Use to like going out
Some would say I'm too loud
Heart of the party without missing a beat
Dancing on a beat moving my feet
The club had an environment I loved
Thought I belong wasn't a match
Same crowd every weekend
As i got older Found peace within
Not fueled by anger
Standing my ground
Even if I stand alone
Gave my all to what I love
Rise above the hate
Told myself keep going strong
Stay away from others doing wrong
Be my own person be great
Only with god my faith grows right
The world will not dictate my fate old

Feared no man walked strong with God
Told too dark to eat at an establishment
Years later the restaurant went under
Not one to play the race card
Doing what's right, by my moral code
Speaking no one hears my voice
When I write the words bleed out
Not one to judge others
How you treat others says a bunch
Been through the struggle
One who got out for the better
Feels like I got dragged back in
Find closure ready to start over
Did so much, need to make more happen
Forgive or not here I come
Stood still not one to run
The pain within has leveled out
Don't count me out
Never back down from fear

Somedays I feel too much
Others I feel nothing
Hard to say " I love you"
Most of them bail
No regard for my feelings
Acting I have none
Live what was doesn't matter
Or mean anything anymore
Woke up trying to understand
Most of the time confuse
No reason, answer to WHY
Protect the heart it won't hurt
Learning to love again
Most of all trust so much deciet
Loving again refuse to accept defeat
Broken trust not looking for a lust
lost for days finding a way back
Starting over again being a friend
Gave away part of myself to the wrong
Getting to know you for the truth
Light shines through a crack
Not blinded by lies, a controlling lush
Find someone real and accepting
Not trying to spread the hate
Slow love and allow us both to be great
Wake up next to true love
Hugged by someone who's for real
Respects feelings not used to hold a grudge
Or throw a fit over not getting things one way
Passive aggressive because too obsessive

Friday with my siblings
Also with my friends
Have sleep overs full of gaming
A team to beat the game
We would stop at the video store
Check out a movie, get a game
Play at home order pizza
Some games fun, others complicated
Finally the movie was available to own
But could be rented to decide
If you'd buy it or not same with games
A chance to decide if you'd own it
Experience for cheap without wasting money

Going back to a moment
That made you smile
Thinking such a good time
From bad to good not the same
Asking how I made it through
Not mad for coming up short
Still focused on my goals
Haven't given up on my dreams
More determined than ever
Always looking for reason
Trying to find purpose
Writing has been my life
My thoughts my feelings
Making sense of these emotions
Podcasting gave me a voice
A stage to explore and share
Found out others don't always care
Doing what I love all that matters

She was a friend
But would come to an end
We talked and joked in our own world
Thought about her wonder if she did the same
Rode the bus together would walk her home
Our friendship was growing strong
Who know I would be wrong
Like what we had got greedy wanted more
One day get the courage to ask her out
She would turn me down and I was out
From talking and being cool
She would avoid me and gave cold eyes
More deciet would come my way
A so called friend would lurk make his move
Of course she said yes while I watched in shame
Avoiding all the drama and pain
Lost it all still had the rest of my life to gain
Find someone who was right
Stayed up late many nights
Looking at stars in the black sky
Hoped to see a shooting star
So I can wish my dreams would come true

Woke up tired
Don't want to get out of bed
It's so cozy and relaxing
Keeping in a restful slumber
Free from regret trying to forget
Another crazy text
She claimed to want an open fling
Telling me about love
She made it worth nothing
Claim to be over the ex
A failed engagement
So many weird arrangements
Insecurities made it hard to trust
Spreading private moment with lies
From friends to dating
Someone couldn't handled being denied
Talk of children but no longer enthused
From casual to talks of being used
Played your games such a shame
Another smack talker
Playing the victim game
Played yourself and got caught up

