Maybe one day my fate will change.
But until then I’m stuck waiting for my someday.
Why can’t I regain the love that was once buried beneath these ribs?
It’s not me whose condoning all these sins.
So as I wait for the flowers to bloom I’ll try to be me.
As I hope others stop feeding off of this negativity and find the courage to breathe easily.

As my soul turns to ashes, I wonder if I’ll be able to move past this.
It seems the planets in my world are colliding.
And all I can do is keep hiding.
If I could change anything I’d still want to be by your side.
But there’s no more hope and I know that you’ll never be mine.

What’s with all the games?
It’s driving me insane.
I’ve never had any desire to play.
Just let me be free, but with you I’m trapped in a cage.
Petty mischief.
It’s no wonder I’m stuck in remiss.
No ones life should turn out like this.
Go to hell and let me live.

Some days i sit around and ponder life.
Is my existence a complete waste of time?
Will i ever feel whole?
Will i ever get so lucky as to love another soul?
It's these things that bring me so close to the other side.
What else am i doing other than wasting valuable time?
The days seem to go by as a blur.
And most of the time i feel unsure.
But it seems the only constant pattern in my life,
Is never feeling good enough.
Friends come and go and sometimes things get rough.
**** what i would give to feel a gentle touch.
When you've been isolated time and time again,
It's hard to feel like you have any friends.
But at least i can say that i had some chance to mend.

The ghost of you hides in my closet.
The feeling of you lingers, but I keep thinking I lost it.
So how do I move on and rebuild.
I’m stuck with all the memories and some of the guilt.
You made me a better version of myself.
But I’m left chasing the past and I’m stuck in my personal hell.
I’ll always keep a piece of you in my heart.
But I still can’t believe that you let me tear us apart.
I knew it was me that lost any hope of you being the key.
I just wish you never wanted to leave.
So I’ll keep believing that you really did want me.
And I’ll keep treading through these hopeless waters trying to retain my sanity.

Living like a shadow and it feels as though the end is nigh. Your love got me so high, but for years my mind has been trying to die. Who am i now? I guess it's hard to tell. Everything keeps changing back and forth so i'm beginning to dwell. Dwell on the fact that life used to be worth it. Now i'm not so sure i even have a purpose. I used to ask myself why you left. Now i'm so ******* lost i'm more than just a wreck. I can't seem to find any reasons for me to have met you yet. But i'm happy i did, despite what we've been through. So as i sit here and try to gather all of my thoughts. I'll try to think of a reason as to why i don't deserve to rot. I know i've seen better days but to have more seems hopeless. I'm sitting on this hospital bed wondering where the hope is. Yeah i guess my throat still burns from death's cold embrace. But until i can see you again i'll try to keep a smile on my face.

Does life really have a purpose?
I always thought it was peace love and happiness.
I know it's cliche, but i think it's all about the experience.
Now i'm not so sure. Everything is more or less a blur.
As the days go by it seems what's left of me and my life is withering away.
And the happiness that's always been fleeting is making it's great escape.
I never thought i would grow so cold and bitter.
At least i managed to make it through winter.
I guess i never found the right people to open up to.
To try to be myself around.
What do you have if the seasons never allow you to grow?
What's left if you're always cast out on your own?
I know life isn't supposed to be easy, but it's also not supposed to constantly knock you down.
Maybe that's why no one ever sticks around.
I guess i was just never strong enough to experience the world alone.
But until i've reached my end i'll continue to find my home.

I guess it's true that you can take things for granted because you didn't know what you had.
I'm so consumed with all the bad, and i couldn't enjoy any of the good i had.
If you change and don't realize, are you losing or are you growing?
It used to always be my feelings showing.
But now i feel mostly nothing, so numb to the touch.
To the chaos.
I'm becoming bitter.
And i can't figure out any of this.
Why does it always lead to remiss?
Things are so scattered and it's always my life that's shattered.
Can i grow into a person i can accept?
All of this is just such a mess.
I just need my lost feelings that were once in my chest.
And try to enjoy the constellations and whatever could happen next.

