Feels right but it wont load
Got too deep kept it real
Said what's up to be ignored
Did things alone all of a sudden
Others show interest pretend to care
Gave an invite not taken serious
Seen as a joke no one is playing
Showed mush respect taken lightly
Had to detour in this journey
Made it to the destination
Always moving nothing is permanent
Never get comfortable avoid change

Always judged never talk about others
Not worthy of thinking about
Not wasting time on haters
Avoiding negativity bad vibes
Struggling to co-exist with another
Doing things differently getting it done
Never taught learning on the go
New ideas perspective till it's gone
Running solo so much growth
Years of development took time
From a fighter to civil living these role
Always working hard towards what?
Learned to take in the moment

A monster cares for others
Didn't mean to destroy what he love
The beast has emotions feeling
Looks mean but full of emotions
The machine processed it all
Comes together fill with perspective
All these come together exposing truth
A human being under it all
A warrior heart beating strong
Fighting through it all
Hero mindset with a moral code
Pursuing greatness within the layers

Hair in the wind waving
So long vibrant with life
She runs her hands through it
Staring at one another amazed
Sharing a laugh many inside jokes
Compassionate smiles snickered faces
She was well off with privilege
He struggled to adjust test the limits
Wasn't use to free always a home body
Made the most of things
Thankful with less worked with less
Minds full of other obsessions

Untold tales from the past
A failed love that never began
The guy doesn't always get the girl
Everything played out and over now
The hardest worker with ambition
First one fired over drama
Who never got hired
Politics never in his favor
Tried to move up but limited
Only moving side to side
No where to run or hide
Found safety in writing
Got it all out of the system
Moving on let it go
Able to function better

Dared to inspire others
Seeking motivation put it out
Inspiration collected projected
Lots of struggle bubbling down
Overtime began to grow
surpassed others with change
Feel the glow starting to show
Straight up with the truth

Not trying to argue
We both got our own life
Don't use this friendship
As a scapegoat stop blaming own up
Because you aren't doing right
Had your back when needed
Roles flip no where to be found
Called to catch up got the worse
Gave the best advice same problem
No change set in those ways
Kept those ***** secrets
Don't want to do it anymore

Can't be mad choices got made
Don't always have a say
Can't tell others how to feel
No apologies for these thought
All these emotions hard to cope
Things don't always make sense
Mind and heart conflicted
Trying to process understand

When people tell you
You matter part of their life
Then they stop talking to you
Always reaching out
Using to being ignored
Some cant stay single
Always in a relationship
Partnered up quick to say I love you
It loses value if its not true
When they don't love you back
Some stay single happy alone
Never wanting to get hurt again
Hard to trust cant just let anyone in
Overprotective of the heart
A mind that is always alter

Always defending others
While they come at me
No longer the scapegoat
Walked away from the drama
More negativity than positive vibes
Always took time to understand
While facing judgement and criticism
Always welcomed to my circle
Don't ***** up my world
To satisfy your destructive ways

Everything happening so fast
Moving forward
Not stuck in the past
Change without say
Without a choice
Not making a scene
Feeling fed up bad communication
Dk anything out of the loop
Maybe being letting go
A blessing instead of stressing

Never been good with title
Always stuck in the transition
Once it's started don't like it to end
Able to make it work once it's finish
Walk away let it resonate
Comeback later love to create
Work on other projects
Thoughts that haven't been expressed
Feelings explored understood
Emotions balanced out after a while

Never give up
They won't let up
Put down not staying there
Pushed around still standing
Ganged up on by fam again
Then is blew up then bam
Life came with a ***** slap
Didn't happen the right way
Done it many times clarification
Before without certifications
Practice what you preacher
Learn the hard life lesson
Before you can teach be an example

A cold night in front of her apartment
Wearing layers to stay warm
Both with a thick coats
He loved this chance his first date
Possibly a cheap romance
She was surprised about his behavior
He showed up early waited to knock
Kept getting anxious in the moment
Knocks on the big blue door
Not too hard or soft just right
Hoping to be heard in the first try
Thinking if it was wrong place
Finally the door was opened
Warm smiles clashing styles
This moment has just begun

Writing has been the hustle
Written down everything
Trying to do this long term
Nothing else made sense
A pen to ink on the page
Out with those bleeding pain
Unexpressive moments in time
Turning negativity to positive vibes
Formal friends existing not around
Never tried to make things awkward
A move on anyone's GF just to see
Why test their faithlessness to their partner
Lots judging and others beliefs questioning
Stop with all the guilt trips and doubt
Checked in to show concern but kept out
Walked away couldn't stay anymore
Be the companion to misery
Life on hold waiting for others
No respect for anyone's time so selfish
Made plans without now everyone is mad
No text response the plans were being made
Made calls not answer wanted to talk about it
Doesn't feel right or make sense
Don't insult or be offended when not included
That like exclusive club doesn't make sense

