Been a tough couple of days
If healing the world was a power
Praying for the safety of others
People make it home with out fear
I'm sorry for the loss that justice is served
Years of injustice coming out
That love conquers all the light shines
Exposing the wicked those wrong doers
That good wins over evil staying positive
From tv to the neighborhood so close

Lost for words turn of events
Dk how to feel so much chaos
Not my fight trying to stay out
But getting all the backlash
Should've said something
Not getting involved
Always taking the heat
Not going in or too deep
Hurting from anxiety
Can't sleep sacred for family
Praying to God crying out loud
Lost it all before losing it again
Relocated not giving into hatred
Had a bad attitude checked myself
Writing to forget deal with this pain
Would take the bullet to the head
Better me than them feeling dead
Heart is racing pacing in a panic
Social media informed depressed
Don't let it lose meaning devalued
Become purposeless or destroy homes

Use to feel at world with the world
Taking on every cause
Got lost along the way
Had to be better found faith
Praying to God can't do it alone
Turned to the word not losing grace
Already at ease fireworks going off
Praying for safety repentance sorry
Not about that life anymore staying sober
A relationship with God over being in a crew
Sad inside can't hide it anymore
Starting to show won't let this anger grow
Avoided being attacked stay quiet
Price to pay for saying the truth

A stomach knotted up
Used to embrace being the bad guy
People judging doing way worse
Never talked about anyone
Someone's always saying my name
Not trying to get caught up mix
Skin tone shouldn't be a factor
Stereotypes *** assumptions
Some have no say trying to be normal
Control over the manner
Everyone has a struggle
Some are worse than others
Discrimination of some type
That ain't right use to not being accepted
Told that you do belong
By my own people makes it worse
More than a struggle within
Never blame others work to be better
Take your frustrations out on them
Another cyberbully with a hateful massage
Been blown off been ignored

Work hasn't been great
Been thankful to be working
Around a guy who calls shots
Doesn't do his job all the way
But expects me to finish
Always focused on work
How to get it done be better
Pulling the weight of others
Don't want to do it anymore
Tired of being a stepping stone
Respect and mindful with this mouth
Not one to cuss or make a scene
Over BS titles all talk with no pull
Talking like they are interested
Just wasting time with an ear full
Still believe hard work will pay
They should go with the hardest worker
It's an insult when they hire
That is lazy not one to brown nose
Or kiss *** to move up
Sad that people do that
Showed interest got denied
Didn't care or want it anymore
All of a sudden being told
It could be an opportunity
Over all the lies all the detours
Don't know where this journey is going
Or where things will end up
Sometimes walking away feels right
But this gut feeling
Is not willing to accept it

Should've done this
Or could've done that
Somethings didn't happen
Turn out accordingly
Been frustrated with things
No one is helping
Help yourself to be more
Stuck with less
Making the most of things
More downs than ups
Always shutting up to keep the peace
But enraged deep inside
No where to run or hide
Tried to vent told what to do
Said nothing not interested to open up
Hurting inside stress all time high

Slowing down time is taking it's toll
Lost so many on the journey
Got tired of waiting holding back
Friends turn to foes not talking anymore
Over shady girls who just wanted tonparty
Girlfriend turned into an ex
With her felt like an idiot couldn't do right
Even when she was clearly wrong
Working a job that doesn't get easier
Gave everything it's never enough
Wised up learned everything possible
Can't rely or depend on anyone at work
Hard to show emotions seen as weak
Have an opinion everyone is offend
Jokes turn to insults it got personal
Wanting to speak but it's easier to write

Hard to find peace
In a hateful world
Would rather be building
Than destroying others
Personal growth over self destruction
Never ending process on the go
Flirting with word play
Thinking of ways to inspire
Stay motivated during diverse times
The struggle within fade
Around the right people feeling good
Around the wrong people
Trying not to hate life
Or let them rub their toxic ways
Or send bad vibes in this direction

A fight to make it to the end
Crawling to finish strong
Pushing through the pain
All the punishment to win
Suffering along the journey
Showing no emotions or feelings
Consumed by not expressing
In a healthy manner the silence
A quiet mouth keeping the peace
Connected to a loud enraged mind

