Running through the dark
   our backs against walls
we were frightened heroes.

Boys don't like girls like me

Boys don't like girls
With frizzy hair
And red velvet tongues

Boys don't like girls
Who wear heavy boots
And leather jackets a size too big
With pins pushed through the fabric
Declaring their beliefs
Like picket signs

Boys don't like girls
With outie belly buttons

Boys don't like girls
Who shop in the men's section
At thrift stores

Boys don't like girls
Who shut themselves in ivory towers
And refuse to let down their hair
Because they're too afraid

Boys don't like girls
Who talk to plants

Boys don't like girls
Who pick the pickles off
Of their cheeseburger because
They believe its the best part
And you always save the best for last

Boys don't like girls
Who carry trauma on their backs like boulders

Boys don't like girls
Who don't know how to kiss
Without leaving
Blood stains on your lips

Boys don't like girls
Who write love poems for themselves

Who practice archery and witchcraft
Because it makes them feel stronger

Who dance in their kitchen
To the music of popping popcorn

Who shy away from touch
Because to them it feels like acid

Who have stretch marks and cellulite

Who'd rather stay at home with the dog
Than go to that party

Who have ice in their soul

Boys don't like girls like me
And I'm trying to be ok with that

Like I said
..... ******* coward.....

Let's just sell each other -
That's what we should do
You for two of me
Me for two of you
Let's just tell each other -
When asked what it's about
The art was just a question
While the answer was in doubt

I never planned to drop out of high school
but I never planned on wanting to **** myself either
so that’s just how it goes

And now I’m in college a year early
and I’m watching everyone around me getting into
serious relationships and having babies
and actually graduating with full scholarships to real universities
and moving in together like real grown people starting real lives

and here I am still missing you
still going to counseling every week
and failing my second semester worse than the first

here I am having to consider if going to a
mental hospital for 6 months is really the only thing ive got left

my mother says when I get out I could really start my life
you know, have real relationships
and not do drugs or have promiscuous ***
but what does she really even know about that

am I about to find out why the caged bird sings?

I turn eighteen in a little over 7 months
and I really don’t want to spend the time leading up to that
having a prescribed time to eat
and take my medication
and when to go to sleep

this isn’t how life is supposed to be

people say it isn’t easy
but killing yourself is seen as cowardly

well, we didn’t even have a choice of whether we wanted life or not
we were just put here because we won the race

so don’t talk to me about cowardice

I got my first tattoo when I was 15
and the feeling exhilarated me
and to this day the buzzing of the gun excites me

and even to this day the sound of your voice creates something inside of me

and last summer I had 4 people in my car that I later totaled

and we were smoking **** in the park
because we bought three blunts at $5 each

because we went down to southeast
and copped them from the black boys playing basketball in the street

and that was back when I still got paranoid about things

like smoke coming out of the car windows at night
and things like my mother knowing the redness in my eyes
wasn’t from my contacts

I feel more comfortable in this vessel of mine than I ever have before
and I suppose I have you to thank for that

because now I can walk without seeming like a question mark
and trying to blend into the wall

I can walk without looking down like an apology
so this is me saying thank you

but now I realize that I don’t need you nor do I want you

and I am happy with the sense of freedom that comes with that

you weren’t special until I made you so
and I didn’t realize my worth until we were walking away from each other

and once, back when you were good
and I still believed in you

we climbed the roof of a school and took pictures
and I didn't want to jump off  

and I scraped my leg before we started doing graffiti

and we heard the sirens from two miles away
so we dropped the spray paint and ran

and I guess they were warning us in more ways than one

Hurry now
"Something wicked this way comes"