Under the big tree mid-day
In front of the house
Enjoying the peaceful day
Reading a book on my favorite artist
A cool breeze in the shade
Good to be out of the house
The world has changed over time
Adjusting cant remain the same
Adapting get through unscathed

Not sure how to feel
But always thinking
Coped with these thoughts
Somethings need to be said
Set the record straight speak out
Doesn't always matter mean anything
Only time will tell about life
No longer the wild child anymore
From player to getting played
Seeking truth in a room of lies
Open to change always judged
Passing through no reason to stay
Thinking hard not afraid ask

A letter to be set free
Another plead to be me
Tired of living up
To others standards
Thankful for my car that works
Not about money or status
Take pride in all efforts with work
While some do nothing collecting pay
Never cared to be in drama
So many two faced beings
Fake to one another's face
While talking about each other
Always kept out looking in
Made the most of everything
Know what its like to not have a job

We use to be close
Now it's over never started
No one knew about us any type of connection
A friendship that turned into a fling
A great friend of yours had a deep conversation
She asked how far did it go between you two
It went all the way he responded
Why would you ask such a question
This friend said nothing happened
He was shocked that he was denied
So proud so in love to be denied
The rejection hit deep in the heart

Thinking so much feeling numb
Not able to sleep feeling restless
Wanting to go outside the heat is overwhelming
From cold to needing a jacket
Now facing a heat wave
Staring at the glowing screen
Thinking what to write
Missing the old way of life
Need to embrace the new and change

He asked her to the prom
She kept him waiting
She could've easily said no
He waited got no answer
He went alone with his friend
The third wheel on the tripod
The girl he wanted to ask
He didn't ask his friend asked for him
He didn't know this went on behind his back
Still got a no he grew up hearing the word
It didn't bug or bother him after a while
He learned not to rely on or expect much
To be do it yourself to make it happen
Anyone to make him happy
He was responsible for that
Never wanted to be in a relationship
It was one sided but know both sides
One was in love true trying to make it work
While the other wanted to end it all

Listen to comedy for laughs
Love funny stories with friends
Hilarious stories from different angles
Different people how they contribute
Those feelings in the moment
Social gatherings use to be fun
Now people are stuck on their phone
Having a conversation don't care to text
Meeting up for dates or lunches dinners
Getting a number to set up an arrangement

Never in the inner circle
Had crowds and groups
None with goals or dreams
Most just wanted to party
Have fun get laid be cool
After a while it got old meant nothing
Needed to find more like minded people
More goal oriented not just working
Be able to invest in yourself
Those goals and dreams have value
Never talked about anyone
Why does everyone think they can look down
They are more important knocking others
Never been about material possessions
Some see lust as love but don't love themselves
A job doesn't define you, you're easily replaced
So many life lessons learned and walked away

Never been one to brown nose or kiss ***
A natural leader but not first pick
So many think they are boss material
Not able to do the work but want the fancy title
Some excel in other areas while others struggle
Talking bad about people doesn't make you better
If some one ***** tell them how to be better
Show them if you are not helping the problem
Never had a job long enough to grow
Tried to make a difference care more than most
Some collect a check do nothing mostly complain
While others don't care with another job lined up
Most think short term instead of long term
You are the problem people need leaders
Not a boss that walks around feeling important

Sleep patterns all jacked up
Up all night sleep all day
Not trying to get burned up
The heat wave draining
Running out of stuff to write
Comes more natural at night
About to start another notebook
70 or more bone yard collection
Not sure what to do with it all
These thoughts so deep from within
Raw emotions unexpressed
But written down sharing this talent

Talking mid story
Trying to see where it came from
What's motivating this
Where did this inspiration come from
Felt alive wired during the process
Having fun trying not to obsess
From the darkness to being lit up
Reminded of the good times
Followed by the bad ones
Funny stories from back in the daze
Another phased passed onto the next

Infused with motivation
Don't say much got others confused
Been doing it not saying anymore
Woke up with an adrenaline rush
Most of the time deep in thought
Not paying attention to whats going on
Usually observant people watch
Not sure how to feel anymore
Catch a conversation be social
Tough times dk how to act

Why wait for it
Live life to the fullest
Writing to over come fears
Allow feelings with tears
Show emotions without being judged
Talk about taboo topics without influence
Explore encounters and experiences
Not always caught up in the moment
Reflect on old relationships
Be better for the one the right one
Observe why old friendships failed
Learn to be the friend you need
So much change processing it all
Missing doing things back at them
Things yet to experience stop holding back
Thinking too much about the consequences
Instead of taking risks new possibilities