Lots of failed relationships
Lost love because it was a lie
Always loyal accused of cheating
Always faithful the love is taken away
Treated others faith willing to stay
Once the respect and trust is gone
No reason to stay but need to get away
Haven't had kids not worried
Around family through tough times
I'd choose the wrong person expecting more
Just wanted to be love not always accepted
Thought it might work this time around
Gave up on love Pursuing a career

Full of spirit
Light up the soul
Good vibes go out
Good vibes returned
Feeling it from within
Like hug with love
Never letting go
Tickled from the inside
Laughter full of life

Writing takes the pain away
Helps maintain sanity
Reflect on the past insanity
Compose yourself after a while
Find balance inner peace within
After the negative imbalance
Easy to write for hours
Shared the old encounter
New moments to experience
From a grin to a smile
Taken away from that place

Talked about those feelings
Know what was felt
From the beginning to the end
Changed with time love turns to hate
Still showing love even when wronged
Stayed loyal kept it real always noble
Been through the grinder stayed humble
Use to hold it in now pushing it out
Letting go of the struggle at peace
Freeing the heart of shackles
Not holding back not involved anymore

You know don't why you pretend
Trying too hard for attention
Instead of being better chose to be worse
Another excuse over the lies
That's your life you can be better
Embarrassed to be smart acting dumb
Drinking to play the fool self destruction
Had a normal life encountered new lifestyles
Too much hype to live up to it doesn't matter
Do what you love what makes you happy
Sad over a girl lusting around more shame
Instead of feeling proud only cheating yourself
Stop blaming yourself count your blessings
Near death experiences made it out a live
Made to live not roll over and die

Sorry for hurting you
All the things said
Under the influence
A broken heart
Doesn't justify anything
Not forgiven by others
So much backlash
Multiple apologies
Never treated the same
Things will never be normal
Learned to forgive ones self
The cord is cut no false hope
Never an equal or the same
Being looked down feeling pain
Judgemental eyes gazing crazy
Already with a guilty conscience
Now a guilt trips to manipulate
Never hear the end of it all

Fell in love
Who know falling hard
Would become the after math
Loved once never again
A loving heart beats strong
Like it's never been hurt
Been down wearing a smile
Wanted only one forever
Who was not the one
Starting over is hard
Moved on she came back
In the mind playing games
The heart seen hope
A chance to start over
The mind knew better
Never gonna change
Has someone new
The old didn't want you
But didn't want you
With anyone else
Flings fade away
Don't mean anything
Felt unworthy and *****
Now focused on better
Not settling for less
Love lessons learned
Life progression full of growth

Never been a cheater
Been accused of it
How is too nice a bad thing
Not one to yell a bass less voice
Talk con huevos to prove a point
Told to be ready minding my business
Judged for not speaking Spanish
People mad for the hard work
Didn't make them look bad
They did it to themselves
Not labeling others using it to manipulate
Writing this story no one else can dictate
Never one to blame living with the guilt
Over trusting and rushing to love
All the wrong people had to let them go

This is stupid stop holding a grudge
Why we don't talk anymore
Use to be best friends for year
But it came to an end holding back tears
A relationship over our friendship
She lied and she cheated taking all the blame
Sorry you're angry so much pain
From the same circle to separate crowds
Both doing dumb stuff over time
Negativity doesn't make it right
Told you to your face out of respect
Talking behind this back **** disrespect
Felt the knife of betrayal sharp and deep

Drifted apart from the group
Use to be the heart and mouth piece
Always reaching out going the extra mile
One sided friendships not doing them anymore
Not making excuses or lieing for anyone
Got tired of being the scapegoat
Getting all the heat wasn't around or there
All this heat for cheaters pointing blame
Told the truth an explosive realities
Not going down alone not afraid to be honest
Excluded excommunicated from that place
Use to feel intimidated hiding this face
Not staring down the fear didn't do anything
But getting blamed for it all for everything

Learning to face fears
Cope with pain from years ago
Slow down been on the go
No time to think just do
Trying to hustle pay bills
Haven't been on a date
Haven't been feeling anyone
Use to be defensive blocked it out
Always talking to someone
Would rather have a friend than rush
But take too long might ruin a good thing
Denied feelings out of respect for a friend
Who never made a move or had a chance
Made a move things got weird on another level
Held back over thinking it wasn't the right time
Not sure how to act put it out there
Can't take it back these feelings
Emotions running strong lost in the moment

