He was friends with the errie darkness
His heart was feeling the soothing cold
Taking in the deep silence feeling relaxed
Away from the world that rejected him
Walking through the life alone
Told never go against the family the family that betrayed his trust
The black sheep that go disrespected
Writing about those who wronged him
Being honest with liars and cheaters
Saw good in others They proved him wrong
Getting older seeing things differently
Looking out for others
The cheater tries to talk to you about  being loyal
They'll gaslight you easier to walk away

Joking about an ex if she came back
Years of misery not finding peace
The life he wanted came up short
Happened for someone else
Feeling cheated going strong
Focused on truth not accepting lies
Trying to be the same keep it together
Everything changed learned to adapt
Able to adjust never feeling enough
Giving everything to get things done
Hard work paying off moving up
Good things happening new roles
Not feeling robbed by sneaky fakes
Wished her the best moved on
Doing what's best living life
Taking in the moment to the fullest
Making them count full of potential

So his church was not going to renew the lease on the building. He was wondering what was next for him. He opened his Bible and read some of the material about a home church putting it into context. His faith was strong but realized he'd  have to educate himself and be more involved with the world. Praying and meditation for understanding not lost just feeling out of place.

She got a bf the guy; who liked her missed his chance. Never took the risk thought there was time. Things change so quickly from flirting to seeing and hearing she's with someone else. A hard pill to swallow take in without any regrets.
From good friends to complete strangers. Those feelings lead to num emotions. Hard to breathe take it in. Being a man not showing things got to him. Deep down it was taking its toll on his heart.

Stopped complaining and comparing just living
Not taking on other problems that are ignored
It's okay to be excluded like being alone found peace
Grasped closure within staying clear of drama
Once cared stopped listening to foolish demands
Quit playing others games empowering indecisive behavior
The silent treatment is rewarding not punishment
Out of the loop is better than pretending things are okay
Solo projects doing your own thing is everything

He liked her but she told him she was busy. He got the hint and kept a distance. Someone was always mad or holding a grudge trying to turn him into someone he's not.
Be this way or you'll get treated different. Or you're this way so let me treat you bad. Trying to justify their misconduct. In your business instead of tending to theirs. They'd rather push you out destroy your happiness than be accepting allowing you to grow.
He'd smile they'd stare at him with intense anger and hatred. He preferred to be alone sick of others assuming rather than just asking. Trying to narrate his behavior dictate his mood. He wanted them to stay, but it's easier; if they just left.
Becoming emotional detached was more common than getting your hopes up. Tiredof being disappointed and let down by people he thought cared about him.

Written on by family proving them wrong is easy but they'll never give you props. Those made up standards no one is living up to over all the talking.
Be this way do that most are not happy just going through the motions.
Breaking bad habits changing to avoid falling into the vicious cycle. The fear of being like people that loathe you.

The day it ended tears were shed
Wondering where and why it went wrong
Thought it was a happily ever after
It was over no second chance
Never forgiven eyes of hate
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
One day but not in this life time
Addicted to her love can't get that fix
Detoxing going without healing overtime
The self destruction didn't help situation
Making things worse pushed everyone away
Blocking it all than facing reality
Distracted by work keeping positive
Felt worthless and unworthy
Seeking to be whole never going back

Changing things up time management
Making the most of what's given
Wish people would talk to one another
Instead of talking about each other
Over taking on egos that are two faced
Not empowering people condescension
Saying one thing actions cause conflict
Seen through the act left in confusion
Trusted the wrong people left in doubt
Spoke soft to see who's listening
Calm collected maintained
Talked loud many with a lack of interest

From trying to be a team player to handling business and going home
Over all the gym politics some people had help where he had to work to pay for his classes
Work took him away from practicing what he loved.
His so called team gave him crap lots of time conflict and restrictions
Trying to enjoy himself excluded by those arrogant practitioner.
Feared another injury trying to get better feeling like a tackling dummy
Trying to perfect the technique use what was learned apply what's being taught
Wanting to work and compete but it felt like an off season. Learning it'd out there you have to seek it no one will get you there you have to want it.

He closed his eyes to relax compose himself. While his opponent used muscle burning out. Being yelled at "why are you closing your eyes?" Staying collected waiting for the moment to counter and strike back from defense to offense. Trying to take control of the situation bounce back from all the criticism. He could see those haters faces knowing his time and moment would come where they'd be quiet because he proved them wrong.
Being told no but was doing it. Being disrespected but still having respect for people who ran their mouth. Knowing they aren't better that's why they keep talking. Knowing the sport trying to improve grow within stay involved even as age limits movement. Trying to stay active and healthy for the most part challenging the mind to do more the body to never quit keep pushing through all the tiredness.
From a bad team to making his own liking when people bring put the best in him instead of the worse. He wanted to grow with that team if they won he would feel proud to be part of it. But if things went wrong he'd get back into his lab come up with new ideas and drills to be much better learn from the mistakes improve on the good new strategies a new game plan for the next match.

