Sep 2018
James Floss Sep 2018
Questions asked—
Answers evaded

Questions asked—
Churlish responses

Questions asked—
Reality revised

Questions asked—
Dangerous denials

Questions asked—
Squeaky clean!

Questions asked—

Questions asked—
Deny FBI

Questions asked—

Questions asked—
Boast, repost

Questions asked—
Uncivil snivel

Questions asked—
Snide asides

A question asked:
Where are we?

Scary judiciary?
End times?
Not in this Kansas.
1.8k · Oct 2018
James Floss Oct 2018
What the faugh?
Appoint that braugh?
Barfin’ in the haugh?

“I like beer here;
In the hall—
Keggin’ legend y’all”

Teenage hijinks
Predator some think
From the calumny calendar

“Appoint me;
Don’t disappoint me;
This is my drunken call!”

“No single appointment here
No,  just one issue (snicker)…
Roe? Wade? It’s clear as beer!”

Supporters of this supreme
You really needn’t get this meme;
You want him for one thing

“You don’t like me;
I am a lying pig—
But my r.v.w will stick”
1.6k · Aug 2018
James Floss Aug 2018
I wait for Godot
He won’t show
This I know

The scene is between
A meme and me
What does that mean?

Do it now or don’t
Doesn’t matter if you won’t
It’s not known in the unknownt
1.5k · Oct 2018
James Floss Oct 2018
Bonobos chimps
Live conflict free
Through mutual ***

Dogs make pacts
Through playing games
With instagram smells

Cats connect
Gland to gland
Cheek to cheek

Worker bees
Leaf-cutter ants
Naked mole rats

Honey hive
Tropical trail
Tunnel twists

We obstruct
We confound
We distract each other

Our entropy portrait shows
The not civilized need
To nurture our nature
1.5k · Oct 2018
James Floss Oct 2018
We live in different belief worlds
But thankfully they intersect

Gravity takes us one way but
With thoughts we reconnect

What I mean might seem a
Mean meme, in retrospect

I don’t like who you like;
I mean no disrespect

But his a-hole vitriol makes
Our country wrecked
1.5k · Aug 2018
James Floss Aug 2018
The west coast is ablaze
A conflagration reconfiguration
Efforts heroic as forests fall
And cost of lives lost

Homes no more
Neighborhoods gone
**** and dust
Terrains reframed

The new world:
Fire cyclone zones
Hotter, drier, bigger
The culprit: us
1.4k · Jan 2019
James Floss Jan 2019

MIXING ******



(this is satire;
if you thought otherwise—
seek immediate intervention)
1.3k · Aug 2018
James Floss Aug 2018
I wanna be bigger than the Hulk
Louder than Shatner yelling "Kaaaaahn!”
Gorshin cackling as the Riddler
With Meredith waddling behind

Faster than the Flash
Stronger than Superman
Richer than Bruce Wayne
More wonderful than lasso woman

I need an origin story
Radioactive tick bite
Radiodactive side kick
Radio waves from fingertips

I need drama that’s not mellow
***** show in a shitstorm
Facing the hounds of hell
In my Deus ex Machina
1.3k · Feb 2018
James Floss Feb 2018
I sometimes circle around again
Longing, growing
My story is old
And cold

I’m a gravity accident
We all fall down
Collected star-dust
Diamond, coal, rust

Periodicity reciprocity
Gravely glancing sunward
Circle around
Then outward bound
1.2k · Mar 2019
James Floss Mar 2019
Everything living
Requires things dying
Nature is beautiful cruelty

It’s thermodynamics
An energy gradient
A food cascade

Staggering connectedness
Exquisite fragile quilt
Sadly, loose strings pulled
1.2k · Nov 2018
James Floss Nov 2018
Confusion allusion
Factual illusion
What’s done undone

Confide beside
Unknown betide
Not lost but won

Decision derision
Conclusion delusion
Condition revision

What fun!
1.2k · Apr 2017
James Floss Apr 2017
I am reading poems by Billy Collins:
AIMLESS LOVE, a retrospective,
A sampler, as it were
For the Books and Brew;
Our monthly selection.

