How do you live your life if you fear what hides in the shadows?
How do you get by when the days just start to melt together?
How do you make something of yourself when you're stuck in a downwards spiral?
Maybe one day you'll find some answers, but you can't live if you're stuck in a daze.
Maybe it's not a daze, but more so a series of orchestrated events.
Maybe you need to learn how to feel the heart beating in your chest.
But until you learn how to feel like you once did before you got taken apart, you need to try to make a new start.
And try to deal with these unpleasantly distressing cards.
As you hope and try to get back all of your lost heart.

Walking down these staggering roads.
And i'm starting to feel a little less alone.
I'm just trying to melt my heart of stone,
So maybe one day i'll have someone to hold.
But lately I've been feeling more or less cold.
But some seem to brighten my day, and I know it could never get old.
So where do I go with my eyes set on the stars?
I used to have so much love in my heart. and now i'm not sure if i'll get very far.
I guess i'll just have to deal with my cards.
As I hope and try to get back all of my lost heart.

Wandering in the dark.
I need to regain my lost heart.
Will i always be alone?
Or will i find a key that feels like home?
Whatever my fate, i know i need to escape.
Find me wandering under the stars.
Let's get lost travelling with the sunrise.
As i try not to think about my demise.

If i could go back and change things maybe i would.
But then i never would have me you.
You changed me for what i thought was the better.
And now i'm stuck in an endless spiral going nowhere.
Yeah i know i'm undeserving.
And for you, i was never worth it.
But you made me feel like i had a purpose.
And your love was simply breathtaking.
If i could have a second chance with you i'd take it in a heartbeat.
But you're not mine and never will be.
And i don't know if that'll every stop my heartache for you.

It seems i might have found myself.
But this heartache is making me weak.
But it feels nice to feel.
Will i ever find something real?
Or will i be stuck clicking my heels wondering when i'll find my way home?
I guess until i find my someday, i'll be left out in the pouring rain.

This sickness is killing me.
Why can’t this just be a bad dream?
The aching is setting in, and I’m starting to drown.
I’ve been lost for so long, will I ever be found?
It feels like I’m hidden in the depths of the ocean.
Never catching my breath, struggling to be me.
Who am I?
Can I get myself back?
There are far too many things that I lack.
So while I try to keep up with the sun,
I’ll appreciate the stars that still shine in darkness.
And try not to feel so heartless.

Being used never made me feel so tortured.
If only my life had some order.
But I’m locked in this nightmare of a life, and my dreams are no different.
At least in my dreams I can wake up and tell myself that it wasn’t real.
But everything in this life got stolen.
If only I had it in me to be golden.
But I’m a mistake.
This life is a never ending charade.
And I’m always too weak to play.
But I don’t want to treat life like a game.
And somehow it just gets worse by the day.
The voices never really leave.
It’s taking its toll and I don’t want to stay.
But it’s clear to me that every interaction towards me is filled with hate.
So as I try to live a life that doesn’t feel like a layer of hell, I’ll try not to dwell too much and be more than just a shell.

No torture could satisfy the thirst.
To torment you people for making this life the worst.
Every time before I was never in denial, I don’t know your lies but I was only a child.
To get even would be to **** you to the worst layer of hell.
Rotting and burning with no way out.
Feeling agonizing pain for the rest of eternity.
Is this why you keep me oblivious?
Because I can no longer fathom any peace life could ever bring.
So as I try to get used to the sting that the rest of my life will hold,
I’ll try not to think about my brutal death that you’re all dying to unfold.
So **** the ones who keep the lies going.
The world if not the universe is ****** and I have no desire to keep going.
I guess I know these people will never get What’s coming, because they put it onto others because they’ll never stop bluffing.
So as “evil” takes over I won’t care if it’s hell on earth, I don’t get why you want that but I hope whatever happens to you hurts worse.

