Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
727 · Jan 2015
A Bit Tangled Up
AJ Jan 2015
Did you not read the words  "FRAGILE"?
The letters where in all caps,
Stamped on my chest.
Not my heart.
Just my lungs.
Practically glass.

I'd say I'm holding my breath,
but....
727 · Jun 2013
Suicide and Chardonnay
AJ Jun 2013
Today I thought about it.
I didn't do it.
I think about it a lot.
I've done it.
We all thought about it at some point.
We don't all do it.
A lot do it.
We don't all succeed.
I guess if we all thought about it,
And all did it,
And all succeeded,
There would be no one left to
Think about it,
And do it,
And succeed.
But I'll still think about it,
And do it.
So will you.
717 · May 2015
Psychoanalyze Me, Baby
AJ May 2015
I wonder if
You've ever read any of my poems
And panicked.
Trying to figure out if it was about you.

It probably was.
This one is.
AJ Oct 2015
We are the victims and the perpetrators.
But those roles do not intersect.
We are children and we are parents.
And those roles do intersect.

What I'm trying to say.
Is that two plus two may equal four,
But without limitations x can be anything.
It can intersect as many or as few times as it wants.
It can be zero all of the time,
Or never.
Set some ******* limitations.

What I'm trying to say.
Is I don't want to **** it up.
Don't **** it up.
717 · Aug 2013
Nie
AJ Aug 2013
Nie
I'm done.
So done.
716 · Aug 2014
Look, No Hands
AJ Aug 2014
I'm not even allowed to be upset anymore.
This is some 1984 *******.

You used to be the only shape I prayed to.
Jezebel



In addition to a song I wrote last year, "I Need To Use Both Hands". Inspired by Iron&Wine;.
AJ Nov 2014
You should be ashamed
Of filling me with *****
And horrible memories
And touching my chin
Then asking me why I was shaking.

I was shaking because of you.
You caused a great snowfall
Inside my hollow bones.
I would never keep your baby.

You can say god bless you,
All that you want.
He's left us.
He doesn't like the unpure.
That's what you are,
And that's what you've made me.

You say I have dragon eyes,
And I say they've seen it all.
But not very well, clearly shown by the title.
712 · Sep 2013
It's Getting Dark
AJ Sep 2013
I have been tired,
For a long time.
And I'm just about ready
To go to sleep for good.
711 · Jan 2015
Broken Noses
AJ Jan 2015
Drinking in the morning.
If I wake up for the morning.
Is the newest form of entertainment.
707 · Aug 2014
Vodka Blankets
AJ Aug 2014
I just feel really guilty.
I feel really sad.
I feel really pointless.
And when I used to get upset
I just wanted someone to hold me
And comfort me.

Now I don't want that.
I don't want to be tragic.
I don't want to be anything.

I finally feel again.
And everything is so temporary.

Do you know what my mother
Told me the other day while
I was at her house?
She thinks the apocalypse is coming.
My mother is logical and wise
And smart and has never once
Said anything of the sort.

And she was completely serious.

And I'm not saying I believe her.
Because I don't,
We all have our own beliefs,
And I really respect that.
Mine aren't solid, but mostly scientific.

But that is not the point.

The point is that nothing is solid.
Everything is changing and temporary.
But change isn't a constant.
Don't ever let anybody tell you that.
Somethings always change,
Somethings never will.

Everything is a great big mess.
I am a great big mess.
And this is my ramblings.
I think my cat is dying. For this reason alone, I'm feeling increasingly guilty about leaving home.
702 · Jul 2013
Really Though
AJ Jul 2013
I'm not going to write an angry poem about you.
Stop looking.
AJ Sep 2013
I am anxiously awaiting the day when
I am not afraid of
I am not obsessed with
I am not stressed over
I am not anxious thinking about
I am not sick because of
Food.

But at the same time....

I just crave the days where
I would have two bites of a pancake all day long,
And rewarded myself with not having
To down half a loaf of bread,
Or purge everything up.

The days where I'd have more than 300 calories
And want to slit my ******* wrists,
But my slashes it got me to get rid of those calories.

The days when I felt empty
And empty felt full
And full felt clean
And clean felt light
And light felt healthy
And healthy felt thin.

My teeth can rot.
My muscles can ache.
My legs can bleed.
I just want to go back to that.

