He changed his diet and gave up energy drinks they became his vice after he gave up drinking. He was trying to better his situation. Working with an ego driven lead so many bad moments. Making him want to transfer and not deal with the power trip. He enjoyed his job using what he earned to invest in his supplies for writing.
Instead of eating fast food he would make a healthier selection. Trying to look better and find confidence to ask out a girl that caught his eye. He feared rejection and didn't want to end up in another failed relationship. Not looking for *** but actually trying to get to know a person be able to communicate have a healthy relationship.

He took it all in things hard to forget
Now he's older and can't remember
Wanted to reach out make it right
Losing his best friend was hard
Passing of a friend without closure
Wanted to talk it out make peace
The resentment grew worse together
This nightmare feeling cursed
Given space far a part companionship
Denying one another's friendship
Never talked or bonded again
A thing of the past but never forgotten

Been bossing it up working for it. Not always going to be liked, or the favorite. Not about being right but doing what's right. Seen pride before my eyes an older man not asking for help but had the help.
The younger crowd had no problem helping. Even if he did talk down to them and act like everything evolved around him. Making example of others instead of leading by example.
The worker took pride in his work and didn't like to be micro managed or told twice to do something that needed to be done or got done.

Not into drinking staying sober it was no longer fun. The crowds drank to drown their misery the problem is that it could swim. He like to drink and have fun as he got older things became a buzz ****.
Some complaining about a girl that wants nothing to do with them. Doing bad things to sabotage the relationship blaming everyone, but themselves. Drinking wasn't fun it just became a sausage fest before there was females that hung out. Once they got a boyfriend they became loyal cutting everyone off. Acting like they don't know anyone same for the fellas that got a partner as well.

Woke up late not anxious to show up for work. Ready to move on and transfer to a new location. A new journey and adventure over trying to talk no one is listening being interrupted talked over. Walked away they talk about you no one is talking about them. Once you made it they act like had your back. Spoke the truth now everyone gets mad. They could dish it but can't take it. Left them behind moving on going strong

Going crazy over a girl
Had to move on get over it
Be strong putting yourself first
Not selfish learning to grow
Up late writing changing it up
Stayed sober cleaning up mentally
Music wanting to tell stories
Heart filled with beats and soul
Soul consuming scripture over hate

Knocking you down but already humble. Trying to pursue a dream only you believe in. They'll tell you you're crazy they didn't even try. The pressure is overwhelming no surrender. Keep fighting back the struggle is real. Keep coming back refuse to give in being opposed rose above the hate

You trust them turns out they don't respect you. You know your role and place as they try to divide and conquer by turning everyone on you since they didn't get their way. You spoke up now they aren't talking to you but about you. Not trying to trigger them or give them a reason would rather be free then feel shut down defeated to be accepted.
Had their back now they are bad mouthing me behind mine. Don't care to be right easier to be alone than be around people who are never happy expecting others to change not doing anything to improve themselves.

The podcast was fun but want his vision anymore high jacked by a guy who saw a business. He wanted to record with friends and talk about things that grab their interest. Soon it had a video feed that was not fun a camera in your face. Getting BS no say or control once it got overwhelming he dropped out. It went on without him soon it went cold turkey.
He waited a year to started a podcast. Thinking what he wanted to do; how he wanted to say it like when he would write. Couldn't sleep thinking, what's the missing link? His vision wasn't hard, but others didn't understand get him.

Dealing with a snake keeping a distance very rude and uptight always with the cold shoulder but when a favor is needed the person is constantly asking for favors never to repay them. Pretending to be nice after they get what they want they slither away.
Talking big acting like he does the work the **** is quick to dump it on someone else abusing their so called power. In the wrong trying to justify their crude behavior as right.
Sad how people act when they are worse off instead of being better. Talking down and treating others bad once you speak up they play the victim. Try to turn everyone against you because they didn't get their way. Violating your personal space because they need something.
You'd think because the person is older they'd know better. Dealing with elders that are set in their ways. They expect you to change but not making any effort to improve the situation.

People let him down all the time he never said anything and did it on his own. While others expect and don't try then have the nerve to complain. He began to cut away toxic people because they were only nice to him when they needed a favor. If he wasn't doing favors they didn't care of give a **** about him.
He was tired of people snaking around pretending to like him while they did shady stuff acting like they did right by his side. They did him ***** while he watched them run his act on new prey.
He didn't want to associate with weasel faced snakes. That would violate his personal space to cover their own spineless backs. Trying to take credit from others with so called brilliant ideas that would be placed to sponge off others claiming it to be a team effort.