Writing my Insanity
No hope for humanity
Composure no closure
Cycling thoughts reset
Mind racing peeling out fast
Pacing to hang onto something
Holding on for dear life
Lost into something
That makes no sense
Hard to understand
Holding on with one hand
Ready to let go
Afraid of the unknown
Fighting to stay alive survive
Burnt out from hauling ***
The grip is about to slip
These thoughts making me sick
Clouded judgement hard to focus
Not broken from those
Who did me wrong
Burnt out ready to sleep
Emotions hit the heart deep
The deciet drains the good
Fills the good vibes with bad

Not trying to argue
Clearly wrong trying to justify
This nonsense as right
Another fight over ignorance
Messing with others thinking it's funny
When the tables are turned
You are mad making faces
Huffing and puffing the frustration comes out
Acting like everyone owes you
You owe it to yourself stop blaming others
Just because someone has more
No need to belittle make them small
Sorry you're going through stuff
It's no one's fault but your own
So own up, shut up
Stop talking over your bad vibes
How you going to cheat
Think you're a prize believing the lies
Misleading and decieving good people
Friends to their face mouthing behind their back
Playing it calm when you're the one trying to BS
Get called out on the drama
Now you want to start something
Waste of time it goes no where
All this talk leads to nothing
You push people away with your bad attitude
Have the nerve to say they walked away

Got clean but they won't let you forget
Said sorry and changed behavior
Faded away disappeared
Like I can't do anything
Moving on with life with no regret
Accused not talking this verbal abuse
Sober living meant giving up on an old life
Stopped partying and working hard
Probably get fired before getting a promotion
Did so much good but the bad shadows
Feel like this is a life sentence
Can't escape all the hate
From those who remain the same
Remind me I made mistakes
Bring up old pain bad meomeries remain
Staying positive in a room full of haters
Working hard to change my struggle
From poor to getting by
Want to make it happen
Scared it hasn't happened yet
The world goes slow feel the anxiety grow
One day at a time take it slow
Tired of walking away following the rules
Too many cheaters rewarded for bad deeds
Mind my mouth showing respect
Thoughts are compressed inside
Ready to explode come out with a wrath

Always fighting for my place
Another hater trying to knock me down
Wipe the smile off my face
Doing my own thing
Minding my own
One to bust my *** to get ahead
While you follow and kiss ***
Take pride in what I love
While you destroy what's not yours
Wanting to control other
You have no say
No one is listening
Such a waste of the day
Avoiding your drama
Not walking into the game
Better off without best to stay away

Keep on writing my thoughts
Everyday I see my dream
You're mad at me again
No need to pretend
We are not dating so communicate
No right to treat me bad
Over being mad at myself
See the truth not surprised
Or be disappointed anymore
Free from the lies
Finding myself feel so lost
And far away find the truth

Take a time out from the plan
Have some fun enjoy life
After years of being down
Feeling like myself for once
It's been a while feels right
Someone I love understand
Wish others would let me be
Doing my own thing
Not down and out
Had your back
That's what friends do
Made you look good
When I needed your help
No where to be found
Took the blame got no credit
Got thrown under by the lead
No glory for the grunt work
Took all the credit from the team
Gloryhound has made no effort

Sun light is bright
Blinding the way
Wind blows a warm breeze
Kicking up dust
From the ground
Clearing the way
Moisture in the air
Fresh vibes everywhere
Seasons change in time
Balanced out the weather
Times are tough for a while
Life does get better with time

Tired from being on the go
Looking for something
Found nothing worthy
Over wasting time
Going blind to the world
Trying to get what's mine
Years of loss refuse to settle
Friends come like the seasons
Most leave without reason
Not one to beg to be accepted
Fighting for my spot to stand
From friend to foe someone Idk
So much going on in life
Feels like no one notices
People act like they don't care
Working hard for change
Too bad things remain the same

Woke up and prayed
So much hate in the world
Wish I could take the misery away
Heal everyone's pain
Make frowns turn to smiles
Good prevails pursuing greatness
Out grow the bubble
Become much more than before
More than others could imagine
Always grateful to be working
So many lurking while I work
Gave my to finish my task
While the lazy lurk
Acting like a ****
They made themselves look bad
Trying to find someone to blame
***** to be them no shame