Nine manly men
Meeting for monthly meals
And book-talk
And politics
And, of course, good beer.

They like nonfiction,
I like fiction.

Richard Hughes,
British writer of poems, short stories, novels and plays said:
“All nonfiction can do is answer questions;
It is fiction's business to ask them.”

Still, my repertoire has expanded:
Nike shoes.
Civil War.
Institutional racism.
Opioid addiction.
Rafting the Grand Canyon.
Climbing mountains.
With Baron Von Humboldt.

And now this:
Nine manly men
Reading poetry to each other
While sharing a meal,
One lovely poem after another.

You can't read a book of poetry
Like you consume other books,
Fiction or nonfiction.

The table of contents:
The lid of a box of exquisite truffles—
A map of pleasures contained within.
You look at the map,
And make a selection.

The caramel truffle
Is not the coffee truffle.

You look at the map,
Make a selection,
And bite!

The crusty chocolate cracks!
The darkness melts,
Floods your mouth with taste.

Then the rush of caramel!
Flavors, smells sloshing
Swooning with sensate memories.

What? Turn the page and read another?
Reach for the coffee truffle?

No. Linger with caramel;
Luxuriate on aftertaste.
Is that a note of citrus or salt?

I will enjoy my coffee truffle tomorrow.
1.1k · May 2017
James Floss May 2017
It's not a debate to negate;
It's not one or the other.

Fallacy of false dichotomy—
Makes you think less of me?

He's dead.

How do we do this?
Thread the racism needle?

Carefully. Humanely. Sincerely.
Coltrane said "Supremely."

A love supreme.
A love supreme.
1.1k · Aug 2018
James Floss Aug 2018
EEEEEEK! She shrieked as
Lucky black cat spat
A mouse into the house

SKEEEEEEK! Squeaked said mouse
Paddling skedaddling hither thither
Seeking sites secure

Said mouse booked it to bedroom
Cornered itself into a corner

Himself (and black cat) tried to help
Poking prodding mouse to come out
Critter capered up my trouser

And lept!
We slept.

From boudoir to bath
I find next morning mousy
Tentatively treading toilet water

What a fright!
All night!
All his might!

Suavely saving mousey
Glad I put gloves on as its
Teeth deployed deeply

Outside with him.
Run away!
Cat’s watching.

Heart beating
Lungs working
Stay alive, little guy!

Later, Fred keeping watch
The little grey fluff is gone
I mean: really gone
1.0k · Nov 2018
James Floss Nov 2018
I convert
I come out
I confess

I confound
I confuse but
Don’t conform

I perform
The reform
Rejigger the norm

You and me,
Let’s have tea—
And reach quorum
1000 · Feb 2019
James Floss Feb 2019
I’ve learned to love modern socialism
As taught it in catholic catechism
Not from K. Marx or even V. Lenin
It was Jesus that taught me and let me in

Feeding multitudes with bread and fish
Being fed is everyone’s basic wish
"God’s gift to mankind" said Ecclesiastes
“Everyone should eat and drink” their need

Christ told us of the samaritan good
Taking care of everyone in the hood
The sick, the poor, the ones you shun
Social Jesus said, “love everyone”
963 · Apr 2018
James Floss Apr 2018
it’s inevitable
what came before

I saw it a million
minutes previous

never happens again
but is there then
956 · Jan 2019
James Floss Jan 2019
Bless me Padre for I have sinned
My last confession was 3 poems ago

Padre, I watch ****; food ****
Lamb shank in a garlic fennel sauce

Pig parts unknown wrapped in bacon
Tri-tip and tripe marinated in marrow

Padre, I eat my veggies
(caramelized broccoli florets in a Béarnaise sauce)

But **** that man Bourdain!
Again and again and again!