Trying not to yoyo back and forth
Some vibes feel good alive
While old feeling cause numbness
Stuck in some past emotions need balance
Always saying be better than yesterday
Not stuck in the same spot inching onward
Made moves nothing to drastic
Facing forward trying not to look back
Not in the same place moving at a slow pace
The past comes back might burn and crash
Mind is made up but easily convinced
So much change with that person
It feels the same lots of bad memories and pain
Eventually they'll leave and forget about you
While you wait you realize they are gone
Not coming back so it's best to not stop
They'll replace you just move on without them

A long day of writing
No nap just focused on the ideas
So many thoughts to reflect on
Somethings seem like more
Once analyzed its not much
Just hyped up in this mind
Always creating seeing it
Feeling it able to connect relate
Sometimes it takes life
All the hate and hype
Blow up like dynamite
The cold magnified getting older
Not saying much writing it all out
Bad habits avoiding them to stay sober
Toxic crowds always the odd one out

Talking loud doesn't mean right
Insulting a person over an argument
Doesn't make things better
Alienated for being different
Not seeing eye to eye conflict of interest
Seeing things the same imposing beliefs
Trying to turn everyone get the odds to favor
Can't win or do it alone manipulation
Standing alone not taking sides

He was a good friend
But the failing couple
Made him out to be the scale goat
If he was friends with the male
The GF would be mad
Or lie say she was into his friend
He would be mad jealous
Assume the worse they were like family
The friendship struggled
If he was friends with the female
The partner would mean mug him
Assume the worse when their friendship
He learned to not associate be around couples
Find his own way do his own thing

So much change
Missing work mostly the people
Friends so far away
We don't talk anymore
Happy for your marriage
You are blessed with kids
Appreciate your family
Some are wanting that
Yet to experience that moment
The single life could be lonely
Always pursing a career
The degree not quest a struggle
Reading to enjoy stories
Reading for knowledge not used
Collecting hoping to use it
Apply it to life using content
Setting goals chasing dream
Getting back what was lost
Somethings are over
Some left not coming back

Wrote it all down
Poured it out
Untapped resources
Feeling better coping strong
Played with the idea
Not always going to be right
Made many mistakes
Would like to make them right
Been wrong about people
Questioning my judgement
Seen good but proved wrong
Love is given love is taken away
Still surprised it happened
Not surprised when it ends right away

Praying for normal
Change occurs everyday
Over the years over come fears
But things change over time
Never going to be the same again
Friendships full of broken trust
Relationships tarnished over conflict
Both right too proud to confess
Would rather fight than forgive
Apologies don't matter due to actions
One is sorry the other still talking bad
The other wont forgive the betrayal
Holding a grudge once a family
Now strangers with a past
No one made effort to keep it alive
Egos let it die than make it right

Forever in this hurting heart
Use to be close not friends anymore
I called reached out got ignored
Seen you as my best man
Women came between us
Prayed to be forgiven
Sober because I hurt so many
Clean living clarity of mind
Not making those mistakes anymore
We don't talk so you'll never know
Leading to fading in the background
Saved your place on this end
On your end replaced
Labeled as the bad guy
Not about that life anymore

Comedy in the heart
Making jokes for laughs
A heart warming smile
Talking about funny moments
Random comments awkwardness
During a serious intense time
Lighten the mood uncomfortable
Sketch comedy fun one liners
****** expression grins snug remarks

Music in the heart
The soul feeling the best
Able to relate connect
Unexpressed emotions being sung
Bottled up feelings released
Not alone sharing a moment
Years of experience changing
Encounters filled with growth
Melody flowing through
Heart begins to heal empowered
Magical sounds taken away

Talking to myself
Writing dialog thinking for two
Things that could be said
Mind brewing conversations
Bubbling thoughts coming out
Characters developing life like
Seeing it in my head
Emotions stirring within
Feelings with reactions

Not mad anymore
Thought about it
All angles perspectives
Took it apart analyzed it
Observed detail put it back together
Cleaned out the gunk a clear mind
Hoping it run better than before
Sometimes parts need to be replaced
Took the bad out focused on the good
New pieces new beginnings starting over

Always on the go
No time to reflect
Process feelings
Reflect on emotions
So many encounters blocked out
Most experiences taken in for growth
Sometimes rude remarks don't matter
Other times people look out
Not easily influenced blocked it out
Not interested in being manipulated
Tired of being taken for granted
Just trying to be myself
That's all that's known
A late bloomer making up for lost time
Working twice as hard to get by

