Self control going strong that moment you are faced with an old addiction
You think about what you went through and what others encountered
You'd consume it but it really consumes you it was false empowerment
The thought of one drink it can ruin all the good all the positive fall back into bad habits
Sometime you feel the world against you but you stand tall not giving up on things that matter
Finish what was started regardless of set backs and detours stay loyal and true only one way

The sand in your toes
The sea breeze inhaled through the nostrils
Sun burns your back
Ocean water splashing
Feel sticky want to take a bath
Stand by the tide
Stories from the beach
The coastal ride
Swim shorts bikini bottoms
Good times in the rays
Make it a great time have a beach day
Lay and tan get out run
The beach is fun any summer day

On the beach it was fun with friends
The night fog rolled in and the fire was burning
Staying near the flame the cold gives you chills
Making s'mores to keep warm from the heat
extending you hands to keep them from going numb
Circled the fire to share fun stories
It's the summer let go of all your worries
Hearing the ocean tide in the distance
The night was young so much resistances
Summer nights what a thrill hard t sleep
The cold giving shakes deep down to core
Another night out on the beach many more to come
Summer fun on the beach is a daze
Summer fun such a good time remember those days.

Standing in the hot sand the ocean breeze hits my face. The sound of the ocean waves crashing. The sound of laughter people playing in the sand splashing in the water. You touch your toes in the cold water the tide rises to your ankles. The you walk close as the water moves up your leg debating to jump in or walk till the water consumes your body. Water is waist level the worse part is water on your back but once the refreshing water take you in you become immune. The tide pulls you in but will release you. The end of the day the tide tossed and pushed you around feeling drained exhausted but a much needed Beach day so it will talk all the stress and worries away.

She holds me tight
After a long day
She kisses me good night
Big spoon lil spoon in bed
Sharing a bed get rest together
Under warm blankets and cuddle
Talk and share before falling a sleep
Kiss and pray lay together
watching tv sleep her heart on you arm
Her head on you chest
Holding hands sleep
Best feeling is waking up next to one another
1st thing you see is each other

He was not good with others feelings so that made it hard for him to start over. Getting to know people is hard especially when everyone is sensitive or tries to twist his words. He had lost many friends because of a girl. He got along with everyone and was likeable. His friends had a crush but couldn't seal the deal. He accepted the ******* his friends behalf even though he could care less he just wanted his friend to be happy. They made him out to be the scapegoat because the girl they had interest in was not interested in them. He would be the middle man, his friend would hate him over a girl that he no longer associated with or he would befriend the girl losing his original over these failing events. He got tired of being blamed so he went away gave up his place because he didn't belong or like the pressure of others.
He never talked about anyone but everyone always had something to say about him when all he did was mind his business. He cared for his friends but they always got mad held a grudge. He got tired of caring the burdens of people who didn't care about him. He was only good for favors once that stopped everyone disappeared no where to be found. He made mistakes he not perfect nor did he claim to be. He learned if they didn't make him better or allow him to b happy and grow he didn't need them or care to associate with people who wanted him to give up part of himself to be liked or accepted.

Sorry I haven't been writing as much been focused on my podcast talking about things I love such as UFC and prowrestling most of all sharing fun stories. It's been everyday I think of stuff to say and what I want to be doing.
I'm glad to be working not to fond of the new boss but I avoid him and do my job. He's just rude I mind my mouth because it gets me in trouble. I've learned to treat people right and be friendly some have no respect but that's on them. It comes back to them so I'm not too worried.
I'm giving it my all even though once my assignment is up I'll be sent somewhere else. Once I'm a fulltimer I'll have my set location and make it my own. I've been going strong saying I want to cut back on work focus on church and writing but I end up working more hours. I go with the flow but sometimes I want to bail and do something that matters and makes me happy.