I find myself drawn to pork stewing
In decadent assorted sweet-meats

Padre, I need a chlorophyll cleanse
Please accept my humble supplication…

What? Three kale martinis and one cauliflower?
I repent! Let the cleanse begin!
944 · Sep 2018
James Floss Sep 2018
A small step
A giant leap with
Chirps and tweeps
Tween Houston and there

Playing on the RCA
Console color TV
In the living room
When I was eleven

Something stirring
In my pre-adolescent soul
An ache; a yearning
Still with me now

Every launch since
Plumes of vapor and smoke
Lifting humans that
Challenge mortality

Every view of this blue mote
Seen from afar dazzles me
Earth rise from the moon
Dancing auroras from ISS

I could see the Milky Way there
Lucky rural boy I was
I can see the Milky Way here
Lucky rural man I am

I want us to go
I want us to know
I want us to yearn
To learn “Are we alone?”

A kid then, adult now
I want to remove my glasses
As Cronkite did then
When we set foot on Mars
James Floss Jun 2017
Oh, polluted-full with noxious skies
Of coal-born ashen rain
For awful earthly travesties
Undone the truth is plain

America, America!
Trump sheds his waste on thee
And rapes thy good
Your motherhood
From sea to oily sea
856 · Jul 2018
James Floss Jul 2018
It’s not easy being white
As we are so often right

Taking responsibility
To the best of our ability

Helping those less fortunate
Unfortunate subordinates

Separating mother and son
Her to Mexico, he to Tucson

Half-breed aborigines
Removed with exigencies

Native American children
Re-homed by the millions

It’s a service that we happily provide
Duly doing our duty to divide

We humbly accept your appreciation
Of our outrageous Caucasian contagion
847 · Aug 2018
STEP 53 (subsection b)
James Floss Aug 2018
I didn’t acknowledge the moment
Some of my assumptions went wrong
Not that’s what it all means

Action interaction
Minus abstraction
Breeds reaction

Potent possibilities explode
Reductive responsibilities implode
Churning time into rhyme

Yes, officer, I did it.
Now done,
I won.
829 · Aug 2018
James Floss Aug 2018
Who to talk too? You?
Should be able too;
Wow. We took vows.

As I fear mortality
You call out morality.
Yow. Wrong somehow.

We need to weather
Somehow stay together
How, me and thou?
819 · Nov 2018
James Floss Nov 2018
(Or, really; cyber-**** me?)

“I know your name
I know your password
I know the **** you rut in
$7000 in bitcoin or else:

I’ll ruin your life!

You will be outed
To friends and family alike
As you view humans
Doing what humans do!

Everyone will know!“

That you are human
That you have base desires
That you pleasure yourself
That you are Everyman

Well, if it’s show and tell time:

Sure, don’t you?
She knows. Not news.
Won’t play this shame game–
Nothing really to lose. Phew!

No longer an extortion ******

(this just happened to me)
762 · Oct 2017
James Floss Oct 2017
Somebody threw you
Away. Wow. To stay.

Black cat

Fur ball
Hiss! Rrrawll!

Then Buddy Boy sounded
You rebounded.

Now, shifted
Impulse conflicted

(Claws on paws
Teeth unsheathed

Twitchy touch
Playing rough)

Now relaxed
Switched back

Lil’ Draculina loves him
Under chin

Loves me
Kneads me

Right back
Black cat!
757 · Jan 2018
James Floss Jan 2018
744 · May 2019
James Floss May 2019
We loved you
Pumpkin pie

And you
Bahzie boy

My bridge to the
Equine kingdom

Mitten, you made
My wife like cats

Begins a tragedy of three
A tale of other kitties

Stanley wandered too far
A tragedy of traffic

Babad not as far…
Both waited for us

No one wants to die alone
But still, we’ve been blessed

Goldie, I’m glad
You loved me

Little dog with
A heart too big

Thank you, Sue
For trusting us with Trudy

What a lucky man I am
To garner such love and trust

And of course, biggie guy,
He who once was named Hunter:

(Inset sadness here)

Chessy taught responsibility
With insulin shots at 6 & 6

Tristan y Isolde
(Stanley and Zolda)