Always on hold for others
Working to get hired
Holding down the open position
But it's not guaranteed
Doing extra take pride in work
Glad when others benefit
Making it easy for myself
Don't leave it for the next
Be the one who made it happen
The one who got it done
Smiled liked the tasks
Keeping this mouth shut
When it opens it leads to trouble
Not into the drama others cause
Minding my own business

These thoughts flirting with the past
All the would haves that could have been
An idea or moment creating stories
Been putting it out there from the heart
Use to care what others think
So many think or had the worse opinion
Can't fix or change their opinion
Still treating you the same best to move on
They will never feel good about you
Treat you like an equal or like you matter
Not one to hold a grudge be stay away
Find my own path be on my way
Making it easier to leave then stay

The morning sun felt right
Not to hot moisture in the air
Walking to clear the mind
Get out of the house
Usually a homebody
But been home for weeks
Shirts are feeling snugs
In the mid section area
Its a sign that comfort is too much
Some physical activity is needed
Need more than mental health
Struggling to find balance
From a wild social life to home
Always active to writing
Use to like crowds prefer to be solo
Now more selective always one sided
More giving than receiving
Feeling ******* over taken forgranted

The water crashing in the distance
Staring from the mountain top
The smell of wet sand cold weather
Nature calling set free from the insanity
Able to unwind escape the death grip
So much on the mind over time
Just want to be normal whatever that means
Grew up poor happy we had one another
Some had it all and rich Why so much torment
It never made sense made the most of life
Worked with what was given
Made the most of things

Looking for inspiration
Pictures that tell stories
Books that empower memories
Writing poems with emotions
Lyrics with stacked bars
Sharing in expressed emotions
Emotions that are pent up
Not protecting haters anymore
Stopped holding back let it all out
Feels good to speak frustration
All the anger simmers out
Thoughts structured composed
Instead of lashing out fit of rage

Flirting with bad ideas
Things happened over the years
Some can't be changed
Fade away over time
Not attached people come and go
Felt abandoned betrayed
Learned to let go of toxic people
Stopped embracing negativity
Got drained listening couldn't help
Gave advice to be ignored
Some set in their ways
Refused to see things differently
Kept a distance didn't get involved
While others ran back into danger
Not trying to fall back into bad habits
Helping a friend sacrificing got anxiety

Another kind of story to tell
Wild as hell not about that life
Loyal to all the wrong people
Thought it was right
All kinds of red flags
Turned out to be wrong
Found love didn't end well
Not lucky but blessed
Thankful and appreciate life
Friendships end over lusting ladies
Relationships end over power trips
Love comes natural not be forced

Lots of conflict in turmoil
Can't see eye to eye
Behaviors alter as defense
Broken trust caused by constant lies
Lack of respect for one another
Both have big egos clashing
Consumed by pride everything dies
From ******* face to avoiding one another
So much hatred can't be in the same room
Social with everyone but one another
Mixed emotions gone south hit rock bottom

Searched for answers
Reflected on life
Many moments encounters
Experiences helped with growth
Faced challenges overcame stuff
Some stayed in the way
Many needed to be moved
Walked away from that life
Never looked back
Didn't fit in or belong
Tired of ridiculous high standards
Fit into a box denying myself
That strips everything down

All the right people leave
While the wrong people stay
Opened up with trust got betrayed
Others want in but keep them out
Loved after being hurt
Bitter taste of betrayal
Loving others with passion
A heart that's never been hurt
Forgiviness a two way street
Walking around unforgiven
Small steps to move one
Slow paced making progress
It all comes out in the sun
Dropped the heavy burden
Cant hide from the truth

The plan didn't work
Been winging it over time
He thought long term it ended shortly
He thought it would never happen
But went the distances surprised himself
The day he said he loved her
She looked at him with paranoid
Then they never spoke again
He moved onto the next
Why did the ex the past come back
Claiming to miss him she let him go
He tried to recover and found another
She loved him but he knew his past
He was not emotionally available
The confusion lots of bad choices
Fears he'd make another bad decision

Being pulled in all directions
Trying to stay a whole
Earned respect fades away
Redemption not feeling worthy
Proving self worth without loss of value
A vicious cycle for others approval not seen as an equal
Hard to show emotions under frustration
Not let feelings get the best of everything

Seeing her with another guy hurt like hell
But showed no feelings or emotions
It gets worse she told him about the new guy
She told him how it happened how they met
He just wanted to fade away disappear
He was happy for her and denied his feelings
When the roles switch hell was raised
She seen him with another girl
She caused a scene wanted to know the details
It was just talking nothing happened yet
He was hurt getting back into the dating scene
It was all new to him hard to open up
Get close to anyone everyone left
So many life lessons changes occuring
Focused on a healthy relationship
Be happy with someone without feeling hopeless
Be able to grow closer with each other
Instead resenting one another over time

