Forget the old start a new I see others admire you when your attention is else where
Im glad everyone has that same im going to change attitude even if its for a day.
Everyone has a quest and journey sometimes other factors have a rush but stay focus.
Target those unfinished projects
Start those things on the back of your mind
Ive been good ive been better not settling for less
Turn all the what ifs into at least I tried
Every experience has good or bad you gain from just depends on how you use it.

http://nerdrush.podomatic.com/entry/2015-09-01T215445-07_00

http://nerdrush.podomatic.com/entry/2015-10-28T225142-07_00

I love her passionate smile
Eyes that make me lose my thoughts
When I make eye contact
Her beauty is like no other
Those flirtatious vibes gets stronger
We talk about going out
But never make time to do so
I like the time we spend
If we ever go to lunch or on break together
It makes the day much better

Met this girl
Could she be my mate
I don't want to rush
Let's start to build trust
Not into a cheap lust
My hearts reserved
doesn't easily develop a crush
I want to be loved unconditionally
No more false conditions
Hate living lies
Easy the pain of this damaged heart
I'd like to give my all
And my partner gives her everything
Someone I could trust
Not have to worry
She's doing right

the days feel long
the nights feel short
evrything willl be alright
you wait for the boom
zoom in on the time wasted
taste of good all feels so bad
yell in the distances wonder
if you are heard like a bird
you fly away wishing to be free
the day is night
while at night the world sleeps
youll be alright

Sit out under the trees in front of the house
The bench I sit feel the cold night breeze
The moonlight reflects casting light making shadows
Spiders drop from the tree branches
See the moon through the tree branches
Open patches through the leafs
Think about life reflect moments and store
The quiet tension sets the mood the smell of moist in the air
Feel the mood of the moon the quiet night
Fresh until you feel the bugs bite
Relax feel you could sleep in peace for the rest of the night
Thankful for the tree accepts me and let's me be

I don't bother with your lies
You could ask instead of manipulate
I don't need anything from you
Not bothering with your troubles
I needed you no where to be found
You call me when you need something
Half the tome you do nothing
But always caught up on something
I don't want to bother you
Everything is fine issues come from your way
Free of stress I can't complain
Not dealin with you sweet deal without you

I was starting to catch feelings
Turns out you weren't right for me
Moving on without you
I felt connected now we are distant
Overtime my feelings fade I craved her to be around
The days off missing you are over
The days of reaching out and being lead on end
Start new not saving a place for you in my heart
You go away I wish you the best
I want and wish for better I deserve love things feel right and natural

you claim to be my friend
you pursue a girl that i once had
you slander my name
thinking it will win her over
you come to me and act like you have never spoken wrong
in your ingorant head you think you are right
departed over your insecurity
i can care less what you think
you judge a friend
you are no long alive to me
dead in my heart not a friend

I've spent many years giving into demands
I do my best to not ask others for favors
That's because I can't rely on anyone
But when others need me I'm quick to be there and help and get things done
I'm one who puts forth effort once I realize you are a waste if time I'm done with you so I don't bother anymore.
One of my so called friends who I don't talk to anymore. Texted me we are cool the nerve of this guy. He went after this girl who like me that does bother me but the fact he slandered my name to impress a girl who doesn't like him.
Another reason I don't like this person he pretended to be a girl with a fake profile. You **** so bad you pretend to be someone your not. I'm usually forgiving but this guy is punk *** *****. He knows he can't fight challenging ppl. If he caught a best down this idiot would still run his mouth,

Things are are said
Or that happen
Change your life
Those moment where you count
Impacted the most
You thought yes but got a no
Someone you love to a complete stranger
Safe to danger from sure to no clue
Questioning what's real or not true
Together or apart so different
Sometime short out could use a jump start
On my mind everyday
Different feelings anyway

Been a while I write and keep my thoughts to myself
I was posing thoughts but got a troll who would belittle my writing so it made me self conscience about my work.
I've been going through stuff but feeling better with writing it gets me through those tough moments. I may not post but always writing. I've been writing lots of stories and shared them with close peeps and look for input. I've also been focused on the podcast through set back and detours focused on what makes me happy. I'm staying loyal honest and true to myself sick of others telling I can't when I've already been doing it or saying it can't be done when I've done it before.
Hated for being honest and can't lie why lie all you donis cheat others most off all yourself. Not looking to be liked or approval just feels like the more you oppose the hate grows sometimes you don't have to agree but learned you don't have to sit around and take others misconduct find away and be on your way toward what you love and what makes sense so you can be happy don't look for it in others or expect them to live for you that's something you do for yourself.

