It's not reinventing yourself.
It's reinventing the wheel.

You're a subpar elitist at best.
More realistically,
You're way below par.

If this was golf.....

Breathing this air
Is like breathing in water.
It's so thick,
Yet I feel so light headed.
That last part was your fault.

You received a punch to the face,
And chalked it up
To your stubborn stupidity.
Now every dried up
Piece of advice
That you try to administer to me,
Through a ***** used needle
That you found on the street,
Tastes like copper.

I'm just hoping for the next gust of wind
To wash that taste right out
Of my mouth.

Fill my head with something more substantial.
You're not Superman,
You can't barely pull off Clark Kent.

Remember when you called
That old man's heart attack at the mall?
Back when we were just learning,
About our special skills?
I've got a lot better at sensing the physical pain,
But your still not as good with the emotional.

Loud repetitive noises drive me crazy.
Also the feeling of dry sand between my toes.
That and the last sip of any bottle of alcohol
Are what remind me of you.
It's not my mind that catches on first.
It's my skin and my ears and the very back of my tongue.

You're somehow still hiding there.

Way to take a trip down the rabbit hole.
It's not all twists and turns and ups and downs.
Sometimes you have to lay still.
Sometimes things will be stagnant for a while.
Not everything is fluid and floating and moving and changing.
I think you can take five ******* minutes,
And breath.

Television static nightmares.
Drowning in serotonin.
Melodramatics and acrobatics.
Punctured lungs and monkey bars.

I feel trapped and,
It's not yearning anymore.
Because a little bit of yearning is at least healthy.
It's just the hours,
That we have to face.
Before and after.
The ones that require effort.

And the songs that just break your heart.
My god who knew that he first three chords,
Could bring you back two years.
And completely rip out your insides.
I'm trying to force myself not to press play.

But oh my god,
To feel something passionate once again,
Even if it's sadness.
I feel free for a second.
But then I have the hours after to face,
Trapped.

I hate the sun.
I like the rain.
I am the rain.

I am cold,
I am needed
And I'm often times annoying.

I love singing in the rain.
I love walking in the rain.
I love driving in the rain.
I am calm.
The rain is calm.

I follow the rain.
I hate climbing hills and paths.
I am always going down,
Sometimes trickling along,
Sometimes I am a force that takes the surrounding earth by storm.

Everything seems brighter after it rains.
Greener greens and grayer grays.

I hate the sun,
And I feel like  you would have loved it.
My beautiful boy.
And I'm sorry that you never got to see it.
I wish I could have carried you to it.
I'm sorry you only got to feel my rain.
I hope it was enough for you.

I am still shocked how you can
Eat a giant spoonful of raw minced garlic.
Not only is it disgusting,
But doesn't it hurt your throat?
But I guess I do chug ***** straight from the bottle.

I asked you if it burned your throat,
And you asked me if it burned mine.
You said no,
That's why you do it.
I said yes,
That's why I do it.

Sometimes I wonder if I like being tragic
And utterly and mysteriously broken.
I can't decide if I'm beautifully tragic,
Or tragically beautiful,
Or just a ******* selfish wreck.

I'm not interested in separating
Fiction from reality.
I'm into wanting what others have,
Living in excess,
Walking under water.

I'm purely aesthetic.

It was false,
And you were false hope.

You were small bursts of attention,
With the nastiest of intentions.
You were late drunken nights,
With thoughts that sounded right.
Your words slid down my throat so smooth,
I didn't even realize it was poison.

Don't dangle the antidote darling,
I'm too proud.
I'd rather die than beg.
I'm not the weaker of the two of us.

I am an ***** donor.
Though I'm sure if anyone would want
My heart,
My liver,
Or my lungs.

They are all failing at their jobs.

When I was little,
I spent my summers in Maine.
You could not pull me out of the ocean.
The ocean was practically my best friend.
We were very close.
And I had a boogie board that I named paul.
And we would spend the whole day in the water.
That's ******* weird.

