I gave in like you knew I would
Empty feelings left abandoned
Loneliness take hold of me
And I fall far from grace
Sick and tired of this place
Once again I'm blind to see
That something takes a part of me
And I'm left holding the bag so to speak
It isn't easy trying to behave
I've given way, stuck in pain
And had a hundred people torn to pieces
Their heartfelt cries I leaned on
But nothing truly rescued me
From the hell I put myself through
It was you all along, making it right
Setting me free from my own ****
Now it's time to say thank you
As I trudge through the night
And cast out my own demons from it
I don't really know where I'm coming from
But today it's better than feeling undone

There is a fine line to draw,
or do I even go there?
Temptation has me in it's grip,
and I want so badly to give in.
It's one thing to look, oh do I look,
but it's another thing to touch,
and make matters worse.
Is it an evil corrode,
a thread leading to despair,
or will I ever know,
how much of a puke I am?

Somewhere, the darkness takes shape,
a form of hate and bloodstained eyes,
the curtain falls on what you create,
and life feels like it's out of place,
with nothing but surperficial time.

Just a distant memory, lost and alone,
isolated from society as a home,
a hermit in your own make shift,
there your halo grabs at a fifth,
and down the rabbit hole you go.

Paris, we feel for you

All the lost loved ones
Will be remembered and
Their lives will live on
In Spirit.

Hate is an evil corrode

Why must others condemn
The ones who are good we'll
Never know?

Love, it's hard to understand

So I say **** love and destroy isis!

Let them know they can't **** with us

Wouldn't it be nice if we all were free

no ******* inside of us

So much baggage we all have

The past hasn't been pleasant

If we could only turn back time

and undo the things we have done

It would be so much nicer

and we all would feel connected

There would be no reason for hate

because we would all feel as one

Sometimes I feel out of place

wish I was somewhere else

a different scenery I can call home

maybe I wouldn't feel so alone

and I could finaly belong

to a place where I can free

The funny thing is life can throw stones
But the more I have faith in the good of
Humanity, the more easier it is to accept
The things the way they are and live life
Peacefully. Wars are happening as I speak,
And that's just the way it is because there
Are people out in the world that all they
Want to do is destroy what's right and pure
and we as a nation have to stand up together
And fight against the ones who are out there
Killing others as a means to get to heaven.
So they claim. I want no part in their
Religion. What needs to happens is a nuke
Dropped upon them. Take these mother
******* out!

I smoke a cigar as I try to write
I jot down what's up during the day and night
Things I feel others can relate to
Ideas and feelings that want to break through
Mostly, I'm very selfish when I put pen to paper
I enjoy way too much talking about myself
I don't feel like searching my mind to what ryhmes with paper
Caper, hater, what am I talking about?
But my favorite subject is me
Without me, there wouldn't be you
I feel and believe we're all destined to see
That there are realities that are right and true
Things that are secure in the making
Beauty that makes sense
And all are gorgeous in my eyes

Burning flesh, hot coals of ember touching my face
I sit alone with death on my mind, wondering why
I can't seem to escape my own purgartory, a disgrace
The torment rushes on, as I try to understand reason
But nothing can be so tragic than the changing season
I stare into the eyes of the cold wintery storm
Watch it come alive and take form
There in the midst of the eerie feeling taken shape
I look out into the water and survey the landscape
Nothing is so cold than death staring back
The fire is no solution to the numbing eyes
Why all the insistence on finding my way
Words are doormat to the dark sunshine
death is knocking everywhere I appear
No matter what life is, it falls away and is taken
I've reached my limits to what is clear
And realize everyone, no matter who it is
Has to awaken to the idea that hunger, poverty,
wealth, are means to an end if we don't pull
together and fight the cold of the storm.

