You talk about them
and I know you don't
love them anymore
but my anxiety tells me
you do

I find you in the pages of your favorite book
and in the songs we would listen to in your car
I find you in my daily conversations
and in the fading scent of your sweatshirt
but I don't find you here
anywhere next to me
and I don't think people understand
how hard it is
to find your person
in the arms of the sweatshirt
that no longer belongs to them

A waning moon
on the edge of
almost disappearing
I watch as you
float farther away
from my presence
even though the tides
are pushing you
closer to my shore
I sink into the sand
and feel the cold
of not being in your arms
and I look up into the sky
and no longer see you there

You are an upheaval
that is not chaotic
yet you are enough
to shake the center
of my soul out of its
stagnant state

What if it didn't turn out the way it did?
What if I kept my mouth shut
and just let you continue to walk away?
Cause that night I did
and that bothers me.
What if it didn't turn out the way it did?
What if you kept your mouth shut
and continued to let our hearts grow apart?
I'm glad you didn't,
but it still bothers me
that I had something worthy of saying
and I didn't say it
because I wanted you to be happy
even if that meant
I couldn't be.

I slid your words down
hoping they would glide down my throat
but they cut up the insides of my mouth
and rested there on my tongue
so next time when someone spoke
I spat the shards out and wounded them
watching their white turn red
and I saw myself in their eyes
and I heard you when I opened my mouth
so I swallowed my hatred and left