Searching for the truth
the answer to my soul
what kind of man am I
when life takes it's toll?
I see in the distance
that my life hasn't been my life
always seeking pleasure
something to cure the pain inside
I'm not comfortable in my own skin
wondering who to please this time around
how much I want this to be the end
the water is too deep, I might drown
Living with the heartache
the pain inside won't cease
wondering what's at stake
Living with this disease
The darkness will not let go of me
and let me live my life
Hell is the only thing I can see
killing everything good from the inside

Something enters me
An angel or a demon
I can't be so sure
What kind of person to be
I can't decide the virtue
When all I feel is pain
Soaring high into the blue
I want the worse to go away

The time melts away
like plastic in a fire
a mentality gone astray
nothing seems worth while
all hope hides its face
from the light that could be within
a distraction in place
not knowing how to begin
there are so many senseless acts
bravery is hard to come by
it's hard to get on track
and make it a wonderful life
the pressure is building up
how much I feel like crying
hardly anyone to trust
and I feel like dying

Can't seem to get back the joy,
It seems like only a dream,
A walk into the unknown,
A boat lost out to sea.

Can't seem to get back the happiness,
It seems like only a dream,
A struggle for the truth-
Like a leaf caught in a breeze.

If only I could see the light,
A heart felt distress call going out.
Can't seem to find the foundation,
Don't know what it's all about.

Finding out there are no answer in my mind,
It's more easy to feel contempt,
A road I've traveled to survive,
A journey brought about by emptiness.

I'm searching for the key,
To open up my heart,
To find out where the beauty lies,
And make it a part of my life.

I can't help but to wonder,
why there is so much pain.
Isn't there a God,
who can take it all away?
I pause,
and question everything.
So much killings,
I want to run away,
hide myself from the insanity.

I wonder why I'm this way,
I want to explode,
but there isn't much to say.
I want peace and harmony,
but that is just a dream.
So much ****** and nonsense,
just because someone couldn't get their way.

Hiding out isn't the answer,
showing peace could be the way.
The insanity is always going to be there,
in every moment, of every day.
Life isn't clear, nothing is,
so much to fear, so much hell within.
It takes us to cry out for change,
to make the wonder a reality today.

Society has a means
To plow me over
No freedom of speech
Just hiding out in the dark
Waiting to be released
Like an animal locked in a cage

The time has come
To take up my guns
And fight for what is right
The revolution isn't here yet
But I would bet
It ain't going to be much longer
Until we all must band together
And ignite the flame of justice

Smile, it's worth the mile
It isn't that bad.
No reason to get sad,
It's worth while.

So much pain, let it go away
Feel the sunlight of the day.
So many months of worrying sick,
Try really hard to get over it.

Life is full of grace, there is a place
A home to put a smile on your face.
From the dark skies turning bright,
Goodness for all seems worth the fight

It's hard to say what I have become,
A lot of many days went by where I-
Dreamed away my existence, nothing-
Special I have done. It seekers like I did-
More complaining than anything else,
Wanting more and. more of everything-
That wouldn't come my way, envious of-
Others that seemed like they had it all-
Together. There wasn't a day that went-
By I didn't have a burning hate inside.
I hated you for having a good job. I-
Hated you for having a nice house and-
A car in the garage. I hated you for-
Having a family as I sat alone not doing-
Anything about my life.
It takes a lot of pain to realize a change-
Must take place, glancing into the mirror-
And not liking the look on my face. I just-
Want to break free of the chains holding-
Me down, I see life out there and I want-
Every part of it. I notice how much others-
Are enjoying the day as I wallow in misery.
I see the look in their eyes and I'm ready to-
Give up the hate inside.

Burning
Turning aside
Finding no reason for life
So depressed
Can't even move
No motivation
No love be true
Crying
Feeling alone
Temptation abiding
No place to call home
I want to curl up in a ball
And sleep the day away
It's dark and gloomy outside
Just can't find hope in the day

The time has been wasted
So much lies running amuck
It's so hard to live among society
When one doesn't give a ****
Who can give their attention
To everyone who needs it
That one can't decide the truth?
To come to the center of existence
Takes a bite out of me and you

A haunting in their eyes
Wanting so badly to stay alive
All they want is something to eat
So they can be able to stand on their feet

I see the signs
Will work for food
The desperation in their minds
Wanting a place of their own too

Out in the cold
Out in the hot sun
They have to be bold
What happens to the little ones?