What's next has been the big question? Not being the person others made you out to be. Asking what do you want to do with your life letting go of those judgemental people who made up their mind about you don't waste your time trying to prove or redeem yourself since its a one sided debate with stubborn mind that changes everything making in negative and against you so they could feel superior.

Thankful to be growing open to change not letting them think they could manipulate with pain to get their way not empowering toxic or giving into negative ways.
Hard work no short cuts or hand outs just do your own thing. Once you made it on your own others can't tell you anything.
You made it because they are talking even when no one asked. Talking bad about you because they haven't done anything so now they try to justify their actions by bring you down with them.
Not feeling into broken egos and pride that waste your time. You want to bring them up with you since they like to be a downer you leave them where they want to be. Being responsible for yourself and not others moods that try to smoother the life out of you.
Thankful for opportunities staying positive in a negative world that's quick to blame and never own up. Told not to be a snitch never associate with them. Hated for being honest while so many try to talk bad on others easily offended and walk through life living a lie thinking it's their right to look down on others. Appreciate the struggle stay humble and loyal to yourself while pursing you dreams achieving those goals. A heart fueled with passionate fire burning strong.

Being asked "what ****** you off?" Most of the time has nothing to do with your life. It's usually the over flow that spills onto your lap. Trying to stay positive but sad to see a child neglected by a father who care more about drugs and alcohol. Visiting her father be in neglected she spends more time with everyone else.
A sweet child that's caught up in a failed relationship and her sibling in another failed relationship going through the court system for visitation. Not always the best role model but willing to help out provide some guidance and assistance

An old lead leaving the burden on the up and comers thinking they are doomed but will eventually learn its part of the job. So many want power but don't teach anyone anything so that they could superior.
Everyone wants a job but no one wants to work. Times are changing so has work etiquette most want more money for doing less. While others making top dollar don't care to work dumping it on others.
A leader is someone who helps and in the trenches not redirecting everyone with more responsibilities and everything becomes inconvenient

Why can't we get along? Someone is always mad or offended. Jokes turn to insults not able to communicate with one another. Families divided not trying to argue or fight to be heard. Excluded trying to fit in but once you do your own thing all of a sudden considered. they decide you are liked because you found a way without them.
Not seeking approval anymore being your own person. Feeling against the world onto of internal struggle

His divided family caused him pain and frustration. Everyone grew up poor working towards a better life. Every struggle becoming strength hopefully. Everyone wants to be loved but it comes with terms and conditions for some.
One with a partner who provides while the other works to support themselves. From lust to love while the other is love with material possessions.
Not playing games or bargaining to be accepted talking big but taking credit for something that wasn't yours bullying pushing people around to get your way. Bullied in the world because no one tolerated your bad toxic behavior in the work place. Especially if the job already ***** as much as the attitude that ruins everyone's day.

Writing has been therapy clearing the mind of extra stress being able to vent without others twisting your words. Always taking in the bad while focusing on the good. Its therapeutic while listening to metal music the drums and fast pace tempo is so comforting.
Using colored pens to fill each page writing for closure to let go of the things that don't matter trying to stay sharp more focused composed on things that will help better the situation. Fell off trying to get back on track.

The look of anger and frustration became a common thing now a days. He asked them to not do something they did it anyway. He wasn't trying to pull rank but looked out.
Not his place to say but did want to be fair even though some think the rules don't apply to them. They didn't listen and they expect him to give in their ways and support their bad habits.
He loved to drink but didn't want to hear about bad relationships. It turned into pounding and chugging he just wanted a buzz.
He didn't care for the crowd even though it was family lots of talk and nothing got done. He was doing because wanted it most of trying to get it done and done right.

