A mother of two
When you arrived I already knew
I would not meet you face to face on this earths crust
Only after my body has been turned to dust
I do not know if you were a boy or a girl
If your hair would be straight or if it would curl
I knew that you were real and very much alive
With every morning sickness that made me want to die
You lived for an estimated 7 weeks
But I only knew you for one
I cried like I never have
More than when I lost my own dad
I begged for forgiveness to my heavenly Father
For killing my son or my daughter
For ripping your seed out of its soil
A seed I knew Id spoil
I cried in my bed with my head in my pillow
I had cried more than a weeping willow
I was asleep when you had exited my womb
Waking up in the recovery room
I was barely awake, still sedated
No longer on this earth, myself I hated
Not wanting be in that clinic, forcing myself up I stumbled out
Driving home all I did was shout
Screaming, crying, the feeling of dying
Vomiting on my front door
Feeling my empty womb to its core
You were gone, no more
I can never bring you back or say sorry enough
Doing what it did wasnt easy but tough
I didnt do it because I wouldnt love you
Only because I already had two
What I did was wrong and I know I am a sinner
You were sent to the womb of a killer


*For those of you who read my poem "I am a Killer", this is what I was talking about. I wasnt ready to share it completely.

neck·ing/ˈnekiNG/
Noun: The action of two people kissing and caressing each other amorously.


Both thumbs hanging on the back pockets of your jeans
while leaning against the wall and biting your bottom lip
enticing the oasis of your tongue, your breath dying of thirst.

Your flirtatious smile already knows that it’s entitled
to the mwah’s, ooh’s and aah’s coming the way of your pout
little did you know of the kisses you could fit in that mouth.

it’s the mathematical sum of everything that’s round
it’s dancing in the rain under an infinite fall of X’s and O’s
it’s nibbling on a bottle of Hennessy before taking a shot.

While I hold your face with both hands,
my eyes never wavering from yours,
I caress your cheeks, undress your thoughts,

feverishly going in, taking all the time in the world
to taste every bit of you and savor the moment so to speak
with our senses fogged, ******* in a tangled rope, in a kiss.

Then I pull some back to slowly feel your breathing into me
your clouded lips in my fingertips are a miracle of humidity
the stripped walls of oblivion is the last frontier with will see.

Before submerging deep into the point of no return
before your ripe apple meets the delicacy of my touch
before leaving in me, flower of skin, every last drop of you.

Good love
Will last you
All your life
Good love
Will last you
Till the end of time
Love everlasting
Feeling that
Good love
Moving
In your soul
That Good love
That can bring
You to your knees
That Good love
That can break
Your soul
Make you
Want to be better

I wanted to know you like no one else
I wanted to tell you this all my self

But this country's so big
And so wide coast to coast
And this person im talking to is only your ghost

With suburbia behind us
Endless sky ahead and
With how close the clouds were you'd think we were dead

I don't know you any more
Wish I could say I did

I think I've forgotten
I think I remember
I think I should call you
I don't think it matters

I loved you,
Somewhere I think I still do
In the back of my heart
In a memory of you

It a fall like I have never seen it before
Its early
And its late
And it nothing in between

Fire in the sky and it skipping the ground
Voices and laughter and such beautiful sounds

A treasure is hidden
Just waiting to be found
A part of me missing
Now deep in that ground

I wanna run in the rain
But its to late
To cold



Left out in the cold with tail lights receding
A nervous but wonderful kind of a feeling

A sky full of colors
That gold that wont stay
I thought that I loved you
But only for a day


The stars still shine brightest from the roof of a car
And the seasons are changing as much as we are
That doesn't mean I don't miss you just the same

My Hero
My Partner
My Best Friend for a time
I guess I'm just selfish
I know your not mine

The acrid smell of cigars still hangs in the
Air where a beat up white
Cavalier once stood

Lay out on the hood
Let the sun bake on in
I've said my goodbyes
no more see you later
although this last moment I'm entitled to savor

In years to come this view will be gone
I want to remember you just as you are

Drive on up the street but please don't look back
You'll see what im saying is a measurable fact
There's a time and a place
And nether still exists
Screaming and fighting and raising of fists
To the flame in the sky wont help it one bit
Trust me id make him stop if I could


I breath out
The car fills with smoke
Hey, pass me another
Alright, but you buy next time.

And he presses up against me,
and I can feel my heart bouncing in my throat,
he's snakes his hands around me,
making it
difficult,

to breathe,

to think,

to process information,

to comprehend the words,
that flow,

I follow the dance of his,
tongue,
and I am sluggish,

I am inebriated,
in desire, left in the wake....  

....... wake
to the sound of my alarm,
and I curse,
the cruel,
ways my,
mind,
plays,
tricks,
on the me,
I am unguarded,
in sleep,

a wake,
I am strong,
and I can ignore,
the "lonelies",

he say's anxiety,
is misplaced trust,


but I'm trusting,
others have forsaken what was to be the goal,
but I'm still waiting,
I'm here.
waiting,

like a landmark,
against a tsunami,
I'm here waiting,

God had seven days to create all we,
know, can't wait to see what,
he has in store,
20 years and more,

I'm waiting for the hands that shaped me,
to place me.


and I'm still here,
I'm waiting.

I am obsessed,
obsessive
obsessing
over you.
So much that I think I've become ill.

My mind throbs
from all the memories.
Vague and vivid
and even imageless,
remebering all of them
from when we were five
to just last weekend.
My eyes are red and itchy,
my tears that just won't cease.
My body aches,
my muscles feel twisted and ripped
beneath my skin,
as if you tore through my arms
trying to escape from our embrace.
My chest feels heavy
carrying this burden.
And my breath feels thick
with the old blood of our compassion.

I am sick.
Sick with you
and why everything seems totally fine one moment,
and then I get lost in the lull of my empty bedroom,
with a knife reflecting
your handsome rigid face.