Fighting the urge to drink
Not stress too much stuff
I have no say, control over
Drank for fun but over did
Now I see why others grab a cold one
Work ***** just want to calm my nerves
Keep my mind open to good
Not giving in alcohol is my self destruction
One drink not enough
Once I start drinking one drink is not enough
Had one too many wake up
Don't remember anything
Staying sober over waking up intoxicated
Able to stay focused
speak my mind without a drink
Not mad but working so I can get paid

Everytime I write I see the words
It's a freestyle in my head
So many ways I can say it
How it could be said to make a point
Always open honest, deep with the truth
Not always feeling the same
Always going through something
Throws me off my game
Might be a little confused
Working to make it happen
But it hasn't happened yet
All these broken promises hard to forget
All this talk over listening
Not sure who to trust anymore
Staying strong going *******
Glad to be alive I will survive
The moment will come to life
The day will arrive live the moment

Bought my ticket hope I win
Up everyday refuse to lose
Hate what I'm doing not a quitter
Crazy enough to comeback for more
Seen you as family no wonder I got treated bad
Use to be close now you're a stranger
Killing my good vibes with anger fueled hate
Had to stay away from the negativity
If you bad mouth others that are loyal
what are you saying about me
Two faced and phony you don't own me
I don't owe you anything
You owe it to yourself to be better
Single living enjoying life
Sometimes it gets hard, work through it
You are blessed a girl who loves you
Two beautiful kids but it's not enough
Things are not bad dk why you're mad
you make it tougher then it needs to be

Having fun writing not much going on
Many worlds I'd like to be part of
I don't belong or fit in one day
I'll find my place, belong for once
Looked through me because I'm short
A giant at heart who keeps at it strong
Not the first pick, once picked going all the way
My skin tone done tell my story
Respect others even if they don't value me
Ignored my opinion, after asking my advice
Tried to gang up, keep me out
Not hurt, everyone turn on one another
Only look up to you because I'm short
So many underestimate, what I can do

Woke up already over the day
Thinking of ways to make my next move
All angels multiple perspectives
Not so wild anymore more selective
Over thinking can be overwhelming
Things are calm it's easy to be positive
When one thing goes wrong
Feels like my world is crashing
Burning up in flames no time to panic
Stay calm composed tamed
Breaking inside not showing emotions
Smile hides everything falling a part
Praying for the moment to happen
Can feel it come to life feels so real
See it happening imagination stimulated
Blood rushing to the face making it warm
Hairs standing skin tingling with goosebumps
Feels so right why can it be real already

Always inspired by others
If they aren't doing anything
Feels like I need to be doing something
Too bad I can't do everything
Can only do so much in this life time
Not going out anymore since I'm sober
Minding my own use to being alone
Don't make plans with others most lag
Then have the nerve to be mad
Included everyone tired of waiting
Told myself to not be a hater
So many people to not act like
Can't be anyone else
Being myself all I know
Being in a group no one can grow
One does more work than the rest
How do lazy ppl just talk
Sad they are useless
Like they are somebody over the hype
Take credit for doing nothing
Talking smack gets on my nerves
Too bad they don't got it together
Get paid then bounce out
All this drama I can do without

Wanted to call an old friend
They bad mouth me so I cut the core
Said nothing but good things
Always tell the truth
Called them on lies over the bs
Now they are mad
Mad because they don't get their way
Been straight up use to the hate
Not blowing smoke for the butthurt
Not feeding negative egoes
That keep knocking others

They remember the bad; done so much good
Mind my mouth feeling provoked
Stayed away, they kept coming at me
Avoid them for peace to keep sanity
Not knocking them, keep bringing me down
Always wanted to fit in, but don't belong
Can't be like them, meant to be myself
Stood up for myself, why's everyone is ******
Everyone ganged up on me, not defeated
Called them out on their crap
One at a time, no one said anything
Always the bad guy in the story
Focused on the good, doing what's right
Liars and cheaters starting another fight
Playing innocent after causing the problem
Seen good in others got the worse
Broken dreams break this curse