It's not as easy as I remember
Getting back into the habit.
I know once I'm there
It's smooth sailing.
It's killing me either way.
693 · Oct 2013
STL
AJ Oct 2013
STL
I'm still in shock.
I feel like the entire universe
Was crumpled up into a ball
And jammed down your throat
In the form of torture.
Please let her escape.
She's just a kid.
692 · Nov 2013
Chodżmy Do Łóżka
AJ Nov 2013
Tick tock on the clock.
I know that you're still in shock
But now you must have less
Time to actually process
"Why me?"
Because you see.
You are you and I am me.
I am the sun,
And I am the moon.
I am the rain,
I am everything.
You just have to sit back and watch.
I will destroy you.
692 · Sep 2013
BlasFamous
AJ Sep 2013
I cannot begin to describe
The thoughts that go through my mind
When  I think of you.
You make me think of things
I haven't thought about since I was six,
And it's like you know what
Thoughts I will think tomorrow.
AJ Oct 2015
Growing up,
I had actually planned on being very rich when I grew up.
I did not know where this money would come from,
I just knew that I would have boatloads of it.
I would actually plan out,
How I was going to spend,
My ridiculous amount of cash.

One thing I wanted,
Was to give my children,
A separate $100 a week allowance,
That they had to use to help people.
I made a list of 5 suggestions.
And I just found it at my parent's house,
Last week.

1. Go to a sandwich place and buy twenty sandwiches and hand them out to people on the street.

2. Go to a blanket place (in the winter) and buy twenty blankets and hand them out to people on the street.

2. Save up for ten weeks at a time and then pick a different animal shelter each time, to give $1000 of dog food and dog things to them.

4. Buy a homeless person 20 nights at a hotel room.

5.  Keep the money, and you get grounded because you’re rich and other people are poor and you don’t need money.
Apparently I thought everything costs $5??????
684 · Oct 2014
Colly Strings
AJ Oct 2014
My inner monologue says
Don't let them see you show
Defeat
Remorse
Regret
Sadness
Uncertainty.
You are a queen.

I trust you see it the same way.
681 · Oct 2013
Please. Fucking please.
AJ Oct 2013
I am feeling really sad right now.
And I don't want to talk about it.
And I don't want to think positive.
And I don't want anyone to try and fix anything.
And I don't want to confront anything.
And I don't want to calm down.

I just want to listen to my sad music playlist.
I just want you to hold me and not say a word.
I just want to cry and cry and not worry about
How loud I'm being
Or how dramatic I am being.

I just want to cry
And I just want you to hold me.

I feel like I'll never be able to breath again if I don't.
680 · Dec 2018
Apothic
AJ Dec 2018
It's definitely easier to be creative than constructive.
I can plant the seeds and draw the plans,
But nothing will ever come to fruition.
I'm not a woman of action,
I'm a woman of movement and superstition.

I would press fast forward right about now.
No need to see how this one plays out,
Just to see if it does actually play out.


Funny enough, I've pressed play too many times before I realized I cannot slow this back down.
I can't see what's right in front of me until I'm right in front of it.
680 · Jul 2013
What?
AJ Jul 2013
I cooked amazing baby carrots today.
I honestly thought I was going to die.
This is not a joke.
They were so good that I was caught totally off guard.
I was so cared.
It made me want to run right out the front door,
And down the street,
And all the way to Boston.
You could not possibly understand.
If we could control emotions,
We would have done so already.
We'd all be steady.
678 · Aug 2014
Jamie
AJ Aug 2014
You were traditional,
And I was your French Revolution of sorts.
Off with their heads.
“I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they’re not much to look at, or even if they’re sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can.”
-J.D. Salinger
675 · Jun 2013
Importance
AJ Jun 2013
Sometimes I close my eyes,
And pretend I'm up in a tree.
And it's the tallest tree in the world.
And I can see movie stars, and presidents, and the nobodies.
And they see me,
And they smile,
And they wave.
And they know that I am important.
Little old me
In my big tall tree.
And it makes me feel less tragic.
AJ Feb 2014
Society is just bitter because they haven't found someone like you.
With perfect imperfections helping me see what truly can be good, can be free.
Looking into your eyes, like looking into the sea.
Pure and moving and clean.
Your hands feel like home, please take me home.
Hold me with your stare, won't walk away, you paralyze me.
Please touch me like you do, tell me I'm your moon.
And whether or not you see it you are the most meaningful thing I know.
You're tragically beautiful.
From your lips to your soul.
And if i could live to be a hundred and three,
I hope to live a bit less then you will be.
So that I never have to be one second with you
672 · Jun 2013
Ha
AJ Jun 2013
Ha
My eyes hurt.
I don't know if it's because I'm tired
Or sad
Or I got shampoo in them,
And didn't realize it.
None the less they burn,
And I feel dizzy,
And sick,
And a bit like a fallen child actor.
671 · Sep 2013
Półowa i półowa
AJ Sep 2013
I purged three times today.
This is the ******* life.
I hate it.

