His love grew for her
As she became distant
He knew something was wrong
She didn't look or feel the same
Her vibe changed from charged
To numb avoiding eye contact
He didn't know what the problem was
Or how to fix it make it right
An obsession becoming a distraction

Always sore and tired
Long days restless nights
Monday thru Friday
Working harder than most
Down time is relax time
At the bar taking in the scene
Talking to the bartender
A recovering alcoholic
Chatting with a friend
She lit up the bar
A dim dark room
He admired her
Her warm smile
Perky personality

Sharing yourself with another being
Doesn't mean you become one
Sometimes you expect the best
Stuck with the worse of them
Trying to shine and rise
While sinking being pulled under
Now where to want to be no blame
Had to move on get away
From the pain not meant to stay
Struggle to find a way free
From this twisted way of life

How do some people live a double life
Struggling to live one barely getting by
Some have multiple lovers
Struggling to find one worthy of commitment
Everyone wants the perks without commitment
Writing from the heart others don't feel
Speak from the mind without thought others are offended
Took their feelings into consideration mine got ignored
Waited but moved on can't wait for others anymore
Wasted lots of time trying to catch up
Or made lots of effort to be denied what a huge waste
Did favors didn't expect anything in return
While others do favors trying to collect hold a grudge
Don't expect or want anything from others
Walked away no reason to stay onto something new and better

Cant say anything words get twisted
Truth twisted into lies made out to be the bad guy
Without logic or reason others gang up attack
Times have changed not always for the better
Working for the moment
While others try to impose
Steal your moment dimming your light
Rain on your parade full of shame
Tried to bring them up with you
They failed you set in their ways
Now you moved on without them
Now trying to come back
No more second chances

He's my best friend
Growing up always told me stories
Inspired me to write
Be funny entertain a crowd
Hard to impress but work it
Once you get a laugh or smile
He's my hero
Gives me advice
Helps when times are tough
Let know supportive
My career choice
Thankful and bless for this man

A face that stands out in the crowd
Someone to trust not a lust
Things were great
Steal of the mind
Poisoned the pure spirit
Used the sacrificed body
Feed the urges of instinct
Find another prey
One day the hunter becomes hunter
All the actions fade
Roles begin to switch
Time goes on ready or not
Everything is not what once was

Most people treasure moments a favorite on that soothes my heart and takes me away. Most date but my first one was special. I asked her out I was surprised she said yes. He warm smile that melted my heart. Her hair curly like curly fries.
I was nervous for the day I bought new clothes kept it fresh. We went out for her birthday to celebrate her. I was honored to share the night with her.
I'd walk to her dorm this was a magical moment in college. We'd walk to the restaurant holding hands talking. I was a gentlemen man so I walked by the street. We would arrive at this restaurant. I didn't make reservations so we sat at the bar; we enjoyed a meal shared a kiss.
We walked back home stopped at a coffee shop. I don't like coffee so I had had hot chocolate. Watched the Live band till our drinks were ready
We'd go back to her room nervous and shy never been alone with a girl before. We'd kiss and lay on her bed then she'd hug me rest her head on my shoulder. We'd talk till she fell a sleep. I'd tuck her in let her rest. Kiss her and Appreciate this night with her everything felt right for once.

So I was having a conversation about dating with my coworkers. I'm the only one in the group single and no kids. I get nervous and embarrassed because I don't think all that is important. I did use to date A LOT but it got overwhelming. I met girls that wanted to get serious but when it came down to putting a label on it they bailed or dropped me once something better came along. I'm not one to beg or come in the way of others happiness. You meet cool people most stuck on an ex or not emotionally available which is fine. I can only do so much till I decide yeah this is not worth my time peace out.  I've tried the online dating not my style you'll get a message or two but no one wants to go out which is fine.
I worry about materialistic girls since I've had my share funny how they want you to pay and they make more than you. I'm one for equal rights but I'm old school I'll pay if we decide to go out.
Today doesn't make sense so many people want to keep it casual but don't want to commit all the perks of a relationship but not be in one. It makes sense when you're young but once you get in your 30s things don't make sense anymore. Growing up in the 90s and being an adult in the 2000s are way different. I get anxiety thinking about it.
I was never the type who couldn't be alone and had to be in a relationship. I know people who cheat but still around why not end it, be with who ever or have kids making that an excuse to stay together my favorite is because of history so much time put in why walk away. If you are miserable why stay.
I've been around couples looking makes me stay away and less interested. I've been rejected hear NO even got a HELL NO. Misled and used but that's the vicious cycle of dating. Sometimes it's fun other times it's like wanting to jump over board because the boat is on fire and sinking. This captain is not going down with the ship.
This is the stuff I think about when I get asked why are you single. I also blame myself because   I just want to be me and when I'm with someone they make suggestions sure I'm willing to try but that's no me or who I am why much I alter myself. Yes I know blah blah compromise but I don't expect anything I accept most flaw and all. Yes! I know I should start a blog but depends on my mood. Sometimes I have stuff to say other times I stare at the comment box asking myself what the hell do you want to say.
I have a hard time speaking my mind because people hate me for telling the truth. That's why I write. I'll regret saying something but if I write you can't get mad. Maybe you can if you read it but this is the internet if it's not a quick read you don't care anyway! Lol

