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Reflecting on honesty
Has kept me safe
The turmoils of self
It's really not about the chase
Possessions, money, and glamour
What does it all mean?
If I'm not true
Then happiness is but a dream
Then everything I have attained
Is a stone throw away
From being forever lost in the way
I see the beauty in words
The imaginations on fire
I can only dream of a perpetual world
Lifting me up out of the mire I put myself in
Can I look up to the sky
And pray for help
Holding my head up high
And be proud of myself
I hear goodness in others
Talking with a love in their hearts
I want to catch some of that
And give back what was so freely given
I am fighting for my very life
It's a journey that has been brought upon by myself
Years and years of tormenting myself with alcohol and drugs
Have warped my mind into an endless obsession
That only a spiritual experience can relieve
Not to mention my mind has a chemical imbalance
It's been that way since I can remember
Days go by in which are a struggle
Finding the courage to make it through one
Can be a challenge within itself
Am I looking for sympathy?
Am I looking for pity?
No

Just letting my feelings out
It's good therapy
It's official,
I don't know much of anything,
The sky is blue at times,
And then turns to grey
The sea is blue at times,
And then turns to a murky film.
The fish die off,
At our own hands,
But what does society understand?

I hear the cries from little ones,
Shot because religion plays a role
They all claim good tidings,
But these ones have no soul.

And then myself,
Searching for answers from the past,
Have no clue what it takes to belong.

I hear the beckoning of words lost
Searching for the key to unlock this heart of mine
Do I seriously have a word to offer,
Or am I just drowning in my own misery?
Thinking too much of myself,
I'll never understand these winds of change,
Cost much as it does, it will always feel misfortune.
Dad, was you there for us?
I don't even know anymore
It was your personality
That I fell in love with
Even though you was a crazy *******
Time went by, you did the best you can
While mother did everything else involved
I heard the screams of mom
Hiding away in the ******* bathroom
While your anger simmered down
And left everyone else alone
Older brother and you got into fights
Had to hear it upstairs
Did I want to attack
Hell yea!
That's why I pumped weights
You''ll never lay a hand on our mother again
I'll protect you mom
Fight for you
You was such a good woman
Never deserved what you got
And then dad died
Suffering from cancer yourself
Is there such a day title the both of you
**** no!
It's like father's need a day
A mother needs her day
What if the two ******* messed up with the mess
Caused their children so much confusion?
Is it one or the other?
Happy ******* father's day
While mother did it all
Raised us kids up
Cooked and cleaned
Did the ******* laundry
Hung them out to dry
On the clothes lines
While dad had his issues
Provided as he did
Is there a day
For the both of them?
I guess not
I missed mother's day
So happy ******* father's day
You *******
*******, what am I all about?
I guess I stand for not much of anything
Is that okay? I guess I'll jack- off
Listen to your ******* too
What the **** has us intertwined?
Beats the **** out of me
I'll just beat my beat
And then think of someone else
It's so much safer
My **** loves my hand
And my hand loves my ****
It never loved your *****
Only satisfaction
Only gratification
Should I say I'm sorry?
Not by a long shot
I could open my nostrils
And the reek came from beneath
How can I ever continue along
Knowing my word amounts to ****
And I'm too scared to be myself
The lights are over my head
This isn't the end
****, can't you get it?
Find another ****
And leave me be
But too scared to be myself
And tell you all these things
Does that make me a man
Apparently not
Just someone to escape
And leave all this **** behind
It has come to my attention
Due to my hand
That life is awkward as it stands
Why do I flirt with the flames
That has burned me over again
Time after time
By my distorted eyes
I plague the barrier in my heart
I look forward to the frying pan
Get burnt like only I can understand
Come to to a place only dreams swelter
This by far is the end of my nightmare
Over seeing what can be passed down
It hurts to think I infest the rights
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