Woke up early
Went to bed late
Dk why this heart
Feels so much burden
This mind can't figure it out
Trusting God over man
The world's gone crazy out of hand
Crazy terrorising the city
Safe at home in bed
Cant live inside with fear
Need to rise not hide
Each word holding back tears
What happen...
Why has it become this way
How did you end up like this
A huge list of questions
No answers prefer solutions
Over come the problems

The idea of new people
Some support your ideas
Most are against your way of life
Always happy for others
Never get the same vibe in return
Back them up the heavy burned
This heart loves taking the bad
Praying for things to change
For the better not one to settle
Always come up short not discouraged
Seeking answers so many questions

Asked to drink can do it
It's like giving up lost in a bottle
Part of yourself drowning in liquor
Being strong not weak
No one understands quick to dismiss
Standing alone avoiding temptation
Toxics people trying too hard
Trying to bring you down with them
The smell brought bad memories
Old feelings and doubts bad toughts
Don't want to be that way ever again

Stay up late and write
I'm the freedom writer
Everyday it gets easy to say
Everything you wish you could
You think it's coldhearted
but needed to be said
I keep you away out of my head
I don't get close that's my only choice
Writing has become my voice
I show respect treated like a reject
Went my way because of detours
Crossing paths another roadblock
This time not giving up my way

I feel for others but can't relate
That's destine and fate
I don't always know what to say
I dk the feeling but try to understand
Been on both sides one alive
The other is feeling dead inside
Trust is hard after being served betrayal
Years off being closed off not easy to open up
You want things to change but feel the same
Day after day time after time
Pushed out but once in its whatever
All the hazing meant for better

He stood deep in thought focused on his task
Others looked in his eyes assumed he was sad or hurt.
He was happy go lucky never asked anyone for anything because they weren't reliable
He made the most of his time gave his all
He loved his job earned every cent
Rather then ask how he felt they assumed he was sad or mad
This would annoy him so it would frustrated him leading to anger but he would let it go he didn't like others dictating his mood.
He hid his emotions because it got the best of him
He would focus on what made him happy regardless off all the distractions and setbacks
He worked hard so he could invest in himself. So many struggles in his mind coping with all these pent up thoughts and emotions.
He smiled his eyes sparkled because he was free
His caring eyes made others feel safe when he wasn't rushed or being provoked
He was willing to help those eyes determined
Once he's on the back burner he would work with what he had those eyes told stories shared emotions. He would go wide eyed for being honest because his honesty got him in trouble
Big brown eyes with long eyelashes that made girls jealous because his were real and natural. He was attracted they made him pretty.

Forget how to write
No thoughts make sense or sound right
Thinking what to write
Every minute day and night
Type or write down things that sound inspiring
Empower the read with golden words that are rich
Feel dark inside hoping the read can relate
Connect or trigger a memory
Make the world seem less lonely
Only if others could see
Understand other than things they already knew
Change for understanding over passing judgement

You do me anymore I see your doing the same
Looks like your doing I hoped you'd be doing better
Don't like to be around everything picks up where we left off
You left me out now you saying I walked out
Now you insulted me with your false pride
I thought we were equal not giving you a ride
Slap a label with your name against mine
Get off my coach tail I wanted to be a team
It was always about you never about anyone else
You kept trying to keep me down out of respect I let you
Now I'm on your level even though you had no confidence in my skills
Never wanted your job just wanted feel like I belong
I've grown on my own dont try to take me under your wing
I've done so much on my own you act like I owe you or need your approval
Got to make my on way no more thinking family care if they don't I do
No more being used but being more resourceful
Starting over is hard but once it's going on things seem much better

I don't like disappointing ppl
Or being disappointed
I walked away but going back
Things are not the same or will never be normal
I've grown up in two cities not sure where the heart belongs
I've had many lovers but only one has my heart
I do things because they told me I don't belong and I deserve to be there I busted my *** to get there.
Leaving always feels like part of me is left behind
I don't like to leave on bad terms
I don't like burning bridges even though I leave to the point of no return.

Ready for the weekend enjoy my down time so I can write and read. Awaiting the new Eminem album it's suppose to drop also watch the wrestling event Sunday.
Working the day shift the following week the holidays have me stressed and work gets to me give my all and miss something. I work hard always on my mind care so much it's becoming part of me.
Music in my ears calming my nerves making time to write over the stress and fight. Once my shift is over everything is alright. Thought about dating but was never good at it.

