The serpents never stop their conniving sadism.
It’s suburban terrorism.
Why am I always in the middle of the crossfire?
Isn’t it clear that there’s more to life than childish petty desires?
I feel like I’m walking through a shooting range. But it’s all staged. Just like these games.
I’ve always been too weak to play.
Until you tainted my being to make me the same.
I don’t want to be like them.
It’s lies and torment. When will they descend?
But when you don’t care and you’re part of the mass, you won’t care what’s fair. You’ll just steal from the weak and make sure you **** them dry until that breath is their last.

Another day getting dragged through the dirt.
I guess this is life, but somehow it doesn't really hurt.
The masquerade is plotting against me.
And i've lost most hope to finding a key.
I'm struggling to get out of this pit.
And i'm running out of places to sit.
So where do i go to change the plot?
I guess this game is more complicated than i thought.
I guess i don't feel all that distraught.
But my mind, body and soul have gone through enough to want out.
Even if i am filled with mostly doubt.
I guess sooner or later i'll need to decipher a new route.
So in these passing days i'll try to be happy.
And try not to fade away as i bring myself to safety.

My being is filling up with rage and hate.
Why the **** can’t I get off of this hell bound page?
I wish the worst for the masquerade.
The pettiness is growing and it’s driving me insane.
I have no will to live unless I **** them dead.
Why the **** can’t they just be done with the torment because I can’t stand them getting into my head.

Where is this path taking me?
Am I losing or regaining sanity?
I just need to find a key.
Because someone by my side would make it easier to breathe.
But who I am is out of touch.
And I know whatever happens I won’t be enough.
I just wish I could keep up with the sun.
But fear keeps lingering so I guess I’ll have to run.
So as I try to feel as deep as the ocean, I’ll hope my life changes in motion.
Because there’s too much gloom and it always consumes.
I guess I’ll always feel alone in a crowded room.

As the chaos eats away at my sanity, i'm sitting here losing my dignity.
I think the day has finally come where i've cried all my tears away.
But oddly enough i feel like everything might be okay.
I still wish you would have stayed.
Without you or anyone else by my side, i'm left pondering my life.
But this time i'm afraid to pierce my skin to try to dissolve my fears.
Why can't i just get up the courage to run away, because i don't want to completely disappear.
It seems that when i'm not numb, i'm running on fear.
But my medication is making me sick.
Isn't it ironic how the one thing that's supposed to cure you, is breaking you down?
I don't know how much more of this i can take, i feel like i might drown.
And i know it would be easier if you had some friends.
But maybe you just need a change of scenery because this feels like it could be the end.

How many days will go by, before i lose myself completely?
Everything's out of rhythm, i can't even feel my heart beating.
I just wish i could find a path to get myself back.
But it feels impossible to regain what i lack.
My being feels like it's constantly under attack.
And i can no longer stomach what i keep in my flask.
So is there any hope to find any sort of meaning that lasts?
Something tells me i'm nearing my death bed.
And these problems are taking it's toll on whatever part of me that i have left.
Am i really even me?
It's so distorted that i can barely see.
I'm slowly losing my sanity, and now i can see that the problem was never only me.

Losing my mind.
Is there any hope to regain my sanity?
There is no value inside this rib cage,
And all of life seems to be staged.
I try to break free, but the problem is always me.
There will never be a key.
If only I could see that this life just wasn’t meant for me.

The ghost of you hides in my closet.
The feeling of you lingers, but I keep thinking I lost it.
So how do I move on and rebuild.
I’m stuck with all the memories and some of the guilt.
You made me a better version of myself.
But I’m left chasing the past and I’m stuck in my personal hell.
I’ll always keep a piece of you in my heart.
But I still can’t believe that you let me tear us apart.
I knew it was me that lost any hope of you being the key.
I just wish you never wanted to leave.
So I’ll keep believing that you really did want me.
And I’ll keep treading through these hopeless waters trying to retain my sanity.

