I am my own best friend
And my worst enemy
I love myself more than anybody else loves me
But I also hate myself more than anybody else could hate me
I am the gardener who helps me grow
But I am also the inconsiderate ******* who tramples me down
Without even looking back

I feel happy for you two, I do.
But not happy enough to want to stare at you for two hours straight
Waiting
While you hug and play with each other’s hair.
I don’t need to be reminded that I am alone,
That nobody wants me,
In the most painful way possible.
I see what you have
And I want it.
So,
The next time you ask me to go for a walk
Please, just wait till you can bear to leave each other’s arms,
So I don’t have to stand there
Waiting and watching,
While my life gets shorter and shorter,
Constantly reminded that
Nobody wants me.
Nobody
At
All.

This year
My goal isn’t to find love
This year
Love will have to find me

Walk with me under the dead trees
Tell me secrets that are lies
Let the shadows tattoo my skin
Look me in the eye as tears run a marathon down your face
Unlock the doors to your heart and mind
and  
**let me in

And at night
I break down
Creating a thousand miniature oceans