On the other hand

I showed my self control three times today.
I'm getting back on track.
I love it.
AJ Aug 2014
I'm not sure anymore.
But does it matter.
I'm a cat that curiosity has yet to ****.
And I need a new mouse to play my games.

The old one ran away.

Text me a ****.
Send me a song.
Tell me your newest theory on life.

It doesn't matter.
666 · May 2015
Oh No, Little One.
AJ May 2015
I used to be obsessed with
Those tiny, willowy, broken girls.
The ones with the sad eyes
And the drug habits.

But I look at your pictures
And I just get nauseous.

This doesn't suite you.
He doesn't suite you.
None of this suites you.

Remember when we needed each other?
Things were so ****** up,
But you looked so much healthier.
666 · Aug 2016
Low Hanging Fruit
AJ Aug 2016
I'm rotten I know.


Cleopatra.
Broken AC.
Hornets without a nest.
What a mess.
Mint chocolate chip ice cream.
Wet hair and blank stairs.


Simultaneously too bitter and too sweet.
ow
666 · Aug 2013
Go Ahead, Roll Your Eyes
AJ Aug 2013
The kind of treatment I need can no longer come from a bottle.
I need to wander around the city late at night.
I need to spend all day drinking coffee and looking around a second hand book store.
I need to exchange life stories with a stranger, and then never see them again.
I need some space for the time in my head to justify itself.
I need to tour an art museum.
I need to go to the beach and sit in one spot all day.
I need to go 24 hours without any form of human contact.
I need to sing, and cry, and scream loudly in my car, speeding down the highway.
I need to go to the movie theater for a triple feature all by myself.
And lastly I need to get a big bottle of gin,
And a bigger bottle of pills,
And have a nice big meal with the two,
And take a nice long nap.
Because the kind of treatment I need,
DOESN'T EVEN ******* EXIST.
Sorry about that.
665 · May 2014
I did it, I did it.
AJ May 2014
I'm writing this only because I know you won't see it.
Because I let him touch me this time.
And this time I wasn't drunk.
And this time he didn't drug me.
This time he hit me instead.
Luckily I tripped on my way out the door
Just a few days later.
And I was able to chuck the bruises and blood
Up to that incident.

This time I got pregnant.
And this time I couldn't tell anyone.
And I couldn't tell you,
Because of us losing the last baby.
And now this one didn't even belong to you.
It didn't feel like it belonged to me either.
It just felt like his.
Like he robbed a bank
And used my insides as his hiding place.

I got rid of it.
Sam drove me.
It wasn't legal,
But I wasn't hurt.
It wasn't a smart decision,
I was very drunk.
I don't regret it.

I scrub my skin for an hour in the shower,
Every day.
But I couldn't scrub the insides.

I took eleven tests to be sure.
Never have I ever seen so many double lines.

It's been a few months.
This time I've just moved on.
The best way to forget is to never tell a soul.
664 · May 2015
Merlot
AJ May 2015
Rain falling while
The sun is shining
Is strange.
And those optical illusion things,
Those are strange too.
And how if you drink lemonade
After eating pancakes,
It tastes very very sour,
That is extremely strange.

And I just can't
Figure any of it out.
But why
Oh why
Oh why
Oh why
Can't I not just try?
663 · Mar 2016
Nora
AJ Mar 2016
It's unsettling.
The shape and form and texture.
The way that you have manifested yourself.
From a light lilac sky
To a deep purple abyss.
It's still purple,
But.....
659 · Apr 2018
Underwelming
AJ Apr 2018
I  can't seem to turn this potential energy into kinetic.
What do they call a speeding ticket when you're going too slow?
It's equally dramatic and pathetic.
I know it's not right, but I try not to think about you.
It's unfortunate the mind doesn't have more concrete limitations.
658 · Jun 2013
I'll Do It
AJ Jun 2013
You make me want to shut my eyes,
And fly to Poland,
And start a new life.
I will own a little tea shop,
And I'll make my own makowiec.
It will be perfect.
I will be happy.
And I will never open my eyes.
AJ May 2015
I'm not going to compete.
With you
Or for you.

You're a fake
And a phony
And I wish I never laid eyes on you.
Glad I never laid you.
654 · Aug 2013
Zamknij się
AJ Aug 2013
Maybe I'm just tired,
But 3 am
Brings some really appealing thoughts to mind.
653 · Jun 2013
Long Over a Decade
AJ Jun 2013
It's days like this where I listen to sad songs about fathers abandoning their children and kneel on the big chair by the window, and look outside like I'm seven years old.
I didn't like seven years old.
I hated the first day of it.
I cried all of April twenty-forth that year.
I knelt on the big chair by the front window and felt the wind that I could see the trees felt.
The swayed and shimmered as if they could hear the music too.
Why didn't I sway and shimmer when the wind hit me?
I only got cold and determined.
Seven was the last time I thought that thought until now.
It took me long over a decade to answer that question.
I wish it was something lyrical, majestic, and deep.
It's not.
It's just science.
Sometimes science is sadder than fathers abandoning their children.
649 · Aug 2013
Untitled
AJ Aug 2013
**** me.
Or I will.
647 · Oct 2014
Politics and Fiddle Sticks
AJ Oct 2014
It's so weird.
I am very greedy.
I thrive off attention.
I really do.
And I get so much of it,
But I just want more.
I get very finicky when someone isn't fawning over me.

