bed shared with i. Pad.
shadowed sleep greets echoed dawn
as soul whispers hope.

tossing
restless
the in-between space
of darkness before sleep

cogs turning
in the engine of mind
need oiling
no shops open

dawn
light through the window
illuminating corners
where no one can hide

an easy word to say
to spell
and to live by
so you would think

should be easy
and yet
it is hard
so hard

you are seen as a threat
if you stand up
and speak
an alternate opinion

tall poppy in the cornfield
head above the parapet
in the line of fire
why should it be so

ego
fear
loss of face
stand in the way

the world would be
such an easier place
if alternate views were respected
and differences honoured

how is it possible
to be so very lonely
when
here
on this equatorial isle
it
is
impossible
to be alone

Tears of salt, ties of
blood tight; father and daughter
no distance can part.

circular world
world of circles
forever forming
closing


experiences layered
white upon black
laughter over tears


fragile plates of existence
adrift on
hot-tempered magma


death
in life
in death
perpetual spherical passage  


blood spilled
lives shattered
in the name of religion
again


universe formed
in explosion
man murders man
with explosives


circle returning on itself

ice ... ice ... ice ... ice
Nothing. De nada.
Zilch. Zero.
My creativity's out to lunch,
just as it has been for 18 months.

I don't know what to do.

I'm scared, you know.
Words are my rock,
my port in a stormy sea.
I am stuck in the ice
and it ain't very nice.

I don't know what to do.

I've looked in here
and I've looked over there.
It's like I've died a death.
My heart is beating
and I'm still eating.

I don't know what to do.

Perhaps I should turn
my face to the sun
and bathe in its warming light.
Maybe that will reignite the flame,
melt the ice and I will write once again.

Yes...now I know what to do.

Born of love
one likes to think
They never told you

Actions speak louder than words

Their actions told of no love unspoken
But instead
of resentment and anger
that you came into the world

Like a broken record

You didn't understand
You thought it all a mistake
They didn't belong to you
You came from someone else

But that was just denial
You didn't want to believe
that those who brought you forth
could be so cruel

"Sticks and stones will break my bones
but words will never hurt me."
Childhood mantra

Lies

Words strike the deepest wound
Cut through the layers
no wall impenetrable

Imprinted
in permanent ink

Or so you thought

Time moves on
death
age
illness
change the matrix

In your darkest hour
you think
"Can I forgive?
Can I forget?"

And then the demons came
travelling on the wings of death

A seemingly endless
drug-induced battle against illness
surgery on surgery
medevacs

"Come on," you say
"I can beat you all."

Bravado
but actually the truth

Demons equal rubbers

Triumph over them...
patterns, imprints erased

Enter step mother - stage right
Rug pulled
world upside down again

But you allowed it

Time stops for no man
Or woman
Age
More surgery

Mirrors

Thankful for all past events
They molded you
to the person you are

Give thanks with open heart
to he and she
For all their deeds

Their words didn't hurt you
They fertilised you
You blossomed

Build the bridge

He is old
He is your father
No denying it

Tell him you love him
With unfettered heart
And forgiveness in your voice

Be

when I was young
the sun always shone
in the summer

the sky was a paint-by-numbers colour
blue thick and solid
always there

the grass was the green
of a dragon’s back
long and populated with insects

birds sung
from morning to night
the air was fragranced with roses

days lasted for ever
sleeping with sand between my toes
dried salt on my skin

we collected winkles for supper
running back up the hill
shells clanking in the bucket

shelling peas on the back step
popping them open
with our thumbs

I know in my heart
it rained sometimes
but it never mattered then

Laptop lens views world;
death by nature, death by man.
Hearts weep as souls fly.

the bottom has fallen
out of my world
but I cannot leave it
like that

what good would that do?

I have to rebuild
its substance
somehow
sticks & stones no use

only love & fortitude need apply

but where to find them
when anger pervades?
anger that’s fruitless
I know, I know

but heart is ruling cerebrum

heart is ruling cerebrum
heart is ruling cerebrum
but why not?
I’m only human

aren’t I?

so is he
and herein lies the challenge
humanity, its endless cycles
of life and death

and life again

I believe in that
in life again
I do
in many forms

it’s the transition that hurts

know that I love you
I always have
and
always will

You are a part of me of you

I am by your side
to hold your hand
a shoulder to cry on
if you need to

here for you

as you always have been for me

I love you, Pa

Bravery comes in many forms
For some it is in battle in a foreign land
For others it is in battle with their body

One day a diagnosis out of the blue
Turns life on its head
Turfs plans out the window

What’s this?
Why me?
I don’t know what to do

Plaintive cries echo in the darkness
As you stand alone despite those around you
For you alone can fight this battle

There is advice of course
From the medics and others
There is treatment in various forms

Diagnosis turns to prognosis
At some point down the line
You always hope for the best

Against all odds you fight
Try this and that
Mainstream and sometimes out of the stream

You do whatever you need to do
It is the way
It is your fight

But life is such that death
- that word we are not meant to utter -
Is inevitable and so it arrives