The reason I have trouble keeping
My mind of of the future
And focusing on the present
Is because the last time
That I focused on the present
I almost died choking on pills and my own tears.
So I'm going to live three years in the future.
Leave me be.

Please don't forget
That I am both ruthless,
And a princess.

Don't give me fake poetic words.
Just **** me,
Any way you can.
I need satisfaction.

I'm sorry I treated you like a project.
And I'm even more sorry,
That I didn't finish what I started.

I'm working on it.
Or I will at least.
I don't know.

That's what you want,
Right?

I'm not sure what it means this time.
But the air is a bit more melancholy.

I know that parties are over rated.
I guess my hopes for socializing
Are just too **** high.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice.....

I think this will be my last visit out here,
For good.
I've outgrown all of you.

I hope every time that you think of me
It ***** you up so bad
That the only thing you can think to do
Is drink yourself to sleep that night.

It's a rotten place to be.
Not knowing witch way is up or down, or left or correct.

I'll always be there to pick up the pieces, but I wish it didn't happen so often.
And every time you say it'll be different, but sweetie you've lost it.
Cause you just keep putting your hand in the fire, despite that you've been burned, you'll never learn.
And she won't change a **** thing, and it will just keep happening.
And you'll keep crying, and I'll be dying on the inside cause your tears burn me like acid rain, and I can feel the pain I don't want you to feel, and I know it will never change.
I didn't hear when you'll called last night, I fell asleep cause I was just to tired to handel it all.
And this happens all the time, now I'm here to catch you while you fall.
Get your hand away from the flame, and stop playing this game.
Cause every time you play it ends the same.
And she won't change a **** thing, and you will just keep losing.
And she'll keep winning, you didn't see it from the beginning when the cards were dealt, and it felt like nothing was there, just stop looking where some isn't hiding, because the game she plays isn't fair.

I'll repeat your name over and over again,
After conquering at least a third
Of any large quantity of alcohol.

But you name is not a chaser,
And it burns worse than whatever I'm drinking.

I guess my intoxicated self and I,
Are just two different people.
And she just isn't over,
What you have done.

She gave you the exhilaration,
Of knowing you had complete control.
And you never paid her back.

I'm trying, I promise
I promise, I'm trying.

Twisting and turning
And turning the tides.

I'm trying to run,
I can't run, but I can hide.

It was short and concise,
Actually a haiku.
It reached out
And it wrapped itself around my brain,
Like someone wrapping their arms around my waist.
And it tried to squeeze the life out of me,
Like a snake or some sort of predator.
I don't know if I'm stepping in the right direction,
And I don't know who will be there following me when I turn around.
And I think I'm traveling blind,
Because I can't see anyone walking in front of me.
I'm not sure what I'm getting at here.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

It's not my worst nightmare,
But it is high up on the list.
Maybe the fifth?

And it's running in circles,
And you're running around,
Shouting about how
We're both dying alone,
But together.
And how that's not the same
As dying alone,
Or dying together with someone.

I go inside,
But we're out of the good liquor,
And I'm not drinking the ******* Fireball.
Some Steve Carell movie is playing in the backround.
Tim and Sam are ******* on the couch,
As usual.

And I'm just alone.
You're all moving around me,
And you live your own miserable lives.
And I've outgrown you.

My blood is boiling,
And coincidentally
The water for my tea
Is also boiling.
But I can't enjoy this tea.

I can't enjoy anything.
I used to be needed.
And I used to be taken care of.
And I used to be spoiled rotten
With your companionship.

And now I sit and look at the scars
We all used to share and compare,
On the inside and on our skin.
I want to say that I'm too old to make any new ones.