Bad vibes change the mood
Like a mood ring of those energies
Heart you to beat to the blues
That soulful love from within
Stood together in the rain
The painful past fades away
This moment in time feels right
Up late in a timeless moment
Never ending never felt love
This felt real this felt right
Grew up with tough love
So many conditions terms
Hard to show emotions
Everything goes away with you
Please don't hurt this heart
Break it regret showing love

Seen the bad can't associate
Not always able to relate
Don't always fit in
Said the truth no regret
Who's offended now
Also mad holding a grudge
Don't tell others how to act
Inappropriate with your behavior
Over the double standards
Sick of others playing favorites
Clicks filled with two faced mugs

Played the game
Wasn't wanted on one team
They gave up a player
Who never got a chance
Then joined another team
That was welcoming and embraced
Finally he played that rival team
With his team they dominated
After so much doubt and rejection
The score felt settled brought balance
Use to take rejection pent up
All the frustration would implode
Took it moved on now it's better to speak up
Prove them wrong for once
Over all the talking others looking down
Many lies trying to tarnish self image
Felt good to take a stand with support
Use to tanking on the number
Learned it's best to walk away

Always looking in the mirror
Asking what happened
Where did it go wrong
So many unresolved issues
Thought they matter
After analyzing them
A waste of time one sided argument
Found peace and closure
Told this side and apologized
Never got a response from the other
Better off without can't wait around
Hold their spot when they gave up mine

Just wanted to be myself
So many broken and damaged
Holding on to old hurt
Sabotage new love with old
Deny new friendship over an old fling
Can't trust or get close to anyone
Thinking the worse of others
Misery scars wearing a mask
Trying to be tough died inside
Hiding yourself so much hidden within

Wanted to say deep and dark
Mean stuff like words would destroy
Put it on a page or type it all out
Showing emotions seen as blunt
Felt for someone seen as weird
Wanted to say it but knew better
Thought of the risk consequences
Destroying within hoping to be fixed
Thinking you'd hurt them
Like a dominos effect feeling set up
But they could careless no need to obsess

Never wish death on anyone
We can't be friends or associate
Don't need that hateful drama
Gave advice got ignored
Set in those ways did it anyway
Everyone has problems with life
Some deal with it better
Handle it before it gets worse
Quick to cut the cord
Can't hold on being held back
Didn't know how to act
Easily offended pushed away
Intense anger not trying to get burned
Providing solutions what friends do
Trying to be supportive
Now there's ten more issues
Had to step away take a time out
Thanks for the memories
Still taking the blame not around anymore

Looking for that love
Natural organic feeling
That grows into something more
Real to the heart no making excuses
No need to justify a lie if it's true
Become one for each other
Build a dynasty from the ground up
Hustle in the world come back together
So that our world can be hold
Future together rising to the next level

Family hurts you most
Just because we are blood
Doesn't give you the right
Be involved full time or not at all
Friends might disappoint
Family doesn't let up with opinions
No one asked mouths are running
Finally asked not saying anything
Being corrupt with attitude
Always quick to judge point out flaws
Focus on others situation than their own
Love family disagreements made it tough
Thinking they know but dk the whole story

Woke up tired up all night
Body shut downs in the morning
Beyond bored mind numbing
Books lined up to read
Not sure what to write
Played video games not about that
Only able to watch so many movies
The days feel longer never ending
While nights end in the blink of an eye
Reflected life the good times passed
Then the bad times the are falling off
Held on for too long only temporary
Liked the old life style being young and dumb
Learned to embrace the new older and wiser

Those feelings fade with time
From love to numb due to betrayal
Cared too much it was smothering
Didn't know how to feel no say or control
Got frustrated stayed away hurt too much
Wish in or out was easy be present
Can't make them stay or love
No shade of gray in the middle
Tried to commit everyone ran away
Walked away so much imposition to stay

Trying to be better find peace within
Had many friends better off alone
Keep bring up the past its history
Trying to move forward focus on goals
Learned the lesson not the same
Dreams and reality become one
Wishing they'd blur together
Put everything into it the project
Every feeling lights up with emotion

Should've said this
Could've done that
All the possibilities play out
Never the outcome that's expected
The thought process is everywhere
Accused of cheating been loyal
Asked about this "friend"
All defensive trying to swap outcomes
Tripping with the guilt trip
Talking about being single
Few days later with someone new
Now it's official opposite of what's said
No labels or serious commitments
Started dating for all the wrong reasons
Mending the heart to overcome the past
On a date not emotionally available
Not fair to this girl who's fully invested
She actually cares has feelings