He showed emotions they called him a cry baby no one cared
He expressed his feelings they called him sensitive no one listened
When he showed no emotions he was called an ******* everyone noticed
He did well everyone quick to point out the mistake
He made a mistake and never heard the end of it
If he was happy negativity ruined his day
When he had a bad day everyone seemed to be in a good mood
He preferred to be alone stay distant
Reading for ideas so that he could write
Writing so that he could share his emotions and feelings so he could be heard
Called delusional for having an opinion
Judged for being different and having a heart
A hard worker one day the mule the next cut off
It gave him a voice since everyone gave his silence a false narrative

Not agreeing with the labels
Playing the games anymore
Wasting time with the wrong ppl
Forgiving and moving on
Letting go of all the bad vibes
Since it does nothing just toxic
Needed space feeling smothered
Got close caught up with feelings
hopes up was mistaken hyped up
Made assumptions got hurt
Hearts not the same wanting different
Other things in mind the process

Holding it all in ready to implode
Letting go not responsible for others
Blaming yourself trying to stand your ground
Tired of them talking about others acting loyal to their face
Sick of two faced people taking others for granted
Because you didn't listen or do things their way they try to ruin your rep
Turn others against you try to change others opinions about you
The arrogance will get to them and will blow up in their face
Don't get comfortable disrespecting others because some will not tolerate it
They step on others because they like to argue
Learned to not respond or say anything not empowering or feeding the egotistical power trip

Told not to associate with the snitch
Now a days everyone takes pride in doing so
Trying to help out now you talking behind everyone back
Ain't no one talking about you or your ways
Trying to make calls tell people how to live
Get your life together before looking down on others
Talking about others don't make you a better person
Thinking you are better is not the same as acting like you are
Trying to use false narratives to get others to be in your side
Expecting others to be loyal you double crossed them as well
Sooner or later your word holds no credibility
Doing wrong trying to justify it as right
After being ignored no one is fighting to be around
Make it easier to leave without any doubt
Trying to use others as a pond in the scheme
Everyone will know the truth see your true colors
See through the act eventually no one feels bad for you

His crew was gone everyone departed
From beer with the boys a wild life
Divided by women growing up
Some got married had kids family first
Now a family man being responsible
Others developed a drug addiction
Bad habits an alcoholic to numb the anguish
Learning to cope with the torment from within
After being cheated on dealing with heartache
Being put in the middle forced to choose
Between a relationship or friendships torn down the middle

Dealing with change part of life
Onto new jobs starting a new
Leaving the old ones behind
A new crowd didn't fit in or belong
Might be easier somewhere new
Will miss the friendships that made work easy
No more taking on the power struggle
Empowering useless leadership
Not able to grow feeling weighed down
All the burden picking up the slack
Filling the void not worth it or fun anymore

Finally transferred from the job I disliked because of the horrible lead but feel bad for leaving great people behind me.
Trying to grow and rise to the top; while feeling held back, and shine not treated right, or fair so much expectation.
Eventually speaking up seen as the worse on the outside looking in. At one point was in the inside still seen as the work horse. Pleading for communication and courtesy. Over last minute notice not having enough time trying to do 8 hours of work in 5 hours.
Feeling exhausted used and abused. Your last day no respect just walked out it was over. Being the better man finished strong not changing for anyone. Already been through so much a story that lead to change in a better place than before.

Broke free onto a new job a new chapter fresh beginnings.
Leaving the job you have and job that's loved working at two locations. Now a permanent full time not having to worry about covering or missing one job to fill the void at the other. One job one location one area instead 2 regular or 2 because you cover for those who miss. Well rounded able to adapt and adjust.

Made cuts thankful because some people are not good for your mental health. Lowered your ego to keep the peace while theirs grew thinking they can judge look down on others talking but don't know the whole story. Making others looks bad to feel better about themselves.
This wall of frustration came crashing down because speaking up and having an opinion wasn't wanted. They could talk bad about you but once you confronted them on the shady actions and roles they played now they are mad and offend because the truth exposed them for their misconduct.
They played you for a fool now they feel foolish getting caught up trying to slaughter your character so the odds stay in their favor sooner or later their arrogant ways will get the best of them. No one is talking about them everyone minds their business and think they could impose their toxic ways trying to twist your words so you don't say anything let them run their mouth.