Starting to date again getting to know a person is hard
People would rather share their body than open up to another person the fear of being vulnerable
Being physical is stimulating not compare to being mentally and emotionally interested
It's more than holding hands and kissing
Takes time to understand get one another's ticks
If the love is real there will be struggle to make it work
Some break up and make up every other week that's not healthy
Why be with someone if cheating is an option
Stay loyal don't play with someone's heart or waste their time

Looked into her eyes and got lost in thought
I wish I could tell her how I feel
Holding back she might not feel the same
Does she even know my name
Her smile makes my heart feel warm
My mood changes able to smile
Been thinking about her
What to say its been a while
Not sure anymore so much on the mind
Blinded by emotions but feels right
Find the words to say might make my day
Or rejected and questions of how and why this didn't play out
Just one night to take her out

Still not dating not emotionally involved
Now that im not interested others are trying to get me involved
Blind dates with a sister or girls who I have no interest in dating
I grew up with tough love so falling in love is not easy
If im not interested they stick around
Once im emotionally involved they are quick to run out on me
I date girls who like me you'd think it would be easy but wrong
Im not a project girls fix and release so the next will appreciate me
Ive been told to stop looking and focused on things that matter
Ive been debating on dating I ask and never get answer
Theres times I want to be left alone and random calls/text lets do something.

He woke up late, and still felt restless. I debated what to have for breakfast. He walked into work knowing his crush would be there but he kept it professional. He never had good luck with the ladies. If he liked them they weren't interested or he never acted on those urges. They had unique conversations that shared a laugh or two. He never got the hit or cues because he was interested. He didn't want his feelings and urges to get the best of him. She was smart and determined to get her degree while he was hard working. They ran with different crowds might cause a conflict of interest.
He over thought and imagined the outcome, but still has yet to act on these thoughts. He has been wrong before.
He once admitted his feelings to a high school crush and she got with his so called best friend. Years later in college he met another girl no label but it did seek the benefits of a relationship. He decided maybe they should make it official turns out she had other plans he was a fling and got hurt in the process.
He always enjoyed his job even if it ****** found good in the people this made his job more tolerable. He was always focused on his career despite setbacks and detours he was determined. The hard part for him was finding balance.

He was anxious to meet people but they always kept him out but he did like people being social. He wasn't like the rest he was honest because it makes things easier and he didn't like being lied to so why like to others. He was getting older marriage and kids not in his cards. He did enjoy life so many friends came and went like the seasons. Some had families and he respected that others had controlling girlfriends he didn't agree but they got married who was he to come between that. He was part of the dating world but now a days it's shallow and slim pickings. He was working being responsible some women want you to have it together want this high standard of life they can't even live up to.
The young ones did find him attractive most young and wild living life not ready to settle down. He was open to commitment but no one was willing or ready to settle down. He noticed everyone was stuck on an ex or a failed engagement not ready to move on to the next not losing faith on someone they truly love blind to the reality they had found someone new replacing them but in denial not losing faith stuck but one day that person said I deserve better and broke free from the madness and insanity instead of holding on to the past like a blanket of security. Found strength moved forward trying to find love not losing faith because it once was real now make it a reality

The struggle is real figuring it all out
Once you drop the drama get focused
Doing what you love and passionate about
Writing to end my day feels right
A night writer makes it easy to rest
Dream big so close yet so far
Accomplished goals still setting more
Open to grown one day my efforts will show
Keep waking up and shine bright
Failed and learn from the mistakes
crazy enough to come back for more
Every experience part of life
Better to live feel alive with positive vibes
Over being numb and going through the motions