Family don't define your life
All that talking tired of listening
They do worse curse your name
A future without support
Trying to survive staying alive
Not losing hope or faith
Haven't been able to sleep
These past couple of days
Hate being a lead taking the heat
Responsible for others actions
Failing to produce frustration
Staying up late so much anger
A heart that refuses to hate
Seeing my grandpas car ruined
By a druggie with no future
A bad father pretending to care
Showed them love quick to blame
Throw me under for their faults
Staying away not getting involved
**** all the talk no one does anything
Two faced people see through the scam
Don't care to be around anymore
Only when they need something

Trying to get it right no more covering for others in the end it falls on you. The stress could be overwhelming and the pressure crushing your heart because you want to do right make it better. No one cares they want it done only focused on the results. Instead of the steps and process it took to get there. For some doing the work is a must there's no short cut or hand out along the way. It's about maintaining everything finding balance to have some peace and closure.

He didn't know, how to make the wrong right. He said sorry it wasn't enough. After being excluded and kept out; there was no going back. Trying to make it better things declined and got worse.
Trying to talk it out things got sour fast. From friends to foes; now strangers that no longer talk; while growing apart living divided lives

He loved his kiddos but didn't get along with their parents. All they do is talk about everyone. No one asks or cares what they think but they run their mouth. Fading away from all the forced interaction don't care to associate anymore.
All the disrespect trying to talk about your life they know nothing about with false narratives that they project. Fading away no longer connected but they'll try to blame you. When they started the drama not part of them or one of them anymore learned to be okay with that.
Being talked over and false assumptions is not the way to treat anyone. Not listening so they try to turn everyone against you. It did hurt at the beginning now immune to all the crazy. They do their own thing you respect it but once you do your own thing they impose not interested and don't care anymore. Had to find more positive people to grow and be myself arounf.

He didn't like the idea of being someone others made him out to be. The talk bothered him since no one was talking about the people that opened there mouth.
Focused on work but considering a career change since it wasn't fun he didn't enjoy himself anymore. Years of being on the back burner and burnt out. Till this day he still doesn't believe he's fulltime permanent.
Not looking back wishing he could of done things different asking why it didn't happen right away when he finally had it wondering was it worth it.

On the road, After a few set backs rise above the stress; trying to have a life outside of work. A hopeless romantic trying to find true love. Easily bored with all the wrong women sharing time to have it wasted thinking it was something amounting to nothing. Pushing through the chaos fading out of the scene starting over once again.
Avoiding hurt working extra hours distracted from emotions.
Lost in stress focused on improving not the first or last time being in charge. From the the youngest to feeling middle age ready to embrace the change. Everything falls into place over the years. Things don't happen right away thankful it worked itself out eventually.

Been wide awake not able to sleep
Deep down an unsettle feeling
Trying to balance things out
Feels like everything might crumble
Fall apart before these tired eyes
A sore body from pushing through
Trying to beat the clock going strong
Dealing with a lazy leads ego
It's just talking blocking it out
Some will never change their mind
Not expecting much moving forward
Set in their stubborn ways one way
With distance resentment fades away
Time to heals over being stuck waiting
From the old embrace new moving on

Chuck enjoyed his birthday breakfast with grandma and his sister plus her bf. They would enjoy his meal and the waitresses would bring him a dessert and sing him happy birthday.
He didn't like being the center of attention it made him uncomfortable for some strange reason. He got use to being an outcast in the back; who kept to himself minding his mouth mostly his business.
He went to a collectible store to buy vintage toys to him was his childhood being resold over priced. He got an anime series for a reasonable price.
After hanging with his siblings his friend would tell him lets meet up for beer and pizza. He agreed he didn't have beer but did enjoy the pizza and watching the ball game. Staying sober in the bar was hard but made the most of it. He use to be social but felt like it was one sided.
His first time out in a while was different he was quiet but everyone would talk to him for some strange reason it was all new and different from how he remembers things.

Ben was thinking about dating after being in a crazy relationship the trauma kept him from diving head first into a new relations. A one night stand that turned into a year and a month relationship.
He was happy to be in a relationship but she was never happy ruining things because she wasn't happy. He tried but it wasn't good enough. After failed attempts to end it. she would mustard up the courage to end it so she could be superior having the upper hand.
Years later she would have 2 children with the guy she cheated on him with and tried to blame him for her actions. He was crushed hurt never going back telling himself to be better not settle for less give up part of himself to be liked to be accepted.