You talked to me about caring
How I could ever not be broken?
It doesn't register in your mind
Fixed ideas of how I should live
What kind of person would you have me be
I'm just the monster inside your head
I'll never be free, getting along with you
Just as long as you keep me down

You think you're so much better
So much wiser than anyone else
You're as ugly as I am
Your true colors showing yourself
Your life is as ****** as mine
No reason to carry on
I'll never try again to shine
To make you feel alright
I'm done with you this time

You try to move forward
but moving on is hard to do
You want what's best
but it's hard to break through
find your ninche
make it right this time
find true happiness
and live a better life

The days aren't numbered anymore
hope is giving you the right direction
You seek what's behind these doors
and welcome others' affection
to open up and share what's beautiful
make these days shine
find true happiness
and make a better life

You want to stay sober this time
knowing all hell breaks loose when  you don't
You want your life to be bright
and it will happen if you let it
Apply yourself to life
instead of taking a back seat
Let your world shine
to get up off your feet
and put actions behind your words

You put action behind your words
and life becomes better for you

Bugs, more bugs
Flying stink bugs
All over the curtain and the rugs
I want swat, **** them all
But what about their life I recall
I believe in karma, do not maim
What comes around goes around
And will affect one's name
Stay true to one's self
And do not ****
In the end
God's will

Watching things in my life get better
The more guidance I seek after
The more I feel as light as a feather
Maybe a sliver of contentment
It's all good nevertheless
Peace intrudes my wandering ways
Grace has me on my knees today
Thanking the Universe for it's direction
I was on the wrong path before
Causing a lot of chaos and mayhem
Not caring about what was pure
Today, it's not the case anymore
The sun is shining right and sure
Making me realize there's more to life
Than trying to pull one over on someone

I don't know what's
Going on inside my head
It seems like I do okay
For a little while and then
I want to run away, leave
Everyone and everything
Behind and not say goodbye
Just disappear like the wind
Forever get lost in the end
I hurt the ones I love
Who have been loyal to me
I scream for an answer from above
But only get silience. I’ m like a
Little baby, so wrapped up in
Myself, I want what I want and
I'll pound the table with my spoon
And then I want nothing but to
Be left alone, to hide away, so
Many feelings pulsating through
My veins, it feels like I'm going insane

The damage has been done
How can you ever trusted me again?
I kick you out and then accept you back
Why is it I can't make up my ******* mind?
You really haven't done nothing to me
Only the fact you're with a guy like me
So ******* confused about everything
I have no ******* clue about anything
The only thing I'm doing right is staying sober
I don't want to go back to that he'll
Nothing will work out if I'm drinking
Everyone and everything will be gone
So very easy for me to lose it all

I wish I was strong
But I have no strength in me
I'm a torturted soul lost out to sea
Can't take much for very long
I pray everything will work out
At ******* times I don't know what it's all about
So out of focus I can't see straight
I pray it's not too late
To fix what needs to be fixed
And go on from here with compassion
And understanding, hoping you can
Forgive a guy like me

I try to get away
But the darkness pulls me back
It's really hard to say
How to get right on track

People like to trear me down
Why the **** should I care about them?
What comes around goes around
They'll get theirs in the end

I try to live a life of peace
But the chaos is all around
It has me on my knees
Praying for higher ground

It seems I'm lost out to sea
The boat has crashed
No one around to rescue me
Life is kicking my ***

I reach out for the sun
But only end up blind
Heaven is left to no one
Hell envelopes the night

The days are going by so quickly
And I'm left feeling out of place
No more sacrifices, just trickery
And I'm falling far away from grace

The blood is what I'm after
To watch myself bleed
Scars don't mean anything
It's as perfect as can be

Fighting the urge
To keep on cutting
Here I go again to purge
Killing my soul with every word

Telling myself I ain't worth recovery
That no one feels like I do
The pain is all I see
The temptation is for real
The obsession takes a hold of me
It is a huge deal
But I just let it drip anyway
Let the blood flow
Let it flow out of me

Trust no one
Everyone has an agenda
Something to keep to themselves
And then to belittle you
Make you feel like a *******
Watch out for these people
They claim to be your friends
They'll smile at you
And then stab you in the back

