You ever get the feeling of erasing everything you
Ever wrote and start all over again?
Your world changes and something enters in
And lets you know whatever was bothering you
At that time doesn't really matter in light of things
So much importance on loving the ones that matter
And try to let others in even for a brief moment
And experience the essence of life and love
Hatred does no good, it only rots the spirit
I've spent too much time on expressing my anger
Maybe that's not the way to go, there is no reward
Just suffocating my heart and I can't catch any air
I want to toss all the anger aside and focus my
Attention on the principles of life; like love, honesty
Purity, and unselfishness. The world would be a
Much peaceful place if others stopped with the
Fighting, whether on the streets or in the home,
It would be a much brighter arena if others just
Really truly understood that we are all connected.

In the ruins of the night,
the raindrops cover my eyes,
an exchange for what's within,
hiding the tears from my eyes.

There is tranquility in the dark,
hope fading away in the sea,
a hollow soul from the start,
a deadness is a part of me.

Shallowness finds the empty heart,
wallowing in a pool of blood,
a vast realm playing the part,
only there is nothing to dream of.

It's very hard to relax,
stillness seems out of reach,
the lightning and thunder clash,
and love is hard to repeat.

Finding what's right-
Is a very long road to endure,
the haunting past is precise,
taking away values at the door.

Here I stand to defend-
The way it has become,
realizing all will end,
as I stare into the sun.

A hollow soul.
A deadness.

I'm alone with my thoughts,
how many times do I cry?
At what length, at what cost-
do I find a reason for my life?

I put myself here,
the lonely road leading down.
Nothing is clear,
how much I wish I would drown.

Finding out there's no hope,
not for a soul like me.
Nothing really to show
all my dreams are just that-
A dream.

Now I'm dreaming to drown,
what a way to go out.
I've been a fool and a clown,
someone who always has doubt

No legacy to leave behind,
what am I waiting for?
It seems all dark, no sunshine-
the water is calling my name.

She wasn't too keen to talk
Better listener than anything else
I would take her for a walk
And she would point out the beauty in things
Over there was a squirrel
Scampering to his or her domain
Over there was a deer
I saw it run through the tall grass
Up above were the white puffy clouds
Can I make out any shapes?
I see an airplane in one of the clouds
A dragon in the other
I see her beautiful face
Who has taught me to be more quiet

I search out my flaws, the make-up in my inner being,
The essence of life, love and liberty. I find so much hope
In what I see, nature's way of telling me all will be well.
I have so much pain, and I wrestle with God in a every-
Day occurrence, wanting this and reaching for that
But knowing in my heart that he has my back. I should
Of been lying in the marble orchid long ago but
What ever the reason I'm not is a blessing, it has
Taught me a valuable lesson of why I should live
By principles and not my selfish means.  I rejoice
In the gift of giving, whatever I can do for someone
Else is freedom in my mind. I only give a little but
Even that makes the darkness that much scared,
Frightened by the goodness in our hearts and when
I look around I can see the joy in people's eyes,
Holding true in the way they live and it makes me
estatic with a great deal of gratitude.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could change you
You could change everything about Me
We can meet in the middle and finally agree on something

And I tried giving you my love

But all you wanted was my

Money

Hello, I love to write
Way into the night.
I sleep for a little bit,
Then I wake up to it:
The storm inside my head,
I have to get it out on pen.
What is it this time?
I write about life,
I write on how I feel,
Knowing it's all for real.
I try really hard to share,
What others would care.
I shouldn't be so worried
Of what others may see,
To like what I put down,
It's a hundred percent sound.
I don't write much about love,
I can only dream about above.
At least I write what I feel is true,
Think a different way then you.
It's all good up in here,
Pure, uncut, and clear.

Once again
I'm wide awake
Staring into this tablet
Of mine, trying to come
Up with something to write
That will blow people's minds
But it's the same old *******
Writing about my ****** up life
Who really wants to hear a self-pity speech?
Can't seem to escape the problems inside of me
So much **** I have inside this ****** up head
Can't seem to put it all together without wishing I was dead
So many words crossing in through my mind
And it seems like I can't make time
Stop, slow down, some ******* way to get it all out
I have my fears and my doubts
What if it just ain't good enough?