Done with manipulators
Over being used being talked about
No one is talking about anyone
Learned to mind your mouth
Stay out of the drama not feed into it
Focused on the work not the people
Always under pressure trying to be normal
Doing extra trying to be resourceful
Jokes about being the chosen one
Just trying to be part of the team
Play off one another everyone has strength and weaknesses build one another up
Not take swings or set each other back

The girl next door everyone liked her so you had no interest. Pretending not to care but there was emotions that remained hidden. She seemed to like everyone expect you. You heard her complain about her bf and going back to the exes that continued to hurt her.
You got hurt because there was nothing you could do. Acting on those urges would lead to losing her as a friend. Felt like everything went wrong trying to protect her. Eventually you fade out focused on those rare good times. That brought joy from a tough child hood. Memories faded away moving hard to do but became second nature.

you tolerate all the taunting
provoked to terrorize
when you strike they expect an apology
you give them the show
thats never enough
the bull backs up but when the horse drop
fear from hell is raised
your running mouth is stuffed with dangers
play your games when the horns strike facing danger
the bull fuel with rage
the rage of the bull
no more being cruel
the bulls rage is his rule

The cold wet weather made for a sweater
Gray clouds are a sign of rain to come
the mood is set of rainy days
Hot chocolate a treat that warms you right
The rain washes away frustration
Makes the day better for the sun
Rainy weather keeps you inside
Most of all dry makes you lazy and sleepy
Wear a hat that keeps you warm
Layers to keep you from getting soaked
Use an unbrella to bounce of drops
Avoid puddles or jump in them
Play in the rain different from other days
The smell of wet ***** once the rain stops

In the dark trying to rest the sound of chirping birds in the distance. Time to rise and greet the day in return. Nature vibe make the world feel a live. Times have changed full of rage but let go don't be afraid to turn the page. Focused on today fresh start and be more, the past is yesterday which is forgotten.

the concept pf love doesnt make sense to me
Lust is mistaken for love now adays
I think about her only its life
You cant get her back like in the movies
My heart was emotionally unavailable until I met her
I opened up and she rejected me
It hurt because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her
She had other plans which had nothing to fo with me
Ive moved on but find myself thinking about her
I see other girls who remind me of her
I wonder if she thinks of me
I cross her number id call but dk if shell answer
Id send a text will she respond
Ive been looking else where for love but I want her
I feared commitment and went for it
Now things are different I want them to be the same
Its been a month since we have spoken

Find courage to speak
Always holding back
Others judgement like a whip lashing flesh
Treat others as equals but taken lightly
Put haters in their place
Make way to success
Stupid look on their face
Voices make stomach turn
Anger within starts to burn
Ruin others happiness
Misery is circulating like blood
Stay away don't burden others
Trouble those treat leass than *****
Act innocent ingnore all th hurt deal

Those feelings fade away
Always wanted to see you
But it's best I stay away
Gave my life to you
You could never be loyal and true
Moved on not going back
Walking with faith let go of hate
Walking stronger not looking back
Separate lives living for the right reasons
Not the same but overcame the pain
Those memories fade away in the light
Easier to sleep no more late nights thinking of you
Wanted to give you love but you treated me cruel
Now I'm loving myself staying loyal and true
Doing what I love and passionate about
All these positive vibes and feel alive

I once got lectured by a personal with an std I think that's the last person who should be giving *** advice.
This couple asked me for relationship advice and I'm single what would I know.
The last time I went on a date this girl made me take her out I thought you asked the girl out.
My last girlfriend didn't understand its over maybe she thought I mean I was over being alone
I told my friend I don't drink he offered me a beer.
This girl told me she liked me and got a boyfriend a week later.
Called a girl the wrong name and she never called me again

Grown numb to your ways you don't care what I say don't be surprise when things don't go your way
Tilt your head forward trying to state down
No one cares now why worry about it not
Mindless drone you don't know me texting always on the phone
You my humiliate other but when someone fixes you lip play the victim
Starting it and finishing it lots of actions and thoughts
One gets done the others just begun
Feel the words flow emotions  come out and together makes things sound meaningful and stronger together

Writing gives me wings I thought I could be a comedian go on a rant what I call a monologue. I found my stories are dark and twisted but the truth. Others don't believe the stuff that happens only if I has the ability to make stuff up!
I talk about beer *** and bad relationships what I wanted my 1st HBO special to be called. I use to be a wild child but now I'm older reserved more private. I like to make ppl even if it means laughing at my troubles and misery.
I've always been funny even though I don't see it. I'm not crazy crazy stuff just happens lucky me. I like to be on stage tell stories but the reactions usually fuels my ambition.

