As i drag what's left of my soul through what i call life,
I can't help but feel numb to the touch. **** this isn't right.
And i can't help but feel trapped in a world with no friends.
If only i could start over, somewhere new, because there's no hope to mend.
So i keep starting over every day as best as i can.
But nothing ever works, i really need to divise a new plan.
But how can you think of a new plan when you really have nothing?
I don't think it matters how you look at it, and no i was never bluffing.
I guess the only thing i can do is continue to drown my sorrows.
Because in what i call my life, everything so far has been borrowed.

Living with a broken spirit.
I’m left in tears, hoping no one hears it.
How much longer till they rid me of this place?
I can never really keep a genuine smile on my face.
So what’s left of my fate?
Something tells me it’s too late.
I know I need to save myself but I don’t know how.
So I guess when I reach the pit of hell I’ll take my final bow.

I want to dance in the rain.
Forget the shame.
This life is like a game.
And I’m the only one who doesn’t play.
So what if I find my shooting star?
Would it keep me from falling apart?
I think I need my lost heart.
But I can’t find it so I guess I’ll just gaze at the city line from afar.
I want to break free from these chains.
But I can’t figure out this game.
What is it like to be truly free?
If only I could see.
And as I wait to bloom into the person I’ve always wanted to be.
I’ll try to appreciate the scenery, as I try to believe there’s still hope for me.

What’s with the growing web of lies?
If you can’t be yourself, why wear a disguise?
I’d sever myself from being tied to your slimy grasp.
But I can’t break free so what the **** is next?
Why is everything always contorted distortion?
Why is deception your game?
It’s a ****** up notion.
So as I hope I can get out of this demented cycle, I’ll hope the liars stop living in denial.
Because a life based on lies can’t be sustained.
Unless you only want problems the truth should remain.

They’re spinning me into a cocoon in this web of lies.
Why can’t I break free?
Stop trapping me in your sequence of fuckery.
The problem isn’t me, it’s you people only out to get your way, why the **** can’t you see?
So as I try to escape their slimy plot.
I’ll try to feel less distraught.
In hopes of escaping the mass, but I’m in the middle of the crossfire.
**** them all and any meaning to last.

It seems my mind won’t stop until I tear my world apart.
If only I would have known this from the start.
So what’s left?
There’s barely any feeling inside my chest.
It makes me wonder if there will ever be a key.
You were all I wanted, all I thought I would ever need.
But I think I have to leave.
If I want to keep my sanity.
I don’t want to hurt you but holding on is hurting me.
Who knew this would cut so deep?
So I’ll hope you get to where you need to go,
As I try not to tie a noose around my throat.

I can’t fathom the mess of my mind.
I guess that’s why I’m always left thinking about my demise.
I don’t even have hope that things will work out for me in my lifetime.
So what’s with these plans?
Why can’t I find a new place to stand?
I can’t tell whose true from who hides behind their mask.
This life I live is no easy task.
So why does this all get projected onto and through me?
I try so hard but I can barely see.
And I’m no saint because it’s somehow always my fault.
Things got distorted and coated in salt.
So how do I just fix this hell bound trick?
I can’t figure enough out and it doesn’t really feel like I have a place to sit.
How the **** did things turn out like this?
Everything’s in remiss for me.
I guess I still have my sanity.
But I don’t deserve to ever find a key.
Because I’m made out to be the problem, it’s always ******* me.
I just wish I could fix this mess and continue to breathe.

Destined to walk alone down this staggering and winding road. I guess this life has taken its toll. And my bones can’t withstand the cold. There’s nowhere left to go, I hope things get easier as I find a new place to call home.

Maybe I'm just a bad person.
Maybe it's because I'm selfish.
But when you're mostly alone it's hard to figure out what to do.
Always feeling like an outsider.
Even in the places I should feel at home.
When will the ridicule end?
Maybe that's why I make questionable life choices.
And do things that aren't me.
The path is still blocked and there is no key.

