At least twice it happened.
The first time I was five and the other I was nine.

Both instances I had no idea what was happening.

It was only when the risk became known to my younger sister that I decided to speak up and confess my disturbed past.

My Parents shredded their tears and rejoiced at their failing as guardians.

Could their rivers that run from their eyes help me now? They certainly couldn't help me back then when I was trapped in his bed. Cemented between his aroused body that was firmly pressing down on me or the unfamiliar scent radiating from the uncomfortable mattress that lay beneath me. I was five.

Could their pleas of forgiveness help me now? They certainly couldn't when I was sitting on his knee as his unhesitant hand crept higher up my leg, reaching to the buttons on my jeans and unwillingly entered beyond the waistline.  I was nine.

Can therapy help the fact that I hate men? How I despise the idea of love and coward away in a corner when I think of becoming close to someone. How about I can’t even be in a room alone with a male without welcoming on a panic attack.
I am scarred for life and no amount of pills or talk sessions are going to change that.

Don’t try.

"My heart is a pre-owned game,
with you being the current controller.

Having being reset over and over,
I am hoping that you will be the one to pass the level and clock me,
body and soul"

"Your soul;  running through my veins.
Your eyes; planted in my sockets.
Your fingertips; cemented in my skin.
Your heart; caressed in my chest.
Your voice; a constant melody ringing throughout my mind.
Your arms; the forever reserved safe house only for me.

Marked by one another with the same skin,
we take to the Earth together.
Only to be parted by death,
forever asleep in slumber... "

"My very existence is compelled and based on your own.
It has been for a while now.

My heart becomes quickly complex with just a mere thought of you
and
with you physically near, I find it hard to breathe.

I find myself falling faster each day,
Surprising myself just how I haven't crashed yet.

And I keep on diving,
Silently pleading each day your hands will come out and catch me,
Forever placing me in your heart.

Yet you continue to look on.
Gazing beyond me, your naked eye looking onto others.

I inhale into false hope, living off of it.
You're my drug, piercing my veins.
My addiction and cure.

Save me.

'... And she had come home to a family that she was about to destroy..."

"I had always wondered what I was meant to do on this Earth,
And then I met you,
And it became clear;
My meaning was to make your life worth living"

"I thought losing you was my death,

But it was when you found someone else that I died"

Loving another and pitying them are two different things.

Don't confuse the two.

Letting go of your hand was easy,

  It was letting go of your heart that was hard.

"Real people aren't perfect
and
Perfect people aren't real"

"Not all scars show.
Not all wounds heal.
Often we don't see the pain that someone else feels"

"It  is a risk to love.
What is it doesn't work out?
Ah, But what if it does"

"The moment before was the moment I knew,
I never needed anything the way my body needed,
you"

They ponder on why you starve yourself,
yet,
Complain when you are over-eating.
They tell you to seek help,
yet,
question on why you have a counselor.
They tell you to get a boyfriend,
yet,
Call you a **** once done.
What if they found out I cried myself to sleep every night.
Get over it?
What if they found out I slit my wrist as an escape.
Attention?
Next time I should just dig the razor blade a tiny bit deeper.
And
just
Bleed.
Now THAT would surely satisfy them.

I'm confused
Dazed
Pondering on myself
Questioning beliefs
Doubting up-bringing
Do I want her?
Do I need her?
I didn't think so at first
But every single time she talks to him
God,
It drives me mad.
That's it
I want her
Like a kid at Christmas
I need her
Like a moth to a flame.

"Poetry is proof that humans are capable of magic"

"Pretending to be happy when your dying inside is proof of just how strong of a person you are."

"Some People are so poor,
All they have is money."

"How Are You?"
BROKEN.USELESS.ALONE.
CLUELESS.FUSED.
BETRAYED.FRAGILE.DEPR­ESSED.
ANXIOUS.
PATHETIC.DEFEATED.NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.
BITTER.CRUSHED.NOTHING.

"Fine"

I Hurt
I don't even know where exactly
I Hurt
It's just a dull dry ache of the soul
Depression
It's just a fancy word for saying you're dying inside
... I Hurt

"Its hard to be disappointed when what you expected turns out to be true."