Even when expected
Such as it can be
It knocks the living sideways

But we need to respect
It was your battle
You chose weapons that suited you

You fought so hard
It wasn't always easy
But fight you did

And now you have moved on from this life
But please know
My life is richer because of you

You will never be forgotten

piercing
an arrow shaft of pain
from nowhere
straight through my heart

where are you
why did you leave
I miss you
more, so much more

you're not there
at the end of the phone
your voice
my port in a storm

I miss you
more, so much more
tears from nowhere
rivers of pain

you're there
somewhere
where the birds always sing
and the flowers always bloom

I love you Pa

fingers of light
one by one reaching out
gently caressing the sky
with dawn

birdsong
note by note soaring up
softly filling the air
with song

this Sunday morning
last Sunday morning

the death of night
bringing the birth of day
in the cycle of life
where time waits for no one

tossing and turning
in that chambered space
between
wakefulness and sleep

exhaustion
moving like molasses
in my veins

no way out

now
here
in the space of my life
I look without, within

I’ve bungy jumped
without a cord
do I plummet?
no, I soar

the fear I feel
in the depths of the night
liberates,
doesn’t tie

the joy I feel
at being me
lights up my soul
puts the sun in my eyes

the hunger I felt
for so long has gone
and its nothing
to do with dinner

it’s everything to do
with following my heart
and my dreams
through which I'm now free to wander

gliding through unbroken water
night-cooled hands
caressing my body
unhindered sun baking my shoulders

myriad of rainbows
reflecting in ripples
on the bottom of the pool
on the surface of my consciousness

sliding
slicing
from light into shadow
shadow into light

until the sun rises high in the sky
until only the silhouette of a flickering palm
casts its mark
in the blueness beneath

muscles pumping
heart beating
blood charging
lightening in my veins

Phoenix

born of fire and water

soaring

Laptop lens views world;
death by nature, death by man.
Hearts weep as souls fly.

Look around you.
At reflections
in mirrors
and patterned glass.

At those you know
and who you don't,
including your self.
What do you see?

Happiness, joy,
life fully lived;
or do you see
life ever-longing?

For what may be,
in one week or two,
this year or next,
five years or ten.

When we've got
more time,
are older,
have money.

This very moment
in which we live.
This ephemeral footstep in time.
Is this not the most important?

Is it not better
to live and know love,
to cry and know laughter,
to fall and be able to rise.

To walk in the light
and the dark,
and then
in the light once again.

Life is too short.
Too precious.
None of us knows
what awaits.


Have courage.
Be daring.
Take risks.
Live. And love.

To the full.

Now.

everywhere knife blades
sharp
relentless

no peace
amongst the chaos
only madness

noise
filling every space
silence slaughtered

smiles gone
replaced by anguish
the angels weep

We stepped onto
each other’s paths,
you and I,
your journey and mine entwined.

Paths that crossed unexpectedly,
the hand of destiny
editing our scripts.
A magical moment.

Like flowers blossoming
in the warmth of spring,
we turned to face
into each other’s light.

And in that light
our souls dance,
to a sacred rhythm.
Beyond all time and space.

In your physical absence
your presence echoes
in my heart and soul.
Here… although you are there.

Trapped in humid air,
endless echoes vanquish sleep.
Too early; too late.

wandering
through the shadows
of my childhood

trying
so hard
to create light from the darkness

reading
pain like Braille
all alone

listening
for laughter
hearing only tears

where
were you
when I reached out

looking
the other way
pretending all was well

ignoring
the bruises
deaf to my cries

running
is what I have been doing
three decades away from the land of my birth

hoping
that distance
would erase the past

pretending
it didn't happen
but it did

returning
at last
to look into the abyss

embracing
for the first time in fifty years
the sum total of who I am

giving
thanks for the past
for all that it is


looking
into the mirror
and finally seeing who is there

Poison delivered
in the chalice of your smile.
Thundered love the prize.

Birth in death: Cycles.
New born lambs frolic in mist.
Flowers smile, birds sing.

A shadowed moment
whispering with silvered song.
I wait. Will you come?

like heavy snowfall
loneliness is crushing me;
cold, harsh, destructive.

in the chaos of your mind
what
do you
see

i don’t know
you say

in the chaos of your mind
what
changes do you
want to make

i don’t know
you say

in the chaos of your mind
where
do you
want to be

i don’t know
you say

in the chaos of your mind
what steps
can you
take

to make a difference
to make your life easier

less fraught
less anxious

filled with more joy
filled with less anger

i don’t know
you say

an endless loop
that
frustrates
you more

that exasperates me

there is a solution
a potential solution
at once so hard
at once so easy

acceptance

accept
your unique differabilty
your exceptional persona
your unique perspective on the world

accept
non-conditional love
support
kindness

accept
above all
you are worthy

because you are

They stared at you
they did
At your difference

At your height
At your eyes
At the curve of your spine

They did not see
what I did

You asked to
clear my plate
A raised eyebrow
and eye connection
No words

I smiled with you
eyes to eyes
Said yes
please

You asked me
how my meal was
A circle of your
thumb and forefinger

I smiled with you
eyes to eyes
And said yes
thank you

You walked away
In your shuffle
I saw a
spring in your step

Behind you
you left a
spring in my heart