I'll trudge this road alone
If that's what it takes
I'll survive this ordeal
If that what it calls for
Everyone can ******* go to hell
If that's the way they're going to be
I'll live my life with a better attitude
Knowing these people are out to
Make a name for themselves
I'll spit in their eyes
Cause I don't need their friendship
They can seriously jump off of a cliff
And I wouldn't ******* care
They make me sick
And they can rot in hell

The world laughs
And I cringe
What a waste
There I sin
A bad wire
Locked away
****** in the head
Burning on fire
What am I suppose to do
When it doesn't make sense?
No one has a clue
It has all been spent
Farther I go
The lesser I feel
Love is hard
Is it even real?
Cast into reflection
The torment of my soul
There is no affection
Just a loneliness I've been told
And I feel strange to say
What a ****** up day
So perplexed I throw a fit
There is just way too much *******
I ponder what it all means
And pray on my knees
That it's all meant to be
Some kind of purpose
****, if I can't see
Then all is hopeless
And this rambling is free
Upon the threshold of a tree
I'll keep my insanity
It's the only thing real
Here, there, to hell is how I feel
And listening to all kinds of tyranny
I find no solice in thee

I don't claim to know the answers
In all honesty, I don't know ****
I feel, I believe, I have hope
Is that all I really need to know?
I can't give a, "Hell yea!"
It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth
It seems like there has to be more
But it's the only thing I have for now

Maybe that will change, who's to say
I try to make the most of the day
I get out of life of what I put into it
It seems like I've taken so much
And that's why I'm feeling stuck
Karma has it's way to unfold
And if I keep ******* up there will
be nothing left of me, just hollowness
And that's not where I want to be

I've chased after the moon
only to come up empty
I've raised my hands to the stars
only they were out of reach
I've wished upon them time after time
and there was still only a dream
I've slept passed the daylight
and woke up sweating at night

All I ever wanted was to begin aknew
but I was too prideful to ask for help
I couldn't see what was true
there was no escaping myself
The darkness hovered over my head
and I prayed like I always did

"God help me!

There was no burning bush
no lightning bolt
just the darkness lifted a little bit
and I was able to see

The truth is hard to admit
when denial is always there
Falling farther down into the abyss
a deep hole and a deeper pit

Life wasn't looking good
all because of my choices

Then out from the chaos came life
a new meaning and avenue
How it happened I can't explain it
Was it because of accepting the truth
or was it meant to be this way?

Who knows, I sure as hell don't, but I'm very grateful

It's so much easier to hate
Than to cultivate peace, love, and faith
Why should I care about the hereafter
Living day to day is hard enough
I see all the many disasters
And I realize it's tough
Like men and women before me
It's too demanding to live religiously

I hear the birds singing
Their melodies touches my heart
I go where the wind takes me
Farther down this road I tred
I have wished a lot of things
Thousand upon thousand times
I have prayed in different ways
And have gone overboard in my life

The world came from nothing
Ciphers into an endless darkness
No light, like when asleep, and there
In the vast caverns of the mind it
Holds nothing sacred to keep

But even I dream, dream of beautiful things
Things that I  hold dear to me, people I love
And around to see the beautiful things I see
They can hear what I hear and feel  what I feel
And it all makes sense because it's real

The cool breeze of  the fall
The changing colors of the leaves
The sun cascading it's magic upon the trees
Everything seems as it should be

Can there be anything so right
I can taste the dew of the night
See the waxing moon shine bright
And hope there comes another time

But through it all, what if I die?
Then what, where do I go from here?
The world aimlessly rushes to nowhere
And I am caught up in the hustle
The seeminglessly vast tyrant holding
Me by my neck, waiting for death to take me

Close my eyes, what if that's all there was
Just complete darkness, no thoughts
Nothing.

What if I could turn back the wheels of time, start all over from the very
beginning, would I do life the same, letting the darkness control my every            
whim, or would I of let the light in?  The past usually tells me of the future I am destined for, it's like the opening up the door and venturing inside to a place where life blossoms love and happiness.   But the darkness takes hold,
trying to smother what was innocent and pure; from the very beginning it searches out the ones who aren't sure,
making a mockery out of the sunshine in one's little world; it has substance and depth, a whole whirldwind of chaos that plagues the heart and cause a ripple effect of hell's fury. No,
I wouldn't do life again.