Again it seems like i'll always be a loner.
As the days pass i'm getting more ****** up and not to mention colder.
I can't wait till all of this is over.
Tie the noose around my throat and take the final leap.
Things are far worse than perceived.
So tell me what's left in this life for me?
Hell knows that no one will grieve.
I just hope i can climb that tree.
Just so i can finally be at peace.
But what went so wrong that my life was always so unspeakably dreadful?
All of this is just so regrettable.
As everything keeps making itself clear in my mind,
I find myself wishing it was my time.
So i guess soon i'll just have to say goodbye.
Even though i never had anyone that stayed this time.
But the weight isn't so bad because i have no options left and it's helpless to try.

She never liked crowds.
Could never stand proud.
Always trying to escape this life.
Hoping you would never know what it's like.
Struggling to find true friends.
Only hoping that she could mend.
Fighting for her life every day.
That's when she began to pray.
Always trying to have a good time.
But all she ever felt was dead inside.

The price I have to pay,
For too many different embraces.
Nothing left to say.
But I’m left lusting as a witness.
Love never comes.
Where can I find it?
If I find someone who feels like home.
Why would I want to hide it?
So I’ll make friends with the moon, as I try not to let the doom consume.
And appreciate the flowers in the sun, as I hope to find someone before I crash, burn and run.

As i bleed my soul dry, i wonder if i even had one to begin with.
I know all too well that i lost my heart when you tore it out of my chest.
So how can i bring light into my all too dull world?
Since you left, you've never really left my thoughts.
But i know letting you go has been long overdue.
So why can't i let you escape me?
Maybe it's because when our flame went out, it burnt out the spark in my eyes.
Maybe we weren't supposed to be apart.
Maybe we were never supposed to meet.
But if i could get one thing right, it's that you made me feel complete.

Let me bleed myself dry for you just one last time.
You were the one person who didn’t really make me want to hide.
But it didn’t work out, no, not this time.
So I’ll just hope my broken bones don’t get washed away by the tide.
Your smile brought joy to my all too dull world.
But I’m too naive, just a stupid little girl.
When did everything start fading away?
I guess the voices got the best of me so I was never really okay.
Your love was addicting and you were always enough.
I wish I had it in me to give you all of my love.
And although we reached our end I’ll still remember your eyes.
Warm and inviting unless I changed your mind.
And as we part ways to our unknown endeavours.
Just know I held you dearly and I’ll remember you forever.

Feeling trapped.
Trying to gain all the things that i lack.
I miss your sweet embrace.
But darling, i know i'm too late.
I don't even know if i feel like the real me.
I'm trying everything i can, do you hear my plea?
Unwanted in every room.
How did this reality become true?
What happened to having a family and friends?
I don't know if i'll ever mend.
Moving forward only feeling like a burden.
Fearing the day they'll close the curtain.
But i want to get out of the place i'm in.
Find your warm gaze again, even though our love may be a sin.
Was it ever love?
Or just a trance you had me in?
Whatever our fate may be, you never really leave my mind.
I just wish you wanted me the way i want you.
But i guess there's just not enough time to get you back on my side.
Were you ever on my side in the first place?
Whatever the truth is, i guess it's just not my fate.
I just wish you knew how much you mean to me.
I'm sitting here losing my sanity.
Trying to figure out what went wrong.
I guess it was just in the cards.
Who knew life without you would be this hard.
But i hope you find happiness in everything you do.
You were my everything, i'm just sorry i couldn't make your dreams come true.

My being is radiating with hate.
How will I escape?
I want to turn the page, but everything more or less stays the same.
Why does everyone treat life like a game?
If life isn’t a spiral, how are things ever supposed to change?
They say history repeats itself but I say that’s wrong.
Maybe that’s why I can never find comfort in songs.
Why can’t people see the beauty of life lies within?
And there’s no need to **** with people and commit so many sins.
I don’t know what the masquerade has planned but I’m not even trying to win.
I just need to get away because I can’t even find comfort within my own skin.
So as the days keep melting together I’ll try to hope that people see, there are so many answers and people are too consumed with hate and greed.