I quit drinking for a friend the day I relapsed I let him down mostly myself. I fell in love with a girl who didnt love me but was lusting with others. I did everything right I accepted her flaw and all. She had kids how could she do this to her kids. Its not my business she chose to lust and not associate with me.
I dont agree but respect her choices we arent meant to be. She pursued me and would pull the plug because I had feelings. My mistake was loving someone who didnt love herself. I never lied and she had me on the sidelines while she played favorites.
Im over that role healing the broken and they leave me feeling unworthy. Im always the other guy id like a healthy relationship but things go wrong. I got back in the vicious circle called dating its wild nothing is what it appears to be

Home on a Friday night reading a book
Ideas to write add light to my night
Being straight edge no crowd to call my own
Im not into drinking or smoking trying to better myself always
Id rather be constructive instead of self destructive
Bust my *** for **** pay hoping to move up at work
I'll never kiss *** but hope my efforts never go unnoticed
The changes I've made are for the better can't stay down forever
Doesn't happen right away working hard for that day to come

Just because you talk louder and faster doesn't make you right. It's better to think what your saying and be resourceful than waste everyones time. Of course you come off as smart when you are talking about things no one understands or knows what you are talking about. You like to discredit others but don't like being questioned. When you speak you expect to be praised when I speak I'm surprised my opinion is being valued or heard. You don't take others feeling or have consideration as long as the perks are in your favor. How you treat others says a lot about a person. I grew up respecting my elders sometimes I could correct them but I listen polite since they should know better but that's not always the case. Smile and speak when spoken to.

We both wanted different things
What I liked you hated and chose not to understand
I would drop everything for you and you would not bother with me
I had your back you never had mine
Just because we are blood doesn't make us family
If I got close you pushed me away now I'm not wasting my time you are mad holding a grudge
It took a while to realize you are not good for me and let go moved on
I've changed many times but you are never happy with yourself so I stopped lowering myself to be accepted I love myself but you expect me to be someone new and you'll never change being the same old you. I helped you and you treated me so cruel. Once I said NO I became the enemy all the good deeds forgotten no you see me deep down to the core as rotten.

Take time come up with the right words
Not into that life anymore id like to explore with
Praying for positive change did good and your still gone
Tired of being emo just want to be happy
Healing heart stealing my heart falling hard
Thought long and hard long term
Around for short term moments
You are a mess to me you're a bless
Fell in love can't have you kind of hard stop obsessing
This is a whole new level heartache with no alcohol
Block out these feeling that make me feel rotten
or dealing with a hang over id rather we get along come over
Good to bad bad comes with good over being sad

Looking in the mirror asking who I've become
Not the person I once remembered
Thinking of how much time has passed
Getting older trying to not gas out
Thoughts of happiness shouldnt a guilty pleasure
Settled for less and still doing better then most
She's trying to find a way out I'll go the distance
Praying for understanding somethings are beyond me
Played the games but after the real deal
Want to make it making up for lost time
Be on track to me that's a comeback
I'm happy it feels others don't want that like they want me sad
Guess what not happening too bad

So many unexpressed emotions the fear of being seen different. Not too wild or crazy when it comes to being open with others but it's hard to be honest when others are too sensitive. So many dreams that mean something but not sure what they are trying to say. Always doing what I love so there's no time to hate. Listening to music can always express myself but it does help me relate. I think of ways to fit in don't always belong not always liked or a favorite. Bite my lip because I don't want anyone hating me or mad at me. It ***** others think they can walk over me they mistake my kindness as weakness. The music takes me away feelings in lyrics or sounds that give my soul life. Taking me away since I can't always be see with everyone but doing it alone and have grown

Ive given it to god he will provide
Praying for true love and someone worthy
I ask to move up at work tired of feeling stuck
A raise so I can have a little extra
Confidence to be myself achieve greatness
That my schedules font have a time conflct
Work for my living invest in myself
School to gain knowledge to make life better
Jujitsu on my 1st passions an injury will not keep me down and out.
Return to coaching softball pushing my girls to be the best it comes from within
These are on my mind  theyve helped me grow become a better person

Sometimes being to deep and honest makes it hard to sleep. Letting go is hard when I need you you're never there. Now I moved on don't care now you're back acting like nothing happened. Protect myself from your wicked ways not interested regardless if you come or stay. What nonsense do you have to say to impose your way. Over your selective ways in and out making my friendship a convenient. Things go well not even thought of but when crap hits the fan all of a sudden an idea and thought of. Breaking this cycle not playing these games over all the drama no shame not playing over all the lies and pain. Fading memories no longer remain