Things changed you'd fight for them to be the same
In the end, it ends up being a huge waste of time.
People come and go like seasons
Some you wish would stay but they go
They abandoned you when you thought highly of them
Once had history the friend over left in mystery
No reason or purpose over all the tough love
Wanted it more, now idk anything about you
Cut me out I always had your back, please take your knife back not sticking around
Helped you when you were down I needed you no where to be found

I'm so glad to be able to express myself
No more feeling numb ignoring how I feel
Everything feels true and real
Not worried about others have to help myself
So I could be more useful over feeling useless
No more being over looked but one of the 1st picked
Be when I need to be feel right and be alright with my role in the world
I've done lousy jobs but want to be able to things that have meaning that my heart wants
I give all my heart passion fire burning desires
The path so close but seems so far back on track keep going even if it doesn't feel right

My heart wants to settle and be free
Always focused on making money
Id like to make it have more then enough
My heart hit the crossroads
I'm not easy to love but found someone who appreciates me
Its hard to love and grow together
Seperate lives become one
It feels right her flaws become yours
The problems we solve together
Be with me stop worrying about the ex
Most girls I say who's next
I stress when we are apart
Things are right when we are together
Lifes not bad but id like to make it better for us

im the friend youd be glad to have
ill protect you with all my being
i want you happy the 1st thing
i want the best i want that for you
im so true thats the golden rule
ill watch out have your back
keep you strong if its strength you lack
ill laugh even when your not funny
i show interest when things are boring
on the way when you dont want me over
no matter what your welcomed over
call me **** is on your mind
i wont let you be blind
help you focus open your eyes
we could hang anytime
you could be my partner n crime
best friend i want you to know you were mine

Hard to sleep but found peace
Insane thought for dramatic change
Felt I can be and do more the opportunity
Never occured but you work for that moment
Train for that day so it doesnt conume
The stress of knowing you can
But not given a chance
Heart set on more but dealing with less
You could protest still stuck lies
Break through one barrier faced with another
Love cant start not ready to commit
Cant move up at work till they find time to train
Writing takes time find the right words
Something of my own from within
My life is simple but a complicated mind
Think outside the box instead of being boxed in
Make a difference but being different
Why blend in when you can stay out
Not like the rest meant to be the best

Get lost on the trails
Bumpy rides and turn
Be careful wipe outs happen
Bumpy rides full or wild turns
Jumps and twists taking risk
Dangers and risks shake off the stress
Bike of blue
Together as one having fun
In the forest nature can't keep mr back
Ride fast get past fear
Up hill down hill take on any skill
Bike riding has a thrill
Not afraid in the zone body aches
Bike galling don want to hit the breaks

New mind set and way of doing things. He hasn't dated for a while thought about jumping back into it but after a few stressful from the past left him scared. I will get hired on fulltime and will get the courage to ask a girl out not be shy or nervous. Need to get back in shape my body doesn't heal or feel the same. I'm not mad sad or depressed I let that all go. No more trying to convince Megan to love me because she's married and has two kids. Or worrying about my friends because they forgot about me and don't give a **** about me. I ruined ivans relationship I don't blame him for not being my friend. I slept with Casey but she was a huge ***** that's why Jesus hates me. I told the truth looked out for a friend sad how they cut me only when they need something other wise they don't care about me. I love Dave but we can't be friends all he does is talk **** blame everyone for his life and negative I don't need negative and toxic people in my life. I love my family with them or without them I'll be my on person. I'm tired of making people happy and I'm miserable. I don't knock people to feel better about myself or use people I find a way and do it all myself. I miss people but I don't belong there or they don't want me ***** them it will comeback to them I'm not too worried. I mind my business and keep to myself. I'm glad she trusts me she's cute I'm sure she'll figure it out.

It feels great to be back on the mats doing jujitsu not use a GI but I'm picking up on everything. I want to get my black belt and compete in tournaments
I've been feeling change because of it eating better, cutting back, regaining flexibility, waking up muscles recalling muscle memory.
Getting into patterns learning to execute moves better; I may not be one of the best, but I give my best so everyone gets better.
Competing with blue belts is another level but I see myself just as good or better. I'll earn their respect I don't expect them to give it to me.
I'd like to teach class one I get my skills down share my craft. I'm doingit for me but if others benefit that's a bonus. I'm glad to make it happen

Once you put on your gi it's a whole new world. On the mats took away my worries you focus on technique and how to get better. first you warm up so you prevent injuries. Stretching is important since it helps with flexibility especially if you are limited. First you get instruction on how to execute moves form is important when learning jujitusu it's not about strength and muscle but finesse and reaction to every action.
If you get the technique down you don't need much torque when performing a submission or choke.
After the lesson you get time for free roll try to use the moves in your roll see if you could apply what you learned in your training make it feel natural. Sometimes you tap people and other times you get tapped. It's give and take doing jujitsu you learn and gain from the experience.
When you get a stripe you feel accomplished all your hard work paid off and you are constantly growing staying humble. That world carries over you become a better person and feel better about yourself.

