Staring into the depths of a bottle
Trying to warm my bones
"You look lost," he said.
Smiling, I replied
"Not all who wander are lost."
His eyes were sad and grey
Long roads I longed to travel
And then his sad eyes spoke
"Maybe not, but you are."
He knew me.
Knew how I'd been spending my nights.
Seeking comfort in the open road
Finding home with each new person
In this beautiful broken world
With its beautifully broken people
The only people who can know runners
Are runners themselves.
He takes my hand and the roads stretch and melt
The hallways dim and all the doors close
My heart races
"Run with me."

10 words

There is nothing convenient about answering a call to be flooded with a sea of tears & thoughts at four in the morning when you need to be up at seven or a collection of band tees cluttering your closet space.

There is nothing convenient about driving 100 miles an hour down the freeway in the middle of a shift or missing a lighter every time you go to smoke.

There is nothing convenient about standing in the rain until a fight is resolved or finding melted guitar picks all over your laundry.

A love that exists according to convenience
is not a love at all

You'll know the first time you decide to kiss his scars instead of your own because all of a sudden the pain radiating from his eyes hurts worse than the pain growing from your core.

You'll know the first time you find yourself spending countless hours caring for his friends because all of a sudden everyone who matters to him matters to you.

*You'll know the first time you decide that the sound of his voice & the scent of his skin are worth being inconvenienced for the rest of your life because the lack of either feel like the end of the world.

tell me what keeps you awake at 2 am
whether it’s the girl who took the knife of her absence and stabbed it into your sternum
or the loneliness that swallows your skin

play the one song which releases the floodgates in your eyes
and let me listen to it over and over again
until i find which line makes your heart drop to your stomach

describe the story of your body to me
tell me of the invisible scars too
and with each detail you describe
i will make a map
so i know which road bumps to avoid
or which holy sites to fall to my knees and kiss the ground of

remember that
i wear a mask brimming with self confidence and an armor of words that are both easy to tear for they were thin like tissue to begin with
i am sensitive
taking to hurt the way a sponge absorbs water

do not hide me behind closed doors or keep me entrapped in bed sheets
when you walk past me, do not pull your hood over your head and avert your gaze
i need you to look at my eyes as if they illuminated the entire world
and kiss my lips as if they are what allow you to breathe

open the door.
bring me flowers.
because the only boy who did either was my 5th grade boyfriend

be willing to meet my family and friends
for they were the ones who created the marble statue whom you marvel at today

take note of how my heart is a reflection of myself
how she is too kind and will kiss the same man who tore her in two
so please do not say words which will make her wings flutter
if you are not ready to be the nest she flies to

let me know that me, as myself, i am enough
that i do not need to be a chameleon
dipping myself in new colors each day to please you

remember the little things about me
like how my first phrase i uttered was shut up to a man in an elevator or the delight i take in handwritten letters and mix CDs, or the significance of my first tattoo
because everything about you is being etched into the walls of mind
so that i can never forget

trace your fingers with a loving tenderness over my scars from the times i transformed my body into a crucifix
pinning my hands and feet onto a cross out of habit
thinking love was a word synoymous with self sacrifice

you must learn my language
know what zips my lips into silence
know the difference between when i want to give up versus when i will actually do so
and be there to hold me when the seams start to unravel

if you want me to love you
know that many have tried and failed
that people like me are not meant to be soft
if you want me to love you
know that to me
love is not a word you spit out of your mouth and juggle in your hands
you need to promise that our love won’t be like an hourglass
for my body has been disfgured enough from the times my chest turned inside out from the pang of abadonment
if you want me to love you
reaffirm my body is a kindgom, my heart is the treasure, and that i am your queen
paint pictures for me in what you do and say
telling me i am worthy to be loved, worthy to be kept, and worthy to stay

but if you really want me to fall in love with you
tell me what you see right before you close your eyes at night to fall asleep
and if you tell me it’s me
i will fall unfathomably further for you than i already have

he is shimmering, and genial, and made from lego bricks
wraps my fog into empty nothingness
gives me his hand when i fall
all in dust and memories
he's my kiss of undeath
darkness falls apart

had a hope to sink in the sea of gently swinging hammocks

his seasons confuse me,
sitting cross legged inside of a dragon
that falls asleep in shallow oceans for so long
until people forget and believe its an island,
and build tiny houses and towns along his dragon scaled shores

There was a war that day between
A little girl and a red balloon.
"Fly!" said the girl to the balloon,
"Fly me away, take me away from here!"
"Be still!" Said the balloon to the child,
"If freedom is peace, we've found it here.
If freedom is peace, we've found it here."