the shadows on the ceiling diffuse as I watch
heightened nights and adrenalined days
I am alive, I live
Each day dawning anew,
my soul flies, I am a star.
But then the sun turns, the stars bleed from the sky,
bleed down onto my heart, and I collapse in the dirt
I cannot deny that a part of me will never relight.
the **** on my cheek will always linger
With one of the senses gone, others heighten,
the dark is clear, the cuckoos song intelligible
A jet roars past, and for a moment
in the deafening thunder, I don't feel the cavity's ache.

I speak in metaphors
feel in colors,  think in painted movie screens

My tongue a sluggish traitor
to the quick flashing shades in my heart

I try to

STOP.

RESET.

START.

but that train of thought has left the station
and editors start to intervene -
before new pictures come fully into focus, the domesticated directors in my mind yell
"CUT"
and that impish tongue obeys

I paddle the air
trying to stir up the scent of what was about to be -
but it refuses to come

ever loyal hands rush to my rescue
cupping temples and eyes
catching fallen thoughts
to later let loose upon paper

Big skies of home
pull at strings rooted deep
in the younger parts of my heart

eyes reflect
a hundred summer days
spent in the green and gold sage
dreaming

the land here
is full of ghosts
that recognize and call out
as soon as my air
meets their air

and my phantom wings answer
raising me
up
up
up

embracing the wind
that loved me then
and always

Take it -
Just take it easy.
(****, he makes it easy)

With flattery, fluttering
eyes sliding,
all the way up my thighs

then melting me
back down
when he calls me “baby”

just rolls right off
that wicked quick tongue,
like nothing

“baby”

ratcheting up my heart
my breath
my blood

“oh baby”

melt me down again

“baby”
like its no big thing

*but it’s everything to me.

What hidden sadness is contained past those daily smiling eyes?

The roads seem lonely.
My bed feels extra big.

The house is empty.
And so is my heart.

I feel powerless.

I find comfort in a hot cup of coffee.
I feel daring in places unknown.

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
From these roads I've traveled alone.

I've walked barefoot on my own shattered dreams.
Where the wounds have cut me so deep...
My blood has painted the ground so red...
The memories keep me from falling asleep.

The nights are long and weary.
Time slowly tiptoes by...
My thoughts are dark and eerie...
By then, my demons start to reply.

Stored in the darkest corners of my mind...
Are the things my demons untangle.
Everything I have ever wished to leave behind...
My demons' grip begins to strangle.

My mind is racing.
I'm gasping for air.

I'm ready.
I will stare into fear.
Until the end.