Another problem
Someone is always mad
Bringing me down with them
Walking away from the drama
Some have way more than others
It's never enough for them
Blessed not one to complain
Grateful for what I have
Made the most of my situation
Build people up don't knock them
Making my voice be heard
In my mind tranforms into words
Deep in thought not afraid
We with faith gave it to God
Refueled by the word fully recharged
Did what I can, the Lord will provide the rest
Close my eyes and pray I make it
Makes it easier to get through the day
Been good not trying to suffer and pay

Learned to forgive myself
Year of being mad
Feels like I'm stuck in that place
Trying to be in the future
My trapped in the past
Things have been done
That can't be changed
Long gone can't go back
Said things I can't take back
Out of anger and frustration
Don't want to hurt anymore
Be a whole sick of being broken
Told me I couldn't do it
Lost in a world that don't make sense
Many outcomes with different results
Everything is not how it played out in my head
I thought she say yes but got shut down
Pushed my way through with the pain
Never coped with this pain
Running away with bad memories
Tried to drown it away with alcohol
Ended up doing more damage than good
Forgiving myself saying I'm worthy
Over letting others do me *****
Not fueling bad vibes that ruin my days
Empowering negativity that consumes life
Burning flames consuming good turning it black

If I could make it right I would
Really want to call and check up
My pride won't allow me to do so
Miss those moments the good times
Sad we all grew apart we use to be close
Seen great in others and saw nothing in me
Fighting to stay but they don't want me
Went away got all the blame forgotten
Choices were made not the scapegoat moved on
Sobered up not the same person
How you remember me
Not sure how to feel or think anymore
Changed my behavior my way to apologise
You might hold a grudge against someone
I'm not anymore let go of the past
Those gut feeling is relieved
The guilt widdles away feeling saved
Trying to live be free for me find closure
Didn't want to lose it all never ready to let go
Just want to get it all back make it right
Be better feel whole glow from within
Not like I'm trapped in a deep dark hole

Things don't make sense
Did all the things that matter
Came up short didn't belong
Trying to fit in but kept out
Not wanted or don't belong there
Felt misunderstood instead of like understood
Used because I care too much
Taken for granted because I'm too nice
Hard working hoping I don't go unnoticed
Trying to move up stuck being a flatline
See much more not sure where to start

Always told to grow up
Deny what I love and settle
Be someone I'm not to please others
Most of the people on my case
Who don't have my back
Unless I'm doing favors
They need to get their crap together
Easier to point out my flaws than fix themselves
Being the first to do many things
So much criticism, being judged by haters
Traveled seen the world
Explored new adventures
While some never left home
Never made any type of effort
Found love that was real and made sense
Nothing else can match those feelings
Starting over is hard but living life is harder
Balancing out work and fun to mix it up
Date someone who catches your eye
No need to settle for less focused on greatness
Hard to share your world you have in mind
Other want to change it for themselves
Building a dynasty the heart seeks more
From sleeping on the floor to finally getting a bed
Had nothing felt worthless
Now everything is coming together

She showed me how love
Didn't always love myself
Or know how todo so
Tough love grew up rough
Never felt good enough
Would do anything to be accepted
Mostly got rejected over being denied
Gave up part of myself showing love
Tried to become the one in your life
Not be the one of many
Do I mean anything to you
Acting like nothing happened
Erased from your heart
Forgotten memories
Blocked out for good
Always together to complete strangers

Open the word of God
The Bible empowers the soul
Open your heart to a relationship with the Lord
Learned to leave my problems the cross
Everyday he will provide, trust in the word

Writing from my gut
It flows through me
Feeling better about things
Not The only one
Who feels this way
Able to relate to others
Just able to say it without guilt
Not going through this alone
Shared my experience
Others know the feelings
These emotions are strong
Sometimes unsettling hard to handle
Coped not walking oblivious
Don't take life too serious
Tough times make things furious
Stay calm find positivity
During the transition
Overcome negative energy
Open to good vibes