Smell of death
Muscles lose control
Physical pain revives
Taste of rot
Nothing appears random
Just broken thoughts
Get put on the spot
Not worthy of wasting time
Presents makes others grind their teeth
Worthy of love not accepting hate
Over the bs once the blame game start
All the contradiction needs to end
Can't pretend look pass the bad
Treat it normal how sad
Rejected but not out

Losing that edge but pursing something better
Feels more natural then a fight
For once I could say things are going right
Ablr to smile not feel guilty because others have it worse
Laughed because the humor hit the heart
Expressed myself without doubt
Things have changed not giving up on what I've started
There's always a way do what makes you happy
Find a way get Involved with the right people
That like mindedness more of a strength
Never give into weakness be more not settling for less

I like to help others but its hard when they are set in their ways
I have no choice but to stay away I give it to god and pray
Not trying to change anyone but I worry
Id like to express my concerns
Not trying to hurt you
But help get rid of your pain
Im no better or trying to offend
Get through the struggle
Live and enjoy life

He entered the bar and waited for the bartender to take his order. She smiled at him and said "what can I get for you sweetie?" He would respond with "I'd like a double 7" the bartender asked "are you having a tough day?" He responded by saying "not at all just like to drink" she smiled at him and he would return the favor. "Thanks for asking" he said then took a drink of his beverage.
He would observe the room and take in the scenery. Then would give all his attention to the bartender. He would start a friendly conversation, "how does a lady like you end up in a dump like this." She wiped the countertop responding " I got a kid and going to school it pays the bills getting me through the struggle aka life." He sat puzzled not sure how to respond, she would ask him, "how are you living?" After another drink he said, "Work, pay bills, and adult stuff."
"Is there special lady in your life?" the bartender asked. "Not really dating right now, after years of being with the wrong women learned to make myself happy." He would extend his hand and introduce himself, "Name it Arnold, some people call me Arnie" she would respond "Hi, my name is kyrie or k."

My jobs not great but its money
I don't need a girl but wish someone would love me
Tough love hard thoughts to cope with
Bad choice tough decisions
Part of taking control had enough
The rain is my weather makes things better
Thankful and overall growing  up
Even if life is more than showing up
Not caring staring off in the distant
Feeling numb being resistant
Consumed by anxiety hard to breathe
I know dreams shared them
Even if no one cared for them
Life lesson learned time already served
You chose less that's what you deserve

They believe the lies and deny the truth
No one cares till it's about them
No respect or regards for others unless they agree
Once they oppose they impose
No one wants to be wrong or admit a mistake
Everyone thinks they are right even when they have no clue
Learn to understand before making changes
Don't judge because of circumstance people change
Most set in their ways most change if they want to but most won't

you dont like what they say just walk away
the madness against you fades away
you wish you could stay but meant for better
you move away write them a letter
saying i did what you said could be done
id stay and fight but not going anywhere arguing
i left my memories on your mind
you faded in my mind its like i went blind
i dare not allow you in my life
we dont breathe or speak one anothers name
you point your finger and blame
while i make it focused on fame
you have disaapeared beause i do not show you the time
i disappear i disappear when i comeback
ll the bad judgement will be proved wrong
i learned to no care so i grow strong
i disappear in the world without fear

I feel embarrassed for you and sick to my stomach the thought of you not worth my time. I don't waste my time talking if your going to ignore my thought or opinion. I walked away found my own path as you ride my coat tail trying to take credit  for my achievements and efforts. I never let them go to my head because ice done it and lived it not letting anyone or anything redefine me but my **** self. I'm not the one I've accepted that you can't tell me who and where I need to be.
I've dram big and lived it need to be more not settle for less like the rest of the lifeless leeches **** me dry because they can't make it on their own.

Mouth sealed dealing with rude
Then play the victim when I get an attitude
Ive been nothing but loyal and true
Why you keep treating me so cruel
You tell me your problems like I caused them
Keep holding on to the past
I saw you as my future
Everything we had is now history
Now its over if it worked out that's the mystery
On my way to better
You chose to settle for less
Focused on progress
I was good and we failed not going to obsessed

We use to be close but now we grew apart different life styles. I chose to create and write working hard. You chose to work hard and create a family. I respect they come first before our friendship.
You are my brother even though you would bad mouth me because you felt insecure so you can feel better about yourself.
We both have our own goals and dreams we'd like to accomplish. Im focused on writing and music/film. Creating gives me life and I use my imagination to see things.
We use to be close now you keep me arm length away. I don't like this feeling so I stay away. Walking with God not losing faith give him my all and pray. He will provide staying strong to survive.