The future is unraveling and i'm not liking the view.
Innocent or menacing? Will i ever have a clear view?
As the days turn into months, and months to years, it seems like the only thing keeping me sane is downing a few beers.
So what's next in this viscous cycle?
Every interaction feels recycled.
I keep wanting to get away, but i feel like i'll never make a clean escape.
What's blocking the gate to a new and unfiltered life?
It seems that gravity is the only thing keeping me grounded, but my wrist no longer feel the sting of the knife.
Where would i go if i even had the chance?
The days are kind of blurry, how do i get out of this trance?
But as my life keeps unfolding, i'll try to make it through.
My life feels like a hoax, i'm not liking these new shoes.

Life is a hoax.
Can't do anything but choke.
I don't get why everyone plays these petty games.
Everything is intertwined in a web of lies and choas, there's little room to stay sane.
So as i try to get out of this petty somewhat merciless charade, i'll try not to have all of the blame put on me.
But it's part of their deception so i doubt anyone really cares to see.

Maybe the path is staggering but your feelings are coming back.
Maybe you have too many doubts but it’s the rest of yourself you lack.
Maybe you’ll never find someone to hold dear.
Faces come and go, and nothing is ever clear.
Maybe you hold onto fear because it feels more like home.
But maybe you should let it go, there might still be hope.
So as I continue to walk down this road trying to melt my heart of stone, I’ll hope I find the one who chooses my hand to hold.

Does life really have a purpose?
I always thought it was peace love and happiness.
I know it's cliche, but i think it's all about the experience.
Now i'm not so sure. Everything is more or less a blur.
As the days go by it seems what's left of me and my life is withering away.
And the happiness that's always been fleeting is making it's great escape.
I never thought i would grow so cold and bitter.
At least i managed to make it through winter.
I guess i never found the right people to open up to.
To try to be myself around.
What do you have if the seasons never allow you to grow?
What's left if you're always cast out on your own?
I know life isn't supposed to be easy, but it's also not supposed to constantly knock you down.
Maybe that's why no one ever sticks around.
I guess i was just never strong enough to experience the world alone.
But until i've reached my end i'll continue to find my home.

Maybe I just have to accept that feeling constant pain is normal for me.
Maybe it's just in the cards that they never want me like I want them.
I guess I'll just have to find a way to smile through the loneliness.
Breathe on with this weight on my chest.
Forget about the rest.
but it's hard to do when all you wanna do is end it all.
No more wondering if things will work out.
No more wishing for everything to be okay.
No more searching for a soul who can help you forget about your miserable reality.
But I guess that's life.
And even though you may be broken or even shattered, that doesn't mean you should quit.
Even if you do feel hopeless, there will always be hope.

Are things looking up?
Or is it all deceiving?
Where did my feelings go?
I guess they’ll always be fleeting.
Where can I go to find more hope?
I’m not sure I know and I can’t let go.
So what’s next in this chapter of my life?
Whatever happens, I just hope I can get rid of this strife.

No hope to go on, no hope to mend.
So tell me, do you know how this is going to end?
My entire life has felt like a hoax.
No this isn’t a joke.
So what is there now if not hope?
Maybe it’s time to cut all the ropes.
Will I be numb? Or slip into the unknown?
I have nowhere left to go.
I guess I need to stop letting my feelings show.

I felt like I was about to be set free.
You made me think you could be what I need.
But I did what I do best and ****** it up again.
If I could make things better I would want to try to be around you again.
But I'm a hopeful romantic always falling so fast.
Maybe one day I'll find someone who wants to make something with me last.
And until I can try to be a better fit.
I'll try to figure out where it is that I sit.

Stumbling through this mess,
can't rid myself of the constant aching in my chest.
I never meant to do anyone harm.
Please just hold me close in your arms.
It's clear that i'm undeserving,
I try to move forward but nothing is working.
I finally figured out that i was doomed from the start.
Trying to fix my tainted heart.
Maybe my heart isn't the problem,
I think it's my mind.
Why can't i fix this?
I guess there's just not enough time.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope for love.
But everyone's made it clear that i'll never be enough.
So why do i keep trying to pull through this pain?
Maybe it's the fact that deep down i know i have the strength to make a change.