He looked at his hairy belly trying to remember his youth days where his body contained more muscle with had tons of energy.
Trying to feel more secure and confident about his appearance since he was single for too long but knew he didn't need anyone to make him happy. He would have to do that himself.
Working hard and thankful since he remembered what a tough time he had when he wasn't working his **** off. It wasn't right or the same anymore trying to go forward and not back.

Walking away was hard but got easier because he had to fight for his spot. Why stay if they had plans to replace him. Being pushed out the welcome feeling was gone.
Tired of compromising himself to fit in and being what others said when he didn't say anything or do anything to give them a reason to talk. He was supportive but when he needed them they were no where to be found.
He would vent but their problems always seemed to be more important than how he felt and what he thought.
He use to give advice try to help he was resourceful never telling people the truth not what they wanted to her.
Most did the opposite or whatever they wanted so he stopped

Already stressed from over thinking
My worse critic harder on myself
Do not like being put in the hot seat
Got to get it done in a timely manner
Stop being the x factor with burdens
Mocking workers adding to things
Was a pleasure working with you
Letting go going strong just started
Sad to see you go but enjoy life
Live make the most of retirement
Still got years to go barely started
Trying to stand alone and have grown
Not staying at the bottom forever
Moving up in ranks no one wants it
Not a leader but being an example
Helping the team doing my part
Being an example doing extra

Love family but they always make you pick and choose them or what you like and love. Why do you have to compromise yourself to be accepted. No one is against them but they come at you like if you owe them something. Telling you what to do when no one asked for their opinion. The times you needed them they said nothing and no where to be found.
You start feeling better about yourself and they try to knock you down a few levels. Its the worse especially when its family instead of united everyone divided, so much ego and pride; it's easier to walk away.
You forgive and forgive its easier to walk away while they hold a grudge because they made you out to be someone your not painting you out to be a monster. While they keep doing shady stuff. Trying to turn the family on you because you had your own plans and they include you in shenanigans.

Setting new goals no going back to what tried to break rose above the ones who said it couldn't be done. Called delusional for not settling for less. Had an opinion now treated like an outcast.
Never one of them not trying to force it anymore. Let them go got burned too many times before. Use to being alone found comfort in it. Uncomfortable pretend people, who did wrong would some day see him as an equal. Ignored most of the time only considered when a favor is need half the time not even in the conversation. In the background watching the reign of terror going strong
Faded out no longer empowering the chaos or fighting for a spot since they are quick to push you out. Walked away from the disrespect all the lies. Always told the truth while the lies are accepted used to manipulate others. Not falling for the scam or sticking around had to learn the hard way finally moving on

No one takes pride in your work they are quick to snitch you out throw you under. Not falling for the bait or putting up with the hate. Team work to get it done usually one sided the truth is everyone bitter divided going to write about it.
Hard to remember so much that needs to be done have some fun and write it all down a check list racing time feeling calm after making it half way through.

He walked away from all the double standards tired of being talked about. Never said anything bad just had an opinion. Being told how to act and who to be didn't work.
Trying to be himself among a bunch of phonies. Working to move up so many road blocks and detours on the way. He didn't let others influence his action.
They couldn't dictate his fate leaving the world behind walking with faith. Praying for others for strength not always sure but motivated to do what was right. Pursuing a dream and setting new goals without giving up himself to be liked to be accepted.

Growing up learning on your own not being told you're good but everyone quick to point out everything you did wrong. Learned by watching getting in there not afraid to try lots of failure before succeeding.
Being taunted and mocked worked harder than everyone to stand out know for hard work didn't talk get involved work politics. Never one to **** up but work till it became natural did it right.
Achieved those old finally setting new ones still working to pursue the dream. Building up for the next level onto a new life a new chapter.

Benji hated walking on egg shells. He couldn't say anything but people tried to tell him everything when no one asked. Lots of projection and imposition from others; making it easy for him to be alone.
Everyone was so miserable and sad all he wanted was to be happy. So many drained him of his good vibes. Feeling robbed and cheating himself because he couldn't say anything or have an opinion without everything becoming a personal attack.
He would write in his journal which gave him a voice. He didn't like to argue or go against his family and friends. Becoming a road block he knew they wouldn't like it and he didn't want to do it.
Lots of conflict of interest would cause this friendship to crumble. Feuding with family is the worse not backing down or running standing your ground up for yourself. No terms or compromise only conditions that divide more problems than solutions.