Seeing you kiss that guy
Made me so hateful inside
I just wanted to ****
Say goodbye to my will
Was we ever true to each other
I thought we weren't like that
Now it's a matter of time
That I will end up in jail
**** that, **** him and you
Turn the gun on myself
I can't take it anymore
Wishing you were someone else
A woman who wouldn't ******* cheat
But now I'm here beating my meat
And thinking so hard about slicing your throat
Where did I go wrong
Was I ever good enough for you
You should of let me go
Now you're ******* dead
And there is nothing more for me to do
Then take in this pain
And blow out my ******* brains

Do you see the scar on my wrist, it's proof I'll try to-
Die again? What happened to all of this, into the-
Tunnel I go and nothing can save me from this sin.
Can't you see my pain, it's written all over my face?
The darkness has it's hold on me and I don't want-
To let go, rather I want to fall from grace and take-
A moment to return back home. Crying out again,
The hell I've caused myself seems like it's never-
Enough, I look backwards and there was always-
Something, something to rip at the seems and there-
I sit quietly making myself bleed.

I'm lonely for you tonight
But you're not out there
You're only in my mind
A thousand miles away
It has been years since I've seen your face
I wonder what you have been doing
All I can imagine is you in my arms
Why is it nothing is the way it seems
All I have is you in a perfect dream

Journey into the deph of the hollow
Craving to be released by the sorrow
The torment comes at the morrow
When it's perfectly clear not to follow

The times are very hard
I try to press onward but
Don't get very far
The days are long and weary
So many anvenues blocked
And my eyes are very teary
I cry because of the pain
It seems like it won't go away
I search out for an answer
Like it ever had the key
So lonely inside and
Heartbroken that I wish
Someone would come
And rescue me

He wasn't at all amused
you trying to steal away his day
Bringing negativity to his plate
he turned and walked away

He wanted to see smiles
but all he got was frowns
He contemplated his relationships
and decided to turn you down

No more of the dark interiors
the ones having no fun in life
He adjust his friendships
and leaves behind the ones
who aren't worth his time

I meant to say something beautiful
But the words wouldn't come out of my mouth right
So many things you have done for me
I have all these feelings I feel for you inside
What am I suppose to say to someone like you?
Is thank you more than enough?
I hope one day I have the intigrity like you do
Maybe if I showed you how much you mean to me
Would make a huge difference in this relationship

The time has come,
to find a better way,
don't want to feel undone,
don't want to run away.

It's been a life of beautiful experiences,
a life full of chaos and fears,
so many difficult obstacles,
the days has turned into years.

Finding a different course to take,
it has been a road filled with love,
making memories happen everyday,
this is a life dreamed of.

Watching things in my life get better
The more guidance I seek after
The more I feel as light as a feather
Maybe a sliver of contentment
It's all good nevertheless
Peace intrudes my wandering ways
Grace has me on my knees today
Thanking the Universe for it's direction
I was on the wrong path before
Causing a lot of chaos and mayhem
Not caring about what was pure
Today, it's not the case anymore
The sun is shining right and sure
Making me realize there's more to life
Than trying to pull one over on someone

The truth gets lost in the wind
like a leaf caught in a breeze
flying around and not touching ground
until the wind stops blowing
Sincerity seems like nothing anymore
or was it ever something in our hearts?
Respect comes and goes as we open a door
and the beauty of love gets lost from the start

Enter into the unknown
The desire in your head
It is where the grass grows
And lying with the dead
Look at the starry sky
The wisdom is in the heavens
Mortality attached to death
Just waiting to arise again
Feeling gratitude for each breath
Now the stage is at a close
The actors are all lined up
I choose to find the wind
And always hopeful of enough

When the day is rough
Think lively thoughts
Look at the day
Nature all around
Breath in the spirit
Of the sun and feel
The course of goodness

The affliction is baffling
Overwhelming thoughts appear
Nothing is sacred
All I can feel is fear

Can't break the cycle in my mind
The soul cries out for relief
Racing thoughts are there all the time
Self-pity hasn't ceased

The intention wasn't strong enough
Ruling myself with self-hatred
Cracking a smile is rough
Wishing there wasn't any dread

Judging myself with tear stained eyes
It just so happens that self-pity reigns
Wishing I can turn back time
And forget about the pain

It's pointless trying to fight
The darkness has a hold of the heart
The hell inside can't reach for the light
And save me from the torture inside

The days are dark and cold,
filled with a numbness in my soul.
I thought the pressure was behind me,
finding out it was just a dream.

I stare into the sun,
blotting out what I have become.
I stare into your eyes,
hiding the truth with lies.

I sit alone with my thoughts,
having all kinds of doubts.
wondering why I am the way I am.
I have paid the cost,
screaming from the inside out,
hell seems like my only friend.

Life, what is the meaning?
So much pain I have,
so many dreams I've planned,
but I can't seem to move forward-
for inside I feel so bad.