Five years from now
You'll look back
And ask yourself
"What's the name of
The girl who sat
One row behind me to the right"
But I'll remember your name

Ten years from now
You'll look back and ask
Who was the girl
With a freckle on her chin
But you still can't
Picture her quite right
Yet I will never forget your face

Fifteen years from now
You'll find your old yearbook
Flipping through the pages
Until you land on the girl
With the freckle on her chin
Who sat one row behind you on the right
And you'll remember who I am

You will remember that you both
Were once the best of friends
And you'll realize
You forgot her
Just like she thought you would
And you'll remember the pact
We made to never forget each other

Now we're here fifteen years later
You're standing there, phone in hand
With the girl's number in the other
She picks up the phone with a sad
"Who is this?", you tell her
There's a gasp on the other end
You don't know how much my face lit up

Let's go fifteen years and a few days later
You meet up at a coffee shop
But you don't sit down to chat
You take your orders and go on a walk
The first thing she says "I thought you forgot me"
You have to tell her you did
Those words shattered my heart

Now fifteen years later
You have a family, a wife you love
While that girl, she's alone
She has friends but never found love
Because of you
The girl had a dream
It was to marry you

So now you know, that girl
She never forgot you,
Not once
You invaded her mind
Every other night
Hoping you would come find me
Just like you promised

But you forgot,
While I will never forget you.





A.B.

I hate dreams.
I hate them for what they make me see,
Worse still is that even as you know their not real,
You believe and it seems,
If only for a second, that what could be or should be,
Or what simply isn't,
Is.

I hate seeing her face,
So sad under those shades;
Take me home,
She seems to say,
But nobody really talks in dreams.
But nobody really talks.

I died in a dream once.
And I kept on sleeping.
What does it mean, what does it mean?
To me death is one long dreamless sleep,
But I fear the opposite, that it is one sleepless dream.

I see his face now and then.
The face in real life I barely remember.
Under the water.
Calling up.
Save me.
But dreams can't change your world.
Tragically they can only make you believe.

My moms there waiting for me.
Though her alone I am too scared to see.
Even my subconcious knows not to tease me,
Knows the scars and the pain,
And how it would bleed me and end me
And I curse them from keeping me,
I hate dreams.

If he loves you there's no going back,
Only the present and future.
Never try to fix things you can't change.

Your first love follows you everywhere; don't deny it...
Accept it for what it is.
It is love.
**You just don't understand it yet.

it still makes me sick to my stomach
the thought of you with her tonight
the moonlight touching your pale skin
and your fragile fingers tracing hers
it's only chemicals but no spark or scream or sight
has made me feel like you made me feel
I want to inhale your every breath
and watch every word drop from your tongue
I want to kiss your neck as you sleep
and hold you close as you dream

but instead
all I have
is my heart
not yours
and mine is
s
  i
   n
     k
       i
        n
          g
to the bottom of the sea

life is full of searching

searching for someone who appreciates you,
who understands each deep thought
that fills your mind and holds your hand
even when those thoughts are unclear

we search for light in dark places,
hoping that things aren’t truly as
grim as they appear to be

we search for time and consequently
waste it in the process

so often we spend days and months
and years searching for something
we think will steady our hearts

step back and take a moment
to inhale and exhale with eyes closed,
and the one thing that will bring forth
pure joy will become clear, it will
stand out and beckon for your attention

you then have a choice:
either pretend you can find a light
more satisfying and continue to search
blindly for something that will never appear,
or look at the love and hope you’ve found,
and put your faith and trust in the
most brilliant light you’ll ever see

why would you keep searching
for stars in the shadows
when there’s already a sun
shining in your sky?

There aren't enough
love poems
love songs
pencils
journals
dictionaries
thesauruses
to gather the words of beauty and pain you've caused this
foolish little ***** cuddled beneath my chest..

Silly of me to be silly for you...
only to leave
leave and find comfort in another
while  I was at our home, longing for your affection
thinking of ways to bring the flame back to our connection...

Naïve of me,
but the nerve of you...
You went outside of us
to find you
I bet you're still lost

...but you're human, so maybe you needed that
& I needed for your love to never become selfish

Tell me,
tell me in its entirety why I wasn't enough

Was I not gentle enough with your soul?

Or maybe,
Just maybe I could've stared deeper into your eyes when we made sweet love?

I guess I could've screamed your name louder when you made me squirt passion?

Was 27 hours across this country to get to you not enough dedication?

Was leaving everything and everyone at the drop of your heartbeat not enough sacrifice?

I don't have enough fingers to count the countless times I forgave you...

Love was in the way, so I went out my way countless times to put a smile on your face

It wasn't enough
I wasn't enough
In your eyes, we weren't perfect enough
I did everything that wasn't enough

She was enough

...I wasn't enough of her

there once was a young girl with green eyes
who wore her soft blond hair
in braided pigtails

at the age of seven,
she watched her older sister
stand in front of the mirror before school
and pinch her stomach with a disgusted face
          neither of them ate breakfast that morning

at the age of nine,
she watched her older brother
make fun of a girl with glasses
for reading on the bus
          she went home and hid all her books in the attic

at the age of twelve,
she watched the older girls at school
with straight hair and short skirts
put makeup on in the bathroom
and discuss how boys would only like you
if you looked perfect, like them
          the next day she arrived with red lips, short shorts, and no braided pigtails

at the age of fourteen,
she watched her father hit her mother for the first time
her mother cried when she saw her standing in the doorway
and told her daddy didn't mean it
          the next year, she told herself that her boyfriend didn't mean it, either

at the age of sixteen,
she was paper thin and empty
with straight blond hair, red lips,
purple flesh, and lifeless green eyes
          while staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror,
          she thought to herself "at least i'm normal."