Maybe it was all just beautiful lie.
I thought you were the only one not wearing a disguise.
Now I guess it’s time for me to continue to hide.
Because I have no hope for a love to help me touch the sky.
Maybe one day I’ll be able to rearrange my fate.
And have a happy couple of days.
But until I find a way to escape, I’ll always remember the love you gave.
And how you meant so much more than I ever thought anyone could.
But now I’m left alone and aching.
I guess it’s my world that’s shaking.
Or maybe just changing.
Whatever happens next I hope I can save me.

You stumbled back into my life and it felt like old times.
Maybe the beginning was a little rocky but it was nice to see you smile.
But my life is like a scale, always weighing down to one side.
And now I’m left fearing my demise.
If I had one wish I would get my soul back.
And try to gain all the things I lack.
So in these passing days I’ll try to feel alive,
And try not to think about my lack of time.
I guess all I can do is live in the moment,
as I try to be a better poet.

Plagued by the images in my head.
**** them all I’d rather be dead.
Their conniving game turned me into someone with little acceptance.
Now I’m left waiting for my death bed.
I’m losing respect for almost everyone I’ve encountered.
Slowly turning into a monster.
Why did they take it this far?
Just let me tear open my scars.
Because there’s no way in hell they’ll stop tearing me apart.

As i'm trying to find the right path, i continue to get side tracked.
By helpful souls, and deceitful eyes.
How am i to tell truth from lies?
Everyone seems to be wearing a disguise.
And in a society so judgemental and two faced,
most of the time i'd rather be dreaming than awake.
But it's hard to dream when your mind is left in the dark.
These ******* demons are getting the best of my thoughts, and my heart.
A once vibrant rhythm is turning into cement.
I constantly find myself feeling malcontent.
Will my mind, heart and soul ever breathe as easily as it once did?
Maybe it's just my lack of innocence.
When did the world become so hateful, lonely and cold?
I find myself embracing more empty eyes for a chance to feel a little less alone.
With society so pre occupied with mindless ways, how are we ever going to make a change?

Trying to find my sense of direction.
What am I doing? I guess I just crave that connection.
We became more distant than before so I thought you closed the door.
I feel I don't deserve anything anymore.
Only feeling wanted in the minds of the intoxicated.
I guess everything just got lost in translation.
Maybe lonely hearts just need more reassurance.
And in the back of my mind I don't feel like I'm worth it.
But I know for me the embers are still there.
I know I'm a mess so I don't blame you if you don't care.
If only I could just get things right.
And not take the risk of ruining anyone's night.

Feeding them lies, in your stolen disguise.
It’s not you, you portray.
And I’m just life’s slave.
What’s with this game?
I’m going insane.
I didn’t know when it started.
Too oblivious to keep my parts within.
So what’s with these sins?
I know I’ll never win.
But this is petty slavery.
Life isn’t a game to me.
For my lost self I grieve.
And now I don’t know who’s underneath.

Isolated in this cold barren house.
Just trying to find my way out.
Faces are growing colder and colder,
Is it because I'm growing older?
I'm so sick of this place I want to run away.
But if I do I wonder if it will be safe.
Knocked down time and time again.
Doing nothing, no hope, no friends.
In the past there was always the hope to mend.
But I'm more empty, and the loneliness is creeping back in.
I keep finding myself dreaming about death.
What's there to lose? There's nothing left beating in my chest.
If I could find a way to go away peacefully, I doubt I'd miss the scenery.

I was so happy to have you in my life.
But this separation cuts like a knife.
I never meant to start a losing battle.
I just wish it could have been something that we could both handle.
You saved me but I think I hurt you more.
Will there ever be a way to even the score?

