I slept last night
With no thoughts on my mind
Because its the easiest method to sleep
But as i dreamt of castles,
Of suburbs, of theaters
Of other relationships
(Of other people)
It brought this revelation
That WHAT if.

What if:
We were next to each other
When we woke up
My face would turn red like a tomato
And i would just start laughing
Because of the realization that
I'm with the person I love

What if:
We would talk for hours on an end
And fill up the memories on iPhones
And our minds with talks of gossip
Talks of science, talks of hangouts
Your friends would envy it so much
They would become angry at us

What if:
We were together in the school
Holding hands and the people knowing
That we are together
It would be so **** amazing
For me, knowing I did it
I ventured into unknown and came back
Victorious

What if:
We walked home everyday
Sat together on the bus
Those little things which people say
Have no significance will never fathom
The signficance the little things have
Because little things make something big

I truly cannot fathom the beauty
The joy, the love
That I would feel from someone
Who isn't a family member
But someone else, who genuinely loves me
For what I am
I will be so proud to say
"I did it! I braved through!"

If only this were true.

I think i have realized
That everything is out to get you
And it stings badly
But movement is the way of life
And considering every one of us as stars
Of our own little shows is the most important aspect
Of understanding the way of life

Sometimes movement
Sometimes support
Sometimes being a support

I feel like running,
till my heart is going to die,
till my lungs ache, muscles burn, adrenaline still racing,
I want to run from this place to nowhere in particular
Just somewhere else

I want to be alive and not be indifferent to love, but c'est la vie.
I want to love a wonderful person but they do not want me around them but c'est la vie.
I want to be an amazing person who is really nice and fun to be around, but my negativity brings everything down and c'est la vie.
I don't like myself for that but c'est la vie.

But I still hope to make it through
just for 4 more days
until the end of the year
so I could run
and try to forget my emotions for a brief moment

I realized a lot of things
For one- Running helps
Two- late nights are reserved
Three- summer is here
Four- i cannot rhyme
Five- what am i doing

Six- i shall see you later

To my plentiful nights
Where i shivered
Even with a blanket on

To when i cried
Because i understood my flaws and irrational thinking

To when i forced myself to sleep
So as to prevent further harm

To when i thought of you
Because you are you.

To those nights and more
Constituting me and my celestial being

I found out today
That I carry around chainmail
Similar to the Knights during The Middle Ages
But its more unreal
It protects me
And tells me not to spill my emotions
Similar to protecting the knight

It holds everything throughout the day
And at night
Everything within me crumbles.
I take off this "chainmail"
And i go into those dark alleys of my mind
Some with no escape
I try escaping with my plentiful books
They sometimes work

Other times its hell upon myself
My friends, and i regret it every time
But its a cycle I fail to stop
Unlike my real bike which failed me yesterday

This chainmail, its good and all
But I wish I didnt have to remove it
I dont want to make my friends suffer
But they still do.
I learnt to bottle it up…
Like thats going to help.

Just, need kevlar or something

Stop thinking that you are too much
this or that
too ugly or too fat
because you are worth
much more
than a number.

No jean size, person or society
can dictate how you live your life.
No failure or mistake can ever
define you.

You are only defined by your character.