Maybe I’m broken but I’m destined to be alone. A once soft heart forced to be stone.  I wish I could leave this place but I have nowhere left to go. But I would take the pain and the sorrow over something with false hope.

Yeah, it's been a few years but my heart's still breaking.
My mind just won't stop racing.
I know it's not in the cards for us to be together.
I just wish i could change the weather.
Yeah, it's been a few years but my chest is still aching.
I still listen to the music you've been making.
Longing to just talk to you one last time.
wishing that you could be mine.
But i guess it can't happen this time.
Yeah, it's been a few years but my soul's still dimming.
I've just been trying to start a new beginning.
But my being is washed out by the memories, whether good or bad.
I can't help but miss whatever it was that we had.
I just hope you find what you're looking for, and for me to stop being so sad.
Yeah, it's been a few years and it's tearing me apart.
If only i could have been more careful with my heart.

With a broken spirit and no mind left,
How am i supposed to feel the heart beating in my chest?
With emptiness flowing through my veins,
How am i supposed to appreciate the sun or the pouring rain?
Nothing but enemies everywhere i go.
And i'm stuck walking around with nothing but false hope.

There's nothing i want more than to feel as deep as the ocean.
I'm always left alone with nothing and no one and so much devotion.
But what's left to give when everyone's gone and left?
I can't feel anything deep inside my chest.
Stuck living my life as an emotionless wreck.
I'm nothing more in this world than a valueless speck.

So as the days keep passing me by in this melancholic mess.
I'll continue to try to give my life meaning, and do away with the stress.

So i'm left with an anguishing heart.
I guess the way things are going i won't fall apart.
I just wish i didn't have to go through life alone.
All of this is making me turn to stone.

So as i keep searching for a lasting love.
I'll try to rid my life of the meaningless encounters i'm starting to get sick of.

My whole existence is in remiss.
Is there a way to get out of this?
Always running away,
Yet my fate gets worse or if I’m lucky stays the same.
But there is no good deep inside this rib cage.
So why so many games?
The light left my eyes far too long ago.
Along with everything else strung together with hope.
So why is this the only thing people ever want to do?
You all won five years ago cause I never had it in me to continue.

Life is a mindless petty game.
There’s never a way out just stupid games driving you insane.
When people are just conniving and fueled by their egos and greed, there’s no meaning to be found but they don’t care if they can see.
So as I crash headfirst into my demise, I’ll wonder why there’s even a sun that shines.
Because when life holds no value no one will care how much you cry.

All this torment and there will never be peace.
Why did this start because there's no point i can see.
All of this is senseless petty slavery.
Stop dictating my life with your corrupted minds filled with false power and greed.
No one should go through you people's played out web of lies.
And you all cover everything up with your mindless disguise.
So as i hope you all burn or get swallowed by the earth, i'll wonder when it'll be my turn.
Because you people rob people of everything and leave them with no self worth.

Let me slit open your throat.
Tie your limbs together and hope you choke.
Stick pins in your eyeballs and hammer them down.
Burn you alive because you make my life a living hell.
It’s the masquerade that makes me do nothing but dwell.
I hope you start to rot because you keep me as a shell.

So give me a ticking time bomb.
Where will it go?
Buried underneath this cesspool of a town?
Who even knows.
I’m the worst of the worst for living in the midst of all of this.
A once good hearted person led into remiss.
And maybe that’s why I wish them so much worse.
I’m a sociopath who gets homicidal, so I guess that’s why it doesn’t really hurt.
So tell me, why the **** did I ever even care?
They were always this bad, I always needed a breath of fresher air.
Who torments children into a waking nightmare.
Saying “that’s just how life works” will never be fair.
So I guess that’s why I’m always shut out of peoples lives.
Have I ever met anyone who wasn’t wearing a disguise?
My instincts tell me this life is filled with only their lies.
Get me out of their sequence because all I wish for is for them to all die.
But **** it I guess cause they’ve all been waiting for my demise.
I don’t give a single **** because my heart is shrinking in size.
So as I wait to never return, I’ll spend my last passing moments hoping that they all burn.