Feel free dk what to do with myself let go of the anger and hatred that kept me down. It made me sad when close friends distant themselves from close friends to complete stranger. Sometimes you need to let people go because they project stuff you don't believe or think you are like them. No one represents me but myself. I get people got through tough times but I will not take your blame or allow you to make me out to be the bad guy while you are doing worse stuff. I took friendships to the hair because we had memories and grew up together but when you made a mistake I forgave and kept you going. If I made a mistake it would become backlash by a so called friend. I've let go of the negative and toxic people I respect your way while you belittle and knock mine.
I worried what people thought about not strangers but people I trusted and got close to had opinions and they did not think highly of me. I had stay away. I quit drinking that's my way of an apology but it was denied now I do it for me. I reached out kept contact no response. I'm waiting around but now it's time I moved on. I'm not one who goes back but forward.
I guess we hurt each other so we can't hang anymore. I respect you have a family and kids, while some cheat and try to look down on me for not wanting the same. I've always been focused on my goals and dreams lots of failure and detail but willing to learn, grow, encounter new experiences.
The day you dropped me because I wasn't a priority was an eye opener because years of trying to figure out what went wrong couldn't figure it out there was no point because you are gone moved on. Now I need to do this not for you but for me.
No more denying myself to be liked or accepted most of the time I'm denied and disrespected over being neglected. Been doing what I love for years no I'm not lost but opened my eyes over seeing the darkness of others but ready to stand in the light of what I know what is right.
I don't like to argue or fight no need to make a scene, your false act to be more when you're less can't talk it out so you insult my integrity. Just because you talk loud doesn't make you right.
Remember the good times but the memories fade. Can't live in the past but focused on living in the moment doing what makes me better and helps me grow become the person I'm destine to be.
All the bad thought turn positive good vibes and feeling. The negative people can't stay they need to go. Smile more because you gave your all give yourself credit because one day you'll do it all instead of coming up short. Work hard eventually that failure and delay will amount to much more. Appreciate the world admire what's around you take it all in instead blocking it out to get it done but enjoy what you are doing as well.

Always had it together but it came a part
Asking what's next?
Been down before bouncing back
do it right this time around
instead of making the same mistakes
make all the wrongd right saving others hard time being saved by all the madness within
Knowing and doing don't always produce the outcome one seeks

Starting new is hard how do you replace the one you love
Love is a strong word don't say it unless you mean it
Your heart let's go of the past so it could embrace the future
From a couple to solo its easy to think for one but to welcome another is a challenge
It can't be just anyone but someone who's loyal and true
Someone you could confind in and live with
Seeking for the one hoping to be much more instead of less

Guilty conscience trying to flip words
Not talking to the person
Made things personal
Rushed and pressured conclusions made
Said from the beginning
Now the ending has changed
Doesn't make sense or sound right
Expressed opinions translated to something else
Hate my thinking or what I have to say
Eventually leads to good day
Over it letting go
Adding to frustration feel it grow

we cant be together because you fear commitment
excuses for everything you dont care for me
when things fail you point the finger and blame
she wants me more now that i want someone else
you torture my soul when all i want is for love
i like when you tease me but dont lead me one
im the excuse when guys come near
you fear hurt but hurt me more
im accused of being the other guy
when theres nothing between us
i want love but all we do is lust
im over this feeling like an excuse
connection was great disconnection led to hate
im over the abuse not making anymore excuses
now i leave no more abuse

Anxious to succeed but set up to fail
Gave his all always on call done with it all
Use to care got told all my flaws
Wasn't good enough always treated bad
Made it tough burnt out not fun anymore
The positive side still pursuing love and passion
Not you but my own person living my life
Writing takes the away the frustration
Let my negative blow away with the wind
Being me over the gunk and feeling unworthy
Loved my job but it's not what I want to be doing
Cleaned up my act trying to get motivated make a comeback
Tell my stories and create stopped because a fake friend knocked it put pressure on my skills made it feel wrong and *****.

I could've been engaged but she wasn't the one
We talked about marriage it was too late
You ended us made it weird no trust or respect
How could this go on much longer
I'd rather it end now instead of divorce
This force changed up life too it's course
Not in love with you my heart was else where
You only loved me to changed me and force me to love you be someone I'm not when I had mixed emotions
My relationships secret and special in their own way
It's okay to look back but keep going forward
Be better for the next instead of adding another name to the exes a list full or regrets and doubts

I have many judges but feeling like a failure in my parents eyes is common. I could be a success and perfect but they'll point out flaws or quick to remind me of mistakes. They make me feel like I could never surpass them even though I've showed them up on many occasions. It's not the greatest feeling but its what I'm dealt.
I just want to be me and be accepted tired off feeling like an outcast a reject who gets used then kicked to the curb
Many days get better but someone always ruins it because their life ***** and they have to **** with mine