I am self spoiled.
I'm not sure if that's wrong or not.

I am a queen
And you're obscene
If you do not notice
AJ Nov 2014
Eventually I will run out of drugs.
Eventually I'll have to get my **** together.
Eventually everyone will stop loving me.
640 · Jul 2013
My Apologies
AJ Jul 2013
Awh honey,
You didn't do it again did you?
Don't fall for me.
I already told you I was broken.
I'm a warrior.
I've been to battle.
I created the battles.
I shot myself.
I'm like a siren.
My bad.
Awh honey,
Just stop.
639 · May 2015
The Really Expensive Kind
AJ May 2015
Personal Tragedy has also been
My greatest form of entertainment.

When I was younger
I used to take apart
My retractable pens,
Just so I could put them back together.

I am no different with myself.
But I might have lost the spring.
636 · Oct 2015
Options
AJ Oct 2015
Darling, I'm drunk again.
No surprise here.
And I can read those words again.
I can't believe how much of myself
I told you about.
And how I probably know
A good amount of lies
About you too.

But that doesn't change anything.
The queen hibernates, darling.
But she does die.
I didn't go anywhere.
If you're wondering, yes. This is about you.
636 · Jun 2016
Alrighty Then
AJ Jun 2016
Please help me iron out the irony.
It can't all be vinyl records, tea shops, and other hipster *******.
What are you even doing.
Tick tock golden boy.
Usually I name my poems after one liners in a song or random chunks of words from a tv show. But SNL ended for the season and I ran out of good TFB quotes.
634 · Jul 2013
Just... Don't... K
AJ Jul 2013
I am fifty times more annoyed than ever,
At least this proves I was right,
You had fallen for me.
And now you're just a little *****.
633 · Apr 2015
Slow Your Roll
AJ Apr 2015
You're acidic
And you know it
And you're pretty cocky about it.
But really,
You're on the level of orange juice.

But I guess that can be dangerous.
I guess it causes more damage.
I mean,
How many times a day
Will I come into contact
With hydrochloric acid?
633 · Oct 2014
Wet Paper Plates
AJ Oct 2014
"Break your neck,
And I will love you.
Like a bird that cannot fly."
I don't know why this resonates with me so much.
What does that say about me?

I wish it had been like this with us.
I didn't break my neck,
You did.
You broke both of our necks.
I guess I let you.
And now neither of us can fly
And we will starve to death,
Because neither of us can leave the nest for food.
Just waiting for the other to die
So we can have a different kind of nourishment.

You died first.
What does that say about me?
631 · Mar 2014
I'm not sure, really.
AJ Mar 2014
Spring is coming,
And that means my cough gets bad,
And I need to take more medicine,
And my depression gets worse.
I know I have a mental breakdown coming,
But I have been putting it off
Because I simply don't have time.

I bought a tape measure,
And every day
Twice a day
I measure my stomach
My chest
My neck
My thighs
My arms
My waist
And my calves.
And I mark down the date, time and measurement.

I'm trying to stop the vomiting part,
But lately it has actually been working out quite nicely.
I'm going to work on it, though.
It's messy and gross and shameful.
631 · Jun 2013
Nothing
AJ Jun 2013
I do not want to talk about "nothing".
I guarantee that you do not even know what significance nothing holds.
Nothing is so intimate.
Stories, and memories are just things that have happened to you,
they could have happened to anybody.
Nothing tells you exactly who I am,
And how I think,
How I react,
And my whole MO.
I could never be that vulnerable with something like you.
We can certainly NOT "talk about nothing"
This was inspired by a line from the song Dashboard by Modest Moues
"I told you about nothing, which was more than I wanted you to know."
631 · Mar 2015
I'm thinking blue
AJ Mar 2015
I want a fight with closure.
I hate how I bring up something important
And you some how guide me into
Falling asleep and shaking it off.

I want to scream and cry and yell at each other.
I want to get all of it out before we have
This new little life to mess up together.
Because we've been together for four years.
And that's way to long to keep this ***** laundry.

I want to let it go.
But a bike rusts when you leave it out for too long.
We need a new coat of paint.
Next page