Living as a puppet.
Why do they love it?
Why can’t I make them burn?
This is nothing but absurd.
I’d chain you to a board and burn your skin, rip apart your flesh till you’re bleeding from within.
Petty ******* sins, fueled by lies.
Corruption led in your stolen disguise.
You people are demented and at the very best ill.
I will never be happy until your body is in pieces and I make sure you’re all killed.

My being was in the middle of their wreckage.
Pried open and picked apart, and now I can barely see my own reflection.
There was never a point to any of this orchestrated mess.
Who’s being who? Why pick apart what’s underneath someone’s ribs?
So as I come to terms that this life is filled with petty misfortune with little to no order, I’ll keep wondering why everyone wants more.
It’s what you do in life that makes it count.
Not who you **** over leaving them with nothing but hate and doubt.

Autumn is here, I’m somehow doing fine without you near.
But I still hide from the fear.
Maybe with the cooler breeze, I’ll be able to see, what all of this nonsense really means.
And maybe someday find it easier to breathe.
But they ignore my pleas.
Forcing me to grieve.
Over my own life lived by others perceptions of how they see who they believe is me.
But who am I with all of these disorders?
It’s impossible to see because they have me cornered.
Maybe not so much cornered but rearranged.
This is all so strange, not to mention deranged.
I just wish I could brush off the debris but I’m in their hate filled cage.

Stuck with this disorder, I might as well be trapped in a corner.
What would happen if I could change my fate?
Would there be hope for a better day?
I just wish I could find a way for all of this to change.
Maybe then I wouldn’t be stuck being a slave to their game.

Strapped and in chains, will I ever break free?
The truth is something I’ll always try to conceive but I’m starting to lose my sanity.
So why don’t the lies ever cease?
I don’t know if I’ve ever known what it is to be free.
All I can think about is how this could be true.
I’m lost and stumbling in the dark without a clear view.
I don’t understand how everything stays so misconstrued.
It makes no sense, and people get involved without a care of what they do.
So until I find a better hue along the skyline, I’ll hope I don’t run out of time.
I just wish I could see the beauty of the world shine.

This place is like a disease.
Parasites spreading their petty poison.
Where did the good come from?
Probably preying on the weak.
This is all so bleak.
So as I try to break free from their slimy grasp, I’ll try not to be involved with their disposable plans.
None of this will ever be justifiable.
I guess they’ll all keep living in some narcissistic denial.
As I hope the ones who are still deserving don’t end up hurting.

Creaky floorboards, tapping sounds.
Is anyone here? What’s around?
I keep a light on to keep myself sane.
Why is my life a never ending game?
The days are turning blurry and the nights are hard.
Why can’t I figure out how to deal with these cards?

My life is so misconstrued.
It’s like I’m suffocating and I can’t find my shoes.
I don’t know what it’s going to take to continue.
Why is everything so catastrophic?
All of this seems so psychotic.
So as I try to be the light that I need, I’ll try not to grieve about my life falling apart at the seams.
And I can always hope to live the life of my dreams.

It's like i'm trapped in a prison.
Is it because i know too much?
Or not enough?
Maybe my life is just some sick joke.
The only thing keeping me going is hope.
But what am i even hoping for anymore?
In the past it had always been love.
But then you got into my veins.
Baby, i'm falling for your masquerade.
I don't know what you're giving me here, and i don't know why.
But lately you're the only thing that's been on my mind.
In a way i think i might need you.
But i would only make things hard, and i wish we could've had more time.
You tried to help save me, and in my ignorance i did the only thing i knew how- to let the demons on my side.
But if i could take it all back, i wouldn't hesitate to gain all the things that i lack.
To try to get on your side, maybe then neither of us would have to hide.

