Stuck on a thought, running with ideas that might or might not work. Telling the truth should lead to good feels like things got worse. Not sure why it becomes a conflict of interest maybe being around the wrong people doesn't help.
Use to be a wild one life was different after sobriety. People stop calling when you don't drink anymore.
Made efforts to keep a friendship going it soon became one sided. Stopped caring let go of those people. Sad to see them go, but a way to stay true and grow.

Not trying to blame
Feeling annoyed
Feeling ashamed for trusting
All the wrong people
Didn't make anyone mad
Dealing with their bad moods
All kinds of bad attitudes
Quick to flip the script
Trying not to flip
Dk what to say or how to say it

Thinking of ways writing like life is a matter of life and death. Slowed down because of burning out. Rushed missed things on the way trying to get ahead barely coming out even.
A late starter trying to make up for being behind. Always taking a risk caught up in the mix. Dating all the wrong women learned the less. Thankful for the moments focused on the good over the bad.
Working jobs trying to learn as much as possible to get it done. Can't rely or trust anyone have to step it up to finish.
Lost friends along the way, some couldn't be single in bad relationships.
Having a family leaving friendships in the past; focused on their kids the future.
Didn't understand before but everything makes sense now.

Praying for family not ready to let go
Sorry feels like time is running out
Staying strong feeling vulnerable
Wanting to take it not them
Praying to be saved
Living in fear dk what's real
Lies are the truth fully believe
The truth made out to be a lie
So many ignored and excuses
Part of getting older more white hairs
Body doesn't heal the same
Taking it easy pushing through
Slowing down physically
Mentally pushing through

Finding peace and comfort
Reading his bible helped
Through tough times
Praying for strength
Praying for everyone's safety
For everyone's health
This year has been tough for all
Hard to sleep at night
Exhausted all day
Slowing down inhale
Exhale calming all that's within
Usually going strong

Watching movies observing scenes
Taking notes for angles
How can you say it set a tone
Finishing another notebook
Reading the bible needing strength
Focused on faith and family
Can't be mad or angry anymore
Count all the blessings
Things are not so bad
Being grateful and thankful

He started to feel his dream
Started to see it in his mind
Own a home a life on the ranch
Making money doing what he loved
It came together finding the one
No more false promises
Trying make more happen
Wanted kids and a family
Feared being a single parent
Having it all just for it to be taken away

He woke hung over the bright sunlight
Dehydrated with eyes sensitive to light
Not Remembering a blue
What happened the night before
So much has change with say
Fear of the unknown leaving the past
Everything slipping away
Grasping for life trying to find balance
More peace within and base

Always feeling something is missing
Fear of missing out not invited
Always working cant be there
When around feeling excluded
Dk what's going on or what to say
Once inside wanting out not the same
Losing the joy not the same anymore
Staring into the distance zoning out
Can't figure it out always in the works
Learned to go without the struggle
Life transition compromised

A long week await
Trying not to hate
Be alone on the go
Another strive to be alive
Feeling dead on the inside
Mentally overwhelmed
Physically burned out taking it slow
Looked into those scare for you
Said I was sorry and loved you
Who knew it would be the last time
Hiding the pain holding back the tears
It plays in the back of my head
See it before my eyes not the best memory
But the last you had so much life to live
You're my only grandpa didn't want to let go
Not ready to say good bye
You gave me strength when I was weak
Believe in me when I didn't believe in myself

Trying to relate
On the outside looking in
Understand others
Too much shame
Coping With pain
No one seems to care
Take your thoughts
Looking out being
Hate being ignored rejected
Repeating myself is annoying
Take your feelings smashing them
Not taken serious disrespected
Not take into consideration
Heart been through the grinder

She always told him
Pursue your dreams
He didn't always
Believe in himself
He got distracted by work
He never got hired
Didn't want to give up
On his dreams still writing
They met at the community college
They were accepting of one another
She was his friend
Sad when she moved away
She'd come visit him
They hung out caught up

Use worry what other people though
Dressed nice people assume
Seen as gay for taking care of yourself
Called people on the lies
You're the **** face for the truth
Working out the scale causing stress
Some days clothes fit loose other tight
Body image can't get it right
One way in your head
Others telling you that ain't right
Worried about being enough
Some times too much
Depends on the person
Educated told you think
You're better than everyone
Dumbing ones self down for year
Scared of being alone
Spending more time isolated
The inspiring one who ends up hated
Not trying to be a threat for being bold
Become a target for the insecure

Always protecting people
Who don't like you
Betrayed left hanging
Did favors looked out
My fault for having expectations
Being open to all the wrong people
Dropped once something better comes along
Been writing for years
Learning to express without holding back
Not trying to hurt others
Been getting hurt for years
Minding this mouth don't like drama
Taking criticism should've been firing back
Straight up to their face always behind my back

He had a big heart for life
A passionate soul warming smile
Still caring for others feelings
Even if they did him *****
He meant well no hidden agenda
When things went wrong
A loving heart beautiful soul
Forgiving still kept out
Not forgiven by others
Made mistakes multiple flaws
Most of all not able to forgive himself

Still writing scared to be alone
A people person not always favored
Still pursuing a dream short lived
Over being side tracks constantly
The detours feeling close but farther away
Use to be annoyed by missing it now
Onto better but stuck on the same old
Trying to achieve the American dream
Some have lived it happy for them
Others struggle pursuing opportunity
Learning to forgive to move on
Find inner peace within this thick skin
Somethings are hard to forget
Can't change the past live in the moment
The future has yet to happen

Still can't believe you're gone
Sad to see you go outta my life
Remembering all the things
You gave words of wisdom
I'm honored you taught me
Applying these life lessons to mine
Seeing things in me others don't
Believed in me and gave me hope
When I don't believe in myself
Trying to honor you by being better

Not one to complain
Made the most of life
Seeing good in others
Holding back the ego
Minding this mouth
Dreams that are near
Writing takes away fear
Time alone to recharge
Coping with the hurt
Rise above these tough times

Always looking in
Looked out for others
Excluded worried about others
Not feeling part of the team
They'll forget about you right away
A hopeless romantic losing hope
Romance lost in the distance
Mistaken lust for love
Friendships gone sour
One wants more giving it all
The other emotionally compromised

Watching movies with family
It has memorable moments
Some are good other times bad
Spending time together
Life is short no need to settle
Feeling bad and feeling nothing
Protecting yourself mostly family
Neglecting yourself trying to bond
Having fun with life over bad habits
Missing people consumed by loneliness
Around complicated people
Said to never be like that
Knowing ones self not what others think
Mind everywhere thinking about work
Pops company got bought out
Brought in their own people
Family going through change
Hurting from the loss
Dk how to cope or how to feel
From love to struggling hollow empty inside