Pen and the pad
Typing it out
Censored or uncensored
Still telling the truth
Learning to cope these emotions
Process these feelings
Feels like they get the best of things
Showed love left hanging
Wasn't interested kept coming back
Loved her she loves someone else
Failed relationship that was draining
Scared to get hurt get a broken heart
Been in love never got it back
Said I love you didn't hear it in return
Said it but didn't mean it another time
Trying not to be bitter and forgiving
Thought things changed for the better
End up the same and much worse

Feared being rejected
Should be use to it by now
Getting denied hate accepting it
Don't like being talked about
Someone is always talking
Saying something negative
Don't remember asking anyone
For their opinion but still talking
Use to get writers high barely getting by
Writing takes away all the frustration
Sad how others act pretending to care
Only when a favor is needed
Always tired of settling
Don't deserve anything
Got what is worked for

Already been there
Already done that
Stepped it up to get it done
Always pointing out flaws
Expecting more with no respect
Give it all full effort it's never enough
Feels like time is running out
Use to say there's plenty of time
My mind my love is blind
Trusting partner hard to find
Always praying for things to change
Staying positive things will get better
Everywhere with thoughts so much clutter

Always getting blamed
Stayed away from it all
Eventually forgotten fade away
Miss them but feel tossed away
Going back hurts feel the shame
Things have been weird lately
Never the same overwhelmed
Thought about things need change
Always fighting for things to stay
Pushed away too many outside factors

Making most of things
Not fond of the location
Use to click and vibe with people
Feeling alone and isolated
Trying to do the job right
Don't care to argue or fight
A sleepless night ends quick
Another restless day never ending
Neck is stiff working through pain
Lost in building creative projects

Feeling betrayed reached out
Got ignored not looking to be lectured
Don't want to talk avoiding people
Not one to take it out on others
Frustrated taking a time out
Hate feeling depressed ups and downs
Nothing is wrong just feels like it
Lacking inspiration very emotional
Trying to stay motivated
Wanting to speak dk what to say

Doing all the grunt work
This ***** does the bare minimum
Talking but not doing ****
Still working harder than you
Even if I quit been great else where
I've done it elsewhere in this district
Forget your disrespectful talk
Don't call me a snitch you two faced
Working to get paid invest in writing
Not playing runner should be nect
Come to work work extra hard
Be my own boss never settle for less
Being obsessed with getting hired
Thankful for the advice growing
Don't need a lecture that's your plan
Not mine all playing out in this mind
Spoke up no one listened or cared
Not interested in sharing anymore
All of a sudden into my opinion
Years of change through the struggle
Rise above it all chaos be better

Working hard to get ahead
Barely getting by above water
No time for a dream
Time for change want it
Being loyal got ******* over
Gave everything never enough
Not young anymore feeling it
Always get the 3rd degree
Broken trust kept a distance
Stayed away disconnected
Love is hard to come by
It's easier to say goodbye
Don't like to be emotionally attached
Why connect not planning to stay

All alone feels like things are fading
From friends to standing solo
Called to check up stay connected
Sent a text to an old friend
No response use to being ignored
No one that busy so the hint is taken
It's about making time
Over one sided friendships
Talking their character up
While they bad mouth
From wanting friends to isolation
Sacrificed now not doing anything
Did stuff not proud for friends
or justifying anymore walked away
Living with guilt labeled with burden
Trying to redeem
New people prefer to be alone

Made mistakes that how you learn
Failed that's how you get better
Never gave up finish strong till the end
Came close but not close enough to win
Went the distance working harder
Thought it was easy miscalculated
Growth over time years of encounters
Experiences make a difference
Better prepared not afraid or backing down
Focused on the work not drama
Talk about shop not others work hard
Hard work over politics treat people right

A minority told to do this or be like that with family. Growing up you learn who not to be.  Don't be a snitch or complain, once you leave home all these made up rules and standards was never heard of.
Was never into drugs so many doing. Grew up around alcohol which was a home wrecker. The line between right and wrong blurred. Instead of doing right so many try to justify their wrong.
Told to speak your mind why is everyone mad? Always questioned things and people are mad. It doesn't make sense, but stuck with that's the way things are.

In light skinned women feels like a crime with family. Have to hide it feels like a ***** secret grew up with criticism. Told stay with your kind or be judged like you are doing something wrong.

