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  Dec 2014 jai
AllAtOnce
Shrouded by a jacket (it was blue and plaid)
I tripped over myself and glanced around but nothing was said
I remember it clearly: a flash of lime green and brown hair
I spun around in shock-wondering if he was still there
I stood there for a minute and watched him walk away
I wanted to run after him that day
But I just kept walking and look where we are now
Still getting lost among the crowds
But when I picked up my phone he replied
That wouldn't happen this time

I walked inside the gym and scanned the crowds on the floor
Not that I knew what I was looking for
I texted for him to stand up and he said no
So I was searching for an imaginary friend on my own
I walked up awkwardly and he smiled and played with his hands
I didn't know what that meant back then
So I sat down and started to talk and I guess you could say we got along well
But I was turned around watching for someone else

My eyes flitted around in the dark
I bit my lip as the years started
The choice was out in the open:
You or him
But I was young and stupid (still am)
And I walked away with blood on my hands
Leaving song lyrics hanging in the silence
And the stifled sound of my crying
And I listened to "Stay" over and over again
You said please understand
But I didn't
And you still left

I remember my shaking hands as I walked up his drive way
But when he opened the door with a smile everything melted away
And he said I looked nice but I didn't know what to say
So I croaked out something like "you do too"
Good God, his eyes were so blue
And I remember dancing and laughing about a girl we both knew
And there were the lights
They seemed to be so bright
And in that moment everything was right
The next morning I buried it away in a box
It's still there-wouldn't want it to get lost
Detox just to retox

"Two" you said when they asked how many
I want to say it was a Wednesday
And I was wearing paint splattered pants
And you were wearing a Fall Out Boy shirt that I want
Along with plaid that totally didn't match
He was SUCH a good catch
When we sat down I scanned the menu like a cheap date
And spilled water all over myself and hoped he didn't see my face
(I don't think he did)
It was just a little awkward at first
But I suppose it could've been worse
It's not like it was a date, after all
So I held my head high and stood tall
And ordered the exact same thing he did

It was Halloween the last time I saw you
And I was wearing your shirt
And it smelled like you and musty basement
We had just gotten home when you walked in
And the whole night kind of seemed wasted
We played a game, I think
But it's not like it mattered who won
We were kind of in our own little world
And I was hoping you wouldn't go home
We all piled on each other to watch a movie
And I told you not to sing
All we did was talk the whole time
Not that it meant anything
I was a little to comfortable in your arms
And wanted you to hold me tighter
When the lights flickered down
I thought I might fall asleep and that would've been alright
We talked until about 2 am that night
Not that I minded at all
I think I missed you a little too much
And I tripped and started to fall
More flashbacks? Yes? No?
jai Dec 2014
tres chaud
et tres froid
je ne suis pas que tu penses de moi
je n'aime pas cette
je suis juste essaye
gris porte pour moi
fermer!
fermer plus
je ne suis pas pret
pardon mon accents je ne fait pas sur cet ordinateur
jai Dec 2014
dark
hollow
damp
sorrow
dank
borrow
dead
tomorrow
jai Dec 2014
aimless paper
flying planes
nocturnal wishes
all the same
poser une question?
cette ne pas pour moi
demander un petit phrase a god
je ne sais pas
je ne suis pas
je n'aime pas penser
I hate this paper please go away
pardon mon francais
jai Dec 2014
Golden string tied love
Floating down from above
Your tiresome grip so effortless
Put all my hopes on a departing ship
Sail it out where it won't be found
Attack it, cold chain tie bound
Where it rest move the ground
A protectorate shield of muddy mound
Clouded feelings and judgement
Escape here in the dungeon now
Tomorrow's light shall break the clouds
jai Nov 2014
Our truest life is
When we are awake in our
Deepest fantasies
Hiaku
jai Nov 2014
Usually your heart says yes
And usually your head says no
Usually Your heart want to rush in
And usually your head says take it slow
I'm so apparently drowning
My lungs filling with fear I don't have time to sort through
Maybe in a year or to two we could start again
Just me and you
But for now I must let go of you
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