The days go by and each hour gets worse.
There’s very little pain but I still feel cursed.
So much hate is filling up my heart.
I tried to get better but I still fell apart.
So where do I go in this orchestrated mess?
There’s no good in my life, and very little in my chest.
I just wish I could get away.
But this problems are building up, it’s getting worse by the day.
if I could get out of this town I might have more hope.
But I’m drowning here, can anyone pass me a rope?
But it seems that I have no one to trust.
It took some time but I learned how to adjust.
How do I figure out life and try to make the most of it?
I’m trapped and I don’t know if it matters where I sit.
Oh what I would give for this to all be just a bad dream.
My life is disasteriously unraveling at the seams.
And no one will ever care how loud I scream.

Everyone’s ****. No one will overcome. Maybe to the knife I’ll succumb. I’m sick of your ******* lies, and I’m left pretty numb. Serpents around every corner. There is no order. When will the lies cease. Your hate is the worst disease.

My world is burning right before my eyes.
How do i tell the difference between truth and lies?
It seems i'm slowly coming out of this trance.
I find myself wanting to hold your hand.
Is there a way out of this chaotic spiral?
I'm filled with self doubt, at least it's not denial.
So as i try to fix this disastrous life.
I'll do my best to keep my wrists away from the knife.
And maybe it's not as bad as it seems.
But if you look closer i'm really falling apart at the seams.
Just come find me in my dreams.
And maybe i'll be able to find myself and get rid of the silent screams.

I guess you just made me feel what i thought i'd never feel again.
Maybe that's why i find myself thinking, what if we could be more than friends.
But i'm not in my right mind.
I think i ****** it up again this time.
I don't blame you if you never want to be by my side.
I hope whatever we had didn't get washed away in the tide.
Was there something there?
You made my heart sing, but i'm unsure if you care.
And i guess i'll always be left searching.

Why did I ever try?
It’s just all of these fakes in every disguise.
There’s nowhere I can go and I’m not trying to hide, this all just makes me want to tear out their insides.
But it’s no use when it’s you against the world.
What the **** is next? What fuckery could possibly unfurl?
These people are senseless and I’m the one on meds.
******* all I’d literally slit your throats and mutilate you from your feet to your chest.

Tear my chest open to see if my heart’s beating.
Everyone comes and goes, but they’re always leaving.
Faces are so deceiving, what’s even real? I don’t know what I’m seeing.
will I stay all alone and keep grieving?
Life lost, what’s next?
I’m an unemotional wreck.
I know deep down I have a heart worth saving.
But it’s been stolen or manipulated so it’s not really mine for the taking.
If only I could get myself back.
Maybe then I wouldn’t be stuck on what I lack.
I just wish I could be something real.
But I’m stuck making questionable decisions and making ****** deals.

Another day walking around aimlessly.
But all there’s left is shame you see.
I ****** it all up and there’s no turning back.
I guess I need to reconstruct a new map.
Will I ever figure out where it is that I’m going?
I’m so ****** up and it’s always my feelings that are showing.
The doubt is growing.
The fear I’m holding.
The abyss is unfolding.
So what’s next in this orchestrated mess?
I guess I’ll just have to keep going and hold onto what’s left in my chest.
Forget about the rest.
And try not to think about the disasters that could unveil themselves next.

Falling.
What happened to my mind?
A rhythm I can’t recognize.
Why can’t I get up?
I keep slipping away.
What about these wounds?
The fight was always unfair.
Now I’m left gasping for air.
Where do I run to?
I feel like I’m losing myself completely and I don’t know who’s left.
So why am I trapped?
They say the truth sets you free.
But the masquerade covers it up and ignores my pleas.
Why can’t I be free?
Why can’t I figure out what I need?
Is death really the only salvation for me?
I want to find someone.
But who could ever love someone like me?

I’ve been keeping the bottle close, but the days are getting harder.
I wanted things to work but it seems we’re getting farther.
You never fail to put a smile on my face.
If only things were happening at a different pace.
All that’s left is the image of what was.
Just know for you I felt mostly love.
I’m slipping back into my self destructive ways.
If only I could figure out a way to make everything okay.
So as I try to crawl out of the bowels of hell,
I’ll hope I can be more and not just this empty shell.

