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cal Feb 7
it keeps happening and it feels worse everytime
Feb 7 · 71
sextape by deftones
cal Feb 7
TW- ED
this feels like *** with my ex
relapsing
a cigarette in the cold
the 2nd day without food
laying down after crying as you're abt to fall asleep
sitting in the car with you and we're both cold as **** but i don't want-
you to go inside
Feb 7 · 59
family ties
cal Feb 7
TW- S*icide
a few months ago my cousin committed
and year and years before so a different cousin did
i wonder what they would tell me
would they tell me to go through with it?
cal Feb 7
i feel regret and pain
but there's something to be desired in the little space between
cal Feb 7
all you do is **** me off
i complain about you all the time
and everyone asks why i'm still friends with you
and i wonder too
this isn't abt a boy it's abt a girl
Feb 7 · 68
it feels wrong
cal Feb 7
i think i want to spend more time with you
something draws me to you
and that something yearns to **** me
Feb 7 · 27
his name is *****
cal Feb 7
you treat me like a person
i shouldn't like you for that
Feb 7 · 21
gas station
cal Feb 7
were you a bad person
purely so that i got the point that you didn't deserve me?
Feb 7 · 21
virgin mary
cal Feb 7
you werent the first
but you were THE first
Jul 2021 · 40
stay high
cal Jul 2021
**** around and never come down
Jul 2021 · 175
kys or get over it
cal Jul 2021
it doesn’t matter who buried the knife first
we both had a blade hidden the entire time
Jul 2021 · 34
Mars, Revised.
cal Jul 2021
I really hope this kills me
Existence is a night sky
And Freedom is a shooting star
But I’ll shoot for the moon
And meet you at Mars
Jun 2021 · 367
cardiac
cal Jun 2021
I love feeling my heart get weaker
I mean hey
I asked it to stop pumping a long time ago
Jun 2021 · 639
itty
cal Jun 2021
vulnerability
i should've been able to indulge in it
Jun 2021 · 210
heat waves
cal Jun 2021
Summer this year doesn’t feel like all the others
I can’t help but see the calories on a can of Arizona tea
Abanonded on a park bench
When did that become all I could see?
May 2021 · 68
she's still sleeping
cal May 2021
you can't make dying a competition
when the winner is the loser
and the loser is the winner
don't find peace
"she's still sleeping"
"it's not like her to sleep in this long, i'm gonna go check on her"
May 2021 · 96
now then and forever
cal May 2021
i don't care when you won't love me
it's just cool that your here now
May 2021 · 76
07302002
cal May 2021
2001
halloween
a broken girl
a broken boy
***** a missed dose of birth control and a broken ******
"callee"
a guardian angel sacrfice
May 2021 · 1.1k
iris
cal May 2021
wake up
you wouldn't wanna miss your autopsy
May 2021 · 309
mors voluntaria
cal May 2021
you're the closest to heaven
that i'll ever be
May 2021 · 59
growing pains
cal May 2021
menthol cigerettes
vomiting
starvation
depression
suicidal idealization
heartbreak
it’s all growing pains, baby
May 2021 · 104
prom queen
cal May 2021
it'll never be enough
because if it was i would be suffering
m̶o̶r̶e̶
May 2021 · 192
ribs
cal May 2021
underneath my skin
favorite sin
:)
May 2021 · 100
it doesn't matter anymore
cal May 2021
over the moon
observing active decay
day by day
May 2021 · 63
asbestos
cal May 2021
you were home
you made me really sick
cal May 2021
he once wrote on my bulletin board in animal crossing
"you're precious"
my baby
my baby
you're my baby
say it to me
May 2021 · 95
i'm lying
cal May 2021
it won't matter that i wasn't enough
if we all one day will experience the same thing
we're all as worthy as one another
and that's enough validation for me
May 2021 · 142
ephiphany
cal May 2021
why are there already nats around me?
i'm not dead yet you freaks
May 2021 · 109
anyway here's wonderwall
cal May 2021
the original me bled out on her mothers ***** bathroom floor
the filth and abuse because too much for her
everything since that day
hasn't
felt
real
shady what the ******* saying!?