Told to act a certain way
How to behave no way
No love for my parents by you
Now you're coming at me
Let me be one day you'll see
All you do is talk two faced snakes
Putting those labels on others
Projecting negativity why bothers
Changing up the narrative
Trying to use others to get your way
Walked away free where I'm accepted
So much neglect disrespected

Love for family always
Not giving up on myself
Death brings everyone together
Doing your own thing not mad
Someone is still holding a grudge
Making things personal over opinions
Everyone is impersonal with another
Can't pick when to be involved
All or nothing trying to be some body
Family quick to remind you the past
In the struggle seen as no body
Not mad just proving them wrong
A good head on your shoulders
Doing what's right focused on being better
When no one believes

There was no going back
Had to come up with something
Did everything possible came up short
Ran out of moves stuck moving still
Part of the progress getting better
Not one to settle for less sharp focus
Trying not to obsess on the wrong
Still working for it doing what's right
Not about crowds a true rebel
Everyone out for their own

Some people could live a double life
He struggled with living one
Working on self improvement
Personal growth eyes wide open
Seeing straight no more distractions
Rising above the hate not grounded
Too many detours fighting to make it
All the heartbreaking set backs
After all the years of doing the job
Now it's official seen as the real thing
Not being taken seeing as a joke
Things got serious very intense
No one is playing anymore

When they need a favor they are nice sad how they don't bother with you. These people are the worse talking about you and you never said nothing about them because they don't have anything going on for them but you still accept them.
One minute your on the inside wanting out when you are use to being on the outside looking in. Hard to express yourself because everything gets mad personal.
They talk about what you do but never what they do it's the worse feeling ever. Its not worth it if you have to fight for your spot you don't need it. If you worry they slander your name you don't need to be there.

The past ate him up an older man
Full of regret hard to forget things
Worlds collide their bad fell on his lap
Never meant to hurt them as well
Pursing a dream detoured goal
Destroying himself after failed efforts
Rejected by love replaced with hate
Not letting it infect his heart
Denying the wrong others shadow
Focused on right not argue or fight

Over the censorship others try to replace your values acting like what they know or do is better. Respecting their ways not cancelling mine. Lots of imposition and dysfunction. All the self destruction pretending to be a martyr. Not listening to all these made up ideal to keep others out because they can't fit in. Trying to understand all these foolish demands being forced on the silent majority.

If you need a favor just ask, don't play mind games manipulate others to do the things you won't do. Because you didn't get your way making things personal. That mouth keeps running you'll get caught up since you think your way of imposition is better. When you get stopped in your intrusive tracks don't be surprised.
Another false narrative spun in your favor. Adding lies to your statements to place yourself on another level but it doesn't make you a better person.

He felt angry because they lied and tried to dump it on his. He was sick of rules be this way act that way things others never did. He did it or didn't do always getting crap.
The internal conflict was taking it's toll walking the line. Feeling off balance about to topple over everyone talks about each other but never tries to better themselves. Always on the outside looking in once on the inside he wanted out.
He didn't like to disappoint others but they expected too much. Anything he did was never good enough. He did what he loved so many are miserable trying to knock him because they think they'll matter. Making a difference for all the wrong reasons later justifying them as right.

He was blessed and thankful
Sadden his own people opposed him
Against him he was not one of them
He refused to do their corrupt biding
Thankful for the opportunities
A change to finish all those projects
Get them done set new goals
Finally get a win after a dew losses
A clear path after so many obstacles
Overwhelming detours and set backs
Asking what he wanted to do next
What's needed so he could be happy
Putting himself first for once
Years of waiting feeling devalued
Thinking they'd come back start over
False hope for failed ends a redo
Hope of an alternative the outcome
Why can't it happen he asked
Use to things not meant to be
The haunting past fading triumphs
Focused on a promising future
New encounters with personal growth
Prepared for a new promising journey

A place to show emotions be able to express your feelings without ridicule. Without doubt being able to be free from hate allow yourself to be great. Not have your ego deflated while working on self improvement.
Being told you're nobody by someone that's making no effort. Trying to make you feel like nothing while working hard for everything trying to build while maintaining everything
Find balance dealing with tough scenarios facing complicated people. Not able to please everyone focused on what the heart loves so the mind could stop overthinking