Worked for mine
Not competing anymore
Know what I'm worth
What I can do
Been ignored
Overlooked
Underrated
Proved many wrong
Keep going strong
Happy for others
Thankful for what I got
Made the most of the situation
Always willing to adapt
One who can adjust

Years of holding back
Once I let go everything feels right
Not arguing with my ignorant sister
Taking on a brother who flexes on everyone
Lack of social skills doesn't justify negativity
Another brother lusting in a loveless relationship
Seen this before and lived it but wised up
Doing my best to grow change for the better
Cleaning out my angry mind opened my heart
Open to god and positive vibes life change

One to get annoyed
Usually blame myself
When others ignore me
I don't mind you changed
Bad mouthing my name to others
Need new friends in my life
The old ones hold a grudge
Said I was sorry
Now they deny knowing me
Treat me like I don't matter
Called I'm done doing my part
Over a girl who don't want you
I respect you changed
Doesn't make you better
See you at your worse
You use to be better
Now you hide from those you hurt
Acting like you can do no wrong
I'm just as bad maybe worse
Not pretending to be someone I'm not

Just because I said sorry
Doesn't make you a better person
I don't owe you anything
You're already a bad friend
Makes it easier for me to walk away
It saddens me, I'm better off without
I know what I'm worth value myself
Had your back while you knifed mine

Spoke up after being ignored
Dk why you are surprised
Repeating myself yet again
More direct and form
Made out to be mean
My words are honest not blunt
Telling the truth I have respect

You can't change people
They shouldn't expect it from you
Doing my best to improve my ways
Mostly trying to change for the better
My anger frustration becomes a blur
Confessed and admit I'm wrong
Part of growth doesn't make me weak
Forgive myself so I can have inner peace
Love you my friend sad it all came to an end
Beating myself up over you
You could careless about my feelings
A friend in my heart fore
Even though we had to depart
Move onto new, start a new chapter
New look on life a new book to begin

My heart beats at ease
Can't please everyone
Someone is always mad
Called me bad names
Trying to stir my pain with shame
In the end no one has my back
Use to being ganged up on
About to get attacked by a bunch of cowards
Their words hit deep not taking it to heart
Stuff I've already heard not about to fall apart

Times have change
I was taught dress to impress
Especially when you grew up poor
Smell good stand out
Be your own person
Not be like everyone else
Button up shirts and clean cut
Clothes had room to breathe
Everything is right and fitted
If you wore an undershirt
You had toned arms and worked out
So many weird changes
Before you earned a woman's trust
Shower respect put in time
Now they give up the goods
Women had class not easy to get
But when you got it things got serious
Everyone wants all the perks
No commitment but wants a relationship
How can you be with someone
If there is no love or trust
You love someone you earned trust
Its a two way street with respect
Keeping it flowing when it's true
Too many mistake lust for love
How do you claim to love someone
Why cheat or waste someone's time
Come real or stay away
Some want the real thing
While you play games then mad
Some can be in a relationship
Being picky and selective
Don't complain about being alone
The ones who want you got rejected
Some have unexpressed feelings
Never said what you mean to them

Went to college went the longest
Everyone quit or went home
Almost made it but came up short
Went home a failure started something
In the back of my mind
A voice keeps saying "finished what you started"
Trying to survive, contribute to society
Be proud of myself so many keep knocking me
Did more than most not waving it in anyones face
Trying to balance out work and school
Not about being cool anymore
Stopped caring what others think
They are not supporting my goals or dream
Time keeps flying by thought I had time
Never too late making the most of the situation
Things are falling into place
Another hater will not wipe the smile off my face
Been punched not hard enough to keep me down
Still standing tall coming back for more
Good to people even if they don't treat me fair
Not worried the ignorance will come back around

In the room feeling invisible
The world blocks me out
Doing my best to fit in
Where I do not belong
Made my voice heard
Energy levels low trying to matter
Sad how no one feels same
Thoughts have changed
Memories remain not afraid
New faces with youth
Older crowd aging