Spoke up had an opinion everyone act like you're again or opposing the family. The family is quick to attack talk down like you dk any better. Stood what was right questioned things. Why does it have to be this way. Why so many rules?

Love for my elders but times have changed. They had a simpler time also had their struggle. Things change some for the bother other times it doesn't make sense. I'll never know everything so much new or new ways of how things are done. Be open to learn and to grow. From your time to the next generations to come

From a child to man hasn't been easy so many outside factors and people talking. Eventually asking what do you want? What are you looking for? Not having a job and going places seeing the world. Now a responsible adult working to invest in the craft.
Pay bills maintain a life trying to work toward well off through the struggle to get ahead. Over settling and barely getting by. Not materialistic just feels like more can be done. Making the most of things, working with what's been given.

Always saying let it go
But some stuff won't come out
Like it will cause contraversy
That what it felt like at the moment
What I went through at that time
How is a person going to say it's a lie
Tell you how to feel after mistreating
How to think trying to influence others
Because the wrong doing got exposed
Can't win alone forming alliances
Took them on and still not backing down
Always stayed loyal true even lost for them
Made moves made it happen with or without

Writing to past time
Clear my mind do what's right
Able to share without criticism
Feelings used against you seen as weak
With a pen and notebook feel at peace
Someone is mad always tripping
Keeping a distance not getting all the backlash
Never said anything about anyone
All they do is talk not listening of bothering
Caught feelings ended up disappointed
Shared emotions and treated different
Like it doesn't matter or mean anything
Walk around acting heartless not to get hurt

Always protecting others
While they are quick to sacrifice
A friendship telling lies cold shoulder
Being two face over some lush
Said straight up to their face
All that talk behind this back
Came back around now in denial
Had your back backed you up
Now you're knifing mine
Trusted hard got betrayed
Don't want to hear it so ashamed
Disgusted can't be in the same room
Can't breathe the same air
Called you a friend seen you like fam
Blew up in this face so much regret
Hit hard and deep heard a loud BAM
Friends come and go like the season
Some with out reason wished they'd stay
Learned to let go not get attached
Hard to get emotionally invested
Detached from everyone lost in words
This notebook is a true friend
Just listens without criticism
Able to feel safe with thought
Tell secrets share feelings
And know they won't be used against

Thought things changed
Still the same not hiding
Or covering up old pain
Felt it was taken away
Replaced with worse
Made the most of things
Break this curse
Wake up from this nightmare
Just there never belong
Hard working someones mad
Trying to blame for being lazy
Took pride and work hustling
Someday just want to stay in bed
Others ditch work and never return
Always loyal and true a lost quality
Mind says ***** it not happy why do it
This heart says honor it get it done
Finish strong all the way through

Thought about being on a stage
Writing an inspiring books
A creative mind with a heart
Making people laugh feels right
Seeing people smile is better
Always in this mind a fantasy world
Would rather be there than face reality
Always feeling disrespected by family
Work uses and abuses this kind heart
Always a worker no time for play
Done wasting time with people
Who don't care faking the cause
Use others their for personal gain

Metal head mind set banging hard
Punk rock attitude lots of *****
A rock song in the works
A rebel not a follower trail blazing
Spoke truth called out fakes
Heart beats like a double bass drums
Music that makes you drive fast
From still to hauling *** over the limit
Took one for the team stayed away
Earned those wings to fly away

Always judged before hand
Someone hears a rumor
Bad talk from someone else
Sad that it sticks most of these lies
Very open to people and accepting
But once they start talking smack
Thats where the line is drawn
Not one to get mad or even
Prefer to be alone and not bother
Got better things to be doing
Than clear up nonsense with the clueless
Post photos with nieces and nephews
All of a sudden seen a a father
Post things that bring a smile
Spoke up seen as ignorant or ghetto
Treated different for having an opinion
These are everyday obstacles
Struggles that occurred regularly
Seen as gay of having manners and expression
Took pride in this appearance seen as feminine
Long eyelashes soft features called pretty
Judged for everything even breathing
Being myself is easy that's all that's known
Being what others say is unsettling
Or make you out to be some your not is hard