Sad how people change
Years of bullying
Pretending to care
Tried to control the situation
Not accepted or one of them
Expected to fall into tank
Not part of the group
Only by default welcomed
Or if a favor is needed
Couldn't stay calm or get cozy
One day you are liked
Things felt unbelievable
Others you are excluded
Seen as the enemy looked down on
Had an opinion got ignored
All the judgement took it
Criticized did nothing wrong
Double standards with a twist
Always ******* over
Told never go against the family
Felt like the family was ready to attack
Lonely in a room full of people
An empty room feels normal
Write it out things feel right

Highs and lows
Can't stay down forever
Writing yourself a letter
Be strong do better
Make a plan take action
Focus on your life
Don't worry for others
Life's not so bad
No need to compare
In the end they don't care
Be better even if treated unfair

Everyone tells their stories
Full of lies and it's embrace
Told the truth everyone's mad
Making excuses to justify
Their wrong doing
The frustration of others full of rage
Stayed calm collected composed
Tired of corruption scandals
Getting the worst of it
Turning a blind eye
All of the battle struggle didnt matter
Changing the rules
Moving the boundary lines
Walked away not empowering
Kept a distance not trust or respect
So much tension resistance

The birdie in the window
Heard the chirps so loud
Saying hi little bird
Flying in from of the window
Landing on the antenna
On the house next door
Flying back to the window
Looking in wondering
Asking are you okay
Chirping thinking of a lost one
Been told birds are loved ones
Angels looking out
Landing on the ledge
Looking out the window still
Wings flapping fast then flew away

Sleep all day
Up all night
So many ideas
Love to write
Wild imagination
On the go
Tried to draw
Mind goes blank
Staring at a plain page
Can't sleep begin to pray
Things would be normal
Talking to myself to fall a sleep
Use to pretend love was near
Heard a noise feeling fear
Day or night room feels the same
Would shed a tear show emotion
Able to escape this loneliness
Pride protecting the heart
Mind overwhelmed missing others
Thought of calling not answer
The phone works two ways
Sent a text no response
Wondering if all is well or okay
So many ways to communicate
Yet no one can connect
Begged for forgiveness
Never going to be forgiven
Things are not the same
Had to stay away to avoid the pain
A one time mistake not a life sentence
Sober and clean doesn't mean anything
Did it to help our friendship
Now doing it to be better find strength
Move away to heal gave up on a dream
Starting over finding another path another way

Waking up next to this stranger
The girl I love blinded in danger
Thought this was love
Turned out to be lust
Another argument then ***
More conflicts that can't be fixed
More pain the thought of her name
Really in too deep can't be saved
Walking away is hard had to be brave
The last time together forgotten
Remember the first day we met
Hard to forget it was special
Now full of regret lost the vibe
Had to say goodbye to survive

Grasping the moment
Regretting its over
Put in some time
Saying good bye
The past is history
Life going forward a mystery
So much curiosity floating
Taken away by it all
Can't fall a sleep
Calling your name
After math all that remains

Disappointed nothing new
Over the crew rolling solo
Went hard the first time
Working harder the second round
Prefer loyal underground
Over the fake mainstream
Smaller venue more intimate
Big crowds big payday
Doesn't matter the moment on stage
All the rage short lived
Worked to get in not staying out
Working to stay like rent its due

Always looking for love
Find support being creative
Someone in a bad mood
Keeping a distance that's not good
Some days talking it up
Others an intense silence
Not trying to pry or intrude
Wondering what's wrong or going on
Would rather ask than assume
Everyone faces obstacles to overcome
Dealing with a struggle you're not alone
Sometimes the support is there
Just know I care even when things seem unfair

Grew up hood
Means be down for yours
So many talk hard
But don't back it up
Never cared to drink
Always speak up sober
Say what you think
Mean what you say
All the instigating
Hiding in the back
So much hating
For being different

Was never normal
Will things ever be normal again
Whatever that means
Go without a mask
Be able to be in a large group
See friends with out fear
Be around family without
Thinking police will break up a gathering
Be able to attend a sporting event
Enjoy an amusement park on a hot day
Eat in a restaurant get out of the house
Thankful for this home
Anxiety from being inside
Before it would occur every so often
Being out in the work routine
Been reading to past time
Praying for everything to be okay
Writing to stay sane maintain the craft
These thoughts like wild river rafting
One helluva ride all in one mind
Laying in bed hoping to sleep
Wide awake hoping to get some shut eye
Money was flowing now it's slowing
Waiting for the day to be able to go back