It feels like i'm stumbling around in the dark, but sometimes the light manages to shine through.
My feelings are fleeting if i ever seem to have any.
Lately things seem to be getting more or less petty.
But as you crumble you can figure out how to bounce back.
You're in luck if you brought a flask.
So where am i heading you may ask?
The destination is unknown, but the idea is to start to feel more whole and maybe a little less alone.
My eyes are set on the skyline and i want to get far.
Maybe even find my own shooting star.
But with luck like mine you always find that you feel like you're running out of time.
So i'll keep searching for my forever and hope that one day i can shine.

Just when you thought things were looking up, the feelings you thought you've forgotten come creeping back in.
Were they really gone?
No.
They were just lingering.
Waiting till you were vulnerable again to make an appearance.
But vulnerable or not, this time you're stronger.
Yeah, you're world still feels like its crumbling.
But you can make it through.
The storm won't last forever, and the clouds will come and go, but keep your head up.
Live the life of your dreams.
Do what you said you were gunna do when he left you with bullet wounds in your chest.
You're healing.
Whether or not you know it, you're getting better.
Tame your demons.
Take control.
This is your life.
What are you waiting for?
Now is your time.
Don't waste the best years of your life dwelling on those who take you for granted.
This may not be the chance you've been waiting for, but you should take it and shine on anyway.

Day after day, I'm sick of these games.
And the way everything's manipulated so you people get your way.
So what the **** is with this charade?
It doesn't get anyone anywhere and there's too much hate just lock the gate and let me ******* escape.

Looking back I guess life seemed better than it was.
But it will never be worth the torment.
I don't know where to find myself.
But I guess I'll always dwell.
I'm still just trapped in this shell.
In my personal layer of hell.
Everything that fills my days is making me sick.
So I guess until I figure it out I'll just be in remiss.

Life holds no value because the bigoted sadists drive you insane.
There will never be meaning because life is nothing but their pretentious game.
I hope the end is nigh because you people never quit.
So **** everything I ever thought life was because everyone’s despicably sick.

Life is like hell.
There’s no good, and all I can do is dwell.
Too physically tormented by you people’s petty games.
There will never be order because you people are so ignorantly and morbidly insane.
So why so petty? This is a stupid ******* charade.
All taking turns being me to have life you peoples way.
So what was the problem in letting me live?
I’m not here to ******* serve you ***** and there’s very little I ever had to give.
Stop trapping me in your sequence because you all keep me as your slave.
There is no good or order, either the power tripping parasites get what they want or you get slain. But trust me I wish it would be you people’s demise every ******* day.

Although i only briefly remember the evil i cast upon you,
I'm still left sitting here wishing i could make things right.
So much is unclear, and i'm left wondering if it's true.
I just hope i didn't ruin too many of your nights.
So in our silence i'll hope that you're getting to where you need to be.
And hoping that you're alright.

It seems i've lost my heart and soul somewhere in this mess.
I just want to be me again and be done with all the rest.
But who am i really?
I've done my fare share of sinning but i can't be the only one who's guilty.
So where do i go when i've got next to nothing left?
There is no good left locked away inside my chest.
So what happened to feeling so deeply?
I'm not too sure, but at the bottom is where they're keeping me.
I have my eyes set on love, but do i have any to give?
If i don't, how do i get it back? I need it to live.
But who could love someone as disturbed and unfit?
I'm running out of options, where is it that i sit?
So until i can get out of this cesspool i live in,
I'll do my best to fix this, and not to sin.

Why so much stress?
I’m past being a wreck.
Too much mindless games,
But somehow I’m still sane.
How do I pick my self off of the ground?
There’s too much petty torture and I can’t get used to the sound.
Is there any hope for my fate?
I’ll try to escape.
But I feel like a slave.
It’s the little things I crave.