Hello. I am a ******* freak
Lowly as can be
I like to justify my actions
As much as possible
Can't you see?
It's hard to get noticed
I've tried everything imaginable
I've worshiped God
And ran with the devil
Just for you to like me
I'm meaning no harm
So don't be alarmed
I've ****** daddled with magic
And almost died from my own tragic
Fundamentals and ideas of the truth
It ain't no fun, get struck by the sun
And found my calling in my youth
I am a what you have me to be
I can be all sorts of these
But is it my ******* wreckage
That has me down on my ******* knees
Wishing I was exactly like you
But that really wouldn't be the truth
So what must I do
Bow down in grievous over this
I think I'll give in to temptation
And follow after my own heart

I turned back
Wasn't there for you
I was in self  destruction mode
Not even thinking how I could help
But with your love
You wanted to help me
But didn't know how
And now you're gone forever
The cancer swallowed you up
And all you wanted was to see me again
See me through your loving eyes
That would of melted my heart
And made me hold your hand
I wish I was there for you
But all you wanted was to be
There for me

I feel like the fool,
Trying hard to impress you,
Trying hard to invite you,
But it's all a lost cause,
The reason being is I have flaws,
And no one really likes that.
I can't see myself any other way,
But you can't understand what I say.
I feel less than, been that way for a while
Through everything, all the fires and trials
I come to a place where I'm in dire need,
Sacrificing **** just to be pleased.
What the **** does that mean?
Am I alone in this ******* daydream?
Does it mean you won't talk to me,
Just because I seem differently?

Life isn't fair
I am aware of the pain
So much of it
No beauty to be seen
Just the darkness all around

I look out my window
And the darkness hits me in the face
My eyeballs want to pop out of their socket
So much craziness to be seen
Just way too much chaos for me
Way too much drama people are causing

Life is too short for that ****
But it is here nevertheless
I see the sky falling
Raining blood all over the streets
Too many kids dying
For **** that ain't right
Because of the chaos
Because of the drama

You talk **** to me
I'll ******* shoot you
And not even think twice
Do a life bit
And die in prison

My mentality ain't right
Corrupted to the extreme
I'll run the blade through you
And leave the scene
Get caught days later
And do a life bit
And die in prison

It doesn't make much sense
I don't have an answer
Too many parents in tears
Another kid of theirs ends up in jail
The coroner is making his money
The preacher is busy praying
What the **** can we do
To protect the ones we love?

How can we survive a life of crime
Especially when it's at your front door
Can't we all just put away the guns
Stop talking **** to one another
And be a role model to these kids
But it's just a dream to hope that way
Because life is not that simple
There's always going to be people killing one another
It's been that way since the dawn of time

I will always watch the news
And hear about another ******
Another kid put in their grave
Way too early in life
Where are the parents at
That's the ******* question
They're the ones committing the crimes
And these kids have that too see as role models
It's no wonder why they turn out the way they do

The way,
It's only a way,
Does it ******* matter to me?
I live among *******,
Hell, I'm looking at one-
When I see myself in the mirror.
I look into my eyes,
From the reflection I see,
Nothing but emptiness,
I see a piece of me.

Here comes the pain,
the emotional turmoil inside.
Wishing it would all go away,
all my eyes want to do is cry.

There is no savoring of life,
dreams have disappeared .
Which way is it to unlock peace?
Where is this peace anyway?

Look unto the heavens,
the stars in the night sky.
Peace has a way of finding the yearning heart,
good things will happen for ones down and out.

All the pressures of the day will melt,
the heart is rejuvenated in accordance.
The passage seems to be a rhyme of life,
A praise lifted up into the air.

Contrary to misbelief,
all one needs is a little faith.
The seeds that are planted grow,
it doesn't moves mountains,
but it sure moves with a purpose,
something dreams are made of.

The world revolves around you
And everyone in it
You talk a good game
But most of the time you're full of ****
Other times you want to decide
Just exactly how other should be
I can see it in your eyes
How much you dislike me
So ******* righteous
But there isn't anything right about it
You want to choose others' friends
Thinking you know what's best
But in the end
Your self-will won't get you no where
I hope you understand
That I'm not going to bow down to you
Kiss your ***
And pretend everything is okay
You're the ******* of the day
Maybe for the whole year
Trying to choose others' way
Not making any sense
Nor are you ever clear
You'll be forever lost
Being the ******* of the day
Maybe the whole ******* year

The clouds are rolling in
The raindrops start to begin
The sky turns dark, ominous and grey
The lightning flashes and you can hear
The thunder from far away
The wind picks up speed
Blowing fiercely
And the raindrops turn into a massive
Down pour that floods everything so
Violently

It's hard to say goodbye
Just to detach from the mess
It's hard to look you in the eyes
And not coward before my words
Letting you go like the wind
Once it brought you just as quick in my life
Like magic being seen on stage
I looked into your heart and liked what I saw
Then things were brought to my attention
And I thought then to end it but didnt
Then I failed at keeping up to my end of the deal
And you should of ended it but didn't
So through years of ups and downs
It has come to the bitter end
Too much negativity
And I can't deal with it anymore
You pushed me away
And maybe you had every right
But now there's more than just us
Another life is involved
And I pray there's no goodbye
But a very warm welcome throughout her life

I'm all for a new order of things, hoping it will all turn out okay. If I surrender to God as I understand Him then the days will surmount and a whole brand new life will appear.