Looking through the window with hopeful eyes,
Starting to change the greys to kaleidoscopic skies.
Slowly the dark hues turns into peace,
I can now finally say that I'm finding some relief.
The faces I once thought were cold and scarce,
I'm now starting to see that they really do care.
Breaking free from my ungrateful ways,
Just trying to move forward and make a good change.
No, life isn't about romantic connections.
Sometimes you first need to love your own reflection.
It only takes one soul to help save humanity.
We need to rid our home of selfishness and unnecessary profanity.
Love comes in different shades,
And darling I promise as long as you have hope everything will be okay.

I want to get out,
But how do I run from this?
From my mind?
From those who are consuming my thoughts?
I wish this would just go away.
But it seems it's a part of me.
And I have nowhere left to hide.

Sometimes an ounce of hope shines through.
And it gives me the strength to want to continue.
But I always find out it’s just a hoax.
Will my demise come from the noose in the rope?

Always worrying about my demise.
I guess I’ve always known that there’s never enough time.
Will I ever get to witness the beauty of the world shine?
It’s all such a dark mess and I’m never truly fine.

So what’s left in the unfolding chapters of my life?
Is there hope to turn the page? Or will I continue to live a life filled with strife?

So I guess now all I can do is try to move past this.
Even though the last few months have been in remiss.
So as I try not to let their hate consume my being.
I’ll try not to spend all of my time grieving.

If I can’t better myself then what can I do?
Why do people have to be so blinded and misconstrued?
I need to work on myself and let my life unfold.
But they’re bitter as hell and they keep me trapped in a hell hole.
So how do I get out of the clutches of the masquerade?
I don’t know what to do because no matter what I try it gets worse by the day.
I wish there were another way.
But I can’t take this petty tragedy and I think I’m nearing the final page.

What is hate?
If everyone's to blame?
It's petty belligerence, and ignorant sadistic ways.
But you might as well write off the brain in your head.
Because with all this conniving fuckery everyones better off dead.

Sometimes my eyes flood, and i can't escape the tides.
Sometimes the storm lingers, and i'm stuck in their disguise.
Sometimes the sun shines down on me, and i forget the fear.
Sometimes i feel alone, because no one is ever near.
Will i ever find my way out of this sequence?
A part of me doesn't believe it.
I'm sinking deeper into the pit.
Did it ever matter where i chose to sit?
I still can't fathom how it came to this.
So as i try to get out of remiss, i'll hope that my someday comes.
And i'll finally feel effervescent in bliss.

Cold and alone went to I want to break your ******* bones.
I knew I needed a home but why the hell did I ever let anyone come close?
My mind is infestedwith morbidity and suffering.
My being is breaking and nothing can fix the hellfire you people continuously put me through.
So what's with the lies and deceit?
And every single one of you peoples slimy disgusting feet.
Don't ******* act like you care, when I was always the one gasping for a fresher breath of air.
So ******* all and all of the nightmares through hell you've caused me to go through.
It's no wonder it's a means to an end because you people are so ******* greedy you put everyone else on their death beds.

Life makes no sense no matter what side you're on.
Everything ends up being petty, does it even matter that they're all wrong?
The truth stays misconstrued, i'm still lost and have no will to continue.
So as i look at the different hues in the sky, i'll wonder why my life is just an endless setup to my demise.
And try to have hope that it won't be too brutal this time.

The days are melting together and I can’t find my way out of this mess.
I don’t know where to go or what to do with the stress.
As the rain clouds come and go I find that the feeling of woe isn’t so bad.
But this charade is getting old and I wonder which breath will be my last.
As I reminisce on the joys that life used to hold, I’ll ponder about the fact that this life got so cold.
So as I try to find my way into a brighter hue, I’ll keep my eyes on the skyline to try to stay away from the blues.
But what does life hold if there isn’t any meaning?
I don’t know what’s next but I doubt it’s something I can fathom seeing.