Always in my own world
In my mind thinking of things to say
Words to write mind lights up like a dragon fly
See the world through my eyes it could be frustrating
Can't control everything take on what you can handle
You think and wonder but never know till you try
Not giving up or letting go of the dream
They say no but your every being says yes
Treat you like you don't belong prove them wrong
There is no look for the job but yours till you get what's yours
Too many tries not accepting failure till its yours
Moving toward goals and dreams

Sometimes writing makes sense and the stuff I feel fades or I'm left asking g myself why do I think this way. I should let it go like that I learn more about myself. Express myself in a healthy manner I usually collect thought. Unexpressed emotions I wish I said or could said because I don't want ppl to think I'm stupid or let's of me because I see things differently. I'm always listening to others problems and never attend to my own. It's different though because before I can be honest and no one would be mad at me. Now everyone easily upset or offended. I tell the truth even though it leads to others hating me because I didn't tell them what they wanted to hear.

Just because you lie to others don't try that with me
I've always been true and honest something you don't see
With you or without you keep staying true to myself
Loyal and devoted to my heart I finish what I start
Love me don't care if you hate me your the one who wanted to date me
I had it rough but had enough so taking off to better
Not staying read this letter you think you could do better your attitude makes things whatever
You could reject me god is the kne who protects me
You let me go don't be mad when you see me with someone better

Things are well for once all the negative people are gone he was on his path and was determined to make it to the next level. He didn't ask or want others influence because in his mind he had the plan and vision in his head even if the outcome did not come out accordingly. He learned to love himself and put his needs first. Things were better figuring out what he wanted building up confidence and courage to make his decision without others throwing their monkey wrench into his plans. He found passion in what he loves! Not worried if it was cool all that mattered was it made him happy. He had promised himself to be happy and let go of the past that kept surfacing because it was history and no longer mattered. He did change for people some for good and others didn't appreciate the sacrifice so it became for himself. The women that claimed to love him but with someone else he was not one to move on so ****** but did learn they are gone not coming back so no point in waiting around. He had many friends he valued deeply but they bad mouth him or holding a grudge because he called them out he was a good friend that told the truth. He would not be fake or a friend if he did lie.

He was a loner so he claimed to be a rebel. He didn't fit into the box and refused to listen because the people who judged them never did anything but work a 9-5. He traveled seen the world but felt like he never had a home. Till one day he found a place to call home where he belonged he didn't feel lost or like he didn't belong. He was blunt and honest because people were always honest with him. He didn't limit himself and never took NO He found away to achieve his goals.

Sometimes I feel detached and don't belong
Hoping to find that place to call home
Be on my own without feeling I have to be someone I'm not
I remember what I loved others saw as crazy
Now I stopped they call me lazy
Those hypocrites no longer phase me
Back to doing what I love
Reading books and add my spin of ideas
Thinking of how I could've written things
Writing out my ideas I've stopped complaining and started doing something about it
Not holding on letting go if it's meant to be it wouldnt of walked out or I'd still have it
Praying things go right but not getting my hopes up

I may not be great in your eyes but I know there's ppl  who appreciate me
I'm understood if given a chance to share myself
Not trying to prove myself I wish there were more respectful and understanding ppl in my life
I joke to be much not willing to go against family
But I'm not their whipping boy
The standards I care to live up to are my own
I lived on my own since I was 16 and others think I owe them
I'm one who enjoys the company of others but if they are flawed why are they judging others
You want to say I'm a bad person but I'm stuck dealing with you
I don't see you going to great extenses to help other
You may have wealth but your useless only about yourself