I don't know where I'm headed but there might be hope.
Maybe I'll find something real and not feel the need to tie the noose around my throat.
I feel less alone but a little more lonely.
Everything about my life just seems so ******* phony.
I guess it's true when they say that in this life nothing is ever as it seems.
In these shoes all you can do is dream.
Even when your life is falling apart at the seams.
And you're unsure if people say what they really mean.
So what do I do to try to give my life some meaning?
My life is a mess I guess it's all a little too deceiving.  
So I guess I'm selfish for wanting to get my life back.
Who has the answers because it's almost everything that I lack.
I guess I'm just not cut out for this life.
But I'll try my best to find the answers and try not to take my life.

Always feeling like I’m stuck at the bottom.
I probably should have realized that I need help solving my problems.
I guess I had a chance at a new kind of start.
But it got the best of me cause now I might be falling apart.
I guess I have too much hope.
But if we must you can cut the rope.
Things can’t stay cloudy forever.
Maybe the haze will fade and I’ll be fine by December.
But what now? I feel like I severed our ties.
The last thing I want is for you to run and hide.
Maybe I’ll never be the one you keep by your side.
But what I do know is that I want to push my hazy, darkened thoughts aside.

The days are blurring together, and i know i'll never find my favourite sweater.
The nights are becoming eerie with shades of black dancing with shadows.
What hides in the darkness?
Am i becoming more heartless?
I know i'm running out of time, and i can't stop thinking about my demise.
But the masquerade won the game, and i'm too weak too play this stupid game.
I know i won't make it another day.
I wish i could have changed my fate.
But this is it and i know nothing will ever change.

Drowning in hate,
If only I could escape.
If I could I’d fix all of my mistakes.
To try to fix my fate.
And maybe feel happy for a change.

Why do I always focus on running away?
Maybe it would be therapeutic on an autumn day.
But I guess it’s about time to learn how to handle the rain.
I can’t tell if it’s worse than it seems but I want to make a change.

My whole existence is filled with hate.
I wish I could escape.
But I can’t seem to be able to turn the page.
Why does this have to be my fate?
I want to get away.
But things keep going deeper into this hellhole I’m in.
My life is like a series of other people’s sins.
Always leading to my demise, I can’t seem to win.
So what about the seeds of lies that they plant around every bend?
I try to get past it but everyone would rather believe in what’s pretend.
So I guess I’ll just keep trying to mend.
And hope that something changes.
Because I honestly can’t take this.
If only people could just see that their projections of who I am are barely ever even me.
I can’t get myself back, where is the key?
What’s getting stronger is my sanity.
But I can’t figure out what I need,
Except to end this petty fuckery.

Been trying so long and my dreams are shattered.
All of this makes it seem like none of this ever mattered.
So how do I get out of the pit I’m in?
This is so ****** up and I’m left with the weight of my actions and sins.
I don’t even know if I have enough love to give.
I don’t know why but without it I can’t seem to live.
So why am I stumbling through life still trying?
What’s left of my soul seems to be withering away and dying.
Where am I going? There aren’t many people I can call friends around.
At least I’m not that lonely anymore but it’s still hard to get used to the sound.
So I’ll try to stand up and make it through the chaos.
And hope that I don’t get completely lost.

There is no amount of suffering you people could ever endure, for desecrating my life, for your own selfish worth.
So why am I the target?
All of your lies are so one sided.
You needed to find someone to blame, I guess it’s me and you people are driving me insane.
So while I think about ripping out your veins and shoving them in your mouth.
Hoping one day you’ll all rot in hell.
Only to keep me as your puppet like shell, for all of your petty ******* that makes the weak dwell.
I’d rearrange your organs and make sure you feel all of the pain.
Mutilate you slowly for all of your ******* lies and games.
But wait I’m the bad guy, and I’m the one whose always hated.
You turned me into someone exactly like you, so don’t put all the blame on me I’m forced to be jaded.
I’m not trying to hide I’m just trying to end this never ending charade.
I’m sick of being your puppet, life should never be a petty game.
So while I can’t accept I can’t end you all for all of this torment, I’ll live out the rest of my days wondering why everyone is always for it.