Turn nothing into something
Bad into good
Mood changed today
Sobriety or drunk feeling the gunk
Lie and truth seen as the same **** shame
Ticking of the clock time expires
Take back make it right
Bad overlooked while good is stripped down
Praised for bad conduct
Achievement no luck or applause
Merits earn should be respected not neglected
Salute the good not reward the bad

Over taking the blame when it's none of my business. You take your frustrations out on me but not taking it anymore. I'm always the bad guy, it's never good enough. I meant well trying to make things better in the end you rip me a new one tear me apart. I love and accept you when you are full of flaws. I accept them while you are quick to reject me. Not trying to argue or fight because I've played the game with your bully ways there is no winner you aim to hurt while I walk away.

you come at me like your mistakes are mine
i might take the blame its a **** shame
you cant handle the truth
i say what you think
you dont want t hurt other
speak with a tongue that could pierce the heart
say the truth not what i want to hear
or try to boost an ego
no one can improve
if they dont get told what they are doing wrong
you live a lie but reality is not scare once you have embraced it
the truth is you are the one to blame

Writing a wedding speech
Ive seen engagements been to many wedding
Some end well others end in divorce
Need to say speak the right words
Rejected engagement once encountered
On the opposing side true love gets through tough times thick and thin
I see a bride wearing white
Men wearing suits being supportive
Families unit showing love
This hallmark moment you'll treasure
Don't know what to say yet it's scattered in the mind

Starring at a blank page trying to see
Thinking what to write find feelings lifeless emotions
Not sure what to say thought of burning critics
So much comes to mind blows away with the wind
Feels blind to the world deep inside the mind safety zone
Tough from the rough times building strength for the soul
Things are right not in the fight up late another night
Never stay down with the struggle strive to survive
From friends to strangers grow apart move onto better
Silence the tongue taste of sourness spit on the phony
Over the lies from the insecure and obsession obsorbed distractions leads to dramatic reactions
Break free focused on success not less
Go forward not back grow into more
Broken truth no more false promises
One finding truth no longer associate with fake
Insecure with harsh judgement try to break the reality
Delusional realities consume like an addiction
Control with no plans, repeating crazy expecting a different outcome

When people say no I want it more
If they say I cant ill prove them wrong
Doing things that they say couldnt be done
Feeding those urges being confident
Hated for the truth
Brushed aside for being honest
Give my all and come up short
I hate that feeling
Im thankful and appreciate change
My motto dont fall back into bad habits
Be better never settle for average
Be the best live life to the fullest

i found other to be repulsive
but accept them with ever flaw
they speak my name like a claw in my back
not worthy of being spoke from my mouth
i live with the guilt but own up to my flaws
others pass judgement without making sure they free of sin
i will not argue because never started this or expecting to win
my name mixed with yours is like a stain on white
you feel the urge to belittle my character
my blood does bol but i become mind numb
lossing respect and feelings how to inner act with your shady ways

You stack the wood
Light the fire
Time spent with close friends
You talk of good times
Friendship full of memories
You feed the fire
Keep it alive
So the night could continue
Keeps you warm
Able to make fire treats
Fire burns till the sun comes up
Stories by the fire for entertainment
Next day you mad a bond
That keeps everyone strong

Had dinner with my family
Today I celebrated my birthday
Aged today and things are looking up
Got hired new job thankful
New music to hear stimulate the ears
An exciting movie to watch lights up mind
Writing in a new notebook
A clean look new haircut
Chance and opportunity came my way
Thankful for today and everyday
Clean mind straight edge avoid alcohol
Kourpt ppl I escaped on my way

He kept to himself so they assumed the worse.
He has manners and educated they assumed he was gay.
He was hard working didn't ask questions they called him a **** up.
Minded his business and never asked for their opinion but they always had one.
He told the truth while they bad mouth him and spread lies.
He turned away walked away stayed away because he knew their actions would comeback to them and he was not worried for the people who treated him bad, made him feel he didn't belong and didn't matter. Deep down he knew he was destine for greatness meant to be more. He got tired of failing putting others first since all they did was take credit never worked for it.