Operatic lives lived
As comedy/tragedy

And, et-hem; yes
Even you, Ms. Berry

Past denizens
Of Chateau Flobo

Let’s not not leave out
The current cohorts:

Free spirit, wild child
Lucky Ducky

Biggie boy found you
You adopted us

Ms. Black-in-the-box
Moved herself in

And Fred—well,
Fred is just being Fred

They all found us
Not the other way around

From a big family,
We’ve loved/love a big family
743 · Dec 2017
James Floss Dec 2017
When a cat
Flat on your lap

(That black cat
That first heard “****!"
But came right back)

With no care in the world
Dives deep into cat nap
On your lap

Pray a poem of thanks:
This stretching feline
Trusts you
737 · Oct 2018
James Floss Oct 2018
Dark days just got darker
The future now bleaker
Our rights soon weaker

Temperatures up
Sea levels rise with
Judicial surprises:

Rights curtailed
Guns for sale
Executive privilege
Press repressed
Marches now riots
Meaner tweets
Free speech costs
Groups targeted
Families disbanded
Profiling preferred
Embryos policed

Emigration in order?
736 · Feb 2019
James Floss Feb 2019
A tepid tempest in a teapot.
A puerile pursuit
of personal perspective.
Corporate censorship?
A first amendment attack?

One letter kills a comic?
Or is it an overlord order?

Artist assassination it is.
Artist with his tools powerful
Pen nib and India ink; his
Semi-automatic pistol pen

1st comes before the 2nd.
Mr. Rogers: "Amendment?
Can you say that?

Do you think you can
take that tool from the artist but
keep large capacity clips legal?
Censor artistic license?
It’s a minority report!

Let’s go to the semiotic
Shooting range:

There’s rap.
You know, rap?
What our ******* kids
are ******* listening to?

Bukowski shoots “****” from
His lethal snub nose poems
When he needs
to make a point

David Mamet sprays “*****"
with his literary machine gun
In his plays made into movies
that you have watched.
And enjoyed.

Even Shakespeare got away with:
“You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!”


Trump shoots full fallacies
As a spray of stinging tweets
Disregarding both amendments
While hobbling the press

Different weapon that;
Smoke-screen screams
Tangled web of
Fabricated news skeins

An Internet search showed me that it was a monk that first scribbled the word “****” in the margins of a text on moral conduct as an opinion about an another abbot. In other words, an editorial.

It was the wile and guile of Wylie
to pay homage to
this historical reference.

Let’s remember to keep the amendments in their proper order:
First one then two.

Artists hide messages in
It’s what they do;
we expect that of them—
we don’t want them to
throw away
their shot.

I hope some of this makes sense
to some of you
fans of amendment one.
If not, I guess it was a
Non Sequitur.

(Thank you Wiley Miller for your beautifully drawn and artistically constructed comic strips that had a
Line A (family plot line)
Line B (Noreastern bar humor)
Line C, D, and Etc always
With sly custom commentary.

**** that!
**** Trump!

I said it.
720 · Mar 2019
James Floss Mar 2019
So, it was a dark and stormy night and
Father Larry O’Flannigan
Was feeling excited as he
Maneuvered the rainy streets with
Five extra-large cheese pizzas

Elated and happy because
Teenage catechism class
Had gone so swimmingly well
He wanted to reward them
Hence the crusty comestibles

Crossing 10th and Vine
Rain pelting cars and pedestrians
He slipped and tripped
Pandemonium of pizza boxes
Pell-mell into puddles

The chagrined good father
In an unsettled state
Hurt, wet, disheveled,
“Jesus Christ! God Almighty!"

A pious passerby exclaims
(An older lady dressed for rain)
“Father! Please! Language!”
The sheepish priest sputters:
“Em, cheese and crust got all muddy…?”
712 · Jan 2019
James Floss Jan 2019
I yam not only orangey
I’m awesomely tightltey whitley
And mostly so correctly

There’s no dirt in my smirk
I believe I’m totally rightly
And you? Are you native bornly?