What the hell am I doing?
One minute I'm kicking
you out and the next I'm
telling you to come home.
If I could only make up
mind. I realize how
inconsiderate I've been,
I wonder if you could
ever forgive me again,
that seems like all I do
is apologize, if I could
only make up my mind.

Open the door to your heart
and let me share my life with you
I understand it would be easier if
you trusted everything I said and did
I can't say I'll never hurt you
but I'll try like hell not to
I want to be for real and true
hoping you will tell me where you stand
I want us to last forever
please, why don't you take my hand
and I'll show you the promised land
we'll grow wings together
fly like the eagles together
soaring into infinity together
Our love will break the sound barrier
if only you open up and let me in

Excuse me while I try
To wipe back these tears
Lay in bed at night
And wonder why my life
Has turned out the way it has
Karma catches up to the ones
Who are ******* inconsiderate
Death knocks at the door
So close in dying from these tears
So many things I fear
It sounds all good in the making
But it still has to meet the acid test
Can't do what is best
When I'm doing what is wrong
And all will be a horrible dream
Leaving behind a bad taste
In the mouths of others
Lying in the casket
And nothing happens...
Nothing perpetuated

To love
puts a cringe in my heart
to open up
changes everything of who I am
to care
to have companionship
it's complicated
when I just want to be alone
and forget about all these feelings

I smiled at you
you returned it with a frown
what did I ever do
to have you feeling down
All I ever wanted was goodness
to envelope around you
for you to grab a hold
of precious moments instead
of looking at everything so negative

You want the world
but not ready to do anything
you lay around
and complain about everything
I hear what you're saying
you're not happy with life
I don't know what to do
to make you feel everything
will be alright

I try to be there for you
but it seems a waste of time
No matter what I say and do
it seems like nothing is fine
I want the best for you
but you have to be willing to get help
The world is crashing all around
Why don't you turn that frown upside down
It ain't as bad as you think

Feeling stupid
to think you could ever love
a man like me
I gave you everything
and it still wasn't enough
You wanted my pride
My dignity
How much I cried
to find out you were never alone
You had your, "friends"
Never once did I say
to give **** up
But you went away
and I strayed away
Now I'm the *******?
What a ******* hypocrite!
You would smoke it up
and I wanted to drink
But either way
I stayed away
Left you high and dry
And now I'm the *******?
when all you did was tease me
broke my heart a hundred times over
You knew what you was doing with me
It wasn't like we were playing house
And you wanted my soul
and everything in between
But mostly my money
a hundred dollars for crack
and like a ******* ******
I gave in
All because of your sexiness
I wanted in your pants
How can I be such a fool
to think we could be together?
to love?
to hold each other?
to whisper sweet things in our ears?
No, it turned out all wrong

I cut myself
so I won't cut you.
I watch myself bleed
and it hurts me
to think you got one over me
I cry myself to sleep
and let the blood drip
One more cut
One more feeling high
and I dream
of how much I want you to bleed

We die young
scary to think
but is it the truth?
Men killing each other
over a pair of shoes
It's not that pathetic, is it?
whatever the cause
We die young
leaving behind a memory
Was he nice?
they all say that he was.
But now he's doing twenty years to life
All because of killing someone
Whatever the cause
We die young

My mind eploding
with vulgarity
What the **** just happened?
One minute, everything is fine
the next minute, everything went to hell
in a handbag

I can't put you down
you've been a part of my life for so long
everywhere I go, I take you along with me
never once thought of any other way
Everywhere I go, I take myself along
Wouldn't it be nice just to drift away?
Has it been a problem?
Yes!
But it feels so ******* good
and that's why I can't put you down.

I walk amongst the dark,
struggling to find my way.
I have played the role,
and then I strayed.

I look into the sun,
blinded by the fire.
I can't run much longer,
my life hasn"t got any brighter.

What the hell am I suppose to do,
I wannt to grab at the light
but I'm stuck, feeling unglued.
I have goodness in sight
but the darkness takes me down
to a place I don't want to go.