Why am I so scared of dying alone?
It gets me no closer to finding a home.
I guess I just have too many emotions.
Dig deeper, I go almost as deep as the ocean.
I’ve been spending today trying not to cry.
But I can’t help but think about that look in your eyes.
What did I do to deserve you in my life?
I find myself wanting to feel the blade of the knife.
Oh god what I would do if you would give me the time of day.
I know I ****** up, I just wish you would stay.
But as I try to move on, I’ll try not to think about the fact that you’re gone.
And I’ll try my best to be strong, as I try to be okay and maybe one day move on.

My whole existence is in remiss.
Is there a way to get out of this?
Always running away,
Yet my fate gets worse or if I’m lucky stays the same.
But there is no good deep inside this rib cage.
So why so many games?
The light left my eyes far too long ago.
Along with everything else strung together with hope.
So why is this the only thing people ever want to do?
You all won five years ago cause I never had it in me to continue.

When your mind keeps creeping back into the dark, how do you know whether to end or restart.
I guess my minds playing tricks on me.
People make living life look like they do it so easily.
So maybe my heads just up in the clouds.
I'm just trying to get away from here, please let me find my way out.
Not a face I know well I can say I can trust.
If only I could get up and figure out how to adjust.

I guess I ****** it up again this time.
I miss the feeling of your hand in mine.
I’m running out of time.
I guess the gate is shut for good again.
No hope for your touch, no hope to mend.
Why do I do this time and time again?
To see your face would be a godsend.

It was never my intention to bring you pain.
Now I’m left with all this disdain.
Now all I can see is the coming rain.
So tell me, will any of this ever be okay?
You say you feel defeated and I’m sorry that’s how you feel.
You met me at a strange time and I was still trying to heal.
You brought hope into my lifeless world.
This isn’t how I expected everything to unfurl.
So tell me now, will you ever forgive me?
I was so lost and thought you might have been the key.
Now I’m left feeling misery.
I know I’m undeserving just please let me keep my sanity.

My eyes used to hold rainy skies, where I could do nothing but burst out and cry.
I used to spend my days wanting to die, and now so much time has passed I can't even figure out why.
I guess there's a darkness that follows me around, maybe that's why I try to keep away from the crowds.
Will I ever know what it is to be loved?
It seems like every passerby has just had enough.
Enough of my seemingly silent ways.
But if they could just see that it's only because I'm never okay.
But maybe that's not the problem anymore.
I have no words to share and I've become such a bore.
So now I'm filled with lacklustre eyes.
So lost in this world, mostly wanting to hide.
But I know there's a part of me that wants to get out.
I don't wanna survive, I want to live. But I feel like there's no way out.

Maybe sometimes your obstacles are bigger than just a puddle.
Maybe sometimes it really is a greater struggle.
I think it's time to get up.
But that's not always my luck.
Yeah maybe i've been drowning for far too long.
But believe me when i say i've tried to be strong.
God i'm so lonely that i can barely breathe.
I guess it's just my fate for everyone to leave.
Maybe i should stop thinking about the past.
That could give other things a chance to last.
But when you're stuck with permanent heartache.
Every time you get up, it's only a matter of time till you break.

Living with a broken spirit.
I’m left in tears, hoping no one hears it.
How much longer till they rid me of this place?
I can never really keep a genuine smile on my face.
So what’s left of my fate?
Something tells me it’s too late.
I know I need to save myself but I don’t know how.
So I guess when I reach the pit of hell I’ll take my final bow.

Where do you go when the storm never ends?
I know I always said I needed to mend.
But my world is crashing down before my eyes.
It’s not something I could change this time.
It feels like I’m just chasing shadows.
How do I win my losing battle?
Crawling out of the rubble is never an easy task.
And it’s even harder when everyone around you seems to be wearing a mask.
The noose isn’t tied too tight this time.
They always say they want me to turn out fine.
If only there were a way to change the time.
But in a hopeless world, it makes you want to jump.
Break my bones because I don’t feel like I can't get out of this slump.

With my being constantly rearranging, can I find it in me to make my life change?
I know In life nothing is ever as it seems, but can I please just hide in my dreams?
Because my life for too long has been falling apart at the seams.
I’m losing love and I don’t know if I’ll ever find anything I can keep.
So as I try to overcome the torment.
I’ll hope that soon all of this lies dormant.