It isn't hard to see
the man in the mirror
the boy I still am
watching the world
pass me by so quickly

Once scared
of different things
now I must move onward
despite the fears I have

For years I had a belief
never gave gratitude
a fair share

Always *******
Always complaining
praying for this and that
**** I should of never
been praying for to
begin with

I turned away
I walked away
I found life
seeing it at a
new and strange angle
a whole vibrant level

It's in mother nature
the beauty and chaos
It's in the darkness
It's in the light
It's in living
It's in dying
It's wonderful
and tragic
filled with a lot
of magic

To the ones I have hurt, I apologize for my transgressions
What a ******* fool I was, so ******* clueless about life
I bulldozed the ones I loved, causing so much oppression
Just because of the ******* selfishness I had inside
What a waste my life has been, turning away so many friends
Proving to others that I'm not to be trusted
I would steal your wallet and help you look for it
I would smile at you and then stab you in the ******* back
There was nothing meaningful in my world
just everything you owned and had
And then I wondered why I felt so ******* bad
I thought my life cursed but I set the ball rolling
choosing the darkness instead of the light
And then I wondered why I felt so ******* bad inside

Watching the world pass by
No words to come to mind
Feeling alone and lost
Don't know where's the cost

Loneliness spoils what's heard
Can't even find not one word
Watching sentiments go down the drain
Feeling a barrier brought on by the day

Coming face to face with myself
I stare into the mirror and don't
Like what I see. I want a better
Way of life, I want to feel at
Peace. Though many times I
Sabotage my structure I have
Built, I have to start all over
Again and try to make it this
Time without killing myself.
I see others who are happy
And joyful, I want what they
Have but if that means I have
To bow down to someone then
I don't want any part in it.
I have grown up in an
Atmosphere of do what I say
Not what you see, that has
Lead me to many questions
About where I fit in the scheme
Of things. I placed trying to
Belong so badly with the world
And the people in it I that it
Only caused my downfall. I
Turned my back on what I was
Taught was right, traveled down
A dangerous road of hell, demons
Had my soul, only to come out
Of it with an experience of what
Not to do. I played the victim for
So many years that it's a wonder
That anyone likes me, I would
Cry a river, sing the blues, every-
Thing looked dark and bleak that
Others didn't know what to do,
So they left me be. I found a way
Out that made sense to me, I no
Longer crave attention but rather
Give it to the ones who matter. I
Have stepped across the threshold
Into a new and wonderful way of
Life that needs no commitment but
Rather a little bit of effort on my
Part. It's called surrendering my
Inner being to a higher understanding
That I am not alone anymore, that
The Universe wants to hear from me
And all are beautiful in a beautiful sort
Of way.

Beauty is light bound
No darkness can smother it
It floats above everything else
There is always hope
Like a candle flickering in a breeze
The flame doesn't go out
The darkness can't breath
It has no choice but to disappear
Vanquished from the beauty

Beauty is majestic
It can't be anything else
No hate is in it's vocabulary
It's full of love and kindness
Glory flourishes in abundance
Finding our smiles as expressions of God
Giving life to the lifeless
Compelling to withstand all destructive forces

Beauty eludes me
Dabbling in the darkness
I awaken to the abyss
I fall to my knees
And pray for grace
But I feel it's too late
For a soul like me
I can only see the shade
The night terrors that are made
I cry myself to sleep
Waiting impatiently
The busyness of life takes hold
And I've been down a lonely road
I've been in dire
Cast into the fire
Walking along with shame
Dwarfed between a fine line
Wondering if I'm insane
Can't seem to find a way out
I have gone blind
Missing out on what is beautiful
All because of the darkness
Gripping my soul

Beauty is worth seeing and there is a lot of beauty out there to see. A lot of ugliness too and I have been through stages of feeling so depressed I just felt like I didn't want to exist anymore. But closing my eyes and thinking about my daughter definitely put me in a better mood. What is that but beauty in a nutshell