Found my voice writing
Captured the moment behind the camera
Learning to create from my mind
See more turn nothing into something
Learn to express emotions through actions
Production and growing within the company
Giving my all learning the tricks of the trade

ive heard no but that doesnt settle well
once you have done it why go back
excel over evening up even
no is motivation for yes
yes is the key to success
believe in yourself and you can do anything
those who oppose you never let them win
walk up like you own the beyotch take control
never let others influence your good deeds and efforts
lead the pack set the bar make the rules
i refuse to let you think otherwise
you dk me or have the right to judge me
ive done more than you could image
im stimulated while your burnt out
my good mood will not be over powered
by your bad mood
i live to be great i live to be great i cant settle for less
you call me crazy but i know the truth
i say what i want dont tell me less or otherwise
will power and strength will take one farther than they could imagine
the refuse you because you are close you refuse them becasuse they failed
refuse to lose and you will win

Negative ppl **** me off
Dont be a ****** messing up my day
I apologize your day ***** but it's not my fault
You can talk to me or share you beliefs but dont impose
I didnt do anything so dont take your frustrations out on me
Dont shutdown my ideas since your mind draws a blank.
Take your bad attitude somewhere else

You ask for more
Will be nothing more
Some storie about a future
That you are not a part of
Disconnected feel unloved
Only if you could've
Things that would've
Or should've made a difference
Eject the lies the truth is now projected
How do you communicate if feelings werent true
Things ruined where do you start
Feels like the world is gallons apart
You don't want to lose s friend
That chapter starts while the other ends

Over the thought of you
Everything was never true
So stubborn ignore the clues
Hoping you'd change not happening anytime soon
Life fuels ip with hate and rage no more you
Thinking clear set the record straight
No sense of time always late for others
Friends have families fallen brothers
Not sure how to love take the next best thing
Move towards real love don't be fake!
She use to love you but there's no more faith
In her heart why be around she brings you down
Smiles with other gives you ***** looks
You'll only find imaginary love in books

Burnt out in the mind seeking new
Empty inside want to be restored feel brand new
Things are right should lead to better
Sacrifice and scars that never heal
Pain that knows no limit or holds back
Friendships that betrayal has ended
Live for new but th old is not pretend
Letting go moving forward
Living for the moment
Time wasted lost hours
Memories of the fallen past
Escape the nightmare only to return
Like hot fire feel the burn

A day of rest heart at peace
Things are well can't complain
Better than feeling life is insane
Overwhelmed with stress
Not settling for less
If its meant to be it will happen
Fall in place like is suppose to
A comfort smile on my face
I've always wanted a family
Grew up feeling like an outcast
A place to call my own
Something worth my time
Able to pursue tired of failure and setback
Moving forward not looking back
Focused on a comeback
Making the most of what I own
Don't care to be well known
Doing what I know

Can't wrap my mind around the madness of others they think they are helping but just making things complicated. The worse part is it's my family. I stopped judging others because those people are in my family but how long do you turn a blind eye? How much do longer do you avoid them but they seem to be back making your blood boil. Not an angry person but the mind won't let it go in and out circling thoughts of say this do that. It's better to do nothing instead of being self destructive don't need others to make bad decision could be done alone. If they knocked you take them down with you make them feel their wrath and you take the blame while they play victim. So hard to escape enjoy life when you think that shouldn't of happened, why did it happen? How could've you prevent it but it's too late it already happened.

Been working strong got another month and half on this assignment. I've grown and learned so much. It's hard to leave I get close to people even though I can be antisocial some allow you to know them while others keep you distant. Being a sub you work hard to be full-time most of the time you get bounced around. I've met so many good people and wonder where I'll end up worked different departments trying to find my place a fit where I belong. I'm in a good place let go of so many things. I wished some people would comeback but it's best I let them go since they don't care to be around. I'm letting go of those tough moments in my head thinking how this happened or how I could've prevented it. The moment has passed getting my head out of work always focused on making it happen or getting it done. Never appreciated what's going on around me. A late bloomer made mistakes learned from them, failed but still trying to achieve my goals. I'm enjoying the blessings that come my way. Thankful to be in a better place I'm not saying next year is my year but I take one day at a time some are great while others are never ending. Talked with a friend about thoughts and ideas after years of writing what I'd like to do with some of the stories. I hope others enjoy them like I enjoy writing them.