Write about what you know
Created a world in my head
It's real lived it once
Now it's a replay on a loop
Dreaming bigger only if it was simple
Can't keep it small anymore
The drama overwhelming not listening
Use to care refuse to take a one way road
Can't help those people are stuck

The more I say
Feeling better everyday
Another notebook to finish
Writing always brightens my day
Fill those pages losing rage
Soothing souls avoiding the wicked

He wrote it down
Get it off his mind
Showed up gave it all
Gave his everything
Expected nothing in return
Aiming to be great
Become one of the best
Not settling for less
Heart on his sleeve
Personal growth motivated
A soul with a glow
Exploring bottled emotions

Music took the stress away
Dancing to the up beat sound
Move those feet to the bass
Lights flashing on the dance floor
The night sets the mood
Dancing with a lovely lady
She pulls you close showing love
She puts her arms on my shoulder
A tender smile filled with warmth
Stares into your eyes filled with life
Shaking her body feeling the music
Close to her the world fades away
We are the only ones in the room

Came to me in a dream
Had it once, will do it again
Lost it, earning it all back
Afraid to be alone always solo
Looking for love to be neglected
Friendships that are one sided
Living life not comparing
Loving myself others careless
Not competing for a spot
On my way to somewhere better
Not settling for less
Tired of lowering my standards
Others want so much
But it's never enough
Eventually shut down the bad
Overwhelming had enough

The dream was so real
Everything was going right
Better than the usual daily struggle
Communicated in a civil tone
Not going argue with stubborn ways
Gave  it to God learned to pray
Another fight to be right
A wrong doer who is justified
Talking louder with insults
Doesn't change the outcome
Smiled not giving into the mean spirit
Always the same not changing
With your passive tone
Please go away, leave me alone
Being like you, I'll hit a new low
Had communication skills
Treating people bad, your cheap thrills

Singing Disney songs with the kid
Walking to the store for snacks
Get outside instead of being cooped up
Playing with toys and coloring books
Everyday is an adventure
To explore the unknown
Not sure how to answer the question
But will do with the best of my ability
Cracking up at your honesty
Always getting in trouble
So young get it out of your system
Don't be afraid to try I got your back
Do what's right trust your heart
Be respectful with manners
Not telling you how to act

So fresh and cool
Loving the weather
A warm bed feels right
Slept well most of the night
Lay in bed a little longer
Not ready to start the day
Wake up get ready for action
Focused on goals not distractions

The roommate was a mess
Trying to avoid paying their share
Not cleaning up after themselves
Quick to blame instead of own up
Eating your groceries not putting in
Using your toiletries not buying their own
Complain about the problems they cause
A bad roomie making it hard to live
Sharing a space doesn't feel like home
Happy to share but don't touch what's not yours
No rules be mindful have respect
No chores just clean up after yourself

From pages to the screen
Always writing it down
Clearing my mind
Trying to see it so I can be it
Holding back over the limits
Gave it thought it's time to do
Doing it for sometime ready to rise
A bad knee that is healed
A sore back that's not so tender
Watching others on the mats
Asking when will I come back
Keep dreaming about it
Writing about my life inspire others
Podcasting a platform gave me a voice
Made my moves back on my own
Lots of coping close to inner peace
Closure to all those failed endings
Finding my place to make my own

Put in the time
My world is fine
Earned what's mine
No respect set aside
Not one to run or hide
Saved up to fix my ride
New place to call home
Working hard it's no fun
I feel grown back on my own
Never bitter through the tough times

Walked into room
The crowd so loud
Could barely hear myself
The adrenaline rush stimulating
Walking through the masses
The show was about to begin
Proud to be in attendance
Inspired by greatness to be the best
The flickering lights flashing
Echoing music makes the music roar
The look of life in their eyes
Energy flowing it comes together

Keep pushing till you have no more
Mentally drained from over thinking
Physically exhausted from pushing forward
Thinking of the next plan to rise
From the bottom to the top
Things changes never the same
Over come the adverse pain
Meant to go forward not back
Focused on gain and results
A loss leads to much more