Find peace in my thoughts
Lost in my anger over come regret
Find beauty in ugly not judging the bad
See good in others broken lovers
Smiled to ease the tension
If looks can **** getting the basklash of pain
Blank looks failed expressions
Trying to pick a fight, you're not right
Trying to bad mouth over your failed relationship
You heated because he treated you bad
Both no good for one another
Forget the history failed love no mystery
Bad communication trying to blame
Telling everyone except your partner
The person having conflict with

From friends to enemies
You once admired me
Now you hate despite me
Open and honest a waste of my days
Keep doing dumb **** that on you
All I can do is pray for the best
Asked for advice not listening to what I say
Bad mouth people like a *******
Keep going back for more
You keep lieing hard to believe you anymore
Once felt proud over all the disappointment
Saw you like family so much betrayal
All you did was cast me out
Mouthing off being disrespectful
That's on you, no one bothers with you

Woke up extra from a dream
Now I'm thinking more
What does it mean
What's going on in my head
Can only do so much
Made others look bad
Guess I did too much
Bust my **** can only do so much
Work twice as hard to belong
Still feels not good enough
Send me packing over reacting
Keeping it real everything so take
Things are alright no need to pretend
Told myself things can be better

Trying not to lose hope
More stuff, don't was to be doing
All the talk not listening anymore
Slowing down barely getting it done
Had enough things aren't right
Making it tough thinking too much
Helping others made them look good
Turn it around only about themselves
Thankful but feel taken for granted
Made my moves I won't fail you
Always letting me down no expectation
Shouldn't be use to disappointment

Just because I gave up on you
Doesn't mean I gave up on myself
Broken trust wish it could be fixed
Not listening to another excuse or like
Want to be me not like you
Said rude **** makes it hard to forgive
All the disrespect hard to forget
Now I'm gone with no regret
Not that crazy to wait or go back
Love you, don't care about your little act
Stepped up my game
When this hate keeps setting me back
The stuff I've done missing it
Over all the crap, I'm dealing with
Wanted to fall in love
Be with the one not be one of many
Thoughts and emotions everywhere

Always asking, what others want
Been asking, what I need, and want
Made more happen been holding back
Moving to go forward, keep looking back
Trying to remember forgot the bad
Been a wild one, chase the cheap thrills
Older and wiser; bored no action
Suspense from the rush an addiction
Use to feel alive going numb
Hard to get that fix not giving into bad habits
The thoughts stir within the mind
The body craves adrenaline rush
Something missing, straight edge
Ready to jump over the edge to ease up
The grip on the throat hard to breathe
Break free from this sanity, live life to the fullest

My mind wired differently not taking bull
Make me out to be weird not like the rest
Seen as crazy, they don't understand
Seen some **** that's hard to forget
In the scary world safer in my bubble
Rejected and disrespected for too long
One day you'll get caught up for the wrong
Hurting others, using people, no way to go
Don't feel right, somethings off
Writing takes away the pain
Helps get out of the rutt

Keep thinking of a way to be made
Running low on ideas something missing
Stuck no more moves hard to breathe
Losing my mind pretending to be fine
Surprised to be alone hard to be motivated
Luck runs out trying to find another way
Time is up making up lost time
Good to the wrong people
Lied to myself fooled by the fakeness
Don't want to let anyone down
Someone is always mad
Tired of being disappointed
Learned to not expect anything from anyone
Feeling depressed don't want to do anything

Writing to express these bottled thoughts
So much on my mind can't focus
Trying to relax unwind from it all
Came to terms with the outcome
Not the first pick, one day be the first choice
Kept my mind occupied not coping
Bottled stress that won't go
Hurt echoes through the body going numb
Body doesn't want to fight, rest find peace
Took a beating never the same anymore
Face swelled up got fired from the job
A job that never honored their word
Wasting my day, wasting my time
Miserable people not letting them knock me down
Don't want to be like them, that's why I laugh
I'm one who smiles while others wallow in pity
Work hard to improve, hate the situation
Loving life while others hold onto the past
Trying to get ahead a live inside
Over going through the motions dead inside
Anger comes out can't hide it anymore