I never know till I try
We have great love but no more than friends
One feels more that the other
Not able to express these emotions
It might ruin what is but is this risk worth the outcome
This can be a great gain or a tragic loss
Both determined parallels not determined to intersect
These thoughts of neglect hard to forget
Something more but settling for less not trying to obsess
Consumed by work one another kept apart

Roll the ball down the lane
Hit a pin or two
Shoes for rent
Scores are kept
Roll a spare
Three holes feel with fingers
Sometimes a gutter ball
Keep trying for a strike
Get your roll down till it feels right
Play all your frame
Love it so much keep playing the game
Play in teams or do it alone
The scores at the end says it all

I hope I become somebody
I fear amounting to nothing
Being no body
To me kids and marriage is the easy way out
I don't want to work a job that goes no where
I've always been pursuing a career
I chose to be a writer not going to happen over night
I hope one day to have a top selling novel
I'm pursuing radio I love to be a sports analyst
Giving the scores and my perspective on the game
I write about life share the madness others don't dare talk about
I'm always trying to a mold or image that doesn't match me
Proving myself busting my *** sowing I'm worthy of belonging and being there
I'm not ready to settle down or give up on life
Another fight to win more conditioning to be a better person. I don't ask for much just for things to be fair and be done right.

strike you down but standing your ground
Talk and play the victim once confronted
Avoid the drama but still continue to keep provoking
Name calling but silent not lowering to that level
Took a cheap shots moment looping in the mind
Should've done something outcome amount to nothing
Judged for being different did what was right
Pain that fades with time, stay strong for another day
Thankful for waking up sometimes feeling shaken up
Lost but will eventually be found start an new
Missing the old left too early but meant for something better
Not knowing what's next or what's to come a fear losing control
Being able to start again find the new no more obsessing over the old.

I went out and all I can do is think of her
Talked to a good friend she told me dont worry love with find you stop looking
I got lost in her eyes and lips told her who I use to be. I get tempted to fall into bad habits but I cant and wont go back. We shared our experiences I had more to say because im older. Im thankful she listened and didnt see me differently.
I didnt fo anything wrong I had nothing but good intensions. Ive been good not sure how to explore the world of relationships it just hurts me and I hurt girls unintentionally.
I miss my old life but know im meant to change be and do better not sure what though.
Im one who is constantly thinking of all the possibilities. I need a job I enjoy I dislike ppl that make my **** job worse then it already is.

I love my shows its been a while since I've been emotionally invested in anything. Just work and mind my own. I'm excited for star wars and the new eminem album. Im stuck between writing lyrics and my series so many ideas floating around i need to feel it and it just needs to come out where it feels okay. I'm not one who thinks highly of my writing but I enjoy it most of all really surprised when people like it. Killing time at work on my break ready for tomorrow then enjoy my weekend. Thinking of stuff I'd like to see or encounter applying them in my writing or alternate ends because of cliff hangers.

Times have change things will never be the same or go back to the way they use to be. Need to start fresh he use to date he was young wild and free. He grew up in a Latino community that was with standards and morals he was instilled even thought he didn't agree. So his first crush was a light half and colored girl. His family was not prejudiced but they were only with what was norm to them. The family never left the town or community. This child grew up explored the world been to more place than the rest of the family. He was torn between loving this girl and the tough love his family gave him all he wanted to do was make them proud and be happy. He did want family approval which was an uphill battle but when they didn't approve it was like he went against the family. He didn't get help so he had to do it all himself. It hurt him took its toll but it made him stronger and wiser. He just wanted to be loved and find love with the right person even though he had made mistakes being with the wrong girl. He tolerated stuff to be liked and accepted eventually that didn't matter he was over all the drama. He always pleased others no one was ever happy or dreadful. He eventually learned to do it for himself do what's right. He was over fake and phony people. He gave them his best while they dragged him down with their worse. So many times he feared making the wrong choice and got pushed into stuff he didn't agree on or want to be doing. Once he spoke up he was the bad guy for having moral and standing up for his beliefs. He called them on their wrong doing it lead to these people he thought highly of hating him and treating him like he didn't matter or was one of the worse people you could ever know.
He saw friends like family because with his family denying who you are and ******* up to be accepted was not the life he wanted. He formed brother good with friends that would slander him or fake to his face. He was over these two faced individuals. He was straight forward honest all his life He got criticized eventually he stopped listening and caring what others thought because if they didn't help him or make him better their opinion didn't matter.