"I don't know help me!"
cal May 2021
i know you say mean things when i cancel plans
but i don't care
too being decomposing where i lay
can't save me man
save yourself
May 2021 · 62
selfish
cal May 2021
how i know i feel this for me
is i don't fantasize about all the tears
the screaming
the regrets
the denial
the begging
the anger
the depression
the hopelessness
the acceptance
the forgetting
my soul feels amazing at the thought of just nothing
May 2021 · 57
sober ego death
cal May 2021
and i cried at the curb
when you first said "Oel ngati kameie"
May 2021 · 38
euphoria
cal May 2021
acceptance
this is where i came from
this IS familiar
it'll be ok
it'll be absolute euphoria
cal May 2021
when my day comes
i know what i'll feel
i'll feel the fear
the realization
the regret
the awareness
the acceptance
it'll be the most terrifying and peaceful moment
the moment i was born to feel
the feeling i was destined to experience
starting as a twinkle in my fathers eye
the first atom in the giant explosion of stars and galaxies
that nonexistence gave birth to from the canal of endless black abyss
cal May 2021
if i hide long enough
if no one sees me
do i exist
May 2021 · 31
spit on my grave
cal May 2021
how could you look at someone
and tell them
"how is anyone suppose to love you when you're sick?"
with fancy words
while they lie on their deathbed?
May 2021 · 41
existential
cal May 2021
you are all the things that are wrong with you
May 2021 · 39
keep those eyes open
cal May 2021
i can't indulge in my favorite escape
it'll make me fat
May 2021 · 47
no
cal May 2021
no
one day
you'll be on recieved forever
May 2021 · 67
sarah lynn?
cal May 2021
ive been a walking corpse for months
but the audience wants encore
do they know i'm dying?
sarah lynn?
May 2021 · 92
am i tired
cal May 2021
i know this will **** me
i don't seem to care
i wanna be laid to rest in all the happy memories i have always been swadeled in
it seems as though that blanket only drew to my ankles
i have cold feet about the rest of my life
May 2021 · 53
ode to natawsha
cal May 2021
chasing a size zero
don't eat enough for one
when you look at yourself it's doubled in two
and  at times you think it might be three
but in reality those numbers are far, even farther from four
ignore it, until sombody tells you you've gone down by five
it hurts, it hurts, eat like six
because you starved for seven
chase it down with a diet coke, what's next you'll feel in about eight
because down the hatch goes laxatives, count them out nine
your visions covered in tracers and you think you're at ten
even though everyone else can read "zero"
happy mothers day
May 2021 · 51
this is a testament
cal May 2021
like smoking a stoagie
noise traveling through my head like smoke in the air
straight up potent
kinda feeling i'd love to share
nasuea out in the open
and a head high that can't compare
i love sunset drives
cal May 2021
21
beat up old truck
long hair
****** hair
rugged skin
every bit of muscle finished growing and boney hands
sixty dollar phone
dead-end job
**** and acid
17
skinny legs and dusty knees
FRIENDS hoodie from TJ Maxx
cheap shoes
little sixty dollar phone
working part time
you ruined me
May 2021 · 130
i sat in my car screaming
cal May 2021
please don't leave me
please
please
please
pleaaase don't leave me
i love you so much
please don't leave
i'll be anything you want me to be
i'll lose weight i'll let you cheat on me just please don't leave
please don't leave me
i'm sorry i got angry when you ****** another girl just please stay baby i'll do anything for you please
May 2021 · 104
splitting
cal May 2021
*******
baby
i hate you so much
please don't leave me
get the **** away from me you disgusting *****
i'll change i promise
this is why nobody likes you
it wasn't you, it was me
why the **** are you like this you knew this would upset me
i'll be anything you want me to be sweetheart don't leave me please
i'm in the process of trying to get tested for BPD/ treated for whatever I have
i can just remember everything i sabotaged because i crave instability
May 2021 · 231
don't wake
cal May 2021
i'll shove every word into my skull
until the tears stop falling
and i forget your face
thegirlyoufuckedwhileiworkedanextrashiftsoicouldgetyouanicechristmaspresentlistenedtoolivertreeandhonestlyfuckyoubothwhydidyoucheatonmemaybeihurtyousometimesbutfuckyouusetocallmearetardandabitch
Apr 2021 · 63
we're just good friends
cal Apr 2021
i ain't mrs.right
but i'll ******* til she gets here
Apr 2021 · 94
high school sweethearts
cal Apr 2021
i never understood how you can love someone
and not be ready for them
because if it was true love you'd take them
anytime
anyday
anywhere
any life
but that's just not the case
when i look at you i see somebody whose loved me for a long time
and i've taken it for granted because on some level it's not what i want
truly
if i ever had your heart
i'd take it for granted
but it's ok babe
just hold my hand
and we'll go get cotton candy together.
we never dated but we've been connected a long time
i chose someone else over you and looked what happened
i think on some level i deserved it
for what i did to you
but hey,
holding grudges over love is ancient artifacts
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