Nothing left but a scattered mind and broken soul.
I always hoped that my heart wouldn’t turn back into stone.
I just need to get away and find someplace to call home.
I know I need you but I might have to go.
I try and try but I feel like I need to end it all.
I don’t want to hurt you but I’m losing my grip and beginning to fall.
They always said that the world is a cruel place.
I find myself waiting to see the smile on your face.
So what’s left in the unraveling chapter of my life?
I guess a noose is taking place of the knife.
But that doesn’t stop me from wanting you in what’s left of my life.
With these scattered thoughts it’s hard to tell what to do, I’m starting to lose sight.
I feel like I’m undeserving, does anyone have a clear view?
I do what I can but I can never get used to these shoes.
So as I count the days till I see you next,
I’ll hope that soon I’ll feel my heart beating in my chest.

Living my life with a lack of my true conscience.
Why don’t I have my own life, as soon as it starts I’ve already lost it.
The masquerade is a ****** up army of renegades.
They don’t care unless they want it, there’s no peace in playing these petty games.
I had it as a child, even then they ****** me up, there was never peace in whatever they played.
So I guess I’m living in my own shadow.
But it’s no longer mine, I’m on my own, it was always an unfair battle.
Who puts peoples lives in other people’s hands?
It’s all completely ****** and I always have nothing but a short hand.
So what the **** is their master plan?
If you’re that ******* bored live your own ******* life and don’t leave me on my last stand.
So until I reach the nearing final page.
I’ll try to ignore their ******* because it fills me with rage.
As I try not to feel like I’m trapped in their played out cage.

What's left in this unfortunate string of events?
It's not only me who knows that nothing is left.
As things keep changing and i still can't see.
I find that i'm becoming less concerned with something i can keep.
So **** finding meaning.
**** everyone who's nothing but deceiving.
It's me who just wants to leave.
Be done with this petty *******, i need new scenery.
I guess i'm speaking with a little hostility.
But i know that's not truly me.
How do i breathe some life into this corpse i've been dragging around?
I'm on my last whim, so i guess i'll just have to get used to the sound.
So as i hope this life can breathe some life into those who feel despair.
I'll hope that the end isn't too brutal while i continue to breathe this last bit of air.

What is death if not a fresh start?
Do you get a new chance after your body falls apart?
What about your soul?
Does it reach the stars?
Maybe we’ll never know but I want to go far.
If we get reborn will we dance in the rain?
I hope there are more chances because it can be hard to stay sane.
Maybe in each life we’ll be awakened by love.
And from us will eminate the stardust from above.
So as I keep trying to be the best version of me,
I’ll keep on believing in the beauty that is all around me.

I guess it's clear that i have no easy fate.
It's something i'm not sure if i can escape.
At least it seems that there's a change of pace.
But things are so misconstrued i don't think i'll ever get off this page.
There's deception around almost every corner.
And it seems this life of mine will never have much order.
So i guess i'll just have to get used to being alone.
Because it's not part of their plans for me to have a hand to hold.
But **** it's getting so lonely and cold.
And it's getting so hard to decipher this mess, it's like i'm wearing a blindfold.
So as i try to get out of this awful sequence, i'll try not to think about my fate because i know when that day comes i won't be missed.
I just wish it was in the cards to get out of this.

Always trying to find my way out,
I'm finding that there is starting to be less doubt.
I can't say that i'm finding much clarity.
But how much more air do i get to breathe?
I can't say anyone will ever want me back.
It's far too much that i lack.
So why am i always dreaming of a better place?
Sometimes i guess i have a smile on my face.
But everyone in my life always seems to leave.
Or maybe it's the way in which i perceive,
The patterns of life, maybe it's abstract.
Maybe before i run out of time i'll be able to gain my life back.
So in these passing days i'll continue trying to dream.
And make my reality feel better than it seems.