When I wanted you
Never got the time of day
Seen you with other guys
Thought I would die
You seen me move on
Then decided to comeback
You know if choose you
I can't go back life is about going forward
We failed before already know the outcome
Wanted more got nothing
Wanted to give you the world
Now I'm making things better
All alone with my thoughts
Lost in my mind, don't make sense
Can't find my way to feeling alright

Finally dealing with my problem
Use to run away things got complicated
Did my part things went to ****
Smiled things fell a part
Trying to stay together
Ready to walk away find something better
Over this hot weather the cold is better
Told the truth dk why people are mad
I'd be mad at myself if I told a lie
Asked her out she's mad, don't feel the same way
Never talking to me again killing all hope
From saying hi to being ignored
Took to long she use to be interested
Got put in the friend zone all alone
Thought about dating again
Things go wrong they end up hating
Use to be the one, we had fun
Now she acts like she dk me
Didn't mean to hurt her
I don't read minds, dk how to make it right
Use to be funny now everyone is easily offended
Honesty can be intense, better than a lie

Drinking won't take the pain away
People mad, hurt by bad decisions
Each drink consumed me
Hoping to forget the pain
Erase my memory clean
Hard to cope with insanity
Stay sane bad memories remain
Hard to change my mindset
Same BS different location
**** don't change phase you anymore
Got use to all that's known
Around a bunch of nobodies
The same old regulars, who don't like change
Aiming to become somebody and more

In the middle of it all
Staying away from the drama
In my room finding strength
Confidence to grab onto courage
Took on others burdens to help
Not helping myself became a problem
Worked extra hard because it's right
Coming up short feeling ******* over
Learned to say no or no thank you
Suppose to be a team, doing all the work
Did it for me, you made it about yourself
Listened to everyone's problems
No one cares about mine no time for them
Vented how I feel so I can feel better
Made it where yours are more important
That's why I write hoping others understand
Or they can relate they are not alone
Feels good to be understood not taken for granted
Can people listen without twisting my words
Asked for an opinion, no help was given
Don't tell me how to live, you don't got it together

If you are cheating
Don't expect me to cover up lies
Not backing up liars
You lie to others eventually do it to me
Seen you steal and you took from me
Wish I never turned a blind eye
Never said anything about you
You had so much to say about me
Fake to my face knife to my back
Loved you like family threw me out like trash
Hard to trust there's so much lusting
Broken home actioning up don't make it right
Thankful for all I have worked for mine
Willing to help not one to complain
Snapping out of daze over the phase
Over the betrayal good will prevail

Dated to get over you
Wasn't ready, broke free
Dropped me moved on
How could you be heartless
Thought you cared but could careless
Couldn't get over your evil ways
Stayed away so I could feel better
Feared losing you got with someone new
The third degree is cruel who are you
Use to give me love now I'm cut off
Now you act like you dk me
Showered me with love emotions
Cold emotionless stares from a warm smile
Friend to for dk one another anymore
Seen you with someone new happy for you
I tried to move on, you came back it was an act
Why can't you be happy for me starting over
Rejected, denied, don't want me with anyone else
Failed before no going back, know the outcome

Should be a sleep the mind is racing
Thinking what to say to her
Writing makes it easy to forget
Apologized not always forgiven
Walked away from the grudge
No matter still holding it against me
Laying in bed trying to rest my head
Tossing turning dk how to make it right
Can't talk turns into another fight
Holding my head up taking this abuse
Not playing games you win power struggle
Not my first loss bounced back
Many times before not mad or sore
Judged by the insecure to help boost weak egos
Know their story not using it against them
Been called worse by better
Don't have time for bitterness
Tougher than you think
Don't play me for a fool
Play yourself blame others for your chaos
Don't mistake kindness for weakness
If you hate everything about me
Why you pretending to be my friend
Told me I couldn't do it
Already been doing it
Doing the job don't care for titles