Going forward not looking back. Years of NO or set backs. Detours standing strong going forward with life. Things are better not associating with those people that knock my goals and dreams. You empowered them by lending an open ear staying away from their toxic ways and corruption that knocks your focus leaving you in doubt.
Being used and kept out is the worse way to live and allow in your life breaking free from one sided friendships. Why are you making doubt standards to be seen as the exception. Don't talk unless you are putting forth any effort.

Forgiving and moving on
Last day on a birthday
Leaving a parting away gift
Thought things changed
One forgave all the shady behavior
While the other holds a grudge
Never seeing eye to eye
The rising star burns bright
While the old set in old ways
Everything changes more modern
Can't stay or do it the same
Evolving can't stay down
In the background forever
Clashing with a lead over respect
One sided argument being ignored
Not afraid to speak up take a stance
Say NO not a yes man anymore
Forgive move on start a new
Missing the coworkers companionship
Who made work fun more tolerable

Being called delusional for having an opinion
Called prideful for standing up when no one else did.
He learned not everyone would like him because he was different
He was a rebel did his own thing not a follower
Walking alone he was tired of conditional love
Why should he compromise himself to be liked to be accepted
The people who opposed him was family it hurt the most
Becoming immune to pain
but didn't have to take it
The right people would accept him flaw and all
They won't cheer for him he had to cheer for himself
Stay motivated shut mouths prove them wrong
All the talking and they did nothing
Piggy back on others accomplishments
Knocking others to feel secure about themselves
Stopped letting toxic people drain him
Refused to empower lazy people that took his credit
Told he had a bad attitude
He didn't let himself be taken for granted
So many people trying to narrate his story but he was the hero and writing his journey

He was not weighed down by labels. Even though they challenged his character. He wanted to grow but remembered for all the wrong reasons. Focused on the future while the past kept trying to shadow his good deeds.
No longer that person not living in the past but in the moment. Wasn't that person seeking long term over short term glory. Multiple losses anxious to win for that victorious moment.
Trying to compose himself while others tried to remind him of who he was but no longer that person.
Close the first time around ready to finish it the second time around. Already had the experience just needed to build on it apply it to his journey.

He woke on ready to take on the world
Not taking anyone's craps
They chose to be that way
And had no right to take their frustration out on others
He left them alone then they tried to come at him
Once he spoke up this vicious strike shook them
Now they are playing the victim
Thinking it could justify running their mouth
Never saying it to your face and talking behind your back
No one cares no one is talking about them

Wiping those tears over coming his fears
Missing grandpa no one to turn to for advice
Writing to feel always blocking it out
Human made mistakes owned up
Told the truth pushing through the pain
Wrote to get out the aggression on the page
Stretching to get on the mats
Bones and joints snapping popping
Writing to push out bad making room for love
Silent to keep the peace holding back is unsettling
The chaos within imploding coming out in an unhealthy manner

He was left alone doing his own thing. The worse feeling is his family hating on him because no matter what he did I wasn't good enough. They talked to him like he was stupid which was more insulting.
All the betrayal he asked for help got ignored. Now that he figured it out doing his own thing they chime in with their toxic negative opinion, no one asked for. He was excluded because they made him out to be a bad guy. He didn't do anything but played the role. Not able to change him trying to use the numbers against him. Trying to manipulate others perspective so they could think excluding him would change him.
He wasn't interested in their opinion since they ignored him when he meant well while their wicked ways tried to break him down so they could keep doing their evil.
He wasn't blind or turning a blind eye he walked away from that life. It hurt at first but it needed to be done. They didn't know his life or his story most of all his struggle over the years. He didn't use people he respected them and treated them accordingly

He'd wait for her but there is no going back. Trying to heal find closure years of obsession. Asking where did it go wrong? Wondering how to fix things make them right. Its too late not going back. This growth over time learned that things wont happen again. Being able to move on things are not the same.
Not every relationship or friendship will be the same. More selective trying to make the same mistakes. Overcoming many obstacles not empowering egos or taking on power trips. Hard to trust anyone now a days.  Failed made mistakes trying to bounce back better

He finally got hired years of filling the void. A life time of lies hated for being honest and honorable. Taking pride in his work while others get made. Claiming he "made them look bad" when they shouldn't complain step it up. Smiled during the dark times. Laughing through the good times
Watched it go down wasn't his business now they are trying to impose no longer interested in opinions no one asked.

