Peace searches for the one who tries to find it;
radical thoughts triumphantly plaguing the
mirror's glare, not comprehending the circle
of fiends beguiled by the heart's stare, longing
for  standards to uproot the consciousness and
let go the busyness of the times.

The words are hard to say
but it seems like that's all I've been saying
since I could walk and talk
How many times have I said them
without even knowing what they mean?
My actions speak volumes
and my mouth is a viper
I could not do it again
or I can tell you off
and make matters worse
But once I give in and surrender
to the fact I hurt you where these words
have to be said, trying to make right what
became wrong.

Slowly killing yourself
the pain seems inevitable
like clouds hiding the sun
you want to be somewhere else
but life had felt undone
You want the world
but the world doesn't want you
Life seems like it's falling to pieces
and there isn't much left to do
then to accept the inevitable
Pain, misery, it's all for you
you don't want anything else
then to feel so sorry for yourself
and cut deeply, making these wounds real

I can't see clearly now,
my eyes have blinders on.
I tried loving you,
but expectations got in the way.
I expected so much out of you,
you expected so much out of me,
how the hell can we be together-
when the front door is looking pretty good.

You've said your peace,
letting me know your love came piece by piece,
there was always something to disagree,
and you made me feel alone in this relationship.
You wanted to change me to fit your own selfish needs,
all it seemed like you cared about was to get high.
All  I ever wanted was a little honesty,
but you wouldn't open up to me and share.

I tried being your friend,
but you wouldn't let me in,
and I get so upset for the way I cared.

I can see clearly now,
you never loved me the way I loved you.
There was always a stipulation-
for the way you felt about me.
Sorry, but now I have to leave-
only to save my sanity.

It seems pointless to say what ever comes to mind,
I've uprooted people's lives, hoping to get ahead in life.
But what I really got was a slap in the face, what a disgrace-
the path I chose was misplaced and chaos judged me by my
ways, hurting so many throughout days and days, causing
pain in their hearts, I took part, crushing their spirits and
laughing inside because I got what I wanted. Selfish and self-
centered, not caring about others' souls, creating hell in their
lives. What a shame I've been, what a sin, a ******* fool withering
away in the wind.

What a complete ******* I have been, treating the one I loved the most like ****, hurting her in a way that is inexcusable, taking away the place she called home and we were united under one breath. Too many things went on, another person came along and I chose to uproot her life by cheating on her with this person. Why did I choose such a path? Did it come down to ***? I can't pin-point my sin or sins but nevertheless it was wrong, the road I chose lead me to hell and back to hell again. Karma has a funny way of finding me when I'm doing wrong, when I'm doing things that aren't right to the universe. I wrote this woman a nasty letter while she was away for a little while, paragraphs of **** spewing onto paper just because I had a belief of a life not going right with her but it went okay when we were together. The other person was a mistake, lead me straight to handcuffs and a life of complete turmoil. Why did I go that route, only God can explain it to me because I sure as **** can't.

If I could turn back time and change everything I said or did I wouldn't. Life today has meaning and purpose. The past has taught me a valuable lesson, that we all need each to survive. I can't do life without any help, that's why I need you to be a part of it. I need all the help I can get, that's why I firmly believe there were and still are people praying for me. I'm not alone today. I feel the presence of others' love flowing from their hearts. And most importantly, I feel the presence of God as I understand Him saving me from my own destructive self.