Maybe life has its twists and turns, but it shouldn’t have anything to do with anyone’s self worth.
Life should be less conniving and you shouldn’t leave people in the dirt.
If you’ve suffered at all you wouldn’t want to make anyone hurt.
So as I try to see that not everyone has deceitful eyes, and maybe not everyone is wearing a disguise.
Maybe there will be a brighter shade in view, because I’m getting so worn from these murky hues.
Maybe not everyone will stop their lies, but in hopes that they do I’ll keep my eyes set on the sky.

Can’t escape being toyed with.
Why is everything in such remiss?
Will I ever feel bliss?
Everything is coming together and falling apart I can’t live like this.
So how do I get past these burdens they keep throwing my way?
It doesn’t make it easy when no one ever stays.
How can you live a life alone with only the bottle and these words?
I don’t know why but somehow it doesn’t really hurt.
I guess I need to find a little more self worth.
Before things get worse and I’m dragged in the dirt.

Life seems ominous.
Too many problems.
Why are you people so counter productive?
I don't understand how everyone loves it.
So what's the point of making this life?
It only leads the weak or problem ridden to the knife.

Where’s the barbed wire I want to tie up your limbs, squeeze till it turns blue and slit open your wrists.
Rip out your veins and shove them in your mouth.
Rip out your tongue like you’re rotting in hell.
Nail your eyeballs into the socket, sew your lips together, cut them off and put them in your pocket.
Get a tile cutter to split apart your feet to your knees,
Get a sledgehammer to shatter your femur because you’ve already brought me to my knees.
Set you ablaze for all of this torment.
You all ****** me over before everyone was for it.
So excuse me for wanting to get revenge.
But you can’t expect to torture someone their whole existence and for them to not turn out like this.

(Directed at the masquerade or whoever the hell is out to get me. Awesome.)

Whatever’s going on I honestly can’t understand.
It’s petty ******* drama with your played out hands.
So what the **** is the work? What’s the master plan?
Just leave me alone I never had a chance.
I lived my life as a shadow and someone brought me out.
But you all found your way in and ended up getting me corrupted blindly so there was no doubt.
But now I’m trapped in your sequence and it’s a cycle of torment.
If that’s what being elite is then this should all lie dormant.
Does life even have meaning?
You’re all blinded with tunnel vision I truly can’t see it.
“Nymphos” fiending on corrupted lust.
Your lies make no sense and this life is so out of touch.
When will any of this satisfy any of you?
It never will cause you’re all horrendous just let me live without your played out shoes.

What’s around the corner?
It’s in the shadows.
Is there a way out?
Things are decieving me.
It doesn’t matter if anyone grieves.
I just don’t want this to be the way I leave.

I wish i wasn't me most of the time.
Yeah, there are times when i like who i am.
But most of the time i feel inadequate.
Never being anyone's first choice.
Never feeling like my presence matters.
Never feeling like i make a difference.
But what if there is the off chance that i do matter?
Would i feel any different?
Would i be happy with my existence?
Would my life take a change for the better?
Yeah, most of the time i wish i wasn't me.
I know a wise man once said wishing you were someone else is a waste of who you are.
But the truth is, i don't know who i am.

Hate is emanating from my distrust.
I guess it's safe to say i've had enough.
I can't overcome all of their bluffs.
So why do they keep lying?
All of this is so one sided.
How many people will suffer before they're satisfied?
I hope it's not just me who notices that they're ruining the quality of life.
But i guess if i'm the odd one out, that's why i'm filled with so much doubt.
I guess time will tell if it'll just be my demise or some way out.
I just wish i could leave and not have any of this petty fuckery to worry about.

It's hard to see what people want you to believe as reality.
It's not secrets, it's lies. Everything masked in a different disguise.
And if you don't comply to what they want to be true, they decide it's time for you to change your shoes, but life still stays misconstrued.
So why continue in this orchestrated web?
It only happens if they plan what's next.
So where's the beauty of wonder in finding out your life, not changing your mask and ending up with too much negativity and strife?
I don't think it ever mattered which "side" you were on.
Because if the sadists don't agree you're the next to be gone.
So excuse me for saying that you people have it wrong.
If this is how "life works" there's no meaning left, everyone's just strung along.