Instead of worrying that it didn't happen. Asking what's next setting new goals and pursuing the ones that have been placed on hold. Finally a set schedule to work with and around. One location instead of two.
Asking why can't it happen instead of the same roadblocks and detours. Past due missed so many moments. Somethings because you can and other times asking why all the possibilities.
The outcome does always turn out the way you visualize them. While those ex factors pop up throwing things off. Turning things upside down and the thought of being wrong didn't expect the results that occured. Trying to make the moment perfect but it never happen hoping the opportunity would come back around.
All these mind swapping thoughts sometimes it's too good to be true other times in conflict not believing how everything went wrong. Trying to reflect on the good hard to do when bad tries to shadow all those efforts.

His hear beat like the drums in a punk
Spoke the truth like deep rock lyrics
The music spoke to his heart
Feeling connected and alive love within
Instead of excluded in a crowded room
Rejected because he didn't follow or care to be like everyone else
A rebel heart that beats strong
Rolling solo not into the fake crowds
Walking alone in the silence
Music makes the world better

They called him a delusional because he told the truth. Ever since he called them on their lies now they are mad. Trying to talk bad about him like it's justified. What's worse is family he stood tall for them and they wouldn't even look out for him.
Never to his face always behind his back. He had better things going on than wasting time with people who made up their mind about him. He stopped caring walked away. Still talking thinking they are right. He wanted to get away from it all.

Being punched by an older man
Who was lazy he called him on it
He lost his job over the altercation
Working hard doing more than the rest.
Never enough time barely getting by focused on getting it done. Next day start over playing the game trying to beat the clock.
Being the chosen one can't let up the pressure is on not afraid to try; while most hide instead of stepping it up. Learning to lead and being an example tire of being talked down to letting others steal the credit.

Watched from a distance observing the scene taking it all in. Putting the puzzle pieces together. Obsessed with telling the truth so many are angered and mad by it.
Not judging others but others always had something to say when no one asked. After giving his opinion it took others ganging up on him to silence him. Minding his business speaking when spoken to half the time alone minding his own business.

The dynamics changed lost energy
Divorce took its toll on the alpha
While the loss of a loved one
Changed a life the tone changed
From following to leading
Making decisions not being told
What to do how to act or behave
Leaving for the dream job
The current job part time
Another planning to retire
Go on journeys enjoy life
Away from the desk changing it up
Observing others learning from them
A lead who had a solid group
Now starting over rebuilding
Change is a good thing losing
Now adding on for the better
Not getting stuck in the transition
Letting go moving forward
No longer waiting for it to happen
It's not coming to you go after it

He seen the error of his ways through someone else he was sorry and embarrassed for his actions sometimes they mean well other times other times it's a conflict of interest. Speaking up does cause conflict bumping heads and egos inflated and deflated clashing with one another.
Experience versus knowledge are factors that make or break the process two perspective that can't find a leveled ground.

He seen the struggle between others and realized he's not there. He heard the conversation that he wanted hear but things didn't turn out accordingly. In the end it didn't matter anymore. Trying to grow too many detours and check points. He didn't mind working with people but didn't like waiting or relying on others there's a process so many assume but dk. While others dk but still trying to learn.
Open to learn some older generations don't teach they assume or expect you to know their way. Too much coddling while the other is neglected. You are the favorite the team hates you or you do all the work and not well accepted been on both sides of the argument.
Being fair not trying to step on toes but don't like these toes being stepped on.

A young college chum fell for a softball girl he wanted her to be the one in his future. Turns out he wasn't meant to be in her plans he was one of many. It ate him alive knowing that she was with someone else after him seeing it shattered his heart.
The betrayal made him immune to pain like he was expecting it to be a forever thing. He was a fan and went to her games turns out he player her games and got played. He didn't deserve the foul treatment but couldn't handle the curve ball life threw his way.
Over time healing learning to love and trust again such a cruel world full of toxic people trying to manipulate his kindness. He stood tall most of all alone not letting anyone take him for granted focused on what he loves the things that made him happy. A new book to write starting a new chapter no control of how things ended. Now able to make decisions without others wicked imposition.

Doing laundry can't go wrong with clean underwear. He waited for it to happen still did the work it's the process. Took pride and lots of effort to get ot right even if one thing went wrong he felt like a failure. He made mistakes grasping the lesson from every set back.
Not able to joke everyone is too serious or makes it personal

After a long day trying to relax with family everyone is sensitive about things. Its like you can't say anything but have to live up to ridiculous hype and standards. Being yourself is all that matters. People are always judging because you don't agree or do things different. You can't please everyone all you can do is what makes you happy.
He always had a hard time apologizing because his apology is rejected. He place boundaries to have them ignored is disrespectful. He just wanted to be able to speak his mind without having to walk egg shells.
While others criticized him he didn't say or do anything but got tired of the ear load that came his way from people that tried to pressure him to be someone they made him out to be.
He knew what he wanted and what he was doing. Don't impose or tell people what to do that false hope causes more conflict making things more complicated

He was always honest around a bunch of liars. Everyone quick to play the victim when they didn't get their way. Once he spoke up he was the bad guy they came at him.
He didn't say anything to them or care to associate anymore. The betrayal hurt making him doubt his judgement. Seeing good in the wrong ppl. Trying to stay sane not lose it feeling like the world is against him.
Trying to be neutral but feeling divided because of everyone's pride and egos that keep conflict going.