I don’t understand this chaotic web.
It’s nothing but lies and sins and I’m left hanging by a thread.
Why am I in the middle of this petty crossfire?
What do you people even do when things get dire?
As I witness the hate it feels like there’s no escape.
All of my life is a petty charade.
What’s the point of feeding on the weak?
All for your selfish wants for your “evil” and greed.
How many peoples lives will you all tear apart at the seams, until any of you realize it’s just a form of slavery?

Life is a hoax from the liars who keep up these charades.
It's just a series of cults or renegades.
There's no room to just live to be free.
Because all these ******* care about is their power and petty slavery.

I am no one.
I am nothing.
Is this what misery brings?
I can still feel the sting.
So how can I go on?
Everything I do and say is wrong.
And I’m not that strong.
Falling apart at the seams.
My only escape is my dreams.
Even if they are mostly nightmares.
I want to find love but no one cares.
So why don’t I fashion a dare?
Can I get my life back?
Or all the things I lack?
Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to breathe.
Until then I’ll be hiding in my sleep.

I just want to feel with all of my heart.
But my life has been stolen from me, and I’ve been taken apart.
How do you live when you’re mostly numb?
Most days I feel like a sociopath, how will I overcome?
Some days the feeling comes creeping back in, but I miss the flood when I would just take it all in.
How do I find it in me to grow?
Do I have any hope?
So as I keep my throat away from the rope,
I’ll try not to fall down this slippery *****.

Searching for a happy start, or is it closer to the end?
Kingdoms crumble.
Here comes the storm.
The one you've been trying to avoid.
But it's not coming in full force.
No.
This time it's lingering.
Waiting for the perfect time to burn everything to the ground.
So keep what makes you smile close to your heart.
In these times you'll need it.
There are no saviors here.
Trust no one.
Can you get out of this pit?
I know you're strong enough, you just don't want to do it alone.
Your morals are withering away.
Maybe that's why you're so far from okay.

Every path feels like it’s blocked.
All I see is smoke and mirrors.
Are there any open doors?
Or am I trapped in this cycle of suffocating suffering?
Maybe on the outside it doesn’t seem bad.
But in a sociopathic state, nothing ever really gets to you.
So how did I get this low?
I hit rock bottom and I never learned how to pick myself up.
Just fragments of a seemingly happy life.
Was this life ever a good one?
Or was it all a facade?
Just for those against me to gain what they needed?
All I see are liars, fakes and thieves.
Keeping my life an illusion while everything is falling apart at the seams.
I can’t hide in my dreams.
There’s no escape from the fear or the problems that never cease.
So why am I always stuck in a downwards spiral.
It’s not denial.
It’s a vicious cycle of fuckery.
And I can barely see or make it out to breathe.
It’s hard to conceive but it’s my life and I feel like I have nothing but me.
But do I even have myself?
I’m somewhere trapped inside this shell.
These disorders got the best of me.
Now I can’t see who I grew to be.
Everything always gets lost or stolen.
And I don’t think I’ll ever have it in me to be golden.

Lately I feel like i've been in an endless game of snakes and ladders.
The snakes keep pulling me down.
Maybe it's all in my mentality.
Either way i'm not too keen on this reality.
I'll climb a little higher, only to get dragged lower than before.
But how do I end this vicious circle?
The path is blocked.
And everything i was before is standing in the way.
But i don't want to go back to my old ways.
I'm just trying to move forward and feel okay.
But i'm sick of having no one and living in this place.
If i could i'd just go without leaving a trace.
But when you're as lonely as me, it's hard to see what's supposed to be.
So i'll keep trying to climb, hoping the snakes won't push me into taking my life.