who do you trust when fake face smile
behind your back they are flapping their gum
you could chew them out but want you to be the bad guy
give them reasons to talk
put them in their place they play the victim
walk away be the better man
they get this false hope of being superior
apologize but forgiveness is never meant
you cant respect or trust a person why be involved
everyone wants someone they can trust and respect
treat those the way you want to be treated
stay away because you think time suits them best
turns into an arguing protest which you want no part of
break a heart lose the bond
break the trust no longer friends
break the bond nothing is left but broken connection

My 1st relationship wasn't with the girl I loved or anyone special. I was young and dumb into the casual life style.
This one night stand turned into a 13 month nightmare. I learned to love even though at the time I didn't love myself. My brothers death and a pervious romance had me sour and bitter.
We dated even though it wasn't what I wanted she wanted it to be us but later she wanted me to be about her.
I tried to end it on many occasions but she wouldn't take it's over them she made a suicide threat so I stuck around. I died inside started to shutdown. Her insecurity and possessiveness eventually took its toll.
The summer rolled around the corner and we departed. I healed and needed to recharge my battery. I returned home this is a college relationship I might add.
It was over but she managed to manipulate her way back. One last night together that made it officially over. I got accused of being with someone else. Turns out this girl has a summer fling and trying to play the guilt card.
I'm not saying I won't ever date I just don't want to bother dating. Enjoy life and experience new. The best part of life is the story.

They met at work sharing awkward silent moments both unique and interesting. One worked hard mentally the other physically. They both went to a university it was a bubble till the reality came their way. One would find success the other would struggle to find their way. Debt was coming they had to pay. Working for that degree while getting the 3rd degree. Sad how some get that degree and making minimum wage. This story hard to get through to turn the page both writing their own book one learns with their career the other school of hard knocks with the struggle. Eventually the hype flat lines levels out.
What matters what doesn't not giving into society peer pressure. Rebellion alone paying my phone no one to call to old to be at the mall. Love for the club but not into it anymore you got old it got old. New school old school do what's right loyal and true. In the bubble outside the bubble meant to go keep moving forward don't belong there anymore

i might not give a ****
it doesnt mean i dont understand
everyone has troubles some like is sured double
the hurt is real but dont let it dictate faith
dont not become or do everything you oppose
never let evil close your heart
after being hurt start over youll be alright
one night you figure out it gets old
your tired of living with cold feelings
change begins within you
keep fighting even if you dont win

People always told him he was in his own little world. It was their way to explain his behavior because they didn't understand him. He was a loving person cared for most but when he stepped out of his bubbled world. He found the real world was negative who would want to live there. He noticed fake people how do you hurt or just people you love. It saddens him to see people pretending to be someone they are not but made into what others imposed on them.
He had been called names judged but it didn't bother him because it was the truth. How can he be mad. He was shattered though with his first love encounter. They went together it felt right but what broke him the most was he allowed this lovely girl to take his heart and play with it. He grew up in a tough love house hold and hated that feeling. Lowering himself and proving himself to be loved. She was on and off with her emotions they had something but it never went anywhere. He did love her but it was not meant to be but he would return to his bubble world never the same. Bad pain and memories remained he would learn to love again and love himself. His world torn down but rebuilding within.
He loved always even if he didn't agree never took anything to heart sometimes he felt like he didn't have one but when he used his hear and it came from his core all felt right. Nothing could bring him down or hold him back.
His eyes big and brown with a glossy shine that made him seem emotional. Long eyelashes that were natural most girls hated him because they had to use fake lashes. He would smile because he was happy not fake one to hide pain like most do.
So many thoughts in his head to him they felt right others made him out to be weird because he wasn't asking or looking for them to accept his way of doing things.
He would be honest while others fed him lies after a while the door to his door to the bubble world was closed because it was sentimental not for others if you got into the world he felt you are genuine and he felt he could trust you but once he got betrayed he'd stay away back to the bubble creating doing things that others seen as isolation but in his mind he was in paradise creating working on things that helped put his mind to ease see things with new or more perspective.