1.) Out of the one thousand and ninety-nine days that you were mine, I only regret three of them. The day Brian ***** me on that pool table, the day your dad moved back to Italy and I didn't come over, and the day you put yourself into this hellish suicide coma.
2.) If truth or dare turned two little girls into temporary lesbians, than so be it. Honestly, nothing ever tasted sweeter than you on that night on the bathroom counter at Tim's.
3.) I will grow up to be incredibly cultured all because of you. I learned to look outside the social norm after our late night dates on the roof. Getting high in your lap as you read me poetry, and played me Damien Rice's The Professor & La Fille Danse on repeat was more than enough.
4.) I always thought you were tradition and I was your French Revolution. But now I'm seeing that I was the revolution, and you were the revelation.
5.) You could not sing a single god ****** note. But the only thing I want to hear is your squeaky voice serenading me with our song right now. I promise I won't be annoyed, just finish chorus with me one more  ******* time.
6.) I would have helped you get to your father. I would have helped you. I would have set your mother on fire to avoid this.
7.) I threw up when I got sams phone call about what you had done. And then I screamed at him for an hour.
8.) I won't ask how could you do this to me, because right now I want to do it to you.
9.) Thank you for punching Brian, and I'm sorry you got fired, and I'm sorry your dad left, and I'm sorry your mom hit you, and I'm sorry that I could not kidnap you and bring you to our own private island in the middle of no wear.
10.) You showed me what star you'd become when you died, and told me that if I wished on it you would do your best. I know absolutely nothing about astrology and constellations. But your star is the one thing I find faster than the moon in every night sky.
11.) The last sip of every bottle of ***** I will ever have, will always taste like the last kiss we shared.

This is a nonstop situation.
And you are not ready for a nonstop, yet.
We don't have time for you to stop
And catch your breath.

I pray to god that I'll have you for another day.
But you're losing.
Oh ******* it,
You're losing.
Could you please make it more subtle?
I'm starting to panic.

I am stuck in that moment right before a fall
Right before the glass shatters
Right before an impact hits
Right before jagged edges sink their teeth
Right before.

I am stuck.

It dawned on me that it's no where near dawn.

My body's mechanism for keeping me warm isn't working.
I'm shivering.
But I am cold.
I am cold.
I am cold.
I am tired.
And I am working.
And I am tired of working.
And I am tired of being cold.

But I can't step out into the sun yet.
Stop ruining our chances of warmth,
You pushed both of us into our separate caves.
We didn't have to be isolated.
I can't help you.
I am cold.

I need a ******* ******* drink,
And a ******* ******* cigarette,
And a ******* ******* blanket.

Things are really ****** up,
You know?
A giant blue ball,
Spinning through space.
It's so simple,
Yet humans **** it up?

I'm sitting and staring.
I'm not having the time of my life.
Empty bottles and cartons.

Cigarettes are the only thing strong enough
To rid me of the coffee breath.
And coffee is the only thing strong enough
To rid me of the cigarette breath.
And the alcohol doesn't
Even allow me to care.

Never mind honey,
I don't have time.

I'm so scared
I just don't know it yet.
Spin me around
The vertigo is comforting.
Constant movement and changing
Is good sometimes.

I can taste the metal in my mouth.
Right on the back of my tongue.
Fall is giving me warning signs.
I know what fall does to me.
Reckless and self destructive.

Baby,
Baby,
Baby,
Baby,
Baby,

I get it.

Endless self indulgence,
And selflessness with an end.
I can't bring myself to be productive,
What a production.
Too old to be old enough for this.
I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to be the villain.

I can dish it out,
But I can't take it.
You can tell me how vile,
I already know that I am.

I can't seem to stop asserting my dominance.
Some people don't mind, though.

Spike my drink with a little realism, love bug.

Oh no honey,
You don't understand.
It doesn't matter to me,
How you play the game.

I'm not even playing,
With my own money.

Tragedy and loss are dull,
The pain that comes from them,
Isn't even that sharp.

You know what is sharp?
Witt and skill and success.
Particularly mine.
So watch out.

How come every night with you
Feels like a one night stand?