Gagging camt breathe
Take time to rest
Body shows pain
Cough up blood
Taste in the mouth
Skin becomes rough
Hair gains a shade of white
Muscle turns to fat
Trapped in a body of age
Work hard to obtain health
Earache pain hard to fake
Stub a toe walk with a lip
Trauma to the body echoes
Up all night fight to stay up
Sleep most of the day
No rest but pain
Only bad memories remain

Trying to forget you make me remember you more
Idk what to say so I can make the wrong right
Id like to start over the times when you came over
If you stayed over it made my night feeling alright
Id like forgiveness let's not fight
We use to be close and tight

From our 1st kiss to our last date
Everything reminds me of you
I wanted to be your number one not one of many
Remember seeing the passion in your eyes
As time passed that love turned to hate
All the hurt made everything fade away
Reminded of the good times and wish you stayed with me
Bad times burned the good away
From friends to strangers
Eyes tell a stories sad or mad that's how others read it

They finally met up he was nervous he arrived early but she was there before him. He was nervous she would be a no show. She greeted him happy to see him. He was more surprised she was early made it before him. He was excited this was happening. She would order a drink and he got a Coke. He was trying to quit drinking, she understood he was stuck in the transition. He wanted to get out of the slump move on consider dating again. She told him "what slump you seem confident and in control?" He said once "he started dating things changed didn't make sense." She reached across the table place her hand on his. He cupped her hand as he made eye contact they both smiled. She was open with her feelings; he was honest but didn't expect much.  This was different but he didn't want to dive in right way. From past experience, he gave too much got nothing or he held back losing it all.
She asked him "what's wrong you look flustered is it me?" He would respond "no I'm not good at this." She laugh I noticed you are so cute and innocent. He asked is that "good or bad"
She kissed him on the cheek you'll find out soon enough. She ordered a chicken salad and he ordered a burger.

Writing to find balance
Learning to say a pursue the goal
Mind is crisp the body ready to work
Thoughts of good and to be better
No more silent rage creeping up
Accepted the hatred by opposers
Can't please everyone or trying anymore
Challenged myself staying focused
Not letting bs hold bad desire
or making excuses to be lazy
Building up muscle strength
Finding the iron will to do so
The wheels are moving but a steady tempo works
Moving with a spirit with greater empowerment

For hating me you seem to talk about me a lot
I don't care  what you do or giving you a second thought
Passed you up now your mad well thats too bad
Deep down you cleanse your soul be better put it all into perspective
Its okay to be selective you walk tall don't let them  bring you down with them
Recover and survive live life enjoy all you set out to accomplish

I think about all the girls who rejected me
Lead me on made me feel good and took it away from me
Said on thing but did another
Made me feel like like I wasnt good enough
Because they were insecure or being shady behind my back
Picking a fight with me projecting their wrong on on me
Ignored me when I tried to make it right
That told me I wouldnt amount to anything
Used me and pushed me aside
So many days pass I just want to forget
Let go but I use that as motivation
One day prove them wrong show them im better its their loss.
All I wanted was to get along
Now its time to be my best and move on

This love was broken from the start
The world around you falls apart
Cheating ways and lovely days
Gone too far now stay away
Restoring love not an option
Like an outcast no going back
Make it else others react
With or without seeking outcome
Never forget who you are and where your from
Stay you late moments lives on
With time it all begins to fade
Your evil ways trying not to hate
Manipulation doesn't work
The world you know taste of decay

Wished me away
Guess what I'm here to stay
You'll never change me
You can embrace me and hate
Knocked down but bouncing back up
Head held high you say I'm stuck up
Judge me but you'll never destroy
My charm my Wittiness
Left town came back
Rejuevenated pure turn to the heart
Stay true that's a start
Take on the world make it your own
Get in the zone in the mind your grown

No one cared if I quit but I did it for me
Seen good and bad in the world
I wish I could take away pain
Free ppl of their burdens
Get out of debt own possessions instead of being owned
Love and peace let hate die be among the decease
Doing what you dream instead of some 9-5
Getting by trying to survive almost cried along long night
Stories in music stories told relive moments growing old
Trying to stay humble not grow old and bitter
Keep working hard don't be a quitter
No more pain just want to heal
Be thankful for the meal served just right
Rest in a bed no more cold floor
One day things will light up
No more stressing being up all night

You lived her but not ready to be a step father
She moved out of state haven't heard from her till now
you want to tell her how you feel she was married now she's divorced
You don't judge her but she left you feeling abandoned
She called you after years of being ignored
You respected her till she got with the guy you despise the most
You could love her but couldn't get over she's a single mother who stripped for a living
Many factors that canceling  out not meant to be
Not sure how to act or respond but life does go on

Corona my hometown it's where I grew up
Still rocking chucks never too old
Listening to metal and the new stuff that grabs my ear
Wear my hats favorite teams doing my favorite thing
Girls want to deny me but that's fine with me
Hang with my friend tell joke poke fun of one another till the end of the day
Use to drink in a pack no one know how to act dumb drunk new lows sunk
Party together didn't matter it was about us nothing less now its over
I think one more night everyone older and aged everything has changed
New times bad time lets do for old time sakes