Writing why does this matter
Asking why did it happen
Took everything in long periods of time
When it didn't have to happen
Some are easy to forget
Others treasured in the heart
Stored in a bank safe bolted up
Made a list of haters and doubter
Didn't need to cross names off
Karma caught up to them
Or they ******* themselves
Not afraid or losing faith
Been going strong being told NO
Made it a challenge wanted it more than ever
Tough situations lighten up get better

The internal struggle in the light
Empowered by truth seen as ruthless
Talked about the taboo topics
Questioned all these made up rules
Some stack the deck in their favor
Getting caught up trying to point blame
Always on their terms and conditions
Eventually everyone wises up walks away
Showed respect to everyone not trying to change
Not trying to change anyone that's who they are
Even the two faces whoever they decide to be
Did the job got paid went home

Not throwing it in anyone's face
Protecting others lots of betrayal
Who snitch throw you under
So many negative mouths talking
Tuned them out only about themselves
Helped a friend who was down
Lived in his car now throwing shade
Not one to judge anyone everyone has a struggle
Respected the situation tough times happen
All the complaining point the blame
Been growing on the low figure it out alone
Minding this mouth it causes trouble
Not in anyone's business keeping a low pro
Never know the who story only heard one side
Not one to talk tried to lend a helping hand
All this heat the third degree burnt up inside

Time to cope
Time to reflect
Put things into perspective
Things that mattered
Now a days don't mean anything
Break the ******* to grow
Can't stay in the same place
Change of locations new scenery
New faces to mingle with
Who knew over trusting would be bad
Not going out learned to do without drama
Don't care to share use to writing it all out
A place to call home scared to be alone
Back to being responsible on your own
Back and forth to work and home
Paying bills first then have some fun

Never made sense
The way others treat one another
Don't be disrespectful
Expect favors
After being told off
For trying to explain
Its better to keep distant
Acting like a lead not your pay
Can't complete the task
Not working and don't care
Why is there so much complaining

He was a chubby kid
With big brown eyes
Thick long eyelashes
Those eyes cried a lot
Life came at him hard
Told not to be a *****
Called pretty by many
For having soft features
Took after his mother physically
Acted like his father similar persona
A broken home with tough skin
Told to be tough show no emotions
He wore his heart on his sleeve
Just wanted to be loved and accepted
Be himself without feeling pressure
Let his guard down since it's up all the time

Being home for a couple weeks
Feels like a life time numbness
Not sure what time or day it is
Feels like a blurred together
Sleep days nothing to do
Wide awake at night not able to write
Can't call friends don't have many
Can't make plans or do anything
Haven't recorded the podcast
Not feeling it as if late
Finally got into reading material
Usually distracted by work
Learned to cope and slow down

Not writing from pain
Old experience time for new
New memories been a while
The old ones are over
Being told you try too hard
Means you care want it more
New chapter new beginning

As age sets in not the same
Seeing the next generation
Come into play some are accepting
Others denying setting their own trends
With times start their life ready or not
Struggle to figure it out from life lessons
People hold the past against the new

I've always know my limits and what could be done. Most of doing whats right by doing what needs to get done. Always love my job take pride in my work. Make it better for everyone most of all easy for myself. Giving my all, everything not expecting or wanting anything in return.

It's hard to speak up this mouth can make or break a situation. Sometimes you say too much others are offended. I don't say anything getting provoked is infuriating. Things seem to get worse, but never get better.

If I have an opinion; it's usually ignores, so I choose to write. I've learned people are set in their ways, and want to change me. I know they've done way worse, and trying to compare like we are the same. I'm not the scapegoat.

Once I have an opinion, or speak up; I'm the bad guy. I don't judge others since I've made my share of mistakes got through addiction. I'm the last person, who should be telling anyone anything. My silence doesn't mean depression.

You change with time like going out is not the same or fun anymore. I don't care to drink or socialize in a bar. I prefer people, who can open up be honest without knocking back a few cold ones. Sobriety is like a badge of honor for me it's my apology to those I hurt.

Being the voice of reason is hard when people have selective hearing. Usually straight forward will tell a person. Whats up and not tell them, what they want to here because as a friend you

Don't lie to your friend.
Being honest should be the best feeling because you don't have to remember anything. People who lie end up having to be, or act like someone they are not.

Never understood, how a people date when its one sided; meaning one is all in giving love. While the other waiting around till something better comes along. How and why are partners jealous of one another, instead of trying to function as a unit. Never understood the relationship concept being the 3rd wheel around certain couples.