I don’t blame you for walking away.
But I can’t say it’s not killing me that you couldn’t stay.
I think you’re stronger than you think.
So let your feelings flow with the ink.
I know we had something worth keeping.
It’s just so hard without you so I keep grieving.
But I know you were right in leaving.
Even if it’s not you that I can keep seeing.
I still wonder about you as the days go by.
Even though I sometimes question if it was all just a beautiful lie.
You made me want to break out of my cocoon.
Maybe it all just happened a little too soon.
I’m standing on the edge hoping I don’t drag you down too.
I never wanted anything but the best for you.
And that’s why without you, my world is painted blue.

Dying a little more with each passing day.
Where am I headed? How do I escape?
I want to get off this petty ******* page.
It’s like I’m trapped in a cage with fits of rage.
So now that I’m sanely going insane, how do I break free? They keep me in chains.
So crippled in life, but I can’t handle the knife.
How do I rid myself of all of this strife?
I guess this Is now my life. But I wish it weren’t true.
I’m lost in this sequence where most truth is misconstrued.
So how do I get up? I know I’ve had enough.
At least some see that the masquerade does nothing but bluff.

life is trash when I'm just you peoples corpse of a slave.
it doesn't matter what I do, you people only care about things that's only your way.
you daft ******* imbecillic wastes should not be everlasting.
you took every ounce of my being, why the **** am I getting dragged through the dirt but somehow standing.
so let me nail your eyeballs into your throat, for taking away any chance of finding my own home.
and torch your skin until it blisters because this is so petty it's somehow sinister.
and I hope you bleed from everywhere at once, because you not only killed me but you plan on killing everyone I may have ever had any amount of love.

Creaky floorboards, tapping sounds.
Is anyone here? What’s around?
I keep a light on to keep myself sane.
Why is my life a never ending game?
The days are turning blurry and the nights are hard.
Why can’t I figure out how to deal with these cards?

These days life never seems worth it.
I’m still wandering around searching for my sense of purpose.
I don’t want to but I think I have to rid you of my life.
Either way it’s getting me no further away from the knife.
If only I could get out of this negative spiral.
But I’m still living with all of this self doubt and denial.
Will I ever find someone who will stay?
Something tells me I won’t and that’s why I’m never okay.
So I’ll still wish the best for you in whatever you decide to do.
As I break in these shoes hoping I can find the strength to find something new.

Life is a waste.
It will always be a free for all.
I'll just hope the hate comes back into my eyes so I can wait for each and every one of you to fall.
So what was the point of this daft imbecillic conspiracy?
You people are filled with greed, running off of every selfish need and no one cares who sees.
So why the **** is it always against me?
Life is eternal suffering, but you'll never again hear me plea.
So as I hope you all suffer and burn, I'll wonder why it's always my turn.
You people proved to be the most despicable wastes of flesh.
**** life itself, you might as well have me decapitated instead.

When hope comes flooding in, you can never help yourself but to drown in it.
Maybe that's what sets you up for failure.
But what is there, if not hope?
Are you just an empty vessel waiting for someone to breathe some life into your soul?
Or are you still stuck looking for all the pieces you so eagerly gave away?
My dear, if it's yourself you seek you must look within.
But what if that doesn't work?
I know you know who you are, the hard part is winning your life back.
Maybe nothing will ever seem carefree again, but you can't calm a storm if you never get wet.
I know your eyes are fixated on the stars, and with a little heart you could go far.
So keep searching for the truest version of you.
Things won't stay cloudy forever, and you deserve a clear view.

Let the blood trickle down my arm, the damage has already been done, so I guess there’s little harm and everyone’s already won.
I’ve been dragging what’s left of me down this winding and dreary path.
I wanted to make the most out of life, I wanted it to last.
But all I see are enemies and I have nowhere left to run.
So I guess I’ll crash and burn until death I will succumb.

I know I don’t always make things easy.
But my ******* mind is so ******* deceiving.
I know you know that I don’t want to leave your side.
But my heart and mind are being flooded by the waves of the tide.
I wish things could just be easy so we could appreciate the stars.
If we both have a bit of heart I think we could get far.
I just want to get lost in your soft green eyes.
While I sit here and hope that we don’t run out of time.