I don"t want to go.
No, not that way.
I want to take it slow,
and find myself.

Find myself in the music of the spheres.
Find myself in mother nature.
Find myself in the mirror,
and let it all become clear.

The more human I am, the more I need God.

The more love I have, the more human I am.

The more attuned I am, the more love I have.

The more Godlike I am, the more attuned I become.

The more humble I am, the more Godlike I become.

The more I don't know, the more humble I am.

The more I think I know, the more I don't.

Come and take my hand
I'll lead you to the promised land

I'll wrap my arms around you
Hold you close to my chest

There will be much to do
I'll try my very best

To make you feel right at home
You'll never be alone

I'll give you more than enough
You'll never want after anything

The road won't be rough
I'll give you my grandmother's diamond ring

Won't you come with me
The journey will be free

And life will take on new meaning
Won't you come and find hope with me

If there will ever be a time
The time is now

I have your beautiful eyes in sight
We will make it work somehow

Don't got any money
Don't have a place to live

We'll bumb off my mommy
And thInk we're living good

It's just so ******* funny
We're living the way people should

Who cares what people say
I'll get the car from my dad

We'll go riding today
And won't feel so bad

We're living the right way
There's no reason to feel sad

I'll get you into bed
And we'll make a baby

After all that is said
I'll run off with your best friend

Leave you high and dry
But for sure take my hand

I'll make you feel like you want to die
But for sure I'll lead you to the promised land

It's sad I don't stand for anything
I pretty much don't ******* care
Why the **** should it matter
To me which road to go down
That you want to **** your baby
Isn't it your decision after all?
I just don't ******* understand
Why people get so ******* mad
They're not the ones who have
To raise the baby from a baby
And ninety percent of the time
The guy hits the road and run
They know deep down they're
Not ready to give up their life
They're not done partying and
*******, they could care *******
Less that they become farthers
So its left up to the girl to
Decide what to do, and ninety-
Nine percent of the time they
Choose life, they can't think of
Any other way. Some choose to
Abort but even that has to be
The biggest decision of their
Heart and soul. Why the ****
Do I think that it's my choice,
Like I had a say so in it, it's not
My life. And to say I stand for
Something is a joke, women
Have it the hardest. I could ñever
Be in that position and have to
Decide which course to take.

I was just a ******* boy
And you pulled down
My pajamas and put
Your mouth around my
**** and blew

How the **** could you
Of done that?

Now I ******* hate you
Now my life got ****** up
I tried dodgeing the ******* issue
I tried so hard to forget about it

I never once thought about
Telling someone
That didn't even entered
My mind

I don't know why
But all I really wanted
To do was to bury it
Deep down in my soul

Now I'm ******* letting it go
It will never hurt me again
What you ******* did will
Never wake me up wondering
If I should ******* **** myself

All the ******* confusion will
Never bother me again
I'm letting the skeletons out
And saying ******* goodbye
To your ****** up sin

My thoughts are fleeting
So much to think about
Why I die again over you

It's beyond me to come up
With an answer to the riddle
And to hope everything
Becomes whole again

To fall backwards
Catching a glimpse
Of a life brand new
Only to come up empty
In the long run
Has plagued my heart

It hurts to think I must
Leave this place and
Find myself without you

It seems to me how ridiculous people are,
they try so very hard to bring me down.
I don't know if they mean well,
or they just do it out of spite.

They talk how much they care,
but they won't lift a finger to help me get around.
Today I'm over their *******, I wish them to hell;
not one soul can save them, not even Christ.

They're the kind of people only a switchblade
looks pretty good, and the decision just to decide.

Slash them, cut them, make them feel pain.
It's all neccessary, make them bleed out like rain.

What is the alternative, not a ******* thing?
I've just gone crazy here, gone ******* insane-

Make them bleed out like ******* rain!

I cry for ******* balance
but all I get in return is ******* chaos.
Nothing neat and tidy,
just trying to survive the storm.
I look around at the world
and find no solace in anything,
everyone is in too much of a hurry
and it drives me ******* crazy.