Street and book smart
Listen and observe
Actions say more than words
Working harder than most
You're the only one talking
Cut away from fake ppl
Only call when they need something
Don't mean anything to them
Saying the truth made out to be crazy
Could only bite my tongue for so long
The taste of blood salty bitterness
Trying to stay calm vision goes blurry
Toxic to my world had to get away

Called names by family
Should be with me but against me
Sober parent use to be an alcoholic
Drugs around the house destroying everything
Siblings saved from a foster home
Family that's mad avoiding one another
Everyone needs to be right
Starting another argument
Money they don't have
Debt they can't pay
Blame game insulting names
Tough love is not the way to go
Desperate for attention causing a scene
Having too kids can't afford to care for

Did good things
Felt right for once
Trying not to doubt
Not discredit myself
Felt at peace in my heart
My mind full of grace
Saw where I was
Glad where I'm at
Look forward not back
Remember the good times
Letting go of the bad
Counting my blessings
Not settling for less
Writing to feel joy
Sugar rush to stride
Think straight clear mind
Feel great rise above hate
Glad to be sober
Life has begun not over
This is a beginning not the end

One the track pushing myself
Jogging to get miles in
Body weak and tired
Pushing through each lap
Refuse to quit not back down
Sun beating down on the body
Sweating through the work shirt
Don't like being home avoiding misery
The track took away the stress

Annoyed with people
Who are rewarded for evil deeds
I wanna yell
I wanna scream
I wanna raise hell
Worked for mine
They steal for theirs
Feels like no one care
Losing the battle
Feels like I can't win
Can't take no more
Life's not fair
Problem is I care too much
Do too much it's not enough
Can't do it all
Hate being on call

The hardest part of sobriety
You thought you'd never get clean
Detoxing is the hardest
Part of the process
Say somethings it was wrong
Alcohol altered the state of mind
Wanted to feel like a whole
Felt empty wanted fill this hole
Changed my behavior for others
Wanted to be forgiven
Now I'm clean for me
Feeling better about myself
Staying positive in a negative situation
From the bottom to the top
Things leveled out

Being sober is great
Getting close to others is hard
You don't want to offend
***** to be walking on eggshells shells
Expectations lead to disappointment
An ideal is easier than getting to know a person
Trust a person who is not interested
Some stay together because if history
While others make it about ***
Can't get close to anyone since they bail
Broken hearts try to justify wrong doings
Needy leads to clingy
Can't get emotionally attached
Impersonal and detached is more common

Been dealing with the struggle
Lost in doing good so I can feel better
Made my move it's yet to happen
Stood my ground got called names
Helped others got called strong
Seen as a good friend till I can't do favors

Everyone has a story tell yours
Don't hold back anymore
Protect so many; hung out to dry
From friend to foe best to let go
With age comes wisdom
Changes cannot be avoided
Make the most of it
Live life to the fullest
Everyone lives on limited time

Once you sober up
Not knowing who you are
Trying to figure it out
Detoxing from all the drama
Asking who I am
What I need to do
What needs to be done

Don't tell m how to be
You dk me
Just because you took me for granted
Doesn't give you the right to act up
Once I said no you called me name
When I needed you, you bailed on me
Called you for help no response
You needed me I dropped everything
Kept myself available
You're no where to be found
Use to be on the back of my mind
This insanity made me blind
To all your ignorant way
Finding my way no need to stay

He took care of himself
They called him pretty boy
Said he was gay
Due to his mannerisms
Called him metro
He took pride in his appearance
Shaped his brows
To be confident
Most women envied him
He has love got nothing but hate
Being social was a high, seen as a threat
He felt better when he got in shape
He was once broken
Hated what he saw in the mirror
Got strong over came his fears