Took some time to figure it out
Being put in an awkward situation
Felt out of place didn't want to be there
Didn't do anything wrong but felt watched
Parking in a neighborhood because of work
Seen as a trespassing so much tension
Just there for the day but out of place
Left and watched prefer to stay away
Not go there or be around dk anyone
Or don't want to know anyone
The day felt long shaky inside
Like something might go wrong
On edge no pretending anymore
Life got real and intense to handle

Watching a highlights
Always technical with form
Execute precision staying calm
Applying what's learned during class
Be able replicate in a match
Inspired by others focused on training
Sore from it all being slammed
Bruises and tweeks from submissions
Trying to hang now the same person
An older body where it all caught up
From loving pain to feeling it all the time

At that cross roads
Always helping others
Not sure how to help myself
Or where to start with things
A list of started things
That need to be finished
Putting others first helping
Before your own personal needs
Start doing things seen as selfish
Hard to be well rounded
It feels like it's crumbling
About to collapse hard
Come crashing down
Losing sleep wise awake
Eating too much or not enough
Fit to fat so much change going on
Something wrong within
Not feeling right on edge at ease

Learning to focus on these needs
On this dream that strayed away
Feared failing and rejection
Stopped trying holding back
So close to a degree
A few more credits
Scared it won't be used
Have to work to pay bills
Never a consistent schedule
Lacking discipline with life decisions
Need to find balance for education
Hate being broke financial
Make time for health mostly diet
Always starting stuff
But struggle to finish
Would rather be prepared
Than fail struggle to get by

Coming to terms
Not that person
About that life anymore
Wasn't meant to be
There's no going back
Gone much further
In other places
Started over found new
Developed new skills
Life experiences with gains
Lessons learned gathered
full of encounters social interaction
Open to grow observation and listen

He walked into a the building ready to give his all. He worked like a boss but didn't get paid like one. He did all the work and took charge. Along with a useless head custodian nothing more than just a title.
He always went the extra mile above and beyond. Years of bouncing around trying to find a location somewhere to fit in. He didn't match or belong anywhere
He worked hard stayed positive, while the rest settled gave up losing motivation.

Staring at a blank page trying to create
Wanting to draw out these ideas
A wild imagination doing other stuff
Seeing it vividly before these eyes
Trying to recreate on the page
Draw it holding a pencil
A blank mind set with art
Staring at a blank canvas
Able to write for hours
Hard to shade for dimensions
Give it texture to pop off the page
Story board comes to live while writing
Drawing for fun one liner comics
Hoping to make others laugh
Brighten someone's day with humor

She said she had my back
Turns out she was the first one to go
All the lies that kept coming
Not ready to be in a relationship
A week later she was with someone new
Got placed in the friend zone then forgotten
She would get mad when you don't answer
Now she rejects calls not responding
Sent a text now she hates texting
Cut off communication can't even talk
When in the same room it all went sour

Not like that anymore
Too old forces to grow up
Showing up is never enough
Not getting love or treated fair
But not embracing the hate
Called everyone out on their actions
Won't justify acting like they can do no wrong
Or explain now passing the blame
Some one is always snitching
Telling trying to help made it worse
Attacked with words a verbal beat down
Struck back then it got physical

Backed into the corner
Family member asking
Why don't we talk
A two way street
Not just one
No communication just expectation
More made up rules
False hope expectations
Being myself all I know
Grew up poor working for mine
While you're given everything
Looking down on others
Earned respect nothing is given
Social status everything is divided
Can't stop for anyone
More determined and driven

Always around the rejects
People who have potential
Never given a chance
Potential no opportunity
Some make bad decisions
Not given many options
Making the most of it all
Waiting for that call
Tried to make it happen
Judged by people
Who never even tried

She smiled at him he smirked back. Who knows if this friendship could be and lead up to much more. He was shy and she was confident with a bubbly personality. They felt the tension among them full of life positive vibes in the air.

She asked him how his day was and they both had an interesting conversation between one another. He didn't expect much but willing to put forth an effort if they could match seen as an equal.

He wanted to ask her out just need to make that moment happen. Find an opening, so that he could ask her out, take her to eat, somewhere get to know one another.

This was all new to him, the girls he dated liked him or seemed interested. Most of the girls he dated in the past. This one caught his eye actually held his interest

He was shy and nervous he had been rejected and denied before but didn't like the feeling. He played it safe since it was the worse