I was bussed here
And you are from where?
What? Wall? We’re here wrongly?
676 · Apr 2017
James Floss Apr 2017


Shake it

Take it
675 · Dec 2018
James Floss Dec 2018
I smell cookies baking
There are no cookies baking
What do I smell?

A childhood memory to a
Time and place of comfort?
Wanting the past to last?

Other triggers:
Grilled cheese sandwiches
Campbell’s tomato soup
Breaded fish sticks
Polka-dotted Wonder bread
Liverwurst and catsup
The tasty tang of tang

The nose knows; I’m
Olfactory traveling
Memory meandering

Still, I really smell
Those cookies baking…
I want to go home again
674 · Aug 2018
James Floss Aug 2018
Rim shoot
Overshot on the
Carousel of time

802,702 A.B.C.
Time Safari Inc.
Jumping multiverses

Check. And check.
Could’t happen here…
President Deutscher?

We've stepped off the path
Time to jump back on and
Reclaim our future
666 · Aug 2018
James Floss Aug 2018
Picking head lice
From the head of my wife
Familiar fun behavior of
All hominids since then
I revel in the connectedness of all
Even with fear for the future
James Floss Aug 2018
I have a low variable rate. I
Know enough through the cuff
When it is too high
And then when lower—
It’s variable

So, detox on the decaf
Binge Flix clips on elliptical
Keep to no salt diet result
Take the lesser stressors
Before anything else begins
657 · Aug 2018
James Floss Aug 2018
It’s begun

Involves you

I guess me

Through the door

Stay alive

*******! I’m not picking up sticks!

Mana from heaven?

Let me get this straight;

Rhyme? Thyme? Valentine!

Relax; breathe; it’s all zen
626 · Apr 2017
James Floss Apr 2017
Before I die,
I want to live

Before I die,
I want to travel
The unknown.

Before I die,
I want to host more
Students from

Before I die, I want to
"Perform something
Bold, tragical and austere."

Before I die:

Lava flows.

Norway fiords

Northern lights.

A car driving me or

Hyperloop SF->LA

Sub-orbital flight to see
Earth from space
(aim high before I die!)

Proof we aren't alone.
That would be a big one.

And while we are alive,
Before we die.

616 · Apr 2017
James Floss Apr 2017
Sentences are easy,
Stanzas: scary.

Stories are told;
Poems, expressed.

Feelings to words
Ideas to image.

Thoughts distilled
To pleasing sounds.
579 · Nov 2018
James Floss Nov 2018
I want wake up in a better world
Where hate is no longer on the slate

I want to wake up in a better world
Where migrant caravans aren’t criminalized

I want to wake up in a better world
With less human deaths by guns

I want to wake up in a better world
Without blue states or red states

I want to wake up in a better world
Where my vote counted to make a better world
578 · Apr 2017
James Floss Apr 2017
I'm a character in a sitcom
And in telenovelas,
A character in a melodrama
And then again, in farce.

Different kinds of drama for the
Seven ages of man
Infant, lover, soldier…
All in a day.

Pantonlone one minute,
Punch with Judy the next.
Arlecchino makes his entrance,
Exit, stage left, dour il Dottore.

All my life's a stage;
I play my many parts.
546 · Jun 2019
James Floss Jun 2019
Thank you Boxed-in Home Office
For a decidedly devilish diversion
An unexpected beguilement

Conveyed to a time and place
Almost misplaced in memory’s stream
With Wm. S. informing S. Dakota

Whispering to writers
Of language nearly lost
Discourse both dandy and dangerous

Characters familiar
Plot’s circle elliptical
Storytelling respected
538 · Sep 2018
James Floss Sep 2018
I’m thinking
Thinking so much
I’m thunk.

Resident Trump?
Justice Kavanaugh?
Ending common law?

To protect or destruct?
To serve or to swerve?

Department of interior
Declaring mining superior
Thinks he, Zinke

What is the cost
Of Betsy DeVos
School house lost

Eight years denied
Nyet: destroyed
Great again?

I wish I were drinking
Instead of thinking;
Show me America sober again
Next page