You claim to love me why are you leaving
I may not be the one why is there someone else
You hurt me with lies my heart hurts and cries out
Who can I trust when all we had was a lust
You moved on I stay away when I start over you try to comeback and stay
Hou put me in a pickle I just want to be safe
Mess with my mind want what was instead of realizing what's going on now
You go with someone who has money been through so much all I can do is appreciate life
Moving on to better not expecting you to comeback if I said I love you you'll never feel the way I do turns out you were never true

The wolf pack my crew always in my heart
Her smile and kindness won't be forgotten
The black sheep's roam with my cousin
Love my family but can do Without criticism
Need to be me being alone sets me free
Thankful for those who believe and supportive
Never giving up on my goals and dreams
Regardless of detours and setbacks

in writing you use your heart
your mind could manipulate others
but you sometimes get the better of yourself
learn from your errors thats the only way you could get better
admit when your wrong
if you were honest you would have to lie
sometimes you get hurt its okay to cry
be true to yourself never give up on the dream
never quit or leave what you want to chance
once our in never give in work it to the best of your ability

There was no going back for him, his ex wanted to start over but they had failed before. Why make the same mistake. He was broken and she was pleading because she didn't want to be alone. The tough love and history was not enough to to keep them together. He preferred to be alone while she couldn't handle being alone clinging to anyone who gave her the time of day.
He was learning to love again most of all love himself through the though times. He gave his all to her it was not enough. He wasn't her type she settled and made him feel unwelcomed. While he tried to make it work the outcome was never good enough.
It was over no going back since he had moved on dated right away and he waited gave himself time to grow and heal after being in a difficult relationship. Coping was all new since he always kept dusting himself off and moving forward not staying in places that made him feel unvalued and no appreciated. If it didn't feel right he kept searching for new a place to call his own but got use to being a drifter.

From a child tears filters out
Told not to cry or show any emotions
The child grows up crying with
Everything seemed wrong as a child
As one ages everything is alright
There are invisible lines one is not allow to cross
don't lie but no one wants to tell the truth
Everything doesn't seem what it's meant to be
You cry within questioning authority
Mouth kept shut
When opened it's seen as disrespectful
Show others respect they neglect to do the same
The hurt inside boiling deep
Pressure release through tears
Crying out in rage standing up to the oppressors
Ask for help they turn their back
Push them away comeback with false concerns

I stare in you eyes
See a story you want to share
Why do you hide
Many sides I do not know
It's okay to let it show
Only when you chose to grow
The yes do not lie
It's natural to cry
Window to the soul
Love offers a sparkling glow
Blink or wink tell me what you think
Eyes grab interest eyes see the way guide you through the day

You take what's not yours look a person in the eyes and lie
No respect for others possession when asked you tell more lies
In your selfish mind no means yes
You think there are no consequences to your actions
I've heard both stories your lie filled with more lies
You dumped your girlfriend for another girl
Only because that's what everyone else wanted
You have bad habits chewing chew and drug alcohol all the things that damage your body
You could only be young and immature for so long!
You hurt those around you by convincing them your lies are the truth
Lies get you caught up and continue to bs your way out when you have been caught up
No one hated you but you crossed the line and offended those who oppose you
You blame others for your mistakes own up shut up consequences come with wrong

Hate being the jynx
Love sports miss participating
To watch the team lose is frustrating
Trying to be a fan and supportive
But they do better not keeping tabs
The game can be intense
Full of anxiety and excitement
Wanting to win but stuck with a loss
The team wins it was a nerve wrecking game
Use to follow the team and knew stats
Before the job and responsibilities
Had a schedule full of games
Softball use to coach forever a fan
Watching little League World series with family
Basketball season starts up
Use to know the team and players
Trades are made some are improvements
Others trades made the team worse

Apologized for the wrong doing
Still penalized the grudge going strong
Changed behavior seen the same
Living in the present not the past
Dealing with difficult people
Prefer to keep a distance
Stayed away tried to help
Gave advice to be ignored
Tired of being the voice of reason
Depart from negativity bad vibes
Prefer to be solo not into crowds
Wanted to be close turned away

Disappointed for expecting more
Stuck with less refuse to lower the bar
Never been one to be selfish
Willing to help bring others along
Learned to cut the cord
Not feeding into toxic energy
Tired of getting burned
Another lie still surprised

It all fades away
Filling each page
Every line with emotions
Feeling it simmer out
Coping with things
The moment has passed
Made a stand it all went away
Can't fake a smile or pretend
Avoiding toxic behavior
Over all the negativity
Leaving the past going forward
Trying to fix a lost cause
Beyond repair onto new