Grew up in a small town
Moved to a smaller town
I've been up and down Cali
Visited three states
Still haven't found what I seek
The place to call home
Meet my one true love
Create my world i see
how I visioned it
One day have a dog
My one true friend
Go for walks
The world is ours

He hates critics he was wild fun over the top. He got hated on stood tall and strong. It all came crashing down. He was self destructive tore himself down to be accepted one thing he truly regrets. He was honest but stopped talking and listened all he heard was bs and excuses. He was one who tried all they did was knock him point out a flaw after all his hard work and effort. He worked harder than most failed. Tried never have up and failed. He was going through all this saying soon my time will come. He took the back burner saying this will get me ready for the next level and it never happened. He took criticism proved them wrong did it because they said it couldn't be done. He was used chewed up spot out. They blew past him and went for someone who ****** up Not because they were qualified. He was denied but kept saying he's meant for something better. They made him out to be someone he was not. He knew who he was but they kept telling him otherwise. Be this way do that but they weren't doing it; who and why do they think, they know better.
Always thankful to be working because know what it's like to lose a job and not have one. How to deal with heartache when someone doesn't appreciate how you feel about them. People always want to change you but don't want to change themselves or make others look bad because they aren't doing anything. Break free reinvent yourself so you are better and happy avoid and cut out What's bad and not making you better. It doesn't happen right away but don't settle or quit kelp trucking. A loss can to a gain take it learn from the weakness and improve. Keep at it something will give in the end you can either get better or be one of the best at it.

Not thinking of the past or focused on the ending
Living in th moment getting through the day
Working for change doing it right
I sit and think what if things went according to plan
No more detour get to point A and B
Shake away the hurt over all dirt kicked my way

He got his heart broken over a girl he felt alone turned to alcohol it was hard for him. His first crush was a lust, he thought it was love. All that came to an end and his bother was lost in a tragic accident so much would turn his life upside down. His father was incarcerated and mother lost his siblings because of the tragic loss. He would try to pursue his education but he was too distracted trying to make the wrong right. He fell into the addiction that consumed his father trying to be happy when all was wrong. So much happen he felt ripped apart from all directions.
The people he valued looked through him treated him like she didn't matter. He would go visit his siblings at his aunt's she would have custody of them. She would get on his case regarding his mother getting her life together. His mother was a stubborn woman she didn't have much but did put her kids first. She did have bad habits but would learn to be a responsible person since she was a stay home mother most of her life. The family was there through the tough times but sometimes they are the ones making it much worse than what it needs to be.
The family was ripped apart everyone wanted to be right. Just because you talked loud didn't make you right. He had those uncles that never have you advice but make a point to humiliate you so they can feel secure with themselves.
He never said what he thought because his honesty always got him in trouble. He would ask questions and challenge people bring out the best in them but they couldn't handle the pressure or they'd challenge him and he'd surpass their expectation.

Tired of starting on the bottom
Knocked from the top
Work hard not given what's mine
Everyone pampered and handed theirs
You may not like me but I'm best for the job
You won't have me motivated by the rest of the insecure opposed
You say jealous but tired of being ******* over
You talk big but when I confront you
Your very small you over look me because I'm not tall
You hate me but I don't need you at all
Wasted day wasted night everydays a fight
Give me what I've earned stop taking what's mine
Take my chance but I'm not done

He accepted he was weird and does his job. Sometimes girls get a crush but he is not good at reading social cues. He makes jokes that aren't funny and gets a laugh at serious moments. He was interested in a girl developing a crush but not good at sealing the deal. Sure *** is fun most of the time things got complicated. Relationships are not what he observed them to be. He was always looking people weren't happy but has history and stayed together. He feared starting because it would end before it meant anything.

Wake up do it all over this routine gets old and time for a change. So much on my mind and needs to be done. I wrote scripts that never go used. I wrote monologues that need to be performed. Writing is fun but I use it to vent always listening to others and have no one to hear my frustrations after I write it takes the anxiety away.
Making sense of these built up thoughts pit on the spot never ready or sure what to expect half the time. The moment passed and was missed so many other things on my mind.