I'm bellowing in the depths of my mind again.
It's times like this that i wish i weren't so numb.
Constantly slipping into numbing depression isn't always the greatest thing when you're tip toeing into the real world.
But all you can do is put on a smile and try your best to believe that everything will be okay.
Well, what if there is that off chance that you can't?
What if you're stuck falling into a pit of despair, only to be dragged out for a few brief moments?
Living this way makes me wish i could change things.
But the reality of it is that most people are so consumed in things that don't matter that it makes it hard to find the good in this harsh reality.
But i'm trying.
Oh god i'm trying.
If only i could just feel.
If only i could find something real.
Yeah sometimes things seem like they're looking up, and that maybe there is hope for finding a real connection with a kind soul.
But it never lasts long.
Maybe it's in my negative mindset.
Never allowing me to bloom the way most do.
Or maybe it's the fact that i let people walk all over me.
So until i find my solace, i'll try my best to grow.

Maybe someday I’ll meet someone with galaxies behind their eyes.
Maybe we’ll get lost gazing at the stars.
Maybe their soul will feel effervescent.
But until then I’ll stare at the moon, waiting to find some meaning in this universe.
Maybe someday I’ll feel the sun shine it’s warm rays and I won’t be so alone.
Maybe someday the constellations will make sense and I’ll finally find my way home.
But until someday comes I’ll just keep wondering.

Will I ever find my someday?
Will we feel one another’s warm embrace and gaze at the stars?
Or am I so lost that that kind of fate is too far?
Whatever my fate is I just hope that it comes soon, because I don’t know how much longer I can continue.

As the years go by i can feel my heart getting colder.
Sometimes they pass through and take the time to warm it up, but it never lasts long.
I always hoped to find love, but i'm just growing older.
And feeling like everything i do and say is wrong.
Maybe consistency wasn't always for me, but wandering down staggered roads isn't easy either.
Yeah i guess my mind changes like the weather.
But what's there to change if you feel those embers?
I know i'm nothing special, so i guess that's why it's so easy for them to walk away.
So i'll keep my heart filled with hope and wait for my 'someday.'

Sometimes as the days go by, your life changes drastically before your eyes.
Sometimes there's nothing you can do about it.
And sometimes there is, but this isn't one of those times.
Sometimes the ones closest to you drift away like the wind.
Sometimes, they stay like they said they would.
Sometimes you're left on your own, feeling trapped with no way out.
When those times come, embrace the chaos in your life, put a smile on, and dance with the destruction.
Sometimes it doesn't work, and you feel lost and out of place like a fish out of water.
But i promise, things will get better.
Sometimes, even if it hurts to pull through, it's the only path to take.
Sometimes you have to be your own hero.

Day after day, slowly going insane.
Sane insanity and level headedness is both a blessing and a curse.
My life is being dragged through the dirt.
I'm always sorry, but life just hurts.
Desecration only goes so far.
But I'm left with deepening scars.
If only I could rid this mess from my mind and being.
But life is no longer something I can fathom breathing.
There is no beauty instilled.
So I guess I can say goodbye to any free will.
I guess it was just an illusion, but life is nothing more than a hoax filled with confusion.

Maybe who you have feelings for isn’t the best bet.
At least I regained some feeling in my chest.
Love never works out for me I guess I should give it a rest.
Because no one could love a soul like me so damaged, sad and depressed.

Maybe there’s too much darkness flooding into my mind and soul, maybe there was never much light and there was never any good that could unfold.
Maybe the moon is there because I can’t bear to see my reflection.
Does the doom always consume?
I’m starting to lose my recollection.
So as I try to find the skyline, maybe sooner or later I’ll stop hiding.
I wish all of my life wasn’t so one sided.
It makes me wonder how many are blinded.
I guess I could try to find some light, as I try not to get ****** into the terrors of the night.

Disasters pushing me down a winding staircase.
I guess my life is always a test but it feels like a distorted race.
I can’t find the right place.
What’s left of my mind space?
I just want to leave in hopes of a new pace.
But I’m stuck on figuring where I could find a home.
Maybe this would be easier if I could find my soul.
I’m lost and I don’t know which direction to go.
My feelings have mostly left again, is it better than feeling woe?