Go to hell you *****.
Nothing in life will ever be enough.
It's because of you all that makes life **** this much.
Nothing will ever matter because you all manipulate the truth for your greedy bluffs.

Life is a demented petty game.
From the ignorance these sadists play.
Why keep this charade?
It's clear everyone deserves to get slain.

Snaking your way into my head.
There's no way to get out of you people's hellbent plan.
There's also no part of me inside.
So ******* all and your petty army of belligerent parasitic flies.

It feels like I’m blind no matter what path I take.
Sometimes I come across friendly faces but now it feels like it was all fake.
All of this feels like a petty masquerade.
And every time I start to get up, I realize it’s only my life at stake.
What did I do to deserve this kind of fate?
I’m not the only one at fault but somehow they can only see me with blame.
so as the days go by I find that I feel a lot of shame.
Maybe it’s because of all the lies they tell, no one cares, it’s all the same.
So while they bury all the evidence and get their stories straight,
I’ll just hope I’m ready when I’m at the final stakes.

So the end is nigh.
And everyone is blind.
Too many sins, there's no good place to begin.
For my daughter ava, I wish I could have been there.
You're more precious than life but I'm left gasping for air.
If I could I'd give you the best life, but my merciless days led me straight to the morgue this time.
You shine brighter than the sun, and I hope will find the best life to come.
And for those just like you I wish the same to be true.
So in these final moments I'll just think about you and my motherhood.
But dwell on the fact that this life is always misunderstood.

My whole being is corrupt.
Could things get any more ******?
It seems like the whole ******* universe is out to get me.
All I tried to do was work on myself and be myself but no one really ever lets me.
It’s past the point of fixing.
Everything that’s true they make worse, it’s my whole existence they’ve been nixing.
So why can I only use these typed out letters?
I’m useless and logic never works, common sense just makes them worse.
Why are people so conniving and rude.
I always had the idea of death in my head, because there’s no way to fix this or my life or existence so what the **** is the difference if I end up dead?
Why the **** is so much wrong with my being and what’s going on in my head?
They’re like a ****** up cult that pick apart your weaknesses until you have nothing left.
Weaseling their way in for their own sick gain cause they could care less about who ends up dead, how by now am I not completely insane?
It’s all a hoax, it’s turning into some morbid joke.
I feel like tying theses ***** up with rope, nail their eyeball into the socket and make them bleed out for all the torment.
But I guess I’m completely ******, because these ******* are all somehow loved.
And I’m the one whose always hated.
There’s probably no way to evade it.
I can’t even escape this cesspool of a town or get out of this twisted cycle.

So trapped it doesn’t matter what I do.
Everything is so misconstrued.
Who am I? I keep losing my shoes.
Death is coming, and probably soon.
I wish I had the strength to make it through.
But everyone’s against me so there’s no hope to find a brighter hue.
So tell me, what is there left to do?
I’m so lost **** I have absolutely no clue.
So as I try to overcome this and maybe escape this impending doom,
I’ll keep searching for myself but even that’s been stolen too.
I guess the only thing left to do is to feel as much as I can in hopes of figuring out what to do.

Life is misconstrued because no one feels like staying in their own shoes.
I don’t even care that I don’t know what to do because life is nothing but a blackened hue.
So as I hope to see streams of red come streaming from your eyes, as I sit there and wait to witness your merciless demise.
Too bad I’m not strong enough for those twists and ties. I’d mutilate you to hell for all of your petty lies.
So as I hope all of you burn, I’ll try to remember a time where life itself had any sort of worth.
You say you’re elite, but this is one sided.
Maybe it’s not only me whose blinded.
But when life is just a contorted mess, to get whatever you see “fit” not caring about the rest.
I would gladly tear my insides out of my chest.
But I’ll never Rest In Peace until I rip your organs to shreds.