Tired of arguing it's a lost cause
Another grudge help against you
You said NO they treat you different
Had an opinion now the conflict is stronger than ever
All this false hope and expectation
Leads conflict there's no respect for one another's differences
Trying to do it your way other peoples ways become roadblocks
No clue what's going on getting all the blame.
Many angered by pain with old hurt
All the extra causing others misery

Not always going to please everyone
Learning to mind your business
Mind your mouth out of the drama
Focused on weaknesses for growth
Turning them into strengths
Failed bouncing back from it
Made mistakes trying to be better
Making moves pursuing the dream
After years of being ignored
A vision in the mind for you
It makes sense others call you crazy
Delusional because you tell them
How they make you feel
What they've done not owning up
Refusing to believe flipping the script

Listening to 90s R&B people talked about love and showing it. Now a days no one want to commit but wants all the perks of a relationship.
Lust is mistaken for love things get ruined go wrong to the point of no redemption. Always one sided love one wants more while the other doesn't want anything serious. Rejection leads to a broken heart the friendship is jeopardized due to the high hopes of this lustful situation becoming a relationship. Expectation leads to disappointed false hope that shatters emotions and feeling hopeless thinking the person who broke

Being able to vent have a voice into of focusing on work where its never ending trying to have a personal life outside of that. Trying to please never satisfied people gets old. Dealing with ungrateful being not wanting to do it anymore. its not enough the worse feeling or good enough when you gave maximum effort where your exhausted burnt out to still be criticized by the people whom put you down instead of bring you up

About to start a new journal
Filling out each page day by day
As I get closer to finishing and starting a new one
Lots of reflecting, poems/lyrics and dialogue.
My mind wanders and helps me cope
Life is not always fair don't care when I have a pen
Feelings change those bad thoughts come to an end
Imagine it see it feel it believe it
sometimes exploring lead to relieving the tension
Pour it all open on the page paper obsorbs these thoughts
Feelings that don't feel right or make sense
Keeps emotions centered so it wont consume the soul
Writing is never done a never ending process
No need to obsess let it go don't settle for less
It hears me when no one else does
A muted voice it understood in words
Feel free flying with wild birds
Exploring new worlds hoping to find that place
The place that makes sense to call home
Find away home feel cozy in my own skin
Somewhere going strong for the win
New chapter a place for the pen start over write
Do it all over again my mind at peace never let it end

a true friend will be there when a girl dumps you
or make fun of you for being insecure
regardless of what you do friends accept and forgive you
you make mistakes so dont be too *******
those who do the same
eventually true friends have your back
and the fake ones disappear
no girl is worth a friend no friend is worth losing
when you have been friends for year
you both my be on different levels
but the most important word is respect
if you dont have it how do friends co exsist
trust one another through bad and good a true friend
never bails but true friends prevail

http://nerdrush.podomatic.com/entry/2015-09-15T230457-07_00

Tired of hating myself and you don't care
Love myself more and you hate that
Oppose me because you oppose everyone else
I don't kiss *** or make others look bad to be accepted
I don't need negative tension or negative vibes from ppl who don't like me
Take that else where you'll find no one gives a **** it bothers
it's not our false you dk how to express yourself
Not into what you have to say got better things to do with my day
You could be a bully but your not getting your way with me
Ill be better as you get worse
make it seem like your actions are pardon because others have done worse
Breaking free of the curse your words mean nothing
I'm destine to be something much more
All your hate is easy to ignore

New begins time to get started
Today will make a difference
Moving forward talking to the new
My smile is the clue looking for the new
Out with the old forgotten like yesterday
Thinking about new poems to write
Creative juices fly no more stressing feel like crying
Write about love not hang with the hate
Wake up happy feeling great
I stay humble and do it
Everything new and fresh like tossed chicken salad
**** history already the outcome towards the future full of mystery
You could make faces same old crap don't phase me
You hate on me nothing new that's nothing amazing
She shows me love thankful and could only wonder
Hearts revived beating like thunder