I walked around the city I'm new in
Looking for the post office
So I could get a money order
For my new landlord
Here and there people I did see
But most the traffic was on the streets
I had to pay close attention to walking across a street
Lest I get run down by a speeding vehicle
So many people in their cars and trucks
Racing to a destination that will still be there
Even if they slowed down a little bit
But who am I? Not a person with driver's license
My means of transportation are my feet
And it's been that way for a long time
Do I want to drive? Sure I do, who wouldn't?
I've been told it's a freedom like no other
To be able to get up and go
And go anywhere in this great Country of ours
I would be a fool to not want to experience that
But I have always known no other way
Could it be I'm just scared of change
Scared of the unknown
Scared to take a risk
Just maybe everything will turn out okay
And I can begin to know the freedom of what they talk about

to much fightin'
to much lootin'
I fear the worse
images of a hearse
heading down the highway
and I wonder who's dead today
The pressure explodes inside my head
reality is what I dread
Can't seem to face the ******* fact
to many people want to kiss ******* ***
They want to please everyone
they want to shine brighter than the sun
I'm not one to ******* care
I'd rather be somewhere else than there
I watch the news with a smoke in my mouth
giving the t.v. the finger cause I can't figure it out
wondering why this and that person had to die
I've taken chances all throughout the rainy nights
I should of been dead a long time ago
but now it's time to take it slow
and get on with life as it suppose to be
being grateful that it's not ******* me

I never gave gratitude a chance
Always selfish in my attempts
If you were in pain
I only thought of myself
And how I can be in pain too
I wanted your attention
I needed your affection
I craved after a compliment
When I didn't get it I felt sick
I never gave being thankful a fair hearing
Always after stuff to fill my soul
It didn't matter how you felt
I would make sense of it all
I would cry like a wolf
Make you believe me
All was lies to begin with
I never made any sense, really
Chasing after intangible things
Never giving your feelings a fair side
Hoping you wouldn't find me out
And change everything you felt about me

Oh, how selfish I have been
To you and your family
I have been rotten in so many ways
I don't think you can ever forgive
There are things about me
That the cosmos only knows
It would better to not to say
And try to have a grateful heart

Live our lives today
Like it needs to be lived
Being thankful for all we have

It just wasn't meant to be...
But I am exactly where I'm suppose to be at this very moment-
To come to accept it takes work, believing it with my whole heart,
Not denying it but facing it for what it is-
Life.

Is there any hope
with all of society's dirt and grime?
trying to put on another layer
and skip what's important in one's life

Is there any purification
something that holds weight?
can one see the starry sky
and be overwhelmed by it's essence?

The truth is hard to come by
when there isn't any burning bushes
though simplicity comes into the fold
and makes the eyes see in clarity

It isn't very hard to notice
the flowers in full bloom
it isn't very hard to see
an eagle flying high up in the sky

It isn't very hard to conjure up good thoughts
and believe there is good out there
good about one's self and life
good about the direction one is taking

Sometimes I feel out of place

wish I was somewhere else

a different scenery I can call home

maybe I wouldn't feel so alone

and I could finaly belong

to a place where I can free

I can turn back time
With my mind and go
Places that are hurtful
To myself. I choose to try
Not to go there, it only takes
My life and turn it upside down.
I try to think pleasant thoughts,
It's totally different when I write.
I write about the pain in the past,
The heartache in the future and the
Muddane living day to day. I write
Mostly about myself, how much of
A ***** I can be, especially living life
So selfishly. I try to not think of myself
More than I should, it's not very attractive
When all I can talk about is me, me, me.
Karma has a way of supplying the good
Things in life, I just have to hold off and
Be patient with time.

I look into the void
Nothing left of me
Pressure building
Jump start my heart please
I see so many faults
But I don't ******* judge
Who the **** am I
Just a sinner lying naked under this sun
I *******, thinking of you
Your skin is so smooth to the touch
I wish for you back
But I'm out of touch
So here I am alone once again
With my **** in my hand
I'm such a *******
Don't make much sense
I'll shoot you
A drive by coming at you
Messed me all up in my head
Now I'm wishing you dead
I'll huff gasoline to feel numb
How the **** did it come to this
Now I'm ******, coming undone
I paid my soul to the devil
Lying through my teeth under this sun
Through it all I won't stoop to your level
I'll **** it all up with the way I drink
Here's how I ******* think
**** it all, I can't get up
Too many pills, who's to trust
Reaching for the nine
It would be better if I wasn't around this time
A devious smile comes across my face
I'll put myself out of my ******* misery
Not even God can save me, no ******* grace
It's all ******* over, time to let go of this place
Find my way into the sky, it's better off if I die