I remember being hurt because you denied my friendship
You are no friend for making me feel bad for caring
I've said sorry you hold a grudge and refuse to forgive me
I'm better off without you and found I don't need you bringing me down
I don't waste my time hating on others
We were close but grew apart I wish you the best do your thing I'm doing mine.
Wish we could make things right but like I said one day you'll miss me like I miss you if not
Just a thought our friendship was great memories that remain things between us will never be the same.

Thinking of how people used me and betrayed me but the worse double cross is from family your own blood choosing bad habits and lieing to those who live them.
My cousin is a drug addict his habits have made him become someone I thought I knew. He's always scratching never sleeps he's burned so many people and stole I never thought he'd cross that line with me.
It sickens me to know others see drugs more important than family. It hit me deep struck a nerve to know I can't do anything he has to want to change I'm not forcing it.
I don't want to give up but I'll stay away because I don't want to get hurt again or know if I can ever trust.
This kid was suppose to go to the navy but he's out doing drugs wasting time its not my life but its hard to watch.

im the guy you rejected
but the guy your with doesnt treat you any better
you hate me because you couldnt change me
everything he says phases your heart
you claim to have feelings for me
you are with him and he doesnt make you feel special
i accept you flaw and all, i have deep talks with you
he doesnt call you at all, or ask about your day
we have more in common than her could ever imagines
he hates me over our connection
you ask for more but he wont give
i listen t you complain its annoying how you speak his name
i care about you but you have no shame
you slaunder his name but go back like a fool
you talk about leaving but dont go anywhere
im not in the person who hurts you but only want to know about you

At a crossroad I'm one who give my all and always trying to prove myself too bad I'm always Denied and sent packing. I do respect my co-workers but they always overlook me or tell me one thing but do another it's frustrating. I make them look good while they are quick to throw me under make me out to be the bad guy. They have done worse and act like they could do no wrong.
Even when I don't want to do it always making effort to gain learn from the experience. I'm a fool to think others would have my back. It's been a tough time so much transition it was fun but it's not fun anymore. So many people oppose me I want to prove them wrong but it's not about them them it's about proving it to myself since it's what I want even though I can't have it right away. I've sacrificed and working towards my goals I've been doing them for years just want to get them on a greater scale.
Hard to trust when there is so much better and disappointment. I shouldn't blame myself but tired of being the scapegoat and being let down by those who get what the need and forget about me not an idea unless a favor is in mind.

Sometimes life is a rollercoaster
Up and down fun that happens fast
Then start over waiting in the line
Some conversations great
On the mind get back on the ride
Waiting in line for a turn
The sun beating down what a burn
Like life people go through
wait to get what they want
The rush taste of temptation
A fix to feel adequate
Something that feels right
Hands free to enjoy the ride
No need to hide the feelings
All eventually comes out
In the end all feels like rollercoaster
Mixed emotions that make sense

Things changed she got dumb and selective about calling. She made it awkward her way or no way he was done with all her rules and over being an option. No more responding to a text or waiting for a call. He made time for her but she could care less. He respected he choices and she made him feel bad about for his. She was not good for him so he decided not to be involved or make time. They are no longer going to be the same and things are not meant to be so not making the same mistakes departing is the best way to go. Best way to go not going back but forward this mistake made one too many times never again. Calming to love but actions tell other wise not waiting not staying time to go so good bye friend

Overwhelmmed with emotions
Complaints **** the soul
Fakes have the say manipulation
Beatings come back for more
Points not made
Lessons not learned
Burn it down
Not there or around
Replaced by another person
Fade away but not staying away
Mouths talking don't have a clue
Accuse of things never true
Let loose verbal abuse
Cut throat talk up the alley
Listened but nit caring anymore