Sadistic ignorance.
How do I get away from you peoples conniving entitlement and belligerence?
All you people want is to be sadists.
But that doesn't keep life going forward it keeps your targets in remiss.
So as I hope you'll all reach an unspeakable demise.
I'll also hope you all unwillingly run out of time.
Because there's no sense anyone could teach any of you.
Its no wonder life is this petty and misconstrued from your bigoted minds in ugly ******* hues.

When all your mind does is play petty little games.
How do you figure out a way to rearrange,
the pieces of you that made you who you are?
When all you do is try and you don't get very far.
How do you figure out which path to take?
But you're getting happier because everything seems to be getting less fake.
I guess i'll have to find more time to dream.
And try to stop my life from falling apart at the seams.

No one left, nowhere to go.
I just need to get out and find a new home.
Pain comes, and just as easily goes.
I always knew i'd end up alone.
No, i don't want your pity or anyone to save me.
I just need to find myself and maybe some company.
These bones are turning bitter, just in time for winter.
If i can find my happy place, i might be fine in this space.
I'm sick of the motions, this goes almost as deep as the ocean.
Who knew i had so much devotion.
But i guess when it's your life at stake, you really can't afford to make a mistake.
**** just get me out of this place.

Sleepless nights get me no closer to feeling at home.
Maybe it’s cause I miss you but I know I have to stay alone.
So where is life taking me now?
All I can hope for is not to drown.
I’ll keep our memories locked away in my heart.
As I hope for neither of us to fall apart.
So as I keep wandering down these staggering roads.
I’ll hope our door doesn’t completely close.

My whole being is corrupt.
Could things get any more ******?
It seems like the whole ******* universe is out to get me.
All I tried to do was work on myself and be myself but no one really ever lets me.
It’s past the point of fixing.
Everything that’s true they make worse, it’s my whole existence they’ve been nixing.
So why can I only use these typed out letters?
I’m useless and logic never works, common sense just makes them worse.
Why are people so conniving and rude.
I always had the idea of death in my head, because there’s no way to fix this or my life or existence so what the **** is the difference if I end up dead?
Why the **** is so much wrong with my being and what’s going on in my head?
They’re like a ****** up cult that pick apart your weaknesses until you have nothing left.
Weaseling their way in for their own sick gain cause they could care less about who ends up dead, how by now am I not completely insane?
It’s all a hoax, it’s turning into some morbid joke.
I feel like tying theses ***** up with rope, nail their eyeball into the socket and make them bleed out for all the torment.
But I guess I’m completely ******, because these ******* are all somehow loved.
And I’m the one whose always hated.
There’s probably no way to evade it.
I can’t even escape this cesspool of a town or get out of this twisted cycle.

I was so happy to have you in my life.
But this separation cuts like a knife.
I never meant to start a losing battle.
I just wish it could have been something that we could both handle.
You saved me but I think I hurt you more.
Will there ever be a way to even the score?

My soul is filling up with hate.
Something i can never escape.
I just want to run away.
Because i know i'll never be okay.
I guess i'm a drifter, with no one to trust.
**** them all i'm done with temptation, so i'll try to rid myself of all this disgust.
It's because of them who made me unable to adjust.
I guess i always knew i would at most never end up with much.
But i guess i'm at fault too for never quite fitting into these shoes.
So what is there left to do?
There's no hope to continue.
Just a web of lies.
Well orchestrated with different options for each one of them and their disguise.
So what's left in their appalling plan?
I just need to find my way out but i don't think i can.
I'm done trying to be a better me.
There is no key, and i'm losing my sanity.

It seems as though the stormy days are fading away.
I’m finding that I’m happy because it feels like you want to stay.
Your touch makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.
But I keep feeling like I can’t be what you need day after day.
I don’t know about you but you feel like the missing piece.
I just hope that whatever happens I don’t lose my sanity.
So as the days roll on I’ll keep thoughts of you close, hoping that you won’t let go as I loosen the noose around my throat.

Stumbling past all of life's bends.
I don't know where i'm headed i don't know if i've begun to mend.
Sometimes you need to create your own weather.
And maybe sometimes it's best to bring a sweater.
But no matter what gets thrown onto your path.
You have in you some potential to last.
So fight like hell to get out of their grasp.
And try not to make this breath your last.