The loneliness is creeping back in.
And the negative energy seems to be filling me up to the brim.
Why the **** did i have to have so much hope.
I should have known it would have only been a matter of time until i choke.
You made me see how beautiful it can be to feel something.
But you walked away like everything was nothing.
Maybe i was blind, maybe you knew the game you wanted to play.
Every aspect of my life feels like a sick charade.
Deception around every corner and everyones in on the play.
I'm so sick of getting caught up in the middle of everyones games.
I guess i'm stuck overthinking because you won't let me back in.
But i know i would be happier if you would just talk to me again.

My being was ripped from inside my bones.
What was locked inside this vessel?
It’s not yours but no one will let me breathe.
So why can’t you see that you made yourself me?
There’s nothing sane about this never ending charade.
I was always to weak to play.
And I’m trapped in this sequence that gets more contorted by the day.
There’s no other way, the selfish hearts never give those they prey on any salvation of a better day.
So why take someone apart to fix your own heart?
What’s left of my soul?
I don’t have it in my hold and it’s only a matter of time until death takes its toll.
Forced to be a puppet for everyone’s blinded hate.
I can’t escape because this despicable mess will be the end of my days.
And nothing will ever matter because this was their way.

I read the words, but coming from me nothing is ever poetic.
I'm at the bottom, feeling a little less than copacetic.
I'm on the brink of packing up and leaving.
I don't know if it's just me, but this life seems a little too deceiving.
Where do you go when you've lost your hopes and dreams?
Lately my world has been falling apart at the seams.
Hope comes, and just as easily dissipates.
Maybe i'd have more drive if it weren't my life at stake.
So what am i even hoping for?
I'm not sure, there are no open doors.
Maybe it's not hope that's brought into question.
Maybe it's my thoughts or actions or my lack of recollection.
How do i get up when it's all smoke and mirrors?
I guess i'm just inferior because my life seems so unclear.
So i'll keep the bottle close while i gather up my hopes.
As i try to keep on going, hoping i don't choke.

Maybe one day I’ll feel the ocean water on my toes, and I’ll end up feeling like I’m finding my way home.
Maybe I’ll finally start to touch the stars, But my soul is lost and I lost most of my heart.
But somehow I still have some hope, I know I don’t want to succumb to the rope.
So how do I find myself and be truly me?
It’s a smouldering mess and I’m in the middle of the crossfire it seems.
But I want to try to make this life count, and life the rest of my life with a little less doubt.
So as I wrap myself in my favourite sweater, I’ll keep trying to win my life back to withstand the weather.
And put myself back together, I just need to find the pieces and hope everything comes back together.

So much ridicule and hate.
Why can’t I change my fate?
Is there another way?
I don’t get all of these games.
Will the masquerade ever stop?
I can’t tell by these hands on this clock.
So as I try to fix whatever I can fathom,
I’ll try to escape the shadows.

Sleepless nights get me no closer to feeling at home.
Maybe it’s cause I miss you but I know I have to stay alone.
So where is life taking me now?
All I can hope for is not to drown.
I’ll keep our memories locked away in my heart.
As I hope for neither of us to fall apart.
So as I keep wandering down these staggering roads.
I’ll hope our door doesn’t completely close.

It seems as though the stormy days are fading away.
I’m finding that I’m happy because it feels like you want to stay.
Your touch makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.
But I keep feeling like I can’t be what you need day after day.
I don’t know about you but you feel like the missing piece.
I just hope that whatever happens I don’t lose my sanity.
So as the days roll on I’ll keep thoughts of you close, hoping that you won’t let go as I loosen the noose around my throat.

With each passing day i come to find, that i'm dying even more on the inside.
I try to go out, but my instincts tell me to hide.
I'm so far gone that i can't even cry.
I keep trying to convince myself that this isn't the answer.
But this venomous disease is spreading like cancer.
Stuck living this life with a family of enemies.
But still, i keep fighting to unravel my destiny.
Alone, i wander into the abyss.
Trying hard to hold on, in case i'm missed.
But there's nothing here to keep me going, only the fear of the unknown that keeps on growing.
Always asking myself if i have any real friends.
Barely making it past all of these bends.
I carry with me mostly agony.
Just hoping i can trade in this pathetic tragedy.

