Life is ****** up
The more you want to get out from
Underneath the pile of **** you're in
The more people try to keep you there
They don't have you're best interest at heart
They can care less what you're trying to do
With your life.
They think it's a game, whatever it is
They keep their hounds at Bay, ready to attack
Their flunkies are all about, ******* ****
They must get paid a lot to keep others down
In the pile of **** they themselves should be in
Maybe they are the pile of ****
Things to ponder about

Crazy
I feel it in my bones
Hazy
My eyesight is alone
Forever an ignorant man
Not much do I know
Hard to understand
Backward emotions are a show
Kicking the habit
What the hell was I addictive to?
Oh, the alcohol was it
My whole world was taken away

I have come to realize
Which is very hard to admit
That I am the *******
When it comes to relationships
I have no concept what it means
To be a friend nor a partner
I have ******* up every
Relationship I've been in
I stay quiet when words are needed
Or I talk to much when I should shut up
I get angry and say mean and crude things
Especially when I feel I'm being treated unfairly
What do I know about anything to do with that
Yes, it's not that I haven't been treated poorly
But nine cases out of ten I set the ball rolling
I ignite the flames and set it ablaze
Cause I just don't know how to act
I just don't know how to be
I think I try too hard to please everyone
Which is a problem in of itself
Instead of being true to myself
I look on the outside to provide stability
And peace, which peace is an inside job
Let's just say I still have a lot to learn

You have a right to your opinion
That's what being free
But I also can say *******
Get a ******* life
And leave me ******* be

Fools come and go
Like myself if you had to know
I rush in to most of anything
And then I feel the sting
The burning sensation in my mind
Wondering if there is still yet time
I have wasted my ******* life
Chasing after things that don't matter
I want to do what is right
But tend to do the opposite
I fall to my knees
And ask God why
There is no reply
Just the beating of my heart
Waiting for the truth to shine

Love is the knowing
All things fade away
Time explores many avenues
As a result bliss
Returning to truth
And heaven bound
The light ever so slightly shines
Becoming dim no more

When the time comes,
Will I be a grown up man,
Melding with the stream of life,
Or will I take cover
And hide like I always do?
Will I give back
What was so freely given to me,
Or will I grab a hold of the prize
And never let go of it?
I don't want to be that
Selfish man anymore,
Where all I care about is more,
And how I can get you to like me.
It isn't easy to give up on that,
I work at it everyday.
The more honest I am,
The better I feel.
I don't want to lay my head down
At night and think to myself I wasn't
Much of a human being today,
That I could of been kinder
And gentler to other people
Who are struggling with how
To do better too.
In the end,
Our hearts all be the same.

It will be okay comes a voice,
A thought, something deep down
Reaches out to me to comfort
I hear it echoeing in my mind
I push it back down in me
Not believeing it can be true
But the day goes by and
Every step I take align itself
With exactly the way things
Unfold and then hindsight
Takes place and it was okay
And there was peace during
The seconds of each hour of
The day. Whatever Power that
Is it's sure a beautiful feeling.
Thank you.

It isn't up to me if things should
Go smoothly, there are powers
To be that decide that. A lot of
Times things don't go my way
And I have to stop and really
To be honest think of the other
Person because I'm not the
Center of the universe and
There are hell of a lot of people
That are hurting just like me.
I should consider their feelings
Instead of thinking what's in it
For me. I am far from being
Perfect at it or even good for
That matter. I try and that's all
I can say. I try when I get out
Of my own way and quit being
So **** selfish.

It seems like practically my whole
Life has been just one big nightmare
I have made choices that weren't
Very good. They were almost my demise.
It started when I was a teenager
Thinking I knew better but knew nothing
Even up till today I keep doing it
Sabotaging everything good in my life
Or not making the proper decision
Choosing something that will keep me stuck
Or not choosing something that will help
Me to move forward. I want so badly
to finally come to realize who I am
But even at this age I feel stagnic
The face in the mirror looks flawed
That there is no wisdom behind it
Just confusion
Demons buried deep down
That don't want to see the light of day
Where do I go from here
The mask is so clearly seen
And I don't know what to do about that
I want to step ashore a free man
See the world aknew
But society wants to keep me shackled
To my problems
They want me to fail
Cause then things would make sense to them
But I want to break free from these chains
Find out who I truly am
And what I like and don't like
Find out my values
I've been buried for too long
Walking this planet in a haze
I want to finally break free

I try to believe in goodness
The goodness of people
The whole wheel of Time
That produces good fortune
But the more I see of it
The more I see of the darness
And it envelopes me like a veil
Holding tightly on and won't let go
How do I get it to release me
Too many people kick me while I'm down
An ex who has it out for me. I don't
Blame her for what I put her through
But we have a daughter together and I
Can't even talk to her or see her.
Other people who I don't even know
wants to make my life miserable. They
See me as a ******* and I should
Be wiped off the face of the planet.
That's what it seems. They follow me
Around like a puppy dog, wanting me
To ***** up or something. Maybe they
Think I'm a drug dealer. Lol. That's
Funny. They're wasting their time there.
Or maybe they want to see me fall off
The wagon and if that's the case they're
Pretty sick sons of *******. So who knows
What's in the minds of others and for
That matter the mind of me.

I am fighting for my very life
It's a journey that has been brought upon by myself
Years and years of tormenting myself with alcohol and drugs
Have warped my mind into an endless obsession
That only a spiritual experience can relieve
Not to mention my mind has a chemical imbalance
It's been that way since I can remember
Days go by in which are a struggle
Finding the courage to make it through one
Can be a challenge within itself
Am I looking for sympathy?
Am I looking for pity?
No

Just letting my feelings out
It's good therapy

I want to stand up
Ten feet tall
Take a swing at depression
The voices that bring me down
They're all around
They won't quit
They think they know best for me
But all they're doing is bringing me down
But day by day I survive
It shouldn't be that way
But it is what it is
There should be some peace of mind
But the voices are always there to pounce
They scream their disapproval of me
The fact I'm on food stamps
And don't have a job
They assume they're better than me
But they're nothing
I used to talk back
But that didn't do any good
They only laughed
Or assumed I was ******* up
Now it's been going on for so long
It's becoming pitiful and disgraceful
There's no help from them
No encouragement
These voices can care less
So **** them
They all can jump off of a mountain
Into jagged rocks and burst open
Their blood spilling forth, splattering
Everywhere. These voices can slice
Their wrists and bleed forth everywhere
Get weak and faint and die like rabid dogs
They are nothing to me. ******* nothing!!!
They don't pay my rent. Buy my clothes.
Take care of me. All that's left is me.
And if I'm a ******* then so be it
At least I'm a kind *******. These
Voices are ****** after me. And we all
Know what happened to him now don't
We.