One word,
A thousand diagnoses,
And every fear in the dark world.

But every possibility,
A thousand ways to help,
And one truth:

We will find a way.

If I were to die,
I'd want my life to end in fire.
Because if ice were to take me
I would not feel the warmth of your love engulfing me.

Am I

Your moon in the sky

Or just another star

Passing your eye?

My want grows for the
Bright crystal dawn,
Beautiful, she!
To rejoice in the morning,
Her dewey blades of grass
And echoed birdsong,
Crisp cool on the nape
And aglow her yellow hues,
Her little gray clouds
Strewn about the sky

Oh, how I long for the spring
To come again

Happy, happy, sad,
What?
Happy, happy, sad,
****.
Happy, happy, sad,
How?
I'm happy, happy, sad now.

I know.
It doesn't matter how many times you say
'It's alright'
or
'You can do it'
Because I've heard the words before
But I've seen that look in your eyes.
I know you don't really think I can do it.
I know that it comes easier to you.
I just don't know how to tell you that I really don't care,
And that I'm only pretending.
How about I tell you what 1+1 is instead?

You drive me wild
with your nicotine kisses.
You keep me calm
with your pipe-dream wishes.
you have me feeling some sort of way,
You have me waking up another day
To see the sun, to smile, to say
That I Love You
How dumb would it be to say that
You're my sun and I am your moon?
When they're always chasing each other but rarely meet.
It's more like you and I are Yin and Yang
to each other, the reverse
Yang and Yin,
Longing forever,
Eternally cursed

. . .
I lost my mind when it came to you
Because you're not even sane.
I think we didn't fit together
Because we're almost the same.
. . .

Slow down
Slow down, please.
We're riding a 35 mph road at 60 miles an hour
And there's curves everywhere.
I told you before, we're going to crash
And you don't have a seat belt on.
The radiator's cracked and it needs to be fixed
But you have a lead foot on the accelerator.
What'll happen to us if your brake goes out?
Slow down
Slow down, please.

I wanted the river, you wanted the sea.
I guess I got so carried away by the waves
That I couldn't see you drifting away from me.

It matters not the words I say,
Or how I scream out for a hand,
Anyone's,

To help pull me out of the dark
Where I have so long resided.

It matters not how far I reach
Or how hard I long for a feeling
That doesn't threaten to destroy me,

The way of the world is such
That not a single soul emerges unscathed.

Come at me with your abhorrent prose,
Your words which disgust and defile
All those who claim the displeasure of hearing.

Your detestable voice,
The likes of which causes a homicidal rage
To grow in me;

How truly deplorable you are

When will the sympathy come
For those like me
Saturating themselves with all the negative emotions they feel
Who never were permitted to release themselves from their own prisons?

you're cute,
******* boy
so sticky sweet
come in and put me in a chokehold
make my heart beat
like a thousand drums
pounding away
chase me around the sheets
turn night into day

I
Wish
You
Knew
The
Way
I
Speak
About
You

I remember wearing black nail polish with glittery blue tips.
I remember the feeling, the fear,
The terror in your eyes when I cried out,
When you knew that there was nothing that could be done to help.
How much pain, and my tears rained down,
Anger in your eyes at how helpless you felt.
To see me like that,
To think that there was nothing you could do,
When I finally felt myself ripping, tearing apart.

Dripping,
Slipping,
Pieces of my soul,
Cracking,
Packing,
Filling an empty whole.

I love you
words, words
I miss you
words, words
I need you
words, words

You need me?
You miss me?
You love me?

You love my submission
You miss my obedience
You need me to be desperate for you.

I won't do it anymore.

F* You

I need to escape
But the key to my cage
Slipped through my fingertips
Long ago.
I wish I could have felt it
As it was fading away
But I'm afraid I never considered
It might want to walk away.

i never could've been,
could i?
the one you wanted,
the one you yearned for

and i knew it
all the should'ves in the world could never have saved me
and all the doubt i feel would be the death of me
i wasn't attached until i was

and somehow the moment i was
it was over
goodbye

like never a word was exchanged between us
like we had never known each other like we do
how can you know me better than i know myself
and now be a stranger?

how can i know you like i do
and never be allowed to say a word?
you said friends and here we are,
you've made a fool of yourself and

i still miss you,
which makes a fool of me
a fool indeed,
a fool who loved you a way she didn't understand

an absolute jester, a clown
someone for you to laugh at
i wish i had more self respect
than to still need you

or feel like i need to
talk to you every day
when the reason we're here
is because we had nothing to say

because we were no one without each other
but not even ourselves together

and i was pained by you,
the fact that we weren't who we wanted to be
so now i am without a warmth to hold me again
because i must learn to be my own

you ruined me
but i am determined to find myself for the first time
in my life

We don't talk - or see
That we are beneath
We can't breathe
Any breath
Because we're stuck
Inside this groove,
Inside this room
Suffocating in the sheets.

And I could never stay
Because everything I do
Depends on my age
As if one day matters
To my vacant mind -
And my chains rise up above me and leave me to my own
In the snow
Of the night
But I am blind.

I was never told that love was a good thing
I was always told it was
Violent and vicious and malevolent, malicious
But in my experiences
It can be quite delicious and nutritious
But ambitious and suspicious
Only; I could still care less
About the fruition of this mission
The addition of submission
The tradition of this condition
Because it's killing me, it's killing you
And medications will not help,
But the drugs definitely do.

Despite my greatest efforts
I can ****
But I can't make the smoke
Go away -
Though I can hide my
Face.
Without a trace
I am gone
Into a world that only I know
Where I can never show
You

I become fearful sometimes,
That I am my fear,
And my fear is me.
A terrifying thought,
That I should be my own end,
Or even that I will be.

Sometimes
I hear a gravestone calling my name
Joyous is the day when I answer

I guess it slipped my mind
That you had forgotten to remember me.

Oops - I guess I called it
But you and I
Just wouldn't work, I knew
Between I and you
There's a distance
Where you are stuck and so am I
Miles away,
Your day is my night
But now I'm rolling down the road
When I somehow pass your exit sign
And I came to know
Something about me,
That maybe where you're at
Isn't where I want to be