Break my heart.
Let me know if it was beating in the first place.
Say my name one last time so I know it was real.
I know you don’t want me but how the **** am I supposed to heal?
No closure.
Just a lonely broken road.
And I’m no closer to finding a home.
Why did you have to go?
I have no more hope.
So let me tie the noose around my throat.

Maybe the tides are crashing in.
I wish somehow I could find in me some love to give.
But no one could love such a broken soul.
I guess it was only a matter of time until life took this kind of toll.
My bones are becoming brittle, can I withstand the cold?
Or will I finally find another to hold?
So as I try to light up my world.
I’ll try to fight this losing battle as I hope something beautiful unfurls.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be colour blind.
Would I see the world differently?
Would things be dim?
Or would I see things for what they truly are.
Yeah sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be colour blind.
I'm sure his smile would still shine bright.
But with different hues of gray, would I be happy? Or still searching for a change of pace.
We take things of seemingly little value for granted, but we should realize that they're really the big things.
If I were colour blind I would say to not let the world dim your shine.
Even with dimmer hues instead of vibrant colours, you can find the extraordinary in the ordinary. The light in the dark, and a soul worth staying around for.
No, I'm not colour blind. But if I were, I'd find a way to colour my world.

Can’t get used to being used.
I have no idea what to do.
Do I even have the strength to continue?
I don’t think my mind can keep me going.
It used to be my feelings that were always showing.
Now it’s the fear that things won’t work out, so how do I keep going?
So as I keep hope close, I’ll try not to choke.
And try not to believe in the lies the masquerade tells, as I try to get out of this subliminal hell.

These days all I can think about is my lack of time.
I try not to think about it but the thoughts keep coming back about my demise.
Why is everyone so petty and misconstrued?
I’m so lost and I have no idea what to do.
Can’t even tell true faces from foes.
I’m so far gone that I’m even starting to miss feeling woe.
How do I get out of this pit?
It’s getting deeper and I have no idea where to sit.
So where can I go to change the plot?
I try to be okay but I’m always distraught.
It seems my life keeps getting tied into knots.
I don’t know how to untie them cause I keep getting thrown under the bus.
I wish I had more people to trust.
It seems all I can ever do is cause a fuss.
But these problems never seem to go away, friends come and go but no one ever stays.
I guess I’m more or less okay, I just wish there were a better way.

Every now and then my eyes and heart fill with hate.
I wish i could figure out how to escape.
It's something i would never have expected.
And my one sided life is not open ended.
I'm on my way to that deathbed.
The one i've been trying to escape.
But things are so contorted that i can't get off of this forsaken page.
There is little hope for a better day.
So why am i now finding that i'm more okay in a sociopathic state?
If there were another way i would take it.
But it seems people are so conniving that they just fake it.
Why am i surrounded by this masquerade of liars, fakes and thieves.
It's subliminal slavery.
And being able to see things clearly can't even help me overcome this petty tragedy.
I just wish i could get out of this labyrinth hoax of a life.
Try to break free, and rid myself of the strife.

Stumbling through life feeling from others mostly hate.
I wish I could get out of this place, if only I could escape.
But I’m in their clutches and I don’t know if I can break free.
This is a ******* up hoax, and I need new scenery.
Why are so many people cruel with so many wrong intentions.
I wish I could get better and fix this mess but I’m stuck drifting in the wrong direction.
This hoax has me trapped in a hole.
I’m so numb, I don’t even feel sorrow.
So as I keep trying to deal with the mess of my life, I’ll continue to live out this dreadful mess.
Hoping one day to regain anything of value that was locked away inside my chest.

Maybe my wrists don’t miss the sting of the blade.
But that doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about the pain.
Maybe I’m too fragile but nothing seems alright.
Death might be coming and I don’t think anything good is in sight.
So as I try to break out of these chains, I’ll hope for something better, maybe finally turn this god awful page.