Walking down these staggering roads.
And i'm starting to feel a little less alone.
I'm just trying to melt my heart of stone,
So maybe one day i'll have someone to hold.
But lately I've been feeling more or less cold.
But some seem to brighten my day, and I know it could never get old.
So where do I go with my eyes set on the stars?
I used to have so much love in my heart. and now i'm not sure if i'll get very far.
I guess i'll just have to deal with my cards.
As I hope and try to get back all of my lost heart.

Life is eternal ******* suffering.
No one gives a single ******* ******* about anything or anyone other their their own pompous selves.
Everyone's vain.
Everyone's a narcissist.
Everyone's crude.
My mind went too dark to handle.
And every entitled person caused me to be demented in their presence.
There's no value life could ever hold.
Everything went cold.
I'd rather turn to ******* stone than live in these despicably vile bones.
So tell me why my life is in you peoples control?
No life.
No hope.
No home.
Want to rip your flesh to shreds and break all of you're wastes of fleshes bones.
So why the hell can't life be what's it's supposed to be?
It's run by everyone who doesn't care to see.
So until I reach my final breath or melt away into the dust, I'll just wonder why you people are so ******* despicable.
Because none of you will ever have enough.

Life was never meant to be fair.
It's be grateful for what you have, and not take other things for granted and leave yourself in despair.
You can't take when you don't expect to give.
Life is nothing if you have no good within.
So while the petty belligerent and despicably crude army of renegades wait for my death, I'll come to wonder why it's always all the mostly innocents heads.

Why the hell do they form all these alliances?
The loop probably created all of these disguises.
But they were the ones who gave life no meaning.
So now hate evil and greed are roaming freely.
I guess I know who started this mess.
But who was it before them? Will they ever give it a rest?
I guess this is why there are terrorist bombings.
But look they’re intertwined with isis. Don’t worry I saw it coming.
People say they’re lending a helping hand.
But what if they stop caring, it was probably part of their plan.
I hope my time comes before the world goes to ****.
Because I never wanted to be a part of any of the *******.

Oh god what I would do to be in your arms.
Will this do any harm?
I know I can’t have you anymore.
But that doesn’t help me from changing what’s in store.
I can’t get over what I felt for you.
And it keeps me from believing from what is true.
Just know that I always wanted you.
And everyone else doesn’t seem to have a clue.
So I’ll keep you knowing that you were all I’ve ever wanted.
But I can’t help myself from feeling haunted.

Sliding down this seemingly never ending downwards spiral, I’m just lucky I’m not in denial.
Why can’t I find something worthwhile?
My life is unfolding in a catastrophic sense.
But my mind is too slow, I’m just happy it’s starting to make sense.
So how can I crawl out of the hole they’ve been digging me?
It’s gotten so deep that there’s no light that I can see.
This life is a hoax I just want to be me.
And regain anything lost including my dignity.

With a broken spirit and no mind left,
How am i supposed to feel the heart beating in my chest?
With emptiness flowing through my veins,
How am i supposed to appreciate the sun or the pouring rain?
Nothing but enemies everywhere i go.
And i'm stuck walking around with nothing but false hope.

There's nothing i want more than to feel as deep as the ocean.
I'm always left alone with nothing and no one and so much devotion.
But what's left to give when everyone's gone and left?
I can't feel anything deep inside my chest.
Stuck living my life as an emotionless wreck.
I'm nothing more in this world than a valueless speck.

So as the days keep passing me by in this melancholic mess.
I'll continue to try to give my life meaning, and do away with the stress.

So i'm left with an anguishing heart.
I guess the way things are going i won't fall apart.
I just wish i didn't have to go through life alone.
All of this is making me turn to stone.

So as i keep searching for a lasting love.
I'll try to rid my life of the meaningless encounters i'm starting to get sick of.

I'm the worst.
It's almost like a curse.
Can i lift off the debris?
At least it's kind of getting easier to see.
How did they make every problem me?
This hellhole is getting deeper and i just want to break free.
How do people feel superior degrading those that they see fit?
I don't understand, and there's nowhere i can sit.
My time is coming and i know i won't